iLurk
- Marc, you brought an example to what I was trying to say. =]
I dug up my term paper in case anyone is interested. x] I think it helps me with my argument:
There are no two people in the world that affect us more than our parents. They teach us right from wrong, how to stand, they teach us manners, how to ride a bike, and how to survive on our own out in the big cruel world. Each parent is essential to their child’s life and each has their own unique traits to bring to their development. Even though both parents are equally loved by their children; most people agree that they are closer to one parent than the other. But what exactly what makes this so? Are the personalities of the parent and child more compatible? Is one parent more involved in the child’s life? Does it have anything to do with the gender and age of the child? Is it because mothers and fathers are just plain different? The relationship each parent has with their child depends on that child’s gender, age, and personality.
Parents are different and it can affect the way we behave around them. According to research, infants only 8 weeks old can tell when they are interacting with a woman and when they are interacting with a man (Stanton). Mother, out of both parents, is the one that holds a dear place in our hearts. Everyone has a special bond with their mother because she is the one that carries us in her womb. She fed us, diapered us, and encouraged us in whatever we strived to do (Hellmuth 43). Mother has always been there to make sure we succeed. They have a certain softness to them, and there is just something about they way they love us no matter what that makes them extraordinary to us. The thing about mothers is that they relate the rest of the world to their children. They constantly think about things in the outside world that could hurt their kids like strangers, disease, accidents, etc, and try to prevent anything from happening. Even when speaking to children mothers do it differently. Mothers simplify their words to make sure the child understands what they are saying. Mothers help children learn their first words, and to learn the basics of communication. Their way of speaking to children is more descriptive, and personal. Their tone is also much more encouraging than the male. They also provide a look into the world of women for both their sons and daughters. When a little boy looks at his mommy, he sees what not to do to become male, and when a little girl looks at her mommy she sees what she needs to do to become more feminine. And if married, mothers also teach their children what a healthy female relationship with a man looks like. It shows girls how to interact confidently with men in the future, and shows boys how to treat women with respect (Stanton). Similarly, the father also has a great impact on the child’s life.
The father is first viewed by infants as a stranger that takes away mommy’s attention from them. In the first few months, the child feels jealousy towards the closeness that the father has with the mother. It doesn’t take long, however, for the baby to get over this jealousy and accept the father as a friend (Hellmuth 44). Fathers are great playmates, since they tend to be a little rougher with children when playing. They are always the ones encouraging their kids to push limits, and test their strengths while mothers encourage the child to be safe. Like a mother is motivated to her baby safe, the father is motivated to make sure their child is ready to stand up to obstacles they will eventually face in the outside world (bullies, soccer tryouts, etc.). Fathers also teach their kids that some forms of physical contact, and behaviors have their consequences. Kids who roughhouse with their dads learn that biting, and kicking among other things is completely unacceptable. They help build their child’s vocabulary as well. Anyone knows that a talk wit ha father tends to be brief and straight to the point. Fathers do not come down to the child’s level, and use “grown-up” words. This way of speaking helps expand a child’s vocabulary, and linguistic skills. These skills come as a great help in the future. Dads are usually the enforcers of the house rules, and they do so in a sternly analytical way. They teach their kids the consequences of their actions. They make sure that their child is prepared for anything that might come their way. Fathers are the parent that is most likely to tell their kids that if they are not nice other kids will not want to play with them. They warn their kids of the consequences so that the attitude or behavior is changed. Not only that, but they also help provide a look into the world of men. Girls who grow up with involved fathers are more likely to have healthier relationships with the opposite sex when older, because they learn from their daddies how boys are supposed to treat girls. They also learn and are more familiar with the feel of facial stubbles, and what it is like to be held by strong arms. Fathers help make girls feel more secure around men, and help build up emotional strength. Little boys look at dad and see what they need to do to become manly, and are less likely to be violent because their fathers taught them how to channel their masculinity in the right ways. Another special thing that fathers do for their children is help connect them with job markets. They help young adults get their first jobs in the real world in an environment they are comfortable with (Stanton).
Some people believe that the two sexes aren’t that different at all, and that a mom can do all the things that a dad can do for the child and vice-versa. However, Dr. David Popenoe warns in his book, Life without Father:
We should disavow the notion that ‘mommies can make good daddies’, just as we should disavow the popular notion of radical feminists that ‘daddies can make good mommies’. …The two sexes are different to the core and each is necessary- culturally and biologically- for the optimal development of a human being”. (Stanton)
Even though some things can be given to a child by either parent, the differences of the male and female genders is that children are exposed to at a young age and cannot be duplicated. While the differences might not be noticeable at time, they are there and they affect the children greatly especially when it comes to their relationships out in the world.
Another factor that can affect the relationship between a child and his parents is the individual personalities that each parent has. There are hundreds of different kinds of personalities that can have, but there are general personalities given to mothers and fathers (Hellmuth 47). Most mothers seem to be very nurturing. Their main focus is usually the well-being of their family, and friends. They are the ones that stay up all night with their kids doing last minute projects, and supporting whatever the child wants to do. If a girl falls in love with gymnastics, it is Mom that drives her to all her meets. If momma’s little boy takes up soccer, she takes not only him, but the rest of his little soccer buddies to every game and practice. A mother sacrifices so many of her own desires for her children’s to make sure they live happy and healthy lives. They stress safety and are always the shoulder her kids lean on. And no matter what, she always is kind to people, and always thinking about other’s best interests. Tests show that babies are experts and interpreting the emotions at home. They can tell when mommy is stressed, or when the mood at home is loving and generous. Children are exposed to many different kinds of personalities early on, but it is their parent’s personalities that always seem to be the most contagious (Hellmuth 4 cool . Girls usually end up behaving similarly to their mother as she is their primary role model. If mommy bakes cookies for a guest, then the daughter wants to bake cookies a well. However, children can also pick up negative traits which are why mothers are very cautious about their behavior around children.
Father’s personalities also tend to rub off on their children. A father is usually playful, and slightly distant. They are usually the parent that the child knows the least about. Fathers give off a strong sense of pride and dignity and are the enforcer of rules (Stanton). They use their connections with the outside world seem practically unreachable. Kids early on tend to idolize their fathers, and always look for their approval. They will do whatever it takes to get Daddy to say he’s proud of them. This determined and cool demeanor is what kids, especially boys, seem to emulate. Boys seem to have an “I-want-to-be-like Daddy” syndrome from very early on. They see their fathers as perfect and they can do no wrong. They love to team up with their fathers and just do everything that they do. Boys and their fathers tend to usually have the same personalities or if not, similar aspects of their personalities. Daddies are the protector of the household. They defend the entire family from any danger that the world might throw their way. Most people view that father stereo-type as incredibly cliché but it is usually the case.
There are no personality profiles or tests that can be taken to prove that a couple is ready or has the skills to be good parents, so it is basically an open field. Many attempts have been made by many cultures to try and guarantee a couple’s success as parents and a successful marriage (Hellmuth 47). The only advice that can be given to parents is to make sure love and communication is always present in their homes. In the end, children don’t really have a choice about what set of parents they get. So they have to accept their parents no matter how different, or wacky they may be. Nevertheless, if the child’s well-being is threatened then legal action can be taken. Parents should know, however, that they don’t have to be perfect in every way, but they shouldn’t stand in the way of their child’s happiness. Most parents know how to do ton their own, and have very good relationships with their children. But the question still remains, which parent is the one that children are closer to?
....Wow. Well it's a lot. But I find it interesting. x3
wow ... you sure have alot to say about this
