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JuokasKurvas Vice Captain
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 Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 5:02 pm
Thanks, damn weather. Although I got nothing done today, was too lethargic and apathetic. *sigh* bad day was bad, I really need to just go to bed now because I'm sleeping at the airport again tomorrow. There were train delays too much of today, I'm too scared to trust public transport Thurs morning so I'm once again going the night before (even though my flight is at 11am not 6:30am this time which is 4.5 extra hours of sitting and being restless). I guess I'll at least get homework done then. Which if everything falls apart is going to leave me as emotionally vulnerable as Monday, but I guess I'm expecting it more this time, so maybe I can keep it together.
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Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 11:33 pm
Curse you weatheeeeer... I wish you once again the best of luck on your trip, and agree with Morgey that you should demand Christmas 2 if you don't make it.
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Kitsune Ketz Kwineight Captain
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JuokasKurvas Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 7:57 pm
Still exhausted even though I went to bed at 11pm (Pacific Coast time, 7am Greenwich Mean Time, oye) and got a rather full night of sleep for my standards. Guess after a week of minimal to no sleep though it'll take more than that. Thanks for all the support, happy to be back home, I like England, but home is home. smile
Now to talk myself into working on my papers rather than clinging to my friends...~_~
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Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 10:31 pm
Yay, congrats for making it back! And hey! Now we'll be in the same (or hour apart) time zone again, so maybe we can do more than one roleplay post a day. XD
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Kitsune Ketz Kwineight Captain
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JuokasKurvas Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 5:43 pm
Dare to dream, haha. But yea, it's weird thinking of my England friends as ahead now, but I'm glad to not be ahead of anyone myself. Let me follow. razz
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Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 8:41 pm
Haha, yay. XD And I dare, oh I dare.
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Kitsune Ketz Kwineight Captain
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JuokasKurvas Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 10:45 pm
Haha, alright, but we'll probably have to dare for another day, God I need to get over this jet lag, preferably sooner than a day before I go back, haha. Going to bed before 11, feel like such a grandma. xd
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Posted: Sun Dec 26, 2010 10:28 pm
Aww, it's okay. It's a big time difference to get over. Just let yourself rest for a while. :3
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Kitsune Ketz Kwineight Captain
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Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2010 2:31 am
@Anonymous: I hope you two are proud of yourselves. I can't afford the therapy I'd need to deal with the trauma I was put through last night. What is it with the months of December, January, and February being depressing as hell? What's with that?! I don't know about you, but I'm sickened by your attitude just as much as you're sickened by mine. Just because you're from a different culture, you think you have the right to cast your judgment on me?
To say I don't believe in something I fear day by day? That I am nothing but a selfish, hypocritical brat who will never understand? Excuse me, but that is not putting words in my mouth. In essence, you were saying that. Did you speak it? No, you didn't have to. You TREATED me like that, like dirt, like scum, and like the world's biggest demon, purely for being an American. Did I even once insult you and your culture? No.
AND YOU. Don't you dare put me in the position where I should be guilty. I'm whining? I'M WHINING? YOU'RE the one that provoked such behavior by attacking my ENTIRE country. I never did that to yours! Don't act like you're better than I am, because you've "suffered" worse. I know people who suffer, I don't need you to flaunt in my face that you have seen suffering. I have FELT suffering. Are you some kind of self-righteous b*****d that believes you are "holier than thou"? I've dealt with this person before. She's the reason I made such a horrible mistake, why I was too terrified to partake in that final discussion.
But screw that! YOU made me RELIVE those events. And you know what's ironic? You've cast your judgment on me, and not even one Justin Bieber fan has proven themselves able to get along with me. Sure, you're decent. You don't go around degrading anyone for hating him, but here's the thing. You degrade me for being the nationality that I am, for what reason? Because I have more than you? Is that what you think? Maybe that is correct, but guess what? I don't go through my day with a smile on my face. I go through my day wearing a metaphorical mask, because I can't be the person I want to. If I were to try, people would talk down to me the way you two have.
None of this will ever be seen by your eyes. I just don't trust you two anymore. You broke it. You broke my trust and you may never have it again. We were never that close, but don't you think that liking someone from your country with similar behavior as mine yet setting your wrath upon me is HYPOCRITICAL? I'm pretty HYPOCRITICAL, but even I know that's pretty f**king stupid.
Yes, my country is pretty obnoxious at times, but not all of us are bad. Some of us are quite decent. But whatever. Don't you DARE tell me you're better than me, because you see suffering day to day. I don't think you know how much I've gone through. It may not seem like much, but I grew up weak, very weak. And I'm still very very weak. Your words hurt, they burned me to the core. I don't think I can be happy for awhile, and it's all the fault of you two.
Why? Because I am not good with words. We were supposed to be ROLE-PLAYING, /not/ bringing real life emotions into the mix. So what if my OC and I have a few things in common? We have the same condition, you morons! Even if we didn't, my condition can plainly be seen regardless of which character I'm playing. Unless you're ready to make amends with me by your own CHOICE, I will not talk to either of you AGAIN. EVER. I was so devastated, so destroyed, that I don't know if I'm feeling anything right now. I feel dead...very very dead.
That abuse...that emotional abuse...I've dealt with it all my life. You have no right to tell me I know nothing about pain!
I needed to get that off my chest. It's in reference to an argument I had on Facebook with a couple role-play acquaintances. This post is probably flawed somewhere, but I don't care to correct the details.
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Posted: Tue Dec 28, 2010 6:16 pm
I'm really confused...but assuming that yes you are talking to someone whose not here? Because I'm pretty sure neither I nor Kits did any of that...plus we are also both American. xd
Sorry I'm really tired so I was like OMG WHAT DID I DO?!?
Anyhow sorry those crazy Canadian (assumptive here) Bieber fans are getting on your nerves.
Currently the fact that I'm now up to two good friends who are pregnant is on my nerves, just...ugh...so not ready to think about people I know having babies. Before I only knew of people, didn't have really good friends getting pregnant (married yes, pregnant no, though even feel we are too young for the first). This current one is also a friend I've had since grade two, so it's just SO odd. I mean I feel like just yesterday we were collecting and painting tanbark, and playing with our easy bake ovens/creepy crawler maker (because what's a light bulb baked brownie without a homemade plastic beetle on top? xd ). It's too weird.
While ranting, I've been terrified mostly since getting home. I was unsure what was going to happen with my ex-best friend, who I did not want to have to deal with. A mutual friend has told me she is planning to approach me at some point. She doesn't know how, she doesn't know when, I just do not want. I don't know what to do, other than try to never be home - which if the time stamps on my role-play have been any indication, I haven't been. Though my papers are greatly suffering for it. Hence me being on at the normal hour of 6pm now...trying to get some work done. It just sucks, looking over my shoulder when I walk around my neighborhood, feeling compelled to drive when I hate driving, especially when it's only a few blocks. Bah, such a massive headache of undesirable fear and agitation. Guess I should try hiding in the library so I can get work done and be a coward. I just, can't take the confrontation right now, I've had too much going in my life, I'm too stressed and sad. I also am still not fully committed to actually telling her to get out of my life forever. sad
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JuokasKurvas Vice Captain
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Kitsune Ketz Kwineight Captain
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Posted: Tue Dec 28, 2010 7:15 pm
@JK: Eheh, I was really confused for a moment too, thinking we had done something wrong. XD;; But that's what this thread is for, just getting feelings like that out.
Wow, two friends? That just gets scary. I feel better because all of my friends who are married or living with their partners are people I met in college anyway, so it's not as weird. None of them have had kids yet, and honestly I hope it doesn't happen at all. What? Me selfishly not wanting my friends to have kids so I don't have to deal with the noise and drama? Who would've ever seen that coming? rolleyes
Hmm, maybe you should ask your mutual friend to tell ex-best that you don't want to see her? If she hears that, I'm sure she'll listen, at least for a while. If you're that afraid of a confrontation, then you shouldn't have to do it, but it's not good for you to always be nervous at home and stuff.
Aaaand for my own sadness in life, found out today my favorite aunt has been diagnosed with leukemia. She has to start chemo right away. I'm sad about it, but I'm also really mad at her... I mean, she's a heavy smoker, yet she hasn't been to a doctor in years, even after her husband passed away because he never saw doctors, and ended up getting cancer that was caught too late. He even had cancer running in his family, and he still never got checked! And now she's shocked that she has this?
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Posted: Tue Dec 28, 2010 11:25 pm
Haha, in my case it's sadly more jealousy. I don't want a relationship now, I don't want kids now, yet I can't help being jealous. It's really annoying. In part I guess it's worry that I'll never have a solid relationship or kids, because I do kinda want those things eventually. xd
I don't want anyone in the middle, so I thought about that but I told them thanks for the warning, but not to relay anything on my part about it. I'm also still unsure of what I want to do, and I just don't think I'm ever going to know until I'm in that moment. So, yes I am hiding but I'm just going to let it play out I guess. I keep wavering in anger, hence last nights drunken anger fest. It was cathartic and upsetting all at the same time. I just, don't know what I need to do to get better about this, it's just maddening.
Sorry about your aunt, though yea that does seem to be a bit of a "duh" moment, but still, that's sad. Does she have good odds?
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JuokasKurvas Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Dec 30, 2010 12:30 am
The fact they're not here is the reason I posted it here. I don't want to cause drama by posting it where the two girls can see it. At least I have agreement outside of my friend circle that what the two girls did was completely uncalled for.
That said, I lost my Subeta account due to my ignorance. I managed to break a rule and my account got frozen for cheating. Basically I asked for help in a game I shouldn't have and they froze me. I thought I had the rules pretty figured out, but they over-complicate things. So even if I get my account back, my account won't be in the good standing it once was. ;___;
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Posted: Thu Dec 30, 2010 12:37 am
That sucks, I don't see how asking for help could possibly be construed as cheating. If you aren't allowed help, help should just be refused. That is unnecessarily over-complicated. Sorry about that. Hope you at least get your account unfrozen.
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JuokasKurvas Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Dec 31, 2010 9:29 am
I did get the help I wanted, so that girl might have also been frozen. If so, I feel bad that she helped me and lost her account for it. At the same time, I don't think it's fair for them to say I was cheating when they could have just locked my thread or sent me a reminder. I have horrible memory. I'm sure I saw that rule before, but I forgot all about it, because my memory is HORRIBLE. They're going to penalize me for that? How is that fair? Of course I'm going to remember that getting help for that particular game is bad, because it got me frozen. But in retrospect, I don't like losing my account over petty things.
I had an important role-play going on there that really would have helped with my biggest problem. You might think depression is my biggest problem, but there's medication for that. There isn't medication for being obsessed with a drawing. Who would be willing to take a pill for such a trivial thing anyway? Even if it affects me this much, the right person giving me my fix can make me more stable--not perfect, but stable enough to do my work.
If I argue with them like this, they probably won't give me back my account, but I'm a bit pissed they froze me for something so stupid. I mean, come on. I can understand if there's this big huge secret around the site that you need to earn entrance into, but freezing me when I haven't even been harassing people? I have done nothing to hurt anyone. Asking for help shouldn't be a crime. Asking why a rule like that is in place shouldn't be grounds to keep my account banned either.
I'm thinking Subeta is too strict for me. On Gaia, the forums are for helping people. They actually encourage helping others on this site. Subeta is run by pricks.
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