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Chieftain Twilight
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 6:45 pm


that's never been presented to me as a "man's point of view", ever. o.O; it just seems to be a generally majority-accepted view among people, leastways among anyone I've ever talked to.

I suppose I can see where those women would be coming from... still, I have always been more than a little attracted to post-pregnancy bodies.
PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 7:54 pm


I have quite a few scars. I've learned to appreciate the things I have no control over. And I can't help but think that having marks of any kind as just more interesting, even if I don't care for the stories. Decorations of the flesh. I like my freckles too, and the weird dot on my eye that looks like a third pupil.

Also I've decided to embrace fall, and I remember now that I actually love it. The falling leaves, the sunsets, and the changing light shining through branches and moss.
And I just gathered a bunch of yummy mushrooms. Every season has its treats.

Figuren


Eltanin Sadachbia
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 7:57 pm


Once the fields are harvested and the leaves are dried Autumn becomes my favorite time of year! xd

I love the smells, the colors, the sights, the sounds, the atmosphere, the temperature... I just love it... xd

The other seasons have their better points, but overall, Fall is my favorite time of year.
PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 8:13 pm


huazzah, Autumn! mrgreen has always been my favourite season. for all the reasons above and then some. the wind, the earthyness, the high energy, the connectedness with Nature and with Spirit... ^w^

Chieftain Twilight
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Figuren

PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2011 9:36 pm


Definitely. It's beautiful for so many different reasons.
Over the last few years I've been dreading the end of summer, but I have to remind myself how wonderful this season is.

I'm feeling kinda down. This girl I'm really into apparently just was into the one weekend thing, or just thought I was. It was a totally wonderful few days we spent together, which... is also why I wanted to see her again. She's seeing someone else, and I didn't really expect anything because I'm from out of town, living on some crazy island that no one's even heard of... but I dunno. This girl was really sweet.
I also didn't get this job, despite probably being the best candidate for it. Someone else had more "training and experience," which is strange because in this area, I probably have more experience than anyone they interviewed. Stupid credential bullshit.

Anyways... I'm gonna go to the city tomorrow. I'll pick up some random hot chick and go home with her, become really interested in her and do the whole thing over again. C'est la vie.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2011 12:38 am


Eltanin Sadachbia
Once the fields are harvested and the leaves are dried Autumn becomes my favorite time of year! xd

I love the smells, the colors, the sights, the sounds, the atmosphere, the temperature... I just love it... xd

The other seasons have their better points, but overall, Fall is my favorite time of year.


Fall is awesome! Well, outside of L.A. it is.

Back home, the last cutting of hay would come in, my mom would pile the back porch with buckets of apples and pears and black berries, and my grandfather would be drying walnuts around the cast-iron stove in the basement...mmm, good smells. 4laugh

ScarletFrost
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2011 10:41 pm


I'm sorry... sad I know how you feel, it always sucks when you know you need that belonging, that sense that someone is there for you to come back to... possibly the only stable thing you may ever realy need to keep you grounded and sure of yourself. and then to be dissapointed again and again.

you face it with stoicism of a sort, and you accept that it comes with the territory; and maybe that's true, but it doens't make it any less painful. you desire what you do, and it can't be helped.

I think you'll come across it eventually, that someone you can come back to and they'll stay with you. smile just keep holding out for it to happen. I find that relationships tend to come the most easily when you are not looking for them. it's ironic, but somehow it catches you offguard and surprises you.

@ Scarlet: that sounds perfectly wonderfull... ^.^ heart I wish that were happening right now, I realy want that scene to come to life.
PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 8:52 am


Chieftain Twilight
that's never been presented to me as a "man's point of view", ever. o.O;.

I guess it's a local thing then... there is a saying, especially amongst the bar crowd around here... "Girls like scars, and guys like stories"... but for the most part, the stories half holds more water...

I myself, happen to like scars and manly men, but there are so many around here, that many of the gals think it a catch when they snag a metro... LOL

I got a half-n-half... LOL... he looks pretty manly man most of the time, but he cleans up super nice... and he has these phases where he wants to be all clean-cut and proper, and then one day he decides to go back to 5 o'clock shadow and caps'n'flannel... It's kinda cool actually... and he has scars, but they are in places that can be hidden when he wants to suit up. LOL

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 08, 2011 12:22 pm


So... I just thought I'd let you guys know that I'm very suicidal right now... I found out that my wife is going to leave me soon and there is nothing I can do about it. She was my reason for living. I know that's pathetic but it's true. So If I disappear from gaia you'll know why.
PostPosted: Sat Oct 08, 2011 7:22 pm


Foxifyre
So... I just thought I'd let you guys know that I'm very suicidal right now... I found out that my wife is going to leave me soon and there is nothing I can do about it. She was my reason for living. I know that's pathetic but it's true. So If I disappear from gaia you'll know why.

DON'T DO IT. There are people out there who can and will help you get through this. Seek psychiatric help and call a suicide hotline if you have to. Trust me, I've had experiences with suicidal thoughts/actions, and have gotten the aforementioned help. We're all here for you. There are other ways out of the pain, even if it doesn't seem like it now. Please, just don't do it. neutral

Manguusu

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 08, 2011 7:41 pm


Foxifyre
So... I just thought I'd let you guys know that I'm very suicidal right now... I found out that my wife is going to leave me soon and there is nothing I can do about it. She was my reason for living. I know that's pathetic but it's true. So If I disappear from gaia you'll know why.

Have you made a suicide plan yet?
Do you have the means to carry it out?
Have you come up with when you'd do it?
Do you intend to go through with it?

I not trying to pry; I'm attempting to assess how much at risk you are for actually committing suicide. I don't want to lose a friend (even if we don't really talk to each other sweatdrop )

Please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or the National Hopeline Network at 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) if the suicidal thoughts are severe; both numbers are completely toll free and confidential, with 24/7 support.

You don't have to go through this alone.

Here's a page with tips on dealing with a breakup: http://helpguide.org/mental/coping_divorce_relationship_breakup.htm

Please let me and or anyone else in the guild know if we can help.
PostPosted: Sat Oct 08, 2011 10:28 pm


Foxifyre
So... I just thought I'd let you guys know that I'm very suicidal right now... I found out that my wife is going to leave me soon and there is nothing I can do about it. She was my reason for living. I know that's pathetic but it's true. So If I disappear from gaia you'll know why.


**delete rant**

*HUGS**HUGS**HUGS*

ScarletFrost
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 7:38 am


Foxifyre

It isn't pathetic that your loved ones are your reason for living... It is actually quite common... but it isn't right for them to be your ONLY reason for living... it puts allot of responsibility on their shoulders...

I nearly chased my husband off at one point BECAUSE of me placing him on the pedestal of my reason and purpose for existence... so I know a little about that, anyway...

It took him admitting that he was considering leaving me for me to get my s**t straight... and we worked through things, and I became myself, and an individual again...

... And I really hope you can get past these feelings of suicide. You had a purpose before you met your wife, and maybe you can find it again...

To kill yourself because your wife is leaving isn't really an act of love, it is very selfish... If you love your wife as much as you think you do, then killing yourself would be contrary to that love. She would know that you killed yourself because she left you, and she would have to live with that misery for the rest of her life... That makes it seem like you never thought of her, but you have only thought of yourself.... It is the poison of making your existence the responsibility of another person, and if you are feeling this way now, she probably has noticed that on some level. Her pulling away might be the result of her realizing that you are trying to be another extension of her, and not yourself...

I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but I have been pretty close to this situation, and I didn't have anyone to help me recognize these things... But I am here to tell you that you can make it through, no matter how dark things get, and whether you find a way to make things work, or you don't, you can find happiness again, when you become true to yourself...

It seems that you have put off certain things that you knew would make you feel like a complete person again, because your wife was not comfortable with it... Maybe it's time you start doing what you need to for yourself, and become an individual again. Your wife and you did not get together when your life was revolving around her, she loved you for who you were... and it seems like you need to get that individuality back... you should not be a literal part of her, you should be a partner with her. If it is too late to get that back, then you need to find out who you are again...

I know you can do it Foxy... You are a beautiful person.... I know you love your wife with your heart and soul, so I know you will make the right decision... Please, keep going, and try to figure out who you are. Maybe that is the purpose for this happening now... It took me awhile, but I dug my way out of the grave I had made for myself, and you have people topside trying to dig down to you, so just hang in there....
PostPosted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 1:24 pm


@manguusu

I'm okay. Did have a plan and the means to carry it out but I stopped because I didn't want to break my mom's heart.

@eltanin

You're 100% accurate as to what you said. I have been trying to please her by living life around her wants and dreams and not my own.

I guess I just don't want much out of life... Which is why I found so much happiness in the love that she provided. Maybe you're right... Maybe this is for the better so that I can find myself... none the less, I find it hard to have any motivation for my life. I gave up on so many things just to make her happy that I don't know if I can go back to my dreams.

@Scarlet

*hugs* it's the shortest rant I've ever done lol...

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Eltanin Sadachbia
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 3:32 am


Foxifyre

I think my lack of personal motivation was one of my triggers for becoming so wrapped up with my husband... For me, I had always had people pushing me to what they thought was best for me... and I kinda got used to doing things to make others happy, and letting others' wishes become my motivating factors...

I went after my Pilot's license for my father, not to mention becoming a pretty tough a** girl... learned how to work on trucks and airplanes even though I didn't have the slightest interest in them... I dressed how my mom wanted me to dress, so she wouldn't feel like I was unappreciative, even though the girls at school made my life miserable because of it... I stayed away from horses (and my dreams of owning them) because I didn't want my dad afraid for me (He had a ranch once, and watched the 9 yr old son of a friend get pulverized by a rouge stallion)... I played bouncer, body guard, and patsy for the few 'friends' I kept through school, because I knew I could take a hit where many others couldn't... I could go on...

I finally rebelled against that for awhile before I met my husband, and when I did meet him, I was so happy just being with him, that it became my all-consuming desire to make him as happy as I felt...

But I fell into the pattern of doing everything he wanted... or at least what I thought he wanted... but he wanted me to be me, not who I thought he wanted me to be.... and there really isn't much of a difference between the two, but there is enough of one that he noticed I wasn't being who I was meant to be.

It was hard for me to separate myself, my wants, and my needs to the point of them being only mine again... I wasn't sure I was going to be able to function... And to be perfectly honest, there are days where I think it would be easy to fall back into that pattern, because I am not sure if being motivated for my own sake is worth the effort... but I feel better at the end of the day when I get up and get things done for myself. I feel like I am living again... I really didn't feel as alive when I was an automaton of other people's wishes...

..And I know now, that if something happens that I am alone again, I could keep going and find my own happiness again... and that I can make a life for myself that is worth living. I have found the freedom that I so willingly yet needlessly gave up for my marriage, and I can want things for myself, and go after them. My husband has the girl he fell in love with back, and he enjoys the opportunity to truly support me... We are partners again... It's not just him with me trying to prop him up... we get to support each other because we can, not because either of us is capable of getting anywhere without the other... and it's fun... and he enjoys knowing that he is capable of doing as much for me as I can for him... I have wants again, and he enjoys being able to fulfill them.

You see, I tried to make myself conform to his needs, because I thought that was what would serve him best.In the end, I just became dependent on being needed. I would feel hurt when he didn't need me, and I was unmotivated to do anything for myself because I wanted to be completely available to him before he even had the opportunity to ask anything of me...

I ended up needing him more than he needed me, and I became clingy, and actually pretty jealous... and not the normal jealousy, where he looked at another girl and I smacked his shoulder either... the kind that made me feel like I was being abandoned when he left for work, or made me feel nearly physical discomfort when he wanted to go somewhere without me, or where I had to be a part of everything he did because I needed to know I was helping... I was jealous of his time, and attention, because I felt that if I was willing to give all of mine to him, he should do the same... a very unhealthy mindset, that turned a beautiful loving relationship into something very selfish on my part...

...and I haven't ever really talked about this part of our marriage with anyone before... sweatdrop ... I was pretty unhealthy.

Anyways... there isn't a person on Earth who is capable of that; of giving 100% of their attention to another... Even though I was trying, there were the necessary times that he would be off to work, or that I would have to take care of kids... but I was still expecting more of him than he could give...

And he knew I was unhappy... and he knew that my unhappiness was completely wrapped up in him, even though I didn't... I thought that he was my happiness, but my obsession with him was what was making me miserable...

...and I am not saying this is all going on with you... but I think it is very important you find a reason to motivate yourself to find who you are, because I know where forgetting yourself completely leads to...

I care about you, and if you ever want to talk, you can PM me.
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