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"For the sanctity of my life. Either I fill my life with music and lose my being, or I lose my music and maintain myself." Sapphire sighs slowly getting to her feet, she couldn't face Aitrus like this, she knew it. She slowly begins to walk back the way she had come.

Sapphire shakes her head as she continues her walk. "Why am I afraid? I am afraid because I've been there. I've explored it all and almost lost it all. It came with the night terrors and yet it lingers on despite the disappearance of said night terrors. If I sacrifice myself to my music, then I truly will be sacrificing myself body, soul and mind." Sapphire sighs, if only she could have followed Li'ad's lessons better.

"No stop it, please." Sapphire says hearing the humming, it only made the loss of music worse to bear. "You can lose yourself, if you know who you are, if you have a magic wrapped into your very essence." Sapphire says tears welling up again, as she covered her hears to block the sounds. "It's tied to me and it's tied to my music and the more I use the music the more I lose me."

"Maybe, because it has already tried to do so and in a moment when I was in the greatest need of strength." Sapphire snaps into the air, not quite sure where the voice was coming from. "I was wrapped and consumed in darkness, the light of my magic came and pushed it away, but just long enough for the darkness to retreat on its own, then another form of darkness settled over me. One that I couldn't drive away, one formed from the use of the magic. It had consumed all I had to just keep it at bay and then every time, I felt joy from a song that light would come again. It was there while I sang or played and then the moment I stopped, blackness surrounded me again and I couldn't find my way to the light. Of course I treat it as a curse, it is not a gift. It has not gained me any benefits, but has caused me more problems and torment than I wish to bear." Tears of anger whelmed over Sapphire's eyes.

Sapphire shakes her head. "The first darkness that surrounded me that I had to fend off was not natural darkness. I can deal with the dark and the shadows that surround me now, they are natural alway there always occurring, when they take on a form and surround me I cannot handle it. The other darkness that I fell into was not natural either. I was cut off from everything. I felt like a lost soul just trying to find the path, but there was not path and nothing to guide me towards where I might find that path if I looked hard enough." Sapphire pauses and shudders involuntarily. "I was lost from myself and couldn't find my way back, it was like my soul and spirit were trapped away from my body."

Sapphire stops and clenches her fists in anger. "Do not mock me. You know not enough to mock me. These darknesses that I fell into or lost pathways took time for me to come out from. I was lost for 3 days one time and no one knew how to pull me back. I fell into a state of unconsiouness and have no recollection except from what I've been told the events that transpired to cause my collapses. The true darkness did surround me. It tried to consume me twice and I feel that had others not been present, it would have succeeded." Sapphire begins to walk again, feeling her point made. "However on one point you are right. I do despair in my heart, but I do not let it consume me. I despair that I have failed those who I cared for most, my parents and god father. I have failed theirs and my own futures."

Sapphire stops and steps back a few paces as his eyes open. Her mouth drops, those eyes. He was the reason for her magic, he was the darkness that surrounded her. "Then what were your intentions if you never meant to scare me? You certianly failed in that aspect, I feared for my life. As far as harming me? You never wanted to harm me, well you failed there too. You harmed me worse than you'll ever know, you've broken my spirit. You've required me to give up one of the only things that brought joy to my life."