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I am sooooo tired... I can barely stand up..

My psychologist says it's becuase I spend too much energy overthinking everything and drawing patterns of triangles on everything I see in my head.

At this pint to me a pen seems like the least of my worries, but I remember when i couldn't even stand within a meter of a pen or worse a pencil.

I am choosing not to respond t that because if I tell you, you may gain the fear also.

Don't fret; What she neglected to mention is that there need to be triggers, and you can mostly choose how to percieve them. My advice? Pay attention at all times so as not to accidentally be knocked down or brush up against something, but when sitting someplac for long intervals bring something to read/do and keep your mind busy so it won't get bored and start labeling things as contaminated.

It's a classic adage: "The enemy you don't know is always far worse than the enemy you know."

Currently mine seems under control (currently as in today). The only thing I've had OCD-wise today was my usual pastry-burn, and I purposefully stuck my hand in a toaster (I'm an idiot) to sterilise it because the soap my mom had just bought was more perfume than antibacterial...

Oh yeah, and I skipped a major party because I'm scared of someone spitting on me... sad

I'm off to a quiet art gallery tomorrow, which is safe and should calm me down. Its also a good excuse to miss school. Can you believe it? They actually let me miss school to take a look at exhibitions!

1.) I aked Dr.Skuller today, as a serious question, "Why is Science always terrifying?" I figured he'd think I was being sarcastic but he saw I was serious and answered a bit with a bottom line of 'Because it's real.' STRANGER THAN FICTION!!!!

2.) H-Hands on? eek (*Hides under blanket*)

3.) I think I mentioned irrational fear of saliva on page 3 or so... I'll just repeat:
In my main OCD book it was talking about how completely irrational OCD is; it doesn't have to make sense. There was once a man who couldn't go out in public besides work and even had issues with that becuase he had the fear of somehow getting someone else's saliva in his mouth. Yet, his favourite thing when he came home to his sterilized sanctum was when his beloved dog would run up and lick his face, slobber and everything. Go figure.

4.) OCD- inflicted pain? Been there with hand washing past the point of pain and clawing myself to distract myslef from he sheer hellish panic.

5.) At school today:

"Ya know that people actually have hidden signals and body language?"
"Like rolling their eyes.."
"They even have receptors and everything to picke them up. But my brain didn't come with them! It's a really bad model, though. I'm thinking of getting my money back; A refund."
"Suicide is a powerful thing."
"WHAT??? I just said REFUND! REFUND!"
"Heh heh.."
"My brain cmae with extra danger receptors instead."

Refund is an old joke of mine and my friend is morbid. The last part is true, though; Obsessive Compulsives are always in danger.

6.) With this big a post I feel like Divash!

I was tempted to ask if there were any reason people would spit on you while insinuating you'd done something bad, but I felt it might be a bad thing to do.