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| Got secrets? |
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| Total Votes : 263 |
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 Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 12:41 am
Yeah, I'm out. Just till this whole s**t blows over. I can't take it anymore.
Ha. As if.
Because although it would be immensely beneficial for my mental health to stay away for a while, there's no way I can actually do it. All I'm capable of is just saying I'm hiating and then crawling back an hour later. >.>;
So...screw everyone who's causing me severe emotional issues lately, and everyone who will do so until it's all over, which may never happen. Even though they don't know it.
Screw the whole ******** world.
EDIT: Never mind, I'm gonna ask Nes to kick me out until it stops. He's the only one who knows what the issue is. And I'm keepin' it that way.
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Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 12:53 am
*hugs Kestin*
Whatever it is, don't alienate yourself from people you care about and who care about you. I've made that mistake before. It didn't seem like a mistake at the time as I REALLY wanted to be left alone, but... the fact is you'll hurt people when you withdraw. When you're in a lot of pain, you don't always think about the pain you'll cause others if you withdraw from them, but it's there. I promise.
Also, sorry if that didn't make much sense. I'm officially very drunk at the moment... raspberry martinis ftw. xD That doesn't affect my advice, though. I mean it, don't alienate yourself from people who care about you. In addition to the hurt you currently feel you'll tack on some guilt from hurting them.
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Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 12:59 am
But the thing that's hurting me is located in this guild, and I can't ask for it to stop because that would be unfair. I don't want to leave, but every time I'm reminded of it, I feel really upset. And I'm reminded of it often just by looking at this forum.
I know that didn't make much sense. I wish I could explain, but it wouldn't be polite at all. It's my own problem, not anyone else's, and I'm the one that needs to take action.
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Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 1:05 am
Kestin Sha But the thing that's hurting me is located in this guild, and I can't ask for it to stop because that would be unfair. I don't want to leave, but every time I'm reminded of it, I feel really upset. And I'm reminded of it often just by looking at this forum. I know that didn't make much sense. I wish I could explain, but it wouldn't be polite at all. It's my own problem, not anyone else's, and I'm the one that needs to take action.
I think I know what it is. Don't feel bad about it. If you need a break, then I'm sure you can come back soon.
I'm sure everyone'll miss you until then.. . .
I said nothing, understand?
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Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 1:07 am
I'm sorry; I wish I could help. I don't know you too well, but you seem like a really awesome and sweet person. I hope you feel better soon. ^.^
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Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 1:12 am
Dystopian Lover I'm sorry; I wish I could help. I don't know you too well, but you seem like a really awesome and sweet person. I hope you feel better soon. ^.^ *stares intently at your aquarium* It says there's five of them in there, but so far I've only found two turtle.
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Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 1:14 am
Shiori Miko Dystopian Lover I'm sorry; I wish I could help. I don't know you too well, but you seem like a really awesome and sweet person. I hope you feel better soon. ^.^ *stares intently at your aquarium* It says there's five of them in there, but so far I've only found two turtle. The other three are turtles also, but they're probably hidden behind the trees. Like owner, like fish! *shifty eyes*
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Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 1:54 am
warning, it gets pretty obsence as it goes down and there may be very errors strewn throughout because of my iPod having shir key detection and my fuelng hate as I typed this message. I also typed this on what loppedb in my head first and took it from there. So it's going to cover multiple things. Not everything mind you, but a few.
I'm sick and tired of the fighting and arguing and the total horseshit that goes on around at home. While that is, I know o won't do a damn thing about it. Aloong with that I can't stand my uncle trying to help me. I know he's only ttryng to help but the only thing it does when he argues with that old decrepit b***h is ******** me over. I'm sick of feeling worthless and I can't stand being treated like it. Trying to blame my anti social nature and complete lack of self respect as of late on the month of December and all the problems during that month doesn't work when December ends and you are only gettig worse. I swear I'm heading down the steep road of self loathing andd depression once again. I've done things in my past i never want to even think about again let alone start up. I know I'm heading in that direction and i can't seem to stop myself. I honestly fear I may do smething drastic over the smallest thing. I already threw a self fit today over the stupider ******** thing ever (while crewing with Sikh and some others, Sikh left the crew to get maverick with us and once she did I tried inviting her back. When she said she was starting a new crew I ******** stormed off and threw a god damn mental b***h fit about it taking out my anger on the tree in the back yard.)
i've noticed it happened much more recently about other stupid s**t too that at moSt should be treated with slight annoyance. I don't want to wind up killing someone over something like taking the last good lunch at school or the like. Some could say it's because I don't express my problems and leave them bottled up. I might agree if it wasn't for the fact that rverytime I do express my problems I wind up getting really violent at myself and others and or jaut seclude my self from everyone then feel just as bad or worse then when I started and nothing ends up solved. I can lie and say evertyyhin feels better and I'm over it but I know I'm not and I hate it.
On a similar note, I don't treat myself with hardly any respect. Sure I'll treat friedna with respect and even figt firthem but when it comes to my own personal self, I just dnt gve 2 shits unless I'm pissed off. And then it's not about me helping myself it's just gettig my anger off of me at the stupid ******** qho pissed me off.
Next, de ember. Now this is the month of he'll for me. I blame myself fr the suicide of a loved one. I'm dtreated worse than normal by my family, something bad always happens to me (this month it was my uncle getting alcohal poisonig and almost killing himself, hilarious how he's the only person I nmh family I gve 2 ahits Bout) and my family loves to go the extra mile and treat Christmas like the most extravegent holiday ever with flashy gifts and fancy dinners...except I'm not allowed gifts no one is slowed to tell me to have a merry Christmas I have to pay for my own dinner if we go out and aren't alowed at trbtable if it's at home. Not only tha but whenever I'm around they make sure to tell my cousins that their presents are going to be great and how they're gong to pay for ther dinner and how the is such a great holiday. Well ******** you, ******** you and your ******** holiday fck you while you lie n your gravestone you rottonncuntbag, the day you die I'm goin to piss in your skull and walk over yur goddamn body like a rug you horrble rottn ******** cuntbag b***h! /rageragerageragerahe
the day she dies is the day I'm the happiest person on earth my deep seeded hatred of that festering bitxh that just won't die.
I'm ahakng right now I can't even hold my iPod straight and I swear I'm goig to go through the worst relapse of all time after I click the submitted button and beat the living he'll out of he closes thing to me as o type this.
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Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 2:12 am
@ Blood - I'm going to remind you that you cannot be blamed for anyone else's actions. It might not be what you want to hear right now, but that loved one you were mentioning did NOTHING because of you. You cannot hold yourself responsible for his or her death. No matter what you think about that person, or how much you cared for him or her, it was not your choice or your actions that caused what happened. Every person has free will and the right to make his or her own choices, however horrible those choices may be. I am NOT going to sit here and listen to you blame yourself for something that wasn't your fault. The only way another person's death would be your fault is if you killed him or her yourself. I realize this might not help with the guilt much, and that you can't help feeling the way you do, but I do hope you will eventually realize that your thoughts are irrational because you cannot force other people to do anything that they don't already want to do.
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Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 4:42 am
@Blood - Yeah, I did notice you went off on one D: ... But to be fair, I wasn't going to leave Maverick out and you did fill my spot xD Have you ever thought of going councelling or picking up a sport to let our your anger? Or even invest in a stress ball thing x)
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Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 7:35 am
I might not be thinking straight, but.....
Perhaps try letting out anger as it comes, rather then letting it build up? A thousand small tremors have no power in comparison to an earthquake ranking seven on the Richter scale.
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Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 8:19 am
Gawd, the only thing I can think of now is advice me mum got from a priest. Non-religious, but still.
"Forgiveness is not for him, it's for you."
Your holding things against him probably effects you a lot more then it does him.
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Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 8:28 am
That provokes only one thought with me.
*Shrug.*
The only way I'd retract the above statement is if I was overestimating the circumstances.
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