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 Posted: Mon Oct 05, 2009 8:42 pm
"Good! I'll put you to work then." She was clearly joking and laughed as she stood back up again. It was time to leave him be until everything she had to do was set. then she could come back and shmooze.
"I've got to get back to my own, though... If you need anything, just holler." She stroked his hair one more time before pulling herself away to the kitchen, but the whole way there Teagan felt like she was on air, even if once inside she was just a few feet away from the very thing that drove Nat into such a state.
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:06 pm
Raquel was not as airy in any way.
Her walk had started out silent enough, as she was lost in her own thoughts. though soon, she was not simply lost, but drowning in the conflictions, guilt, frustration, and reality. It was soon after, that tears began forming in her eyes, and her quiet walk turned into a run.
She ran all the way to Teagan's home, stopping just before she knocked upon the door. She honestly had no idea why she was there. This wouldn't solve her problems. She wiped away her tears, taking a few deep breaths before knocking.
"Teagan? You home? I wanted to check on Nat..." She called within.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:12 pm
Teagan heard her from the kitchen and went to the door immediately. There was a bit of a run in her step, not because she was excited for a visitor but because her visitor sounded so distressed. Something must have been wrong with Raquel.
Once at the door, she opened it wide to allow her in.
"Hey," she said in a low voice. "Nat's fine, but... you, you don't look alright at all."
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:17 pm
Raquel gave her a very forced smile, though almsot burst out into tears right then and there. She covered her mouth though, keeping herself from sobbing loudly, trying to stop herself.
She made herself pull it together as she blindly wiped her eyes, taking deep breaths. "I...i'm sorry...I know we've only known each other fora short while but I- ...I didn't know where else to go...I dont have many friends, since I left what 'friends' I had with my old life so long ago...and- ...I just really need someone to talk to...." She managed to get through, her voice cracking slightly, as she rung out the edge of her jacket a bit.
"I just....I dont know what I'm doing..." She started up crying again, trying so hard not to bu the tears kept coming.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:23 pm
Without another word, Teagan took her hand and ushered her into the kitchen. This was serious woman time, and she was not about to let this opportunity for companionship go.
"Now, you just sit right down and we'll see what we can do here," she said as she pulled out a chair for her to sit in. No sooner had that been offered did she set to pouring her some fresh coffee she'd made while baking, and gave her a cookie fresh from the oven. Teagan had incredible timing when it came to comfort, apparently.
"Tell me what's goin' on with you and Damian. Because I can see that's what's got you so upset."
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:29 pm
Raquel chuckled through the tears, smiling sadly down at the cookie as she set it down gently, wiping her tears again, already trying to calm down again.
"Its...I have no clue... It's almost as if our little perfect fairytale is unraveling out of nowhere.... and there's all this talk of money, schooling, buying a home, marriage, not having children-" That last part was holding somehting deep behind it, but she said it in a way that said it wasn't exactly that particular issue at the moment, and was something she wouldn't get into.
"But...it all boils down to..." She shook her head in frustration. "Me I think... I'm upset with myself..." She heaved a sigh. pushing her hair back as she rested her arm on the counter.
"I mean.... I'm not who I was a year ago. Which is fantastic in some ways! I'm glad I'm not! But at the same time I'm not.... I'm not me." She furrowed her brow, looking up at Teagan with a troubled, dark face. "I'm this dependent little girl now who relies on Damian to buy her anything her heart desires with no effort at all! Thats not who I want to be! I never did! What happened to me that made me make this transformation!? What!?" She looked utterly fed up and distraught with confusion at all this as she rubbed her face, and took a shaky sip of her coffee.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:35 pm
Teagan carefully took her seat across from Raquel. It was obvious that she was planning her words very carefully, which was wise considering the delicate situation already at hand.
"Well... judging from what Nat told me, I guess you've come from a very hard life." She spoke with a gentle sincerity that held no condescension at all. After all, who was she to judge when she herself hadn't exactly been the best person either?
"So, I imagine that when you came into this relationship with Damian Centurion of all people that he showered you with love and gifts you never thought you could have. So you... relaxed."
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:44 pm
Raquel's breathing evened out as she stared into her coffee cup, starting to nod slowly as she closed her eyes.
"I suppose... Though...Now it seems I've relaxed myself into this vortex... It feels like... there's nothing I can do to go back. He's paying for everything we need between the two of us, including my schooling...how am I supposed to pay him back, or even make something of myself enough to feel independent again? I love him so much... but it feels like I've lost control of my life..." She murmured this last part, her eyes narrowing in thought as she stared down.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:48 pm
"I think when you're being truly generous, you don't expect anything in return. Damian probably has enough money to have his teeth gold-plated and then some, and so, spending it on you don't seem like such a big deal, eh?"
Teagan wished her and Nat had this problem. It seemed so easy to solve for her, but apparently it was anything but.
"Maybe you should get a job. Start buying your own things, paying some of the bills... me and Nat split everything when we can. Though I'm mostly pulling the weight again with his recovery. But see," she broke off, gesturing with a bit of cookie she had for herself at Raquel, "I don't mind that, because I love him and I know he's not in any position to help himself right now. But he will be. I trust him."
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:57 pm
Raquel nodded, looking up at Teagan. "You're right...I guess I just feel guilty...And I ...I dont know, I guess I think of jobs that I am or will be qualified to do, and none of them even begin to pay for part of the bills Damian goes through, what with the property he owns or his business ventures... Its above my head... And...I think I'm just starting a conflict for nothing... its silly .... I cant figure out why I'm so upset now...I just-" She stopped... she didn't know what to say about then. She felt like she was missing something. Like her and Damian both were but she couldn't place it.
She contemplated this while biting down on her own cookie.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 9:01 pm
"Don't disregard your own feelings. They're important."
Teagan looked long and hard at Raquel while her eyes were averted at the table. this was the woman who had been a prostitute, had been hardcore on the streets, and yet she was so vulnerable while eating a cookie at her kitchen table, worrying about her fiance.
How strange.
"Maybe it's not silly," she continued. "You want to be more independent. I think the first step to that is just... telling him how you feel. Have you done that? And lemme grab you a tissue."
Teaga stood up from the table and went over to the counter by the doorway to grab the box that had been sitting there, but it was also to grab a glance at Nat. If he was sleeping, she would be thankful. Goodness knew he didn't need any more stress in his life.
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 9:10 pm
Nat was still fast asleep on the couch, but looked as if he'd stir soon.
When Teagan had returned, Raquel nodded her thanks as she took a tissue and blew her nose slightly.
"...Yes and no..." She answered her question with a sigh. "I'm not really sure of my feelings...he's always so intent on making me happy...I'm afraid to say I'm not happy...because It'd worry him to death and he'd feel like a failure...I dont want that. Maybe thats it...Maybe I've sort of softened by simply letting him do what he thinks will make me happy rather than what actually makes me happy?" She furrowed hr brow as she dabbed her eyes a bit more. "I feel he knows me better than anyone else ever has or could... yet at the same time, he doesn't know me... does that make sense?" She asked, looking up for some kind of encouragement that she wasn't completely crazy just yet.
Raquel felt strange relying in another woman over soemthing so personal, but it seemed to be going fine, and she had already started to feel a little better.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Wed Oct 07, 2009 4:40 am
"And you're marrying this guy?" Teagan gave her a bit of a look. Marriage to her was only going to happen if she was so crazy head-over-heels in love that she felt she literally could not live without him. While she loved Nat, she wasn't about to marry him any time soon.
"Sounds like you guys need to start over or something. You really have to talk to him about this, Raquel, or it's not going to get any better..."
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Posted: Wed Oct 07, 2009 7:58 am
Her words hit Raquel hard and her face showed it. She gazed down at the shining engagement ring, frowning slightly. "I love him..." She reasoned softly, more to herself than anything. "...But...maybe things aren't as perfect as we had hoped...." She furrowed her brow, her heart breaking ever so slightly.
"Ah-- Why hello there..." Nat yawned sleepily, making his way into the kitchen. He saw Raquel, giving her a tired smile and wave, though immediately picked up somehting was off. She had that look as if she had been crying. For even though the redness in her eyes and nose had gone down slightly, she still held that underlying look of grief and sadness. "Whats going on?" He asked concerned, cocking an eyebrow to Teagan as he made his way to the fridge to get himself some water. "Everything ok?"
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Wed Oct 07, 2009 1:20 pm
Teagan nearly jumped a mile when Nat came in the kitchen.
"Ah! We're just... talking about life, you know. Things."
If Raquel wanted Nat to know what was going on, she could tell him herself, unless Teagan was given the okay to summarize for him.
"How're you and why the hell are you up and walking?" she said instead in an effort to switch gears.
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