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 Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 12:50 am
I loved to be your god, not to hear you beg.
I loved when I made you wild, not when you tried to impress me by being like all those other whores.
I loved to tuck you in, not to send you to bed.
I loved that first sig, and the forever it showed, not the newer art, as if a debt were owed.
I loved to make you smile, not to make you cry.
I loved knowing you loved me, not knowing I have nothing.
I loved the pain and fear of losing you, not the emptiness of you being gone.
I loved August, not January.
I loved Kenny and Vani, not KB and Sai, though they were cute too.
I loved the sound of your voice, not that of silence.
I loved Jack. PS, don't tell him.
I loved being there when your family wasn't, not making you want to spend more time with them.
I loved you on the oven, and not on the floor where I left you.
I loved the way you couldn't reach the counters, not the way I made you seem smaller.
I loved trying to stay up with you, not stealing your sleep.
I loved giving you sweet dreams, not nightmares.
I loved giving you the most romantic words you'd ever heard, not the paragraphs of emo bullshit I told you later.
I loved the sharks, not their teeth though.
I loved knowing the sun would burn me when I came to see you, not knowing I'll always stay safe here at home.
I loved you all the wrong ways, not the ways I should have.
I loved reading your letter, not your message of leaving.
I loved it when Eddie or whoever that a** was told me all about you, not when he thought you were an item.
I loved seeing the moon and feeling the breeze, thinking of you in the cool night, not these days in the baking sun with dry tears that just won't seem to fall.
I loved every moment we had together, not this time apart.
I loved the innocence and the passion, not the skepticism and regret.
I loved making the memories, not having to rely on them.
I loved the dragons and the fantasy, not the pain and reality.
I loved hearing about how big your room is, not seeing how empty mine seems.
I loved the happiness of that first picture, not the way I coveted the others like trophies.
I loved who I was was, not who I am.
I loved what we had, not what we haven't.
I loved when 'With You' came on and you smiled, not when you found break-up music and thought of me.
I loved when we had so much to say, not when you thought of it all as words.
I loved it so much when you loved me.
It's so hard now. It's unbareable, and I'll get a smile and a nod. I can't imagine three years of this pain, I can barely stand a few days. I can't live like this, and I can't just go on like it was all just another girl.
We had good times before, and I remember them. Even if you don't, I do, even if you don't want to remember or cherish them, I do. Maybe I'll try drinking it all away, and maybe I'll end up sighing your name.
Around you, around here, I was always such an a**, I always thought myself so strong, so tough. I thought my emptiness was a sign that I couldn't be touched, I thought my self-loathing was a bitter shield from the world. I thought my everything was nothing to me, and now I hurt like I never have and never will before.
Now I'm just rambling...as I often do. Goodnight.
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 4:01 am
* pokes*
hello^^
* dances*
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 4:29 am
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 5:08 am
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 5:17 am
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 5:20 am
Vote for me in the avatar arena? heart
]http://www.gaiaonline.com/avatararena/index.php?mode=vote&key=56rgz6&postid=231&page=2
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 5:22 am
Quote: Vote for me in the avatar arena? no doubt^^ i'll vote for you^^
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 5:55 am
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 6:39 am
whee whee i'm going to enter mine once i awsome it up some more 3nodding
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 1:11 pm
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 4:40 pm
Eat me. Some say I am full of calcium. 3nodding
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 5:02 pm
Quote: Eat me. Some say I am full of calcium. thats very....um...special...
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 7:44 pm
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 9:16 pm
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