What I have learned about history thanks to
Rome: Total War:
1. Allies were only good for protecting your flanks. Thats all they did.
2. The Greek Navy were annoying ********. The Roman Navy couldnt fight its way out of a papyrus bag.
4. The Gauls had a mental disorder where they never could stop raiding people.
5. Numidia and Carthage were dumb enough to build cities way out in the middle of a godsforsaken desert.
6. The Senate never knew when to shut up.
7. Macedon cavalry was underused and overrated.
8. Egyptians were a bunch of prissy little backstabbing bitches.
9. Thracians got pissed off at the drop of a hat.
10. Scythian merc Cavalry were worth their weight in gold.
11. The Spaniards aquired the Gaul mental Disorder but lacked their effectiveness in combat. They were just annoying.
12. If you werent Rome, you sucked.
13. Carthage was the whipping boy of the Mediterranian.
14. The British Empire began in circa 250 BC after some one attacked them and pissed them off, whereupon they invaded the germanic and Gaulish states and began spanking all in their path. This must be true as repeated gameplay results in a similar scenario each time.
15. War elephants were cool.
16. Rome employed exploding pigs in their forces, implying that Islamic radicalists existied before Islam itself.
17. Peace treaties were only designed to stall an enemy for about 2-3 years, buying enough time for you to build up forces to attack him again.
18. Nero was an extremely common Roman Name.
19. Building sewers was a surefire way to stop the Plague.
20. The most cost effective way of dealing with a city's population was to kill everyone taller than a wagon wheel. Corpses dont talk back, rebel, or incite slave uprisings. And you could always use the bodies as chow for the exploding pigs.
21. Against a serious opponent, Spartans are pud. Like all Greeks. This in turn makes Frank Millar a liar.
22. Archers
23. The concept of armor was lost upon Western European tribes, though berserking and body paint were common enough.
24. Talk was useless. For more on this, see lesson 17.
25. No world conquerer left home without a couple assasins and spies to use against his foes.
26. Wars on two fronts could be won with ease. Its the four front wars that get you.
27. Modern laptop computers can not handle the visual depiction of any battle where the total number of combatants number over 300.
28. Charioteers deserved neither mercy nor pity.
29. The rise and fall of the Roman Empire, roughly 900 years of human history from the founding of the Republic to the fall of the western Roman Empire, can be summed up and reinacted in a matter of hours.
30. Cale played too much
Rome: Total War.
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