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 Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 9:04 pm
I know you took a long time to write this but Masamune I have to say it was too long. I could barely read the entire thing without wanting to divert my attention, and it seems to be a chapter filled with just that filler. The grammar and all that is great but this chapter wasnt at all even close to your other chapters, I know that you had to get the story out of way before the blood sprayed, but I still think you could have spiced it up a bit more. The entire gasa mask thing was unneeded in my veiw and took up a big amount of space.
Sorry Masamune but this chapter is off your game in my opinion sad
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Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 9:17 pm
Not bad. Not much action, but I have a feeling the ext one will have quite a bit.
Good chapter overall
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Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 9:19 pm
Sauvie I know you took a long time to write this but Masamune I have to say it was too long. I could barely read the entire thing without wanting to divert my attention, and it seems to be a chapter filled with just that filler. The grammar and all that is great but this chapter wasnt at all even close to your other chapters, I know that you had to get the story out of way before the blood sprayed, but I still think you could have spiced it up a bit more. The entire gasa mask thing was unneeded in my veiw and took up a big amount of space. Sorry Masamune but this chapter is off your game in my opinion sad
You have just won the internets.
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Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 9:22 pm
Betman Sauvie I know you took a long time to write this but Masamune I have to say it was too long. I could barely read the entire thing without wanting to divert my attention, and it seems to be a chapter filled with just that filler. The grammar and all that is great but this chapter wasnt at all even close to your other chapters, I know that you had to get the story out of way before the blood sprayed, but I still think you could have spiced it up a bit more. The entire gasa mask thing was unneeded in my veiw and took up a big amount of space. Sorry Masamune but this chapter is off your game in my opinion sad
You have just won the internets.
Only one who would say it. I do agree with you Sauvie.
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Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2007 6:33 am
This chapter was mostly used as a build-up for the next. It's to add suspense. It was also to show how everyone was focusing on the Miasma. Which is why they are about to get ******** up by the attack in the next chapter. As for the gasmask thing: I may have made it a bit too long of a part, but I wanted to include it because it... 1. showed that they were actually trying to prevent death from Miasma 2. showed the extent of everyone's focus on the Miasma and not other things (upcoming attack) 3. acted as an excuse for Betman to leave his three friends for a short while 4. As well as an excuse to delay Squall's research on the Miasma (adding a small sense of urgency since the Miasma was spreading)
As for the length in general: I don't normally make it this long. When I was writing it I didn't even notice the length that much. Also, I find that the long length helps add a bit of suspense and allows the reader to think up ideas of what they think will happen next as they read. I was actually planning to have the attack in that same chapter, but I decided to save it for the next chapter because if I didn't, I wouldn't have much going on in the next one.
And that completes my response.
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Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2007 6:44 am
I don't know, I thought it was still a pretty good chapter. It was a little long, but I like it that way.
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Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2007 6:30 pm
Glad you liked it, Demonix.
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Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2007 7:55 pm
I was doodling earlier today and I drew a picture of The Lifeless Fox character. I decided to put it up in the character profiles. I admit that it's not that great, but it gave me this idea. Why not pay Cult artists large sums of virtual money to create character models of characters from my story?
So, from now on I will pay anyone who makes drawings of the characters featured in this story up to 10,000 gold (depending on the drawing itself.) If you want to draw one of the characters then just send me the drawing and I will pay you for it.
The payment will be based off of:
Quality of the Drawing
Neatness
Likeness of the character as described in the story
And yes, I just thought up this whole art thing a couple of minutes ago. I've been meaning to get some good character art for a while anyway. I'm just not quite good enough to do so myself (and I don't have a scanner (only a camera), so even if I were able to make a really good drawing, it would look really bad online.)
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Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2007 7:57 pm
I like that idea. Good Thinking
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 9:00 am
Nice idea Mune, cant wait to see some of the art that you get!
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 9:08 am
I can hook you up with a couple of them there characters Masamune, it might be a while before I get a chance to get around to them, but whoever is left when I have time I'll take care of them for you.
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 10:32 am
@ Zen: I'd love to have some character art from you. And I have time. This offer isn't going anywhere anytime soon. And I will accept multiple drawings of the same character from different people.
@ Seaphron: Holy s**t, your avi's different!
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 9:21 pm
Chapter Seventeen is up. Please read it and comment/criticize/etc. And for those who are interested, I'm still willing to pay for character art.
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