The Potato: 9-13-06 The Final Issue?

[Lar Gand]

The Potato

There's a beat inside our brains
the rhythm is alive
if you're smart and stay insane
you'll stand the test of time


Lar Gand, Publisher
Bernard Dillon, Editor-In-Chief
Roger Cooper, Staff Writer

The Case of the Missing Sex
Our own Bruce Wayne is a father...again. After adopting Tim Drake, Batman has discovered that he has another son. Conceived with Talia al'Ghul, Batman remains mytified about his son, as he claims to never have slept with her. Oh yes Bruce, we believe you. Just like we believe Ollie when he says he didn't impregnate that Japanese archer Shado. Or that you don't hit up all the bad girls in Gotham. Catwoman's baby is a figment of your imagination.

Lex Luthor and Henry Pym: Top Cops
Counter-Earth has two new policemen on the job. Yellowjacket and Luthor have taken jobs as global law enforcement for the often neglected planet.

"I did it get away from all that crap on regular Earth," Pym revealed. "I did my civic duty and stood up with Tony on the SRA, and freakin' Bill and Cap had to stand against me. They may claim to be patriots, but lousy friends are what they really are."

"Superman's a d**k," Luthor answered when asked about his new job. "I could be making regular Earth all nice and pretty, but NOOOOOOO he has to insist I do it the 'lawful' way. Screw that! I can make Counter-Earth better, and there's not a damn thing Collie Kal can do about it! Here, I am the law. Respect mah authoritah!"

Anti-Regs Hounded by Captain Marvel
The Runaways and the Young Avengers, still hanging out in Los Angeles, have run into trouble on an alien lunatic kind. Attacked by a strange young man, eye-witnesses described the aggressor as being Caucasian with white hair, and one witness added "He sounded Kree to me." Could this be Mar-Vell reborn? Is it a clone? Is it an alternate Captain? Is this Grant Morrison destroying the Marvel Universe by remote control? Whatever the explanation, the combined teams have to fend off the death commando or face...PRIVATE SCHOOL! Dundundun!

Uncle Sam Saves the Freedom Fighters
The new Freedom Fighters had been under the control of SHADE, who had created them, but now things have changed. Sent to capture Uncle Sam, the spirit of America, the team failed, and were instead captured by Sam. Sam then spoke with each member, telling about the glories of Mom and apple pie, and they were convinced to switch sides. Pie does that to people. They they returned to SHADE's East Coast headquarters and freed the suspiciously-looks-like-Tad-Ryerstad Firebrand. The Human Bomb accidentally killed SHADE agent Bigfoot during the battle that followed. The Freedom Fighters then left for parts unknown, perhaps to indulge in that pie Sam kept telling them about. Mmmmm, pie.

The Loners of Los Angeles
Rick Jones' team, Excelsior, has had a name change. Now known as the Loners, this group of disillusioned former teen heroes has become the favored team of LA. Despite the team's reluctance to protect the city, the people have embraced them in a way that neither the Runaways or Wonder Man seem to be able to duplicate. Currently comprised of Turbo, Darkhawk, Lightspeed, Ricochet and that guy who used to be the Green Goblin, the Loners may become a better team than the Champions, as long as they can keep Darkhawk from beating up any more Mexicans by the side of the road selling roses and oranges. Darkhawk seems to really hate those guys.

Got questions, comments, suggestions? PM our publisher or email us at potato_staff@witty.com.