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 Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 7:27 am
bittersweet and evocative I'm really sorry guys but I'm not up to replying to anyone properly today. I just can't cope with life and it's just getting too much. I'm creating a bubble around myself, distancing everything away from me because I've gotten to the point where I can't find the energy to speak. I'm sure this sounds really weird, so I'm sorry, but basically I just wanted to let you know that I'm around, I've read your posts, but truthfully they've just exhausted me to the point where I'm not in tears, and they won't stop so I'm going to go. But Boldie, in reply to your question, no. I don't think I'm ok.
*Hug*
and my prayers and thoughts go out to you.
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Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 12:13 pm
Og LoLo, I'm so impressed that you tell your story so matter of fact like. It's like another person is telling your story. How does your brother and sister treat you? And I forgot to ask you... how old are you? Knowing that you've had this basically your whole life, how do you view life? Do you accept your conditions, or do you try and fight it? It just makes me wonder, is all. So, you're in Texas now. How does that affect you after being in "poor" countries? If you've had this all your life, then you know no difference, right? What are your feelings on that? In other words, what goes on in your head? Your thoughts, your judgements, and your wishes and dreams? I don't want to single you out, but you, by far, have had the most "things" happen to you, and I was just wondering where do you get your support from? Because surely, (I hope) you are feeling it in here. We all want you to get better-if you can, and those poor sores----they have GOT to hurt. I can't bear to see you in so much pain, because of what you have to go through, as it is.
Ailsa----- baby girl...... You just HAVE to hang on... There really is no choice in the matter. YOU MUST! I certainly don't want to compare you to ANYONE, but everyone is individual, but, look what OG LoLo has been through. This morning, in fact, I woke up with some God-awlful pain.... and all I could think about was Og LoLo. And then I wondered to myself, you know...... everyone's pain is so different. And everyone's pain LEVEL is so different. Ailsa, you have to get your arms around this and be strong. You know, I love you a lot, and I cherish our friendship so very much. But, I can't touch you, or hold you, or coddle with you. (Coddle means to pamper someone) I so wish I could do those things for you. I know you go see a psychologist, or someone in that field. And now, MY doctor wants me to see someone, too. At first, I just couldn't get MY arms around this, because I loved to work. It gave me so much empowerment, strength, and pride knowing I can do these things for myself. And I was sooooo proud of that. Now.... I walk around --hunched over, and every step I take, it's so painful because the pain is not only in my lower lumbar, it's so much in my hips. I do pray for you, Ailsa. I pray and pray that you will accept the things that have happened to you, and you can adjust. Isn't it amazing what strength I feel just letting things out, and not all locked up in my brain? I love this thread, and I love every single person here equally. I just wish I could do something for you guys. But, I, too, am suffering. But I wish I could do something more for all of you. Yes, I cry. Yes, I SOB on the couch or in bed. Still can't lay on my sides due to my hips inflamed. But I can't keep feeling sorry for myself. I have to accept this. I have to accept this. I have to move on...... And Ailsa...... you have to move on..... You have to accept this is how it's going to be, BUT, one thing is different in your life now. Do you know what it is? YOU'VE GOT US!!!!!!!!!!! Every single person in here is rooting (Is that the right spelling for this?) for you. Everybody IN HERE is on your side. I love you, Ailsa. Please, oh please !!!!!! I am SO begging to you--on my knees (if someone could help me up) lol, that you MUST go on with your life. You need to empower yourself!!! Tell the therapist how you REALLY deep down feel. They are trained to not judge, but to help. I can only help you so much, because I'm not "trained" or have that professional opinions that the therapist has. Know what I mean? Maybe, Madralyn could help you, as well. Seeing that you both have that web camera.----OOH OOH !!! forget to tell you.... My husband is going to buy me a web cam, so we can talk face to face. Isn't that great? I don't know when it will be, but he's talking about it like soon, so, I don't know if you can hook up all three of us, but at least you and I will be able to talk face to face. Please..... if there's something you'd rather not say in "here", then please PM me. ok? You Can Do This!!!!
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Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 3:56 pm
Godsbabybear i was born in viet-nam my dad was in the army so we went with them we think it was the agent orange that made my family all so sick
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Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 4:29 pm
Ailsa ~ I am addressing this to you. I am praying for you, I do not know your personal religious beliefs, but I hope it helps to know that someone cares enough about you to talk to their Savior on your behalf. I pray that in your darkest, most painful moments, you will find something to hold on to, to give you hope, because hope is an amazing thing. And I know there is a purpose behind your pain, horrible though it is. Your story is an inspiration to many people, the fact that you have held on through it all. Remember we are always here for you. I don't know your full story, so please forgive me if I said anything that doesn't apply. sweatdrop
I know this will sound rediculous, but I would not be alive if it were not for my rabbit. She is what clung onto. whenever it got so bad that I wanted to give up, I held her, and knew I had to stay alive to take care of her. She sits with me for hours, and licks my cheeks. She is soft and light which was good so it would not make the pain worse. I know that my pain is nothing to yours, but I hope you find something that keeps you going.
We all love you and need you here! heart
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A_Wolf_Drowning_In_Blood Crew
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Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 4:44 pm
Oh! Alicia! I hadn't realized that you posted! Oops!
Aw! I love Bunny-Rabbits! I have one. He's a Rex. Is that what it's called? I think so. For me, all of my animals keep me going. Espicially my dogs and horses. But like I said, I couldn't exercise my horses today, I still fed and watered them. My friend (The same one with the "happy" dog) helped me out today by mucking out stalls and exercising.
~~ Think Happy Thoughts! Get Well!!!
--"L"
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Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 6:08 pm
Yes, me too. "My Twilight Zone: Part3" will hafta b put on hold atm. I want 2 address Ailsa also, cos I care - we all care about u Ailsa. So pls think about ur actions - I've read all ur posts - I think ur r truly amazing person 2 go thru so much at ur age, I can relate w/ u on that lvl - for I too has endure lost n pain at a very early age. When I think I should give up on myself - I think about my family - how devastated they must b to c me give up, even tho they don't show it att. If I lose hope, then everybody would give up 2. That's how I c it. It'll surely break my mom's heart - she cared 4 me most. I love her very much... I wouldn't b here if it wasn't 4 her. Idk ur family background, but I'm sure ur mom or sum1 cared deeply 4 u2. U say u got bf n ur bff elsie (sorry if got name wrong) - think about how'd they feel if they lose u. I don't even have a bf or know what's its like 2 b loved by anoth oth than family. I'd say u're luckier than me in that area. PLSS Ailsa wake UP! n smell the FREEDOM, JOY, n LOVE that u got - Every1 here has probs, but they'd drop everything 2 b here 2 support U. Now if that's not LOVE then idk what is...... THINK AILSA
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Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 7:03 pm
A_Wolf_Drowning_In_Blood~ Hehe, that is okay! I have alot of animals too, she is just the one that helped me the most. I don't know what I would have done without her... Well... I do know...
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Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 7:47 pm
AliciaLeone Ailsa ~ I am addressing this to you. I am praying for you, I do not know your personal religious beliefs, but I hope it helps to know that someone cares enough about you to talk to their Savior on your behalf. I pray that in your darkest, most painful moments, you will find something to hold on to, to give you hope, because hope is an amazing thing. And I know there is a purpose behind your pain, horrible though it is. Your story is an inspiration to many people, the fact that you have held on through it all. Remember we are always here for you. I don't know your full story, so please forgive me if I said anything that doesn't apply. sweatdrop
I know this will sound rediculous, but I would not be alive if it were not for my rabbit. She is what clung onto. whenever it got so bad that I wanted to give up, I held her, and knew I had to stay alive to take care of her. She sits with me for hours, and licks my cheeks. She is soft and light which was good so it would not make the pain worse. I know that my pain is nothing to yours, but I hope you find something that keeps you going.
We all love you and need you here! heart I second that motion! AMEN SISTA!
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Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 7:55 pm
agent orange was a chemical that the americans used against the vietnam people and it spread and hurt a lot of the american people too it is very sad for both sides then they said it never hurt anyone but they are wrong sorry it took so long to answer you sorry i forgot to say it was used in war times it was not a very good thing most of my family was hurt by it my sister passed away at age 40 way to young my mother just passed last year my middle brother is not doing very well and my dad is getting worse
soft hugs
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Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 8:06 pm
Godsbabybear agent orange was a chemical that the americans used against the vietnam people and it spread and hurt a lot of the american people too it is very sad for both sides then they said it never hurt anyone but they are wrong sorry it took so long to answer you soft hugs
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A_Wolf_Drowning_In_Blood Crew
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Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 11:52 am
Tomorrow I have no school! (It's SHADOWING DAY) And that means that all my homework isn't due 'till MONDAY! WHOOP! Sorry. that was my bout of happiness today. Hehe!
Alicia:: Yay for Rabbits! And other animals!!! <3 <3 <3
Well... since I usually do my homework the second I get home, and I didn't do it today, I got online earlier. So that's probably why there ain't that many posts at the moment. Aw. How boring...
Get Well and Think Happy
~~"L"
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Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 12:54 pm
A_Wolf_Drowning_In_Blood Tomorrow I have no school! (It's SHADOWING DAY) And that eans that all my homework isn't due 'till MONDAY! WHOOP! Sorry. that was my bout of happiness today. Hehe!
Alicia:: Yay for Rabbits! And other animals!!! <3 <3 <3
Well... since I usually do my homework the second I get home, and I didn't do it today, I got online earlier. So that's probably why there ain't that many posts at the moment. Aw. How boring...
Get Well and Think Happy
~~"L"
boldie's right, u're goofy rofl
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Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 1:07 pm
wanted to stop by and say hi and say i hate being so depressed it is just not like me but it has a hold of me the pain is just getting to me just so tired of pain and well all of it i hope soon i will feel better and not be so grumpy guess i better go thanks
soft hugs
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Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 1:25 pm
Godsbabybear wanted to stop by and say hi and say i hate being so depressed it is just not like me but it has a hold of me the pain is just getting to me just so tired of pain and well all of it i hope soon i will feel better and not be so grumpy guess i better go thanks soft hugs
But r u taking anything 4 the pains? jus wondering, cos my mom has severe arthritis - n takes lots of meds also
~soft hugs~
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