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''oke... i'm going to tell you... why i left home... why i travel all by myself and cut loose all bands with my past... it hurts to bring the memories up again but you dessurfe it... admit, you were scared by my reaction this morning...'' Dean began. He didnt even gave the boy time to anwser or react, he started his story right away. ''When i was a little boy, my mother died in a carcrash, my dad survived, though only lichaamelijk, mentally he was dead, thats how much he loved my mother. He didnt really cared bout me anymore, didnt go to work, just sat down in his chair while i did everything i coult to keep us two alive...'' Dean felt tears coming up just by the thought of how hard he worked and how tiered he was everyday while his dad just sat there, it made him mad. ''One day some people from childsurvences (kinderbescherming) came and they took me away, my dad didnt even stop them ! Anyway i ended up in a home and... lemme think... it was... 2... no, 3 weeks after i came in that i was addopted. First the familie seemed nice and all so i was glad that they addopted me. But after we arrived at their place i was shocked. It was even a bigger mess then with my dad. There were dogs and cats everywhere, poo and food.'' Dean smelled the stinch again and he fronzed his nose as if he was standing there again. ''Oke so we went inside and their i got the shock of my life... there were atleast 3 other children, running around, trying to catch an other one to beat him up. I still dont know why though... The 'parents' brought me to a room, not much bigger then this cave i think, where i slept together with the other kids, in one big bed that filled the whole room.'' Dean paused a couple seconds, coult he go on ?

Dean thankfully layed his head on Nicolas chest, his hand on the boy his leg and around his waist. Then he took a deep breath and told further. ''Every friday there was one kid gone, it just didnt came to bed, every friday an other kid. One night it was my turn, they told me to go downstairs, to our 'parents' bedroom. My 'mom' had to work every friday so our 'dad' was home alone, with us.'' He couldt hold his tears back now, he just let them come out. ''I went to the room, it was dark. Only he was there, our 'dad'. He streched his hand and i took it, how could i know ?!'' Dean couldent control himself anymore. His body shaked from fear and his body hurt, felt like he was beaten up again, his eyes poured tears on the ground. i cant ! i cant do it anymore ! Why ?!

Dean felt a bit better. His body stopped shocking from fear and his heart calmed down a bit now he knew he could go on, Nicolas wouldent hate him, he would still like him, he would help him. Dean took a deep breath againand continued. ''I think you can guess what happend that night, every friday, every week... I became his favorit, every 2 weeks, every 2 fridays, it was my night... The other boys where so glad, they helped me do my klussjes, they did everything for me to keep me there, every 2 weeks, every 2 fridays...'' Dean paused for a couple seconds to see the pictures that appeared in his head, pictures of the children, crying, screaming, laughing but underneath crying, worried, faces. Dean continued. ''I stayed, i think for them, you should have seen their faces whenever i wanned to go away, i just couldnt leave them, i was the oldest, their older brother, i couldnt leave them... But after 3 years i did, i was 15 when i left... I've tryd before, since my 13 birthday i tryd to get away, i couldt take it anymore... But until my 15 he pulled me back eveytime, he knew i couldnt come far on my own, found me on time... And after everytime he got madder, worser, painfuller...'' Dean saw some other pictures in his had appearing, the bedroom, 'dad's' hand on his shoulder, crying eyes, the bedroom door, the familily car... ''He even locked me up as soon as my 'mother' was gone, she didnt knew a thing bout it, i'm sure... Well one day our 'dad' was called by the neighbour that his wife was having a baby and if he could drive them to the hospital, he did. So when he was gone one of my 'brothers' searched the house for the key of the closet where i was locked. He found it and freed me. '' Dean saw the face of the boy again, scared but happy that he coult let Dean out. ''I didnt even thanked him, he said 'dad' was gone so i took my change... I left eveything i had and just ran as fast as i could, away from everything... I runned for hours once i reached the forest and was sure 'dad' wasnt after me. I slept in a tree that night, crying. The next day i realized that i was free, 'dad' was to late he couldnt find me anymore, i never went as far as now...'' Dean layed his head on Nicolas legs, he needed a break.

Dean was like locked off from the world, he didnt realized that he was with Nicolas in the cave, that he was already 19 yeard old, that he found someone he loved, that he was telling his story to that someone, no, Dean was reliving it all again. Like he just took a breath while running a long way he continued his story like he never stopped running. ''I climp out the tree, look around if he's not waiting on me behind the bushes or not... he's not, i'm save, i can run, i have to run... The sun is still low, its not entirly light yet, i'm save, he cant see me, i'm small, he wont see me... Wait whats that ?! Is it him ?! I look around, no, its not him, he's not here, its a bunny... I kill it, i dont feel, i just kill it...'' As waking up after a nightmare Dean suddenly realizes again where he is, with who. He sits up, next to Nicolas. ''Since that morning i've runned for 2 more days, slept in tree's and farms whenever i got the change. I was cofferd in brushes and i had a broken rib, 'dad' beated me up before he went to the neighbours, trying to make sure i wouldnt try to escape, but i did. Thanks to Thomas, my 'brother' it is that i'm here...'' And then Dean bursted out in a long cry, he never thanked Thomas for helping him escape. ''I dont even wanna think bout what happend to him once 'dad' founds out he relized me... i'm sure the others told, trying to escape friday...''

''i dunno...''Dean said while he looked up into Nicolas face. he doesnt hate me... he still cares bout me ?! ''i wanna thank him, but i'm afraid they hate me, i left them... i was their older 'brother' and i left them...'' he explained.

((damn ik ben mijn idee kwijt haha... help eens haha))

''i'm not hungry... i told you i was used to not much food... i never got a desend meal... thats why i coult survive until now, i was used to dasy without food, while i did had to workd hard...'' Dean sadly said.

Dean looked around, whiped a tear of his cheeck. ''I dont care... if you want to...'' Dean said. He didnt care bout anything at the moment. Ever since he left home he pushed eery thought about it away, far away. Now he opened that part of hisself he had to face his feelings.

''i dunno... i think all i wanna do is sleep right now...'' Dean said. He layed his head on Nicolas chest with his hands around Nicolas neck, but not facing the boy. ''Will you hold me while i sleep ?'' Dean asked. He didnt was afraid to sleep, speccially alone.