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 Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2006 5:29 pm
Again, that flatflatflat sounding voice.
"..Adopted."
If Tea wasn't so in control of his body. the tanned assistant would have thought that he had lost the ability to speak coherently other than repeat the words given to him like.. like a parrot. And Tea was in control of his body. In fact, even more so than even usual. Because he didn't know when he wouldcouldwould snap and start strangling Zix before his brain caught up with the rest of his body. Or stabbing. That would be much better.
Now.. now where was his pen again..?
"Strange, I didn't think you were the parental type." He muttered under his breath, shooting yet another glare --but considerably watered down; now it was just 'go-into-a-corner-and-die' sort of glare-- at the necromancer as the male reached down to pat the plastic ornamentstupidhurtingthing. Tea shall refuse to call Mi-- call whatever it was stupid garden ornamentplasticthing as nothing more than a plastic ornament that can not be adopted.
Nor Tea would ever adopt anything. Never. Not even animals. Or.. or garden ornaments. Taking responsibility of someone else anyone other than yourself was just.. just bad. It made stupid stupid stupid complications and.. and complications were.. were complicated and annoying and Tea didn't want any annoyingness in his life. Ever.
Except that now right now there was.
Completely missing any sort of expressionchangesomethingwhatever in the necromancer, Tea took his gaze off from the bright brightpinkhotpinkblazingness of Mi--the garden ornament, and instead focused once again on what the other was actually saying.
Only to hear.. hear that.
"I told you. I don't have time to spend just taking you to places." Tea cut in flatly, crossing his arms in front of his chest and calmlyamusedly --no he wasn't amused at anything it was sadistic glee yes-- watching the other male inch slowly away from him down the hallway. "I have better things to do than being hospitable."
And he did. Because he had a life, life outside these coldcoldfreezing hallways and in his room where he could just.. just sleep and read and sleep and be warm and sleep..
Yes, sleeping was sounding a very very good idea with every passing minute.
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Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2006 6:02 pm
“Don’t go.”
Zanis blinked, eyes falling to where Butter’s hand cupped around his own, almost touching but not quite. He could even feel the faintsoftquiet sort of chill that emanated from the zombie and leeched towards his skin and it was strange and so different from the people he normally worked with. They were so…so hot and terrified but Butter wasn’t he was just coldcalmcool and…it was so different.
But…not a bad sort of difference.
It took everything absolutely everything he had not to recoil away from the quiet chill because Butter was too close and something some feeling was burning up his throat. And he didn’t want to leave didn’t want to go away wanted to stay with Butter forever but how could he if just being near Butter burned?
A vague, almost pained expression flickered across his face and his hand shifted --shaking; why was he shaking?-- and made a move almost as to take Butter’s hand so close he could just reach out and it’d be fine he’d be fine he could live with burning just don’t let him go--
Before he could tell his body not to, he found himself nearly falling off the edge of the table as his whole torso recoiled back away from Butter, the regret at the action not nearly as apparent in his eyes as the flash of panic was. In no way did he ever want to let Butter go but it burned.
And just like he couldn’t quite help reacting to Zix, he couldn’t quite help flinching away from the source of the fire.
Had this been any other person, it wouldn’t have mattered. A little slice-n-dice and they would have been gone for good and he wouldn’t have had to ever worry about burning ever again. But…but he somehow just knew that if he cut Butter up he’d just sew the zombie back together and subject himself to this again and again dear god why would he do that? He did he want to touch Butter even though he knew it would hurtburn like that?
Why?
Still looking rather panicked --not good he was supposed to be unruffled by anything-- Zanis brought a hand to his mouth, tryingtryingtrying to keep from retching as his other hand tremblinglyshakily reached out towards Butter’s outstretched had. And the burning rose from somewhere in his chest and threatened to positively swallow him and if he got any closer he’d just combust so he had to get away just not get close and then it’d be fine but he couldn’t he had to stay with Butter he did it was burning--
This time his fingertips brushed against Butter’s before he jerked back.
Hands still shaking --make it stop, he wasn’t supposed to shake-- he stared at Butter, gold flickerflashing with painregretlonging. This had never happened before, he’d never let it get this bad before never felt like he was about to be swallowed before and it hurt hurt hurt hurt seared his insides so he had to get away and Butter had to go so to burn would just stop, only…only…
If everything inside of him was screaming to just get away to make the burninghurtingpain from all these feelings stop…
…why was he so ready to try touching Butter again, even if it meant he’d burst in flames?
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Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2006 6:17 pm
Chou hesitated, before nodding slightly, looking back up from the floor at Elis.
“H-hai, I’ve got one…” He paused, before adding, “I don’t know what it is, but I’ve got one."
Wouldn’t it just be easierbetter if nobody had numbers? Because names were better than numbers and why did they need numbers anyway? Names were so personal and personal was good and if everyone had names then they didn’t need numbers. Right? Shouldn’t it work like that?
It would make sense. And things were good when they made sense.
So why weren’t numbers making sense?
A rather desperately relieved smile slid across his face as he glanced over at Elis. “Saa…that’s good. Two numbers is just too much.” One number was too much, it was so not good and he didn’t even want one number. But…but two…if he’d had two he didn’t think he would have been okay for all that long. There was just…something about having two numbers that scared him terribly because he knew he just knew that it would…be…bad so very bad somehow and so it was good he didn’t have to get another one.
Then he shifted his gaze to Yamagawa-sama, brightening up a bit. “Ne, hontou? I can stay with Elis?” That was goodwonderfulgood because Elis made him feel safe and safe was good so very good. And he had the faint glimmerflash of a thought that maybe Elis made him feel safer than Yamagawa-sama --which was weird, wouldn’t a doctor make him feel safer in a place like this?-- and he couldn’t have for his life said why he maybe felt safer with Elis, only that he did.
Maybe…maybe it was because Elis was like Chou. They were both not doctors and they were..were different from normal people because normal people didn’t have wings or…or tagnumbers --Chou wasn’t really sure what made Elis different but he had to be or else he wouldn’t need a number. In fact, normal people were like Yamagawa-sama --only without the ghosty go-in-Kiba-san-ness-- and they weren’t different so…so maybe that was why because they were the same.
And maybe that was why he kindofsortof shuffled a step closer to Elis when the other took his second hand. Because Elis felt safe and they were similarthesame and that was just…just good.
Absently not looking at either of them --but not really as flatbadsad as just before-- Chou nibbled on his lip again, gaze focused on some random sparkly point on the wall. “Saa…if Yamagawa-sama is going to get my tag…does he need my number?” Because…if he wasn’t going to get another one, if he could keep the same one on the taggy thing --he would, right? They wouldn’t try to give him a new one?-- then…then maybe Chou wouldn’t mind particularly to show Yamagawa-sama his number so he could have the same one. After all, one number repeated twice was nowhere near as bad as two different numbers.
And the sooner he clarified everything up for himthem all, the sooner they could move on to saferbetternicerbrighter subjects to talk about.
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Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2006 6:54 pm
Zanis was..
Butter felt something, he knew he did he so very did he felt something just then, just then when Zanis was something Zanis' eyes goldenwarmyellow were something and.. and Butter knew this knew this feeling and.. and Butter just had to not let go of this feeling this newoldsomething something important because nothing never came out floated back upout from the darkmurkyicefrozen pool unless they were somethingnotnothingimportant and.. and Butter can't let go--
It was much like that feeling.
That feeling before before the necromancerwarmpersonthing had came in, that.. that sort of calmingsettlingrememberingfeeling feel, and.. and this oddnewfeeling and that oddnewfeeling was almost the same maybe the same maybeyes maybeno similar and.. and that was a sign, right? Because not one feelingmemoryoddness came twice, except.. except for pain, and.. and Zanis he can never hurt Butter and so this must be important really important somethingnothingmemoryfeeling because--
A slight shivertwitch in Butter's finger was the only reaction as Zanis recoiled away from him, the zombie's eyes deathlywhiteblank flickering from his hand and the doctor's face, faceeyeslipsmouth set in a seemingly blankemotionless plaster cast, a silent deathmask, all chilledcoldcalmdead and Zanis moved away.
Zanis moved away moved recoiledmovedranflinched away from Butter from.. from Butter Zanis flinched painedhurtingflickerflickerflickerflicker flinched and whathowwhywhywhywhy the painsomethingnothingface why scared why at Butter why that expressionflinchingfearsomethingnothingeyes why because Butter hadn't done hadn't done anything Butter didn't hadn't meant to do anything bad he hadn't done anything he just didn't he didn't want Zanis to go and..
And.. The zombie's eyes flickeredfroze for a split second, and he lowered his hand slightly, eyes still lockedwatchinglooking at the dark snake needing to know why but he couldn't couldn't ask because it felt so tight tight acrossinsidein his chest and that had never happened before and why would it matter because Butter didn't need to breathe he was dead--
And that was it, wasn't it? Butter didn't want to go away, he didn't want Zanis to go away because without Zanis he was nothing and.. and he was dead Butter was dead so of course Zanis wouldn't want to stay with Butter because Zanis was living and.. and living people wereare meant to live together stay together with.. with other livingnotdead people and.. and and so if Butter stayed if if he stayed then.. then heitthemeverything was so entirelyvery wrong and..
That time, it was Butter who flinchedrecoileddrew away first from the second touchbrush of fingers, the burningwarmthpinkhot touches from .. from before burning on his palmhandarms as the zombie slowly sat up from the table, the metal cool to his touch coolcalmrefreshinggood but somehow even that seemed wrong, so sosososo so very wrong because after all, if he was if Butter was living then he would have found the table cold but he didn't which was wrong and..
And.. and because Zanis didn't want to stay because Butter was dead, and.. and.. and it was baaaaaadburninghurtingpainful something sort of look that flashed past the zombie's faceeyes a second of feelingsomething past the plastericyblankdoll mask of his face and that was so wrong too because.. because if Butter was living then he maybe wouldn't feel so cold feel so dead feel so painfulhurtingburning this hateful feeling burningpressing down his chestlungsinside and it hurt it hurt and the hurt was so wrong Butter shouldn't feel because he was wrong he was dead..!
"I.. I'm sorry." Butter dropped his gaze, limp dark locks falling in front and hiding the flickerflashingsomethingpainfulsomethings burning away at his inside Zanis wanted to go away and Butter was Butter was he was sorry sorry for asking to stay sorry for staying sorry sorry sorry for being dead so cold so silent so nothing sorry for being so wrong I'm sosososososososo sorry..!
If.. If he were living, would Zanis have had wanted to stay?
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Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 3:54 am
He saw that, he did.
Had he not been watching, Zanis might have missed it, because his own body had jerked away. But he saw Butter flinchcringejerk away from Zanis, he saw it. He had grown up in a place where you could tell if a person was mad, sad, happy, pregnant, or distracted by the way they stepped on the ground, along with a million other little bits of movement. His family lived by watching everyone else move and seeing their moods through those movements, and they did it as easily as they breathed. So of course he saw Butter move away, and of course he knew what it meant.
It meant that Butter didn’t want to stay anymore.
Because Zanis had flinched away.
But he hadn’t meant to, he hadn’t. But…he couldn’t help it. Body memory and all that. It burned and he wouldn’t let himself get burned and he just moved away even though he didn’t want to even though it hurt to move away and he didn’t understand any of this in the deepest way possible but he knew he liked what he felt when he was with Butter even if it was good even if it burned and he…he wanted to try and get past the burning but now he couldn’t because Butter was going to go--
Zanis was horrified to feel his eyes pricking and stinging with extra moisture.
He never cried. Honestly. His whole life he couldn’t ever remembered crying. Not once. Crying was for other people to do --preferably with it being his fault they were reduced to sobs-- and Zanis didn’t cry. It was so…sissy.
And now all of a sudden he felt like his eyes were burning up. What was wrong with him? No one should be that special, that important to him, and it shouldn’t be someone he’d already messed up with several times. And it certainly shouldn’t be someone who was going away from him. He shouldn’t have anybody. He was good at what he did and he enjoyed it, and he had never ever ever needed anyone else around so why was that suddenly changing? Why was Butter suddenly changing that?
He should not be feeling this way, should not be. But he was. It was because he was feeling that way that he couldn’t quite help the misery that swamped over him at the apology the zombie made, and he didn’t even try to hide the rather dejected slump in his shoulders as he dropped his hand from his mouth, biting his tongue more to keep from retching than anything else.
He really wanted to.
Because maybe if Zanis just threw up for a good long time, then all of these extra feelings that were so…so not good, this miseryburninglongingbad sort of feeling --not that longing for Butter was bad per sey, just that it was bad when Butter wasn’t around-- maybe all the feelings would just vanish and he wouldn’t have to feel them anymore. Wouldn’t have to feel so sick crying --he would not cry-- feeling because Butter was leaving would leave because why would he stay?
“You’re leaving,” Zanis said flatly, more of a statement of fact than a question. There was little room for argument in the words, because if no argument was expected there would be no room made for one. And there was a part of him that wanted Butter to go, to just leave so that these feelings would go away and he wouldn’t have to deal with them anymore and he could go back to the way he had been and everything would be fine.
And then there was the other part of him that was silently begging Butter not to go, Butter was special and precious and perfect and everything Zanis likedlovedneededwanted don’t go and see, he was even willing to cry if it would keep Butter here nohewasn’t just please pleaseplease don’t go away stay don’t go please…!
Staring fixedly at a pint on the floor, Zanis laced his fingers together for some sort of stability, nearly yelping as he tasted copper flood into his mouth. He’d been biting his tongue to keep from --sayingstupiddesperatethings-- retching and had actually bitten through his tongue and god how much more pathetic could he be right now --hewouldnotcry-- and was it honestly so much to ask for a little time to understand and deal with these burningswallowingburning feelings before Butter just…just left?
Zanis didn’t like being burned any more than Butter did.
And it didn’t help when the burn was something he couldn’t move away from.
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Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 10:14 am
It was.. It was nothing.
He was nothing everything was nothing anything and everything and just allofit all of Butter it was he was nothing and why did he could he ever think otherwise because he couldn't change being a nothing because he was dead. The dead were nothing. They were dead and forgotten and old and coldcoldcold and nothings they were all nothing he was nothing and it was so wrong howwhywhat he was feeling, even though it didn't feel bad didn't feel hurtingburningbad no it had felt notbadnotpainnothurting and.. and it felt..good.. but Butter knew it was wrong.
Because Zanis moved away.
He flinched away from him stepped back away from Butter. And he had seen that, that that look across the doctor's face that flickerflashingsomethingsomethingbadsomethingpanic and why would Zanis flinchrun away and be scared of Butter if he wasn't.. if he wasn't disgusted by the zombie?
Because that was right. Feeling disgustedrepelledhating Butter was right because everyoneanyoneallthepeople had done it and now Zanis was disgusted by Butter and that was not somethingdifferent, and that was.. Butter's handsfingers tightenedpressed down on the metal surface of the table harder, the skin if possible turning even more of bloodless palewhite.
That was painful.
He had.. he had never felt this badbadbadhurtingburning inside before. Except when.. when that necromancerbadwarmperson had come. But but he wasn't here so why was Butter feeling this burningburninghurting insidepain like he had swallowed fire? Why did he feel why did he feel? It was so wrong but.. but Zanis had called it special he had Zanis called Butter special but now Zanis movedawaybackbackback away from Butter and that meant something, didn't it? That meant that Zanis didn't want Butter around anymore and.. and and Butter always did what doctorsotherpeople wanted, and so..
"I'm sorry." The zombie repeated, the dark snake's words --sowrongsowrongsobadsodeadsostrangesowrongI'msorry-- somehow managing to filter through the curiousstrangewrong buzzing fuzziness inside his head and Butter couldn't help but flinch slightly --howwhycouldheflinch-- whitepaleeyes still not looking up still not looking at anythingelse other than that dark somethingnothing stain on the floor and Zanis told Butter to go away.
Because it hadn't been a question, and if it wasn't a question then it was.. it was an order order to go goleaveawayfrom away from Zanis and Butter always did what otherpeoplepersonthings wanted what doctorpeople wanted and Zanis was a doctor and.. and it was Zanis and even though Butter was uselessnothingwrong Butter still.. he still knew Zanis was specialdifferentgood because he just was Butter stillrightnow knew it, and..
And ifyes Zanis was perfectbeautifuldifferentspecialperfect then it was all the more wrong for Butter to stay because he was so wrong wrongbadnothingdisgusting against Zanis' beautifulperfectdifferentnessspecial and.. and he didn'tcouldn'tshouldn't stay because.. because he was so wrong and even Butter knew that, knewsaw the notperfectuglycrackingwrongness inside him and why would Zanis want him to stay?
Nothing. There was nothing no not anything that Zanis would possibly want from Butter could ever need from Butter because he was perfect and perfectbeautifulthingspeople didn't didn't need something so.. so wrong as Butter.
So Butter should go. He should go before the burninghurtingfire inside got too much too hot too.. too hurting too much pain and just go go somewheresomeplace darkcoldfreezingquiet and.. and sleep but no he couldn't he was nothing he was so wrong and they had wanted to get rid of him and.. and the only thing only person between that and him had been Zanis but Zanis moved away from Butter so now he was even more of a nothinguselesswrongcreaturethingwrongness, and..
"...Hai." Butter whispered, whitepaleblank eyes flickering only sosovery slightly at his own voice, sounding so flat so dead so wrong he was dead shouldn'tspeakshouldn'tbeabletobreathetalksayanything it was so wrong-- and softlysilently swingingsliding off the table because it had been an order. Zanis had toldordered him to go and Butter knew that, he knew that he should just go before.. before any more wrongnessburningbad feeling could pileupspread through his body hothothothothotwarmburning it hurt..!!
And.. and he could.. he could go, and.. and find someplace bright someplace hothothothothotwarmburningsun find find the sun and.. and and it would hurt, Butter knew that, it would hurt and it would burn for a longlonglongtime before enough of his bodynervessomething disappeared and he wouldn't be able to feel it anymore, but those few minutes those few hundred seconds it would hurt, but..
Again, the same dead flatquietquiet blank voice, eyes not looking up not wanting to look up needing to look up but Zanis didn't want him so why was Butter because he was he had to followobey what Zanis said because it had been should have had been always always this way Butter shouldn't want anything but he.. he did..! "--As you wish."
Those few hundred seconds would hurt, but not as much not as long not as painful as this strangeslow insidefire, this inner somethingnothing that hadn't been there but now there there was that horriblescaryfearful burning and it was inside him he wanted it to go away needed to go away and those few hundred seconds that's all it would take..
It wasn't like if anybody would care. Butter was doing them a favour, because they had wanted to get rid of him because they knew he was wrongwrongnotgood and.. and and Butter hadtoneededtosoverymuch he had to go away before Zanis realized that too and..
And he just couldn't take that.
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Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 3:07 pm
Why was this so…so painful, to know that Butter flinchedrecoiled away? It shouldn’t have been. Zanis was used to people moving away from his touch. People always sidestepped or cringed away if he came near, because they knew what he could do what he liked to do, and they wanted no part of that didn't want him to touchthemtaintthem. He was so used to it that he’d almost become numb to the movement away, just barely acknowledged it. But the point was he was used to it.
So why did Butter moving away have such a terrible reaction inside him? Why did it make him want to cry? Zanis didn’t cry. Other people cried, other people got dejectedmiserabledepressed when people flinched away. Other people. Not Zanis. Because Zanis was used to it and he knew that people didn’t want to be around him, didn’t want to touch him want him to touch them, he knew that. So knowing that Butter didn’t want Zanis to touch him shouldn’t have been much of a surprise, shouldn’t have hurt like this. It shouldn’t have, but it did.
Was it because Butter was suddenly not wanting his touch? He hadn’t minded before, when he had kissedtouched the zombie. In fact, Butter had actually asked him to do it again. So was it just the fact that Butter had wanted him to touch him, and now didn’t, that made Zanis feel so miserably despondent? It would not be glossed over that Zanis had moved away first, but that was for an entirely different reason. Because Zanis did want Butter’s touch, he just couldn’t push past that burning in his throat right this moment to actually touch the zombie.
A sudden sort of cold chill swept over his body at the flatflatflatdead words the other spoke, and the cold chill completely eradicated the remains of hurtingburning fire in his chestthroatheart, but somehow it wasn’t any better with the coldchill. No, it was somehow worse with the coldchill, though he couldn’t have said why. But he could, with all honestly, say that no matter how terrible the burnfirehurt had been, it was better than this coldflatdead chill that seemed to freeze his chestheart somewhere inside and somehow the chill hurt worse than the burning. Why?
But Butter was leaving. Butter somehow thought that Zanis wanted him to leave and was going to leave accordingly even though that was so wrong don’t go and if Butter was going to leave then Zanis couldn’t stop him, he’d said that Butter could stay until he wanted to go. And if Butter wanted to go now, if Butter thought Zanis wanted him to go and was going to leave, then he wasn’t going to stop the zombie from leaving because he’d said he wouldn’t stop Butter.
Which meant he wouldn’t. No matter what most of him was feeling, he would not stop Butter from leaving because that was what Butter wanted.
And what Butter wanted was somehow so very much more important than was Zanis wanted.
Except that there was a mainmajor part of him that wasn’t quite so happy with that verdict, and was prepared to dosay anything if it meant either Butter would stay or this coldchillfeeling would go away. And that major part of him reacted in the only way he knew how, the only way he could ever know how to react.
He got angry and hateful.
Because if angry and hateful was what he needed to make this horribleterrible coldchill go away, then he could do that. Zanis was so good at that.
Eyes flashing, he whirled upright, pushing off the table and glaring darkly at Butter. “Damn you,” he hissed, the words fairly ringing with a coiled undertone that implied he was ready and willing to strike. “Damn you to hell!” That’s right, hate everything until everything went back to that coolcalmdark place it always was and there wasn't this chill or this burning, just keep hating and hating and hating and everything would be fine. Everything was always fine if he just hated.
“You have no idea what the ******** you’re doing to me, do you?” he snarled, glaring venomously at the zombie. “No <******** idea.” Because if Butter knew, then he probably wouldn’t be so callous as to just leave without…without doing something, saying something. Right? Because Butter was…Butter wasn’t that cold, right? Butter had something, something other zombies didn’t have, which meant that he was…was closer to being alive than other zombies were.
And when you were alive, you cared. Even if it hurt, you cared…
Almost unconsciously, one hand reached out and gripped the edge of the table, more as a restraint to keep him from just…just lunging and keeping Butter here than anything else. Because he didn’t know the hell why but Butter needed to stay, and if Butter was going to go Zanis would make him stay no, he’d said he’d said Butter could go if Butter wanted to go so he couldn’t he had to keephimhere lethimgo--
“You said,” he growled, nails digging tracks in the tabletop as his grip tightened don’tkeephimhereifhedoesn’twantto and paying no attention whatsoever to the dark scales that shimmered acrossover his neckarms. He couldn’t he had to keep Butter here he needed to let Butter go don’t touch him but he couldn’t let go yesnoyesnoyes…
“You said you would stay!” he cried, the tears in his eyes teetering dangerously on the edge of falling over hewouldnotcry. His grip flexed again, nearly tearing a chunk out of the table, and for a moment as he looked at the long marks his fingers had dug, he thought, completely rationally, that he would need another table.
Then his eyes flashed back to Butter, and he practically pushed himself away from the table, away from Butter because if Butter wanted to go, if Butter was going to leave, then Zanis had to be farfaraway so he wouldn’t feel anything wouldn’t seehearfeel anything nothing again he’d go back to the way he had been and everything would be fine would be perfect, he didn’t need Butter yes he did
“Liar,” he muttered savagely, wanting every word to bite, screw not hurting Butter because this was hurting a whole damn lot and if Zanis was hurting and it was Butter’s fault then Butter should be hurting too. “You ******** liar. You said!” He said he said he said he wouldn’t go but he was he was going to go away he flinched away and he was a liar liarliarliar stop lying stay stay here like Butter said he would just stay and don’t go…!
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Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 8:51 pm
It burned.
If it had been just a smoulderinghurtingshimmering inner burn inner hurt before like hot liquid runningpooling inside Butter, now it was different.
Now it was different and it was bad, because it wasn't simply just hotfireliquid inside him anymore, it felt like.. it felt like millions and millions of pricklingpainful slidingpain, like fire rushinglicking across his skin razing everything down to the ground in its wake and why wasn't his skin simply burningdisintegratingpeelingoff into nothing because it should have it should have he should have burned but it wasn't, and all that met Butter's eyesgaze when he glancedflickered down was just his pale skin, streaked here and there still imprinted burns of Zanis' handsfingersbody and wasn't it strange, wasn't it so sososovery funny that now those burntouches hurt?
That was so strange so new so.. so newdifferent but different in a bad way not like.. not like the before before Zanis' touches had been because those were different those were special but this hurt this hurt so sososososososovery so very much..!
The zombie's hands flexed softlyquietly, arms lying limply down his side streaked with so sososoverymany burns so many differentpain prickprickling their way down inside inside Butter seemingly inside into his very bones and it hurt, it hurt with the differentbadpain so somuch more worse than when Zanis had gone away before when Zanis had told him to go away, and wasn't it strangefunnyweird?
Because that time Zanis had told him, had told Butter to go away and Butter hadn't because.. because Butter didn't know whyhowwhat made him stay what made him say no but it was it had been..special..and.. and Butter didn't know whyhow it hurt so much it should be the same why wasn't it the same why wasn't.. why wasn't Butter not hurting not feeling like normal like he should be?
He shouldn't feel, shouldn't be feeling these chestlungsinsideinsidepain that burned and Butter couldn't couldn't get rid of it by sleeping couldn't get rid of it couldn't not even.. not even the palepalecoldbeautifulwhite snow not even snow not even sleep not even...!
"Damn you to hell!"
The only response that Butter gave to the hatefuldarkdarkburningglaringhatred was a quiet, almost almost-not-there sort of step backwardssideways, the tips of his fingers brushing against the dark, slightly rough material of the hem of his shirt and shivering slightly with the sudden thought sudden urgelongingneed to get ahold of it grip it tightly because his hands were shaking why was he shaking why---
His head almost reeled with all the differentconfusing thoughts, the weird somethingnothings burning inside as the zombie stared somewhere off to one side a few metres from Zanis' dark shoes, not even daring not even wanting not.. not wanting wanting to look up but he couldn't because he was wrong and if.. if he looked at Zanis now then.. then it was bad it was wrong because Zanis didn't want Butter to stay anymore and it was bad and..
Why was Zanis angry why didn't he want Butter why did he want him to go away why did he want him to stay why the fear why the hateangerhothothothotbadwarmth why why the tears why was Zanis crying? Butter was so confused so many too many too much new feelings badfeelings hurtingfeelings all mixedjumbledtogether all rushingdowncrammedinside inside Butter all burninghurting in their warmth and it hurt it burned Butter didn't want it didn't want badbadbadhurtingithurthecan't you said you would stay..!
"What?" Butter whispered, a half-question half-wanting half-anythingnothingeverything eyes flickering can't look at him no, voiceeyesface flickering ever so often with the somethingnothingburningpaingoaway but returning again and again back to the deadcalmblank mask of a face and he shouldn't be feeling because.. because.. "What did I do..?"
Because Butter knew it was all his fault, he knew that. He knew that because Zanis couldn't possibly do anything wrong anything bad anything.. anything hurtingburningbad to Butter because because Zanis was perfect and no, it was all it was all Butter's fault that it hurt that he hurt Zanis that he made Zanis angryburninghotfieryrepulsed by himself it was all Butter it was all his fault so he should go away..!
It was all his fault.
It was all because he was dead, it was because he was dead and he was nothing and he shouldn'tcouldn'twouldn't feel any of these strangeburninghurtingthingfeel inside if he weren't dead and..
If only he weren't dead, if only he didn't feel this terriblehorrible burning pain inside if only if only he could stay..!
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Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 10:56 am
He had to hate him. Zanis just had to keep hating him hating everything and everything would be fine. If he hated him hated Butter just for this moment in time, then everything would be fine, just for this little bit.
“What did you do?” he snarled, eyes flashing dangerousbaddarkly. “What the ******** do you mean, what did you do?”
How the hell could Butter not know what he did? It was so obvious, he lied he lied to Zanis and if there was one thing he couldn’t stand it was liars. Because liars twisted the truth, when the truth was so much more painful and wonderful and torturous. There were such terrified reactions when he said that it would hurt more than they could imagine.
If he lied like other doctors, then he wouldn’t get to see those terrified reactions, and where was the fun in that?
And Butter had lied. He said, he said he wanted to stay and now he was leaving he was going away he said he wouldn’t he lied!
He wanted…Zanis wanted to hurt someone. Something. Anything. Just…just hurt it until it cried and screamed and then he would feel better just like always just like this had never happened like Butter hadn’t ever come and he hadn’t ever felt anything for Butter and maybe it would have just been better if Butter hadn’t been sent here. Because then he wouldn’t have ever had to deal with this this burningachingcold feeling Butterisgoingawaystophim and if he never felt this feeling then he wouldn’t be almost crying right now wouldn’t be choldchillnothing.
If Butter hadn’t come he wouldn’t be feeling this way.
But there was only a smallsmallsmall part of him that thought that would have been for the best. Only a small part. And…there was another part that felt maybe he just shouldn’t feel anything because if Butter was going away then really what was the point and if Butter wasn’t here --hesaidhewouldstay!-- if Butter didn’t care and just left then he didn’t want to feel anything. And god-knew just why he felt like that, but…but he did, a part of him felt like the world and all the things in the world didn’t matter if Butter wasn’t there like he said he would be.
And the fact that he was even acknowledging that he was feeling something so…so stupid only fueled his angerragehate more.
There was no reason he had to feel anything like that. So what if Butter wasn’t here? That didn’t mean he had to stop feeling everything. The world did not revolve around one little zombie. It didn’t. No matter what any part of him was saying, Butter was not that important, shouldn’t be that important. He couldn’t be.
And now Butter wasn’t even looking at him anymore. And he was still moving away, no matter how small that little shufflestep he preformed was, he was still going away. But he couldn’t, he said he wanted to stay, he said it and if he left now he would be lying Butter was lying…!
Very very calmly --too calm toocalmdanger-- Zanis took a step forward, goldhatehatehatetears eyes never leaving Butter’s face Butter wasn’t looking at him wasn’t looking he was going away but he couldn’t he said. He said he said he would stay he said it so he had to he couldn’t go.
Very very calm so calm too calm, he glided up before Butter could move away again --don’t let him go away-- pausing right in front of the zombie. Without thinking about it, his right hand snapped out, encircling the zombie’s neck easily --crushhisneckdon’tlethimleavemakehimlook-- and forcing the other’s head up, while his left reached out and grabbed Butter’s fumblingshaking handwrist --holdtightdon’tlethimgoneverever-- and Zanis could already see the palepaledeadwhile --pretty-- skin flaring up brightredharshangry under his touch, and he--
He hoped it burned.
He wanted it to hurt Butter, wanted Butter to be hurting right this instant because Zanis was hurting and it was Butter’s fault he said he would stay he lied!! so Zanis wanted Butter to hurt to because then it wouldn’t hurt so much it wouldn’t hurt like this inside --he had to make Butter stay-- and if it didn’t hurt if Butter was hurting then everything would be better, because everything was always better if other people were hurting.
“You lied,” he said flatly, beyond anger now, beyond hate, stuck in that cool dark place beyond that was sososososo much more dangerous than not beyond. “You lying little s**t. You said you would stay.” Impassively, Zanis glared down, gold meeting pale, the tears in finally spilling free, though he didn’t even notice them anymore. He didn’t notice anything nothing just Butter and he had to make Butter hurt had to it would be better then.
“You said you were mine,” he hissed, eyes flashing darkdarkblack before settling down coolcalmbeyond again. “You said you were mine.” The repetition made something form in the back of his mind, something something dark something Butter was his so Butter wasn’t allowed to leave even though he said Zanis said he would let Butter go but Butter was his so Butter couldn’t go because didn’t want him to go wouldn’t let him go!
“…” His eyesgaze slid from Butter’s to study the captive wrist --shaking, why was Butter shaking?-- toocalmtooflattoobeyond looking at the wrist like it was the most interesting thing in the world. If he just twitched his hand, the bone would snap, shatter in a million pieces and then Zanis would have to keep Butter here so he could fix it fix Butter and Butter was his so Butter couldn’t go he had to stay he said he would stay. So Zanis wouldn’tcouldn’t let him go not ever never ever ever…
Blinking, Zanis looked back at Butter’s face Butter’seyes, a flatblankpuzzled look on his face, almost, like something was amiss but he couldn’t figure out what. And the tears were still tricklingtrailingfalling down his cheeks, a lifetime of missed saline trying to be made up in one sitting. And he had to make Butter stay keep Butter here but he could couldn’t break Butter’s neck because he couldn’t fix nerves but he could fix bones he knew he could he’d done it before and if Butter were broken --he’s broken he’s trying to leave-- if Butter were broken than Zanis would keep him here and fix him and Butter would never leave again because Butter was Zanis’ he’d said so so Zanis had to fix Butter if he was broken --he’s broken fix him!-- and all he needed to do was twitch his hand…
He twitched his hand.
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Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 1:47 pm
Hmm, one of these times he was going to say something really stupid and Tea just wouldn't be able to contain himself. And then he would do something stupid like...like stab Zix or something and wouldn't that be fun? If Tea just totally lost his cool?
Zix wouldn't mind risking a few new holes in his body to see that.
"Parental?" he echoed, blinking slightly at the thought. "Huh, that's knew. Truthfully, I don't like kids. They won't leave me alone." Probably because he acted so childlike himself --at least recently-- and they were so clingy and sticky, dear god they were sticky and they always touched Zix before their mother's could stop them and they got him all sticky and it was just horrible. No matter how kidlike Zix acted, at least he was never sticky...
"But it's good to have a family," he added brightly --with only a slightslightprobablyunnoticeable depressed sort of undertone-- as he gave the flamingo a brightbright happy smilegrin, transferring it to Tea in the next moment. "Because you can always go back to family, and that's a good thing."
Because being alone was just too sad, too depressing too horrible to even think about, and having a family --even one made of lawn ornaments and dead birds and zombies-- was so so much better than having nothingnoone at all. And yes, he would stop thinking things like that now, they were bad so he would stop...
"Haa, don't lie, I think you like taking me around." Dear god, was it actually possible for Tea's glare to seriously get any darker than it was already? Zix could almost see the little dagger beams shooting from Tea's eyes right...at...him. Good thing those daggers weren't real. But if looks could kill...
Well, there would definately be a twitching dead heap of Zix on the floor right now.
"And you don't really need to be hospitable, do you?" he asked, dancing a few more steps down the hall, somehow still moving with that earlier grace even with a bag of granola in his arms. "In fact, it's rather that annoying snarky personality that makes you so cute." Good lord, was he trying to get himself killed? Did he have a death wish or something? These words that were coming out of his mouth were going to kill him and he needed a filter between his brain and his mouth because he really didn't want to die from saying something stupid as he was almost certain necromancers couldn't bring themselves back and there probably weren't too many wandering around this area at the moment so he should try and watch what he was saying just a little bit.
It might not actually do anything, but when Tea came at him with stabby pokey things, he could at least say he had tried.
Humming brightly, he skipped the rest of the way down to the door, wanting Tea to follow but not too close because if Tea got too close the possibility of a nearly fatal injury attempt was much higher.
It was an impressive door. Big, metal, and coldcoldcold, just radiating a deepdeepdeep chill from beyond it. Lots of studs in the door, crossbars that were more for decorative purposes than anything else, and big, sturdy sorts of hinges. Oh, and there was an impressive set of locking system that was obvious even from this side of the door which required about fourteen different keys, because as surprising as the idea might have been, there were people who had attempted to take corpses in the past, and that was not appreciated.
Still humming, Zix shifted the bag so he could reach into his pcket and pull out his ring of keys and start unlocking locks. Most previous keepers didn't lock all the locks, just the one or two essentials that would keep everyone else out, but Zix was one of those stupid idiots who locked every lock every time he went out. Thus, the need for a whole ring of keys. But he'd get in eventually, and he'd feed his birds and get Tea his watercoffesludge whatever, and he'd be happy and it would be fine again.
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Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 7:53 pm
It was so wrong. He shouldn't exist, he shouldn't exist shouldn't breathe shouldn't talk shouldn't shouldn't exist here shouldn't be here he should be.. he should be gone gone so many sosososomany years ago so long ago should have been because existing was so so wrong..!
Yet he did, yet he did he lived he hurt he burned and.. and it was a somethingnothing almost surprised stareglance that passed through Butter's eyes when Zanis slid up closeclosecloseclose and his hands burned they burned his throatneck they burned his handwrist they burned.
Butter's head snapped up as he jerked at the forcepulltug of the grip on his throat --burningburningitburnedmakeitstopstopstopstopburning-- and the zombie met the goldenyellow gaze of the other, and it burned they burned the touches the gaze the eyes the somethingnothingrage in them the anger they burned and burning was bad he had to get away it burned he couldn't didn't want hurting didn't want burning why was Zanis hurting why was it hurting why?
"..Lied..?" The zombie repliedrepeated blankly, the hurtpainsomethingnothingconfusionwhy flashing past the milkyblankwhite eyes so fast they were all mixed up into something too much something too much all at once it was too hot burning burning he didn't want to burn he didn't want to go he didn't want the blankblankdarkangry staring he didn't want Zanis to be Butter didn't want Zanis to be mad at him he didn't want to he didn't want the burningbadtouches..! "I lied..?"
You said you would stay.
Butter had said that. He didn't want to leave hadn't wanted to leave hadn't didn't couldn't shouldn't.. he.. he didn't want to leave. But.. but Zanis hadn't wanted him, hadn't wanted the brokenbrokenwrongness that Butter was because he was dead and dead things were wrong dead things were supposed to stay dead but Butter Butter wasn't and.. and he was so wrong it was bad and..
The white eyes flickered again, but this time with somethingnothing almost akin to surprise. Zanis.. Zanis was crying. He had never cried, could never cry couldn't even remember crying could never.. he could never feel anything feel anything sad he couldn’t feel sad he couldn't feel happy he couldn’t he couldn't feel and the only thing there had been was pain painendlesspainburninghurting but Zanis was different it was differentgoodrightpainnotpain and..and that had been different, and..
That was when Zanis twisted.
He had felt that.
But at the same time, he hadn't.
Butter definitely heard the bone snap, much like a dry woodbranchstick would if you held it between your hands and twisted slowly, that kind of sickening somethingnothingbones cracking under your skin inside you. Butter heard it snap, and when he glanced down with an almost puzzled almost confused look on his face not quite understanding what was that noise he saw the whitepale glint of bone amid the seepingsluggish red blood, he saw the pearly gleam of the bone saw the sharpsharp piece of himself coming out though his skin and there was blood..
He had never liked the sight of his blood. Not because seelinglooking at the poolingflowing redness sickened him, because he couldn't feel that. He couldn't feel the pain couldn't feel anything past.. past the burningwarmth of Zanis' hand Zanis' grip around the wrist, the palepaleskin leaving darkredpink marks on his skin but there was blood so much blood and that was probably bad, right?
He had never liked the sight of his blood. It was.. it was wrong. It was wrong to feel nothing when it was your blood flowing out from your armwrist it was wrong to feel nothing and see the glintjaggedness of the snapcrunch of bone under your skin out your skin it was so wrong..!
Butter looked up again, still that half-confused half-blank half-somethingnothingfeeling look on his faceeyes the grip around his throatwrist still burningtightburningwarmheat and it was so confusing Zanis didn't want him he couldn’t want Butter not ever no because Butter was so wrong couldn't Zanis see that couldn't Zanis see Butter was notperfect not perfect like Zanis not beautiful not perfect not alive like Zanis was so it was it was so wrong and Butter didn't want Zanis to be wrong and.. and Butter had to go..
Because hadn't Zanis moved away flinched away first? Butter knew that he knew that Butter was wrong he was so sosososovery wrong so dead so dirty so imperfect so broken so so useless too much of a nothing and Zanis knew that Butter knew Zanis knew that he had to know that Butter was wrong he can't be around Zanis because it was wrong..!
"What..." It was nothing more than a whispermurmursomething, barely stirring the air between them barely more than a whisp of something, and the dark pupils of the zombie's eyes flickered a little, tracingsearching the linefaceeyesmouthtears of the dark snake.
It was so confusing.
Zanis wanted him to go, he had wanted him to go had wanted Butter to go go away he didn't want Butter anymore didn't didn't need him and Butter had to follow what Zanis said what Zanis wanted because Zanis was perfect and Butter was just wrong so.. so whatever Zanis said whatever Zanis wanted that was right and it didn't matter what Butter thought what Butter wantedneeded because he was wrong. So.. so Zanis didn't hadn't wanted him, and..and Butter was going to go because that's what Zanis wanted and.. and now Zanis somehow was madhatredburningangry that Butter lied and.. and howwhywhywhywhat did he do?
Slowlyslowly, the zombie's other hand reached out, the barely-there shuddershakesomething traveling throughup his arm and fluttering softly hovering softly not touching Zanis because Butter couldn’t touch Zanis Butter was so wrong so the wrongness couldn’t.. he couldn't touch Zanis because Zanis was perfect..! "You don't want me." It was a half-statement half-blankblandempty confirmation of sorts because Zanis didn't want him he couldn't want him because Butter was wrong. And.. and nobody people never wanted wrong things and perfect thingspeople never wanted wrong things and Zanis was perfect so sososovery perfect..
Butter took a slow, shaky sort of almost-nothing breath, the imprintburningredness of Zanis' touch burning his throatneckskin it hurt it was different it was.. The deadcoldpale fingers hovered silentlyquietly and just brushed against the dark snake's cheek, just grazing the line of the jaw and catching a drop of tear spilling down Zanis' cheek. It was cold, it was cold it was wet but it somehow burnedseared Butter's fingers like liquid fire like fire burningburningburning and it hurt.. "What do you want..?"
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Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2006 12:48 am
It was a beautiful sound.
Just crack, like a stick. Like a drydrydry kindling stick the he had just taken and snapped over his knee or something. Crack. And just like that, the bone was broken, broken and white and exposed and beautiful. Just a little twist of his hand, one little twitch and it snapped like wood like kindling like drydrydry something and it was beautiful and look at the blood the beautiful beautiful blood that was so wrong but it was so right it was crimsondarkflowingrunningbeautiful so beautiful.
Like…like a piece of artwork or something, something that should be hung up in a museum and stored forever because the red on the white was just so beautiful. For a long moment, Zanis simply couldn’t pull his eyes away, because there was the red and the white and the even whiter white of the bone and it was so perfectly beautiful he almost couldn’t stand it.
And he rather kind of liked watching the blood trace little streams down his fingers, where they were still clutchingclasped around Butter’s wrist.
The snake pulled his gaze back to Butter, eyes still darkdarkdark but now carrying a sort of manic glee that he didn’t even realize he had inside of him. Oh, he knew that Butter hadn’t felt it, not really, knew the tearingsnappingbreaking hadn’t hurt Butter --no, only heat could do that-- but he knew Butter had felt it, felt it snap and maybe it hadn’t hurt but it was something, Butter was broken so Zanis had to fix him now. And even even if Butter didn’t feel it, Butter was hurting, Butter was hurtingbroken and that was good everything was goodfinewonderful when other people were hurtingbroken Butter was like that so it was fine.
“You lied to me,” he murmured, voice still ringingcarrying hateloathingangerragemakeithurt, and his grip tightened marginally around Butter’s neck before loosening. “You said you would stay…” Like a mantra. Over and over and over. But it was true. Butter had said he’d said he wanted to stay he wouldn’t go he’d said and if the words came out you couldn’t take them back Butter couldn’t take them back anymore and he’d said.
Slowlyslowlyslwly, Zanis grip released on Butter’s neck --not on his wrist, never let him go he’ll go away neverletgo-- and he brought his hand up, curiouswondering tracing a finger along the imprint of his hand, nail outlining the burnbrightredangry marks on Butter’s neck.
He wanted it to burn. Burn and burn and burn forever. Butter was his, he’d said so --Butter couldn’t take that back either-- and now he was claimingmarking him for everyone to see Butter was his so no one could ever touch him touch Butter never he’smine!
Only half-listening --still so caught up in the beautifulbeautiful riverflow of blood-- Zanis only vaguely heard the words Butter was saying. Sure, they slid through, but he didn’t care much about what the zombie was saying. Except…
“Did I say that?” he asked calmly toocalmdanger glaring darkdarkdarkly at Butter. “Did I once say that?” He…Zanis knew about words, knew what words could do to people, and he knew what words couldn’t do to people. He knew. And if the words never left his mouth --he never said that!-- if Zanis never said it it didn’t count. Only the words he actually said counted, only those words, because those were the only words that everyoneanyone else heard and could verify. Butter had no ******** idea what he wanted or not because Zanis hadn’t said not once Zanis never said he wanted anything.
And likewise, Zanis never said what he didn’t want either.
Goldgazeeyes flickered darklightblack he was hurting Butter stopitmakeitburn before blinking slowly, still staringglaring downinto Butter’s eyesface. Zanis never ever never said what he wanted or didn’t want because then no one could hold him to that, because once it was said you couldn’t change your mind, you just couldn’t and Zanis knew there were times so many times he changed his mind about different things all sorts of things. Mostly about what sorts of techniques he used to ‘deal’ with different peopleexperiments, but he changed his mind all the time. And if Zanis even thought his opinion might not stay the same, he didn’t say it.
Which was why he knew he’d never said that, never said he didn’t want Butter.
“It doesn’t count if I didn’t say it,” he said still too calm. If he didn’t say it, if no one could say he said it, then it didn’t count. Because his body sometimes didn’t so what his mind told it to, and so his body simply couldn’t be trusted. He’d kissed Zix he hadn’t wanted to and his body hadn’t listened when he told it not to. And he’d wantedtried to touch Butter and he had jerked away his body jerked away and it wasn’t him his body just didn’t listen. His body betrayed his mind all the time and couldn’t be trusted.
No matter what his body did, if his mouth never spoke the words it simply didn’t count.
Absently, his head twitched slightly as Butter’s fingers brushed his chinjaw, twitched towardsfrom Butter’s fingers and why was Butter touching him? Not that…not that Zanis minded because Butter was touching him but he didn’t understand why, not anymore because Butter said he wanted to stay said he wanted Zanis to kiss him again but Butter tried to leave and Zanis didn’t know anymore what Butter wanted because Butter tried to leave even though he never said he wanted to go but he tried. And Zanis didn’t know couldn’t know if Butter’s body betrayed his mind too and maybe maybe Butter really didn’t want to go but maybe he did and Zanis didn’tcouldn’t know, could he?
Instead of answering Butter’s question like any other person would have done, Zanis just ignored it --don’t say what you want and no one can prove a thing-- giving a wonderful sortofslightlymanic flash of a smile to the zombie, still completely not noticing the tears that streamed down his cheeks. “You’re broken. So you can’t go until I fix you back up.” Also completely not pointing out the fact that he was the one who broketoresnapped Butter’s wrist in the first place.
Another brightdelightedgrinningpracticallybeaming smile that rang with slightlyinsanedesperatedark energy --buthiseyesaresoflat-- the dark snake flipped his hold on Butter’s wrist and tuggedpulledled Butter back to the table, pushing him into a sitting position again --gentle, gentle, don’t let him break any more-- and patted the top of Butter’s head with his other hand. “Just stay here and I’ll fix you up in no time at all.” Then he released Butter’s wrist and turned, gliding to the cabinets, lapping absently at his hand because it was Butter’s blood and it tasted different but good and he just wanted it wanted Butter but he couldn’t say that. He wouldn’t say that. No, right now he had to fix Butter’s wrist it was broken --so beautiful redwhitewhiter—and Butter would stay.
And then Zanis would fix Butter so Butter wouldn’t leave because Butter was Zanis’ and that meant he wouldn’tcouldn’tshouldn’t ever leave.
He’d said.
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Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 1:12 am
Elis met Chou's pinkbrightprettyshiny gaze and the dark jade eyes flickered slightly, the grin still there still not slipping still bright still happy but somethingnothing sort of.. sort of worried maybenothing tinge across the reptilian's face at the.. the somehow wrong sort of smile. Because it was a smile it was but at the same time it wasn't smiling Chou wasn’t smiling and.. and it was.. he had said something wrong, hadn't he? He had said something wrong something stupid and now Chou wasn't as happybrightsparkly anymore because there was something wrong only Elis couldn't tell what and--
--And what Armand said finally caught up with the rest of his brain. "Swaa, really?" --stop thinking stop making stupidstupid assumptions you know what it got you last time-- Elis too, turned towards Yamagawa, his face brightening in a second and everything will be fine he would make it fine..!! "Can Chou stay with meee--?"
"Yes, yes," the redhead waved his hand, resisting the sudden urge to take a step back because there was definitely something similar about those two something similar both so.. so much brightness and sometimes Yamagawa kindofmaybe envied Elis for it, maybeyes maybeno kind of a little only a little, because.. because..
The redhead absently noted how the pink faerie took a shufflestep closer to the wyvern, and how Elis in turn pulled them closer together, the tightening of hands barely perceptible to any save for particularly watchful eye. And Yamagawa knew Elis. Elis did not like to be touched. Ever since they were he-- ever since they had met, the redhead doctor had never seen Elis touch anyone let anyone touch him voluntarily save for few selective people. It took Yamagawa months to be let into that confidence.
So why had he allowedlet Chou holdhimtouchhim like that?
"Armand? Armand?" Yamagawa broke out of his thoughtssomethingrandomness and blinked, green eyes focusing back onto the two experiments, the jade green of the reptilian's eyes fixed on his. Elis merely rolled his eyes under the rather blank stare that the doctor gave him, and shrugged. "You are spacing." And thinking things.
"S-sorry.." He muttered, giving a small smile and shrugging his shoulders in reply at the rather inquisitive stare the reptilian gave him, focusing his attention to what Chou-chan had said instead. "Hm.. I could, but if you already have a number, I'm pretty sure they would have it in the data files.."
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Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 2:15 am
One of these days, Tea was going to kill Zix.
Of course, he would need to think up a proper instrument to carry out the order. And some bags. Heavy-duty, waterproof bags. And a shovel. And a mask.
Seriously, if he could just lure Zix out somewhere secluded or something, he could so so totally do it. And nobody else would know. And knowing the necromancer's social life, no one would care.
The tanned male glanced down the corridor the way that they had come from, before turning his gaze --diediediediediediedie-- back to the other male and merely giving a half-something half-annoyed exhale of breath at the mention of family and god, could it be said and brighter than that? Probably not; and family wasn't too idyllic either. There were relatives, of course, and shouting and crying and 'oh-my-you've-grown' and too much too much body contact and--
"What if you didn't want to?" The assistant muttered to himself, giving a little shudder at the mere idea of the endless sea of relatives and first and second cousins once-removed and great-grandmother's sister's child's friend and he didn't care--! "I could live without my family." Everyone could benefit from living without his family, because Tea could guarantee that between his parents, his sisters and the numerous clan --Tea preferred the term warren-- it was enough to drive anyone crazy within minutes and he should be glad that he was better adapted to the sheer brain-blowing stupidity of family meetings than others and let Zix meet his family before talking about whether having a family is that truly good--
A pause, as the other's words filtered into his mind, broke down into segments of sound and reassembled again into proper words.
Blink.
The darkblackbrowndarkdagger eyes flashed slightly, voice calm too calm deadlysoftpolitelevelcalm where the heck was his pen..?! "...Excuse me?" Yes. Excuse me while I quietly drag you off and stab you. Repeatedly.
Zix had just called him cute. Zix had called him cute. Zix had called him cu----
Tea took a moment to glare down at Zix's lightly-stepping feet --I hope you trip over and die get stabbed by things crushed under the bag--!!-- before looking up to the necromancer's head, dark eyed gaze burning glaring holeslines through the other male's bodyform and "I am not cute." Oh great. Now he was just sounding stupid. Stupid and pissy and.. and girly and that was just wrong he never sounded girlypissy never. Except for that nagging little sniggering voice inside his head that told him yes, he definitelywas.
The assistant just had to take a small shufflestep back from the door though as they approached it, unfortunately losing the form of the necromancer from the possible reachable stabbingkillingdie range as Zix hummed --it was annoyingannoyingsoannoyingwhyhedidn'tknowbut it was-- and it was freezing and suppose that was somehow maybe reasonable because of course dead people tended to... become not good.. in any temperatures warmer than sub-zero. Except for few better-preserved ones. Like that other zombie.
"You lock all of those..?" It wasn't quite a question, more like a skeptical 'how-stupid-can-you-be?' sort of voice, complete with raised eyebrows. Seriously.
...
Somehow, kind-of-maybe agreeing to stay a bit wasn't such a good idea after all..
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Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 2:46 am
An actually warm smile flitted across the faerie's face for the first time since this particular conversation had started at the slightslightbrief tightening of Elis' hands, and it was good the contact was good because it meant that Elis was till here so very very here and that was just...just good. Elis made him feel safe, and that was good and things that were good were just good.
And Yamagawa-sama had said it was okay if he stayed with Elis, he'd said it so it was okay, andand Elis didn't seem to mind --doubly particularly good; it would have been bad if Elis didn't want Chou to stay-- so it was just good. Ooh, and maybe Chou coud help Elis with the glitterness later...
But right now he had to worry about his number...
"Haa...Chou doesn't have any...any files...cause I wasn't told to carry them. And...and even if Icould have there were too many to lift so...soso I don't have any..." Was that a bad thing? Master-sama had said it would be fine when he got here if he showed them his number, only Yamagawa-sama hadn't asked his number and it hadn't occured to him at the time that the baddoctoperson might be asking for his number with the 'who-are-you' question. Because having a number was so new, and sometimes he just kind of...forgot about it, except for times like now when there was someone else talking about it and he remembered.
Of course, even if someone told him to get the file things now, he couldn't, no matter the wording of the order, because they had all bur--
"--So I could show it," he added, abruptly cutting himself off. It wouldn't do to think things like that, not do at all. He just had to...to get through this conversation and then they could move on to nicersaferbetter topics that weren't about numbers or files or burning and about...about cake. Or something. Cakes were good...
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