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 Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:23 am
Men vs. Women
Some subtle (and some not so subtle) differences
Groceries:
Women: A woman makes a list of things she needs, then goes out to the store and buys those things.
Men: A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the express lane.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:24 am
Relationships:
Women: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.
Men: A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:25 am
Bathrooms:
Men: A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
Women: The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man cannot identify most of these items.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:26 am
CREATION..
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
' The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me.
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !!!
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:26 am
WHO DOES WHAT..
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.'
The husband said, ' You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........'HEBREWS'
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece..
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:27 am
Shoes:
Women: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.
Men: A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. Let's not talk about how many days he'll wear the same socks.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:28 am
Cats:
Women: Women love cats.
Men: Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:28 am
Children:
Women: A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
Men: A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:29 am
Dressing Up:
Women: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.
Men: A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:30 am
Eating Out:
Men: When the check comes, each man will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
Women: When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:33 am
Toys:
Women: Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.
Men: Men never grow out of their toy obsession. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive, silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TVs. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:35 am
Conversation:
Men: Men need a good disagreement to get talking. For instance, "Wow, great movie." or "What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size."
Women: Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men by saying something agreeable: "That garden by the roadside looks lovely." "Mm hmm." Pause. "That was a good restaurant last night, wasn't it?" "Yeah." Pause. And so on.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:36 am
Friends:
Women: Women on a girls' night out talk the whole time.
Men: Men on a boy's night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass the Doritos" or "got any more beer?"
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:37 am
The Phone:
Men: Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people.
Women: A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:41 am
SLOW DANCE
Have you ever
Watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to
The rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a
Butterfly's' erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading
Night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so
Fast.
Time is short.
The music won't
Last.
Do you run through each day
On the
Fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the
Reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your
Bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through
Your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so
Fast.
Time is short.
The music won't
Last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it
Tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see
His
Sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good
Friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call
And say,'Hi'
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance
So fast.
Time is short.
The music won't
Last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You
Miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry
Through your day,
It is like an unopened
Gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a
Race.
Do take it slower
Hear the
Music
Before the song is over.
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