The Potato: 9-13-06 The Final Issue?

[Lar Gand]

The Potato

O see ye not yon narrow road,
so thick best with thorns and briars?
That is the path of righteousness though after it but few enquire.
And see ye not that broad, broad rod,
that lies across yon lily leven?
That is the path of wickedness,
though some call it the road to Heaven.



Lar Gand, Publisher
Bernard Dillon, Editor-In-Chief
Roger Cooper, Staff Writer
George Sloane, Former Staff Writer

The Silver Surfer Missing in Action
According to a confidential source, Norrin Radd and his master the Devourer of Worlds have been defeated and captured by two beings that seem to match the descriptions of the two new cosmic powers Dr. Stephen Strange warned the world about. Called Tenebrous, The Darkness Between and Aegis, The Lady Of Sorrows, the pair of elder gods have been said to have overwhelmed Galactus and the Surfer in combat. As Galactus fell, he was heard to say "uhhh....haxx0rs...u had to have teh haxx to beat sum1 as uber-pro as me". Thanos then arrived on the scene and said "Pwned bee-otch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!" The fallen pair were taken away by Thanos, who seems to have allied with Annihilus. These developments do not bode well for the future of the universe.

The Justice League of America Revealed
A great deal of mystery has surrounded who the JLA would bring in, and that mystery is now over. Besides Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, and Diana Prince, two other Kapow!ians have made the team: Dinah Lance and former Kapow!ian Roy Harper, who now goes by the name of Red Arrow. Other members include Green Lantern Hal Jordan, Hawkgirl, Vixen, Black Lightining, Hans Oberlander, and Red Tornado. Their first case seems to involve two former Kapow!ians, Shilo Norman and Scott Free. A man identifing himself as "Mister Miracle's brother" has stolen the Red Tornado's android body. Will the League recover the body, or will Big Red have to go without?

The Squardon Supreme Marches Through Middle East
The world's most dangerous group (that's not NWA) has gone on a campaign to end conflict in the Middle East. Moving through the area unchecked, the Squadron has "pacified" Lebenon and Syria, and may be sent to Iran next. While the Western powers herald this as progress, the Muslim people view the Squadron with utter terror. According to Al-Jazeera, the superhuman taskforce has caused excessive property damage, killed surrendering soldiers, and "Allowed sexual deviants to pervert the youth". Currently the Squadron are on break, but should be back in action in a few days.

Booster Gold Falls
Yet another former Kapow!ian has fallen in the line of duty. Michael Jon Carter, known in this era as Booster Gold, died saving Metropolis from a monster and a nuclear submarine. After being outed as having set up at least one fight with a super-villain, Gold lost much of his support to new hero Supernova. Booster's last act was an attempt to show the world he was a true hero, which had been true all along. He will be missed.

X-24

James Howlett. A man known by many names. Wolverine. Runt. Logan. X-man. Avenger. That Japanese Canadian. Wife-stealing ********.

Add "dad" to the list.

It seems that during his extended life and various asian love affairs, Howlett forgot that even adamantium needs another form of protection. The loss of this pregnant wife drove him to work for a demon, and thus began his life as Weapon X.

Their child was saved however, and has now been recruited by others into becoming a Weapon experiment just like his father. And clone-sister.

We here at the Potato simply wonder this: How in the hell did this actually get published?

Bart Allen is the Flash
Jay Garrick's year of struggling with age and the loss of the Speed Force is finally over. Former protege Bart Allen has fulfilled his destiny and become the newest Flash. Wearing the costume of his grandfather and commanding incredible powers, Bart is poised the be the greatest Flash of them all. "He's gonna take take it all the way," said Garrick with a tear in his eye, "'Cause he's my boy."

Sloane Steps Down

Potato staff-writer George Sloane is unfortunately resigning his post at the magazine due to an increasing lack of free time on the part of his handler. He apologizes, and will attempt to stay active in the guild though likely less often. (Editor's Note: Mr. Gand says he will miss turning to a space monster and intimidating Mr. Sloane. I however, am relieved. Gand is a bit scary when he goes "buggy".)

Got questions, comments, suggestions? PM our publisher or email us at potato_staff@witty.com.  

[Lar Gand]

The Potato

Picture pages,
Picture Pages,
Time to get your Picture Pages,
Time to get your crayons and your pencils!
Picture Pages,
Picture Pages,
Open up your Picture Pages,
Time to watch Mon-El do a Picture Page with you!


Lar Gand, Publisher
Bernard Dillon, Editor-In-Chief
Roger Cooper, Staff Writer

The Kapow! Photo Parade
As we hadn't run a lot of pictures in the Potato before, we chose to help rectify the imbalance. (Plus it saves us time on researching and writing! W00T! - Caps)

Karen Starr Vs. Wally West, Part One


Fashion Victim: Steve Rogers


KYLE HORNY! KYLE SMASH!


Tigra Pimps Her New Car


Karen Starr Vs. Wally West, Part Two


Spider-Man's Love Boat! This week's guests: Moon Knight and Hobgoblin!


Zod...Smiles?!?


Karen Starr Vs. Wally West, Part Three

Got questions, comments, suggestions? PM our publisher or email us at potato_staff@witty.com.