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 Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 6:17 am
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Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2009 9:35 pm
Balitang Panahon.
Hindi po matutuloy ang bagyo dahil sa sama ng panahon.
[gets?]
----------------------------------------------------------------------
One of the qualities I like most about you is that you are very sentimental.
1% pang senti
99% pang mental
Okay?
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Ano ang sinabi ng isang multo sa isa pang multo?
Multo 1: Naniniwala ka ba sa mga tao?
Multo 2: *kinikilabutan*
----------------------------------------------------------------------
May mga ipis na naguusap
Ipis 1: Alam mo ba kanina nagpunta ako sa isang resto. Ang linis doon! Kumikintab ang sahig at walang kalat!
Ipis 2: Pwde ba itigil mo yan kasi kumakain ako.
Sinagot ni ipis 2 habang nandidiri sa kwento ni ipis 1.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: Ano ang lagi sinasabi ng estudyante kapag tinawag sa recitation?
Student: Hindi ko po alam.
Teacher: Correct!
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Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 5:05 pm
dalawang langaw, naka-dapo sa tae..kumakain..
langaw 1(napautot): ay tol, sorry..
langaw 2: tang ina nman tol, ambaboy eh!kumakain ako!
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Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 5:12 pm
gonk ano b yan HAHA d ako mkakapgbfast rofl
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Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 5:17 pm
MiiBoo
gonk ano b yan HAHA d ako mkakapgbfast rofl
aww..sorry.. rofl rofl
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Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 7:41 pm
HaLaKhAk MiiBoo
gonk ano b yan HAHA d ako mkakapgbfast rofl
aww..sorry.. rofl rofl
bum OL ka? HAHA
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Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2009 4:57 am
MiiBoo HaLaKhAk MiiBoo
gonk ano b yan HAHA d ako mkakapgbfast rofl
aww..sorry.. rofl rofl
bum OL ka? HAHA
ngayon, oo.. xd
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Posted: Sat Feb 21, 2009 4:42 pm
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Posted: Tue Mar 17, 2009 3:16 am
Ang kaibigan, parang UNAN. Andiyan kapag kailangan.
Pwede mong iyakan. Pwedeng yakapin.
Kaya kapag kailangan mo ng friend, handa ako na maging UNAN mo basta huwag mo lang lalawaÂyan!
***
Always wear cute pajamas before you go to sleep…
You never know who’s gonna take them off in your dreams!
***
You know what’s the best part of my dreams?
I get the person I want, to love and never let go…
And you know the worst part?
Titikman ko na siya, nagising pa ako!
***
Waking up from a deep, long and relaxing sleep gives me the ultimate and lasting energy… to sleep again later!
Buhay-tamad nga naman!
***
Mahirap marinig mula sa isang kaibigan na mahal din niya ‘yung taong mahal mo… lalo na kung noon pa niya alam na mahal mo ang taong ‘yun.
Pero mas mahirap maÂtulog nang nakadilat.
Sige nga, subukan mo! Kapag nagawa mo, itext mo ‘ko!
***
One day you will be surprised to see me beside you.
You and I laughing.
You and I crying.
You and I dreaming.
You and I having fun.
Just you and I… sa mental hospital!
Ako ang doktor, ikaw ang pasyente!
***
Ang hirap tumawa kaÂpag maraming problema. Ang hirap magsaya kapag ika’y nag-iisa.
Mahirap managinip kapag ika’y gising pa. Mahirap ding magsuklay kung ikaw ay nakakalbo na.
Pero pinakamahirap kung natatae ka na at malayo ka sa kubeta. Napapadasal ka nang matindi!
Naranasan mo na ba ito?
***
Sa magkaibigan, dapat nagtutulungan.
Kapag nadapa ka, tutulungan kita. Kapag nadapa ka ulit, itatayo kita.
At kapag nadapa ka na naman, sisipain na kita!
‘Lang hiya! Kinarir mo, ah?! Gumapang ka na lang kaya?!
***
T: Kailan mo masasabing hindi kagandahan ang isang babae?
S: Kapag tumabi sa atin.
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Posted: Tue Mar 17, 2009 4:20 am
Student: ma'am? kpg wala akong ginawa papagalitan nyo po ba ako?
Teacher: siyempre hnd.
Student: Talaga? hindi ko gnawa homework ko eh? ok lng po yun? yey!!!
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Posted: Tue Mar 17, 2009 5:22 am
A man in a gym locker picks up a cellphone. "Hi Honey', the female voice says "Remember that furcoat, oh can I have it pleaaaassse ?" Sure, the guy replies. "And what about this Mercedes SLK I saw recently?", she asks. No problem, he says. "Can I call the constructors to build that swimming pool then?", she asks. Off course, the man replies. She hangs up ecstactically "Thank you honey, I love you!"
The man looks around and asks: "Whose phone is this ?"
***
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!"
The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?"
***
Innkeeper: "The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you make your own bed."
Guest: "I'll make my own bed."
Innkeeper: "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood."
***
Customer: "Give me a hot dog."
Waiter: "With pleasure."
Customer: "No, with mustard."
***
A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
Friend: "And what was he before you married him?"
Woman: "A billionaire."
***
A little boy asked his father "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
***
If you don't do it, you're lazy.
BUT if your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
***
There's two fish in a tank, one says to the other "Do you know how to drive this?"
***
Purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.
Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty.
Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.
Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.
Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines.
Purrson: A male kitty.
Purrpetual motion: A kitty playing.
***
A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.
"An' wot's this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins.
"You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.
The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best mince [ground beef]. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that's been sitting out all day.
The dog growls at him. The butcher turns around and, glaring at the pup, gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb.
"Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who'll know?"
Again, the dog growls menacingly. "Alright, alright," as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a five. The dog threatens to chew him off at the ankles. Another five goes in the basket.
The butcher is quite impressed and decides to follow the piddy pup home. The dog quickly enters a high-rise buildings, pushes the lift button, enters the lift, and then pushes the button for the 12th floor. The dog walks down the corridor and smartly bangs the basket on the door. The door opens, and the dog's owner screams at the dog.
"Hey, what are you doing? That's a really smart dog you've got there," comments the butcher.
"He's a stupid dog--that's the third time this week he's forgotten his key.
***
A woman is out looking for a pet, and so she's trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, "I've got just the thing for you madam. I'll just get him."
With that, he disappears into the back of the shop, and returns a few seconds later with a cute little puppy. "This dog is a special dog," he tells her. "It is able to fly," he explains, and with that throws the dog into the air. It immediately begins to float gracefully around the shop.
"There is one problem with him, however. Whenever you say 'my', he'll eat whatever you've mentioned. Watch. "My apple!" The lady watches in astonishment as the dog zooms over to the shop attendant and furiously devours an apple he has produced from his pocket.
"He's cute, and so unusual. I'll take him," she says, and a few minutes later she is on her way back home with dog to show her husband.
"Darling, look what a clever pet I bought today!" she exclaims when she gets back home. "He can fly!"
The husband peers at the dog, and then remarks, "Fly eh? Ha! My foot!"
***
Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.
The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"
The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"
Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass the cat."
***
After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment.
This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth.
The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!"
Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony bird! The shelf!"
Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.
"Wow!" said the wife, "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home.
When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. "Honey!" she exclaimed, "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!"
The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, "Goony Bird, my foot!"
***
If you can pick it up, it's a PC.
If you can't pick it up but you can push it over, it's a minicomputer.
But when you can't pick it up or knock it over, it's a mainframe.
***
I was trying to teach this sales person (for automated entrance system) how to enter his letters into Word Perfect.
I told him to select Word Perfect from his menu and when he did it gave him the opening screen which said, 'Press any key to continue...'
He looked at the keyboard for awhile then asked me, 'Where is the 'any' key?'
***
Customer: 'You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly.'
Tech Support: 'What does it say?'
Customer: 'Something about an error and non-system disk.'
Tech Support: 'Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?'
Customer: 'No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside.'
Tech Support: 'Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours.'
Customer: 'Is that Eastern time?'
Tech Support: 'Ok, now click your left mouse button.'
Customer: (silence) 'But I only have one mouse.'
Customer: 'Excuse me can I use this disk? It has a hole in it.
Tech Support: 'Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?'
Customer: 'No, I only have 3 of them.'
Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'
Customer: 'Ok.'
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'
Customer: 'Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'
Customer: 'Now what do I do?'
Tech Support: 'What is the prompt on the screen?'
Customer: 'It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name.''
Tech Support: 'Ok, so type in your last name.'
Customer: 'How do you spell that?'
Customer: 'I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.'
Tech Support: 'Did you install the update?'
Customer: 'No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?'
***
For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other.
A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face.
She called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen. The teacher tried everything. By this time I was hiding behind my monitor and quaking red-faced.
I started to type, "Leave me alone!"
They both jumped back, silenced. "What the . . . " the teacher said.
I typed, "I said leave me alone!"
The kid got real upset. "I didn't do anything to it, I swear!"
It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. The conversation between them and HAL 2000 went on for an amazing five minutes.
Me: "Don't touch me!"
Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit your keys that hard."
Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?!" Etc. Finally, I couldn't contain myself any longer and fell out of my chair laughing.
After they had realized what I had done, they both turned beet red. Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.
***
An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong.
Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my
home computer." (Training stresses that we are "not the Soft-ware Police," so I let the little act of piracy slide.)
Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?"
Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized."
Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?"
Customer sad proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it'?"
Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?"
Customer: "After they were initialized all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"
***
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine.
Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my co-workers for help; they offered no new ideas.
After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly,
"Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this "yellow" construction paper?"
***
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com, did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy.
A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.
Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known "eBay" he said, "we need a name that reflects what we are," and Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"YAHOO", said Abraham. And that is how it all began, It wasn't Al Gore after all.
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Posted: Sat Mar 28, 2009 8:06 pm
Kids Are Quick
____________ _________ _________ ______
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________ _________ _________ ______
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
____________ _________ _________ _________ ___
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D- I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
____________ _________ _________ ____
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
____________ _________ _________ _________ ___
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
____________ _________ _________ _________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
____________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
____________ _________ _________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.
____________ _________ _________ _____
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
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Posted: Sat Mar 28, 2009 9:13 pm
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Posted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 3:29 am
MiiBoo ____________ _________ _________ _________ TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.' MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' ____________ _________ _________ __  SLASH
rofl rofl rofl rofl
CHITO
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Posted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 4:27 am
Hahah natawa din ako jan rofl
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Reply
