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 Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 8:59 pm
Being in Maelthra's arms managed to keep her steady, but as she watched his reaction, Amuriel began to feel increasingly faint. She breathed shallowly, frightened, and she could feel her stomach turn over in fear. When he tried to hold her gaze, she shifted and lowered her head again, ashamed now more than before, not just for keeping it from him, but also because she somehow irrationally felt responsible for her state.
"I'm very.. very sure... I can feel them... " she replied, shifting nervously and leaning against him. "I'm so sorry... I didn't tell you because I was just too afraid.. I didn't want to lose you..."
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Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 9:04 pm
"Shhh..."
Closing his eyes, he continued to hold Amuriel in his arms, trying to calm her down. He could feel and see her be so frightened right now and he mainly wanted her to be more at ease. Maelthra knew he could never leave her no matter the conditions anyway.
"It's alright.." he said softly while pulling her closer to him, "It's just... really unexpected... but I can't leave you... Especially not over something like this... I.. don't really know what to think about this but a part of me feels like something is being added to my life... I've... never had a family... and now I guess I'll finally learn..."
Shifting slightly, he lowered his head.
"But.. I think there is something I should tell you as well... and it's a part of the reason as to why I don't... think I'd be a good father..."
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Blade Kuroda Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 9:10 pm
"I hope I won't be too burdensome to you," Amuriel whimpered quietly, burying her face into his shoulder. "I love you..."
She breathed in deeply, her anxious mind beginning to calm. She continued to tell herself that things weren't so bad... that Maelthra had taken the news well, and as he held her in his arms, she felt her body begin to relax slightly. When he begin to speak again, though, she tensed, wondering exactly what he was referring to.
"Maelthra...?" she looked up at him. "I'll listen to anything you have to say...but I think you will be a great father..."
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Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 9:15 pm
"I love you too... and you will be far from a burden to me..."
Embracing her gently, Maelthra began to stroke her hair to try and further her calming. He could see that she was already relaxing, but he hoped that what he had to say wouldn't end up making things worse for her. So with a sigh, he lowered his gaze and began to speak.
"... I think there's something wrong with me.. but I'm not sure what... Something happened awhile back before I met you... I ran into another elder and we fought. But it wasn't just that... there... was something in me... that made me want to kill him... as well as anything else that entered my path... I wanted to make him suffer.. to writhe in pain because of me... and I didn't even really know the guy enough to hate him..."
Shifting a bit, he paused and then continued on.
"I.. don't know what happened there... but I'm afraid that feeling... that urge will come back to me one day... I don't want to hurt you... or any children of ours..."
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Blade Kuroda Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 10:33 am
As he spoke, Amuriel found herself becoming increasingly frightened. She didn't want to believe what he said was true; she couldn't believe that someone like him could have such a dark side. But it had only occurred once, hadn't it? Maybe.. it was a one-time urge. She didn't know what she was supposed to think or feel. She loved him, that she knew without a doubt, but there was also a fear growing within her. She was not sure if it was of him... or if it was of what he could do to her and their unborn children. But... that was only if it came back... right?
Breathing in deeply, she closed her eyes and rested her head against his shoulder again. "I hope that urge does not return, but I won't leave you because of something that happened in your past.. if it comes back.. then.. I trust you, Maelthra.. I don't believe you would hurt us."
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Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 10:38 am
Shifting slightly, Maelthra kept his gaze averted. He would like to say that it wouldn't come back to him for sure, but he couldn't be certain. The elder had a feeling there was an incident before the one with Morna that dealt with those urges. But he couldn't remember anything precise right now. The way it had come to him was odd too...
"Alright... but... I really hope that I don't end up hurting you... I don't think I could forgive myself if I ended up injuring or killing you... If... you ever see me and I'm not quite myself... run... I don't know if there's anything in particular that can stop the feelings from overwhelming me..."
Looking off to the side, he stared into the fire and sighed.
"I'm sorry Amuriel... and I really hope I don't do anything in the future..."
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Blade Kuroda Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 10:45 am
"Don't worry love," she whispered, pushing her cheek lightly against his shoulder. "I have faith in you.."
Amuriel hoped he would not attack her.. she told herself he would not. She could not allow herself to believe that the man she loved would ever harm her. She did not want to be afraid of him... so with her eyes closed, she pushed the idea from her mind. No, he would not harm her. He would not attack her... but if he did... if he did, it would not be his fault. No. It would be that urge, some sort of evil had its grip on him. No, it would not be him.
"I love you.." she said, looking up again and leaning forward to kiss his cheek.
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Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 10:51 am
"I love you too... "
Sighing lightly, he held Amuriel closer and closed his eyes lightly. Maelthra hoped that he would never get those urges again. But if they do, he hoped that it would be a time where he was away from Amuriel and any of their children.
He kissed her tenderly before resting his head onto her shoulder.
"How much longer will it be before the pups are born...? Do you know..?"
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Blade Kuroda Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 10:59 am
Amuriel tried to smile, glad the conversation was going in a somewhat more positive direction. His interest in the pups, even though it was just a due date, was comforting. She shook her head in response to his question, "I'm not sure. I first started suspecting when I got sick a few months ago... so... maybe a few months more...? I'm starting to show a little... you can notice it more in this form."
She lifted the hem of her dress to show her protruding stomach. It still looked odd to her, like she had gained weight mostly in the same area.. some sort of bulge or cancerous growth. She knew human and elven mothers did not show this much halfway through the pregnancy, but since she was probably carrying several children instead of just one, it did not surprise her. Vaguely, she wondered what she would look like in elven form at full term... would she be able to move around at all?
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Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 11:14 am
Maelthra moved slightly so that he was able to see Amuriel's belly a little more easily. He had noticed the growth in that area, but now it made sense as to why. Though the current size of her belly made him wonder just how many children she was carrying at the moment.
"Wow... so.. in a few more months... we'll be parents?"
It was an interesting yet odd concept to him since he never had any parents himself. At least none to his knowledge. Gently, he placed his hand over her belly and thought to himself for a moment.
"I hope.. I can be good to them... "
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Blade Kuroda Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 11:27 am
"I'm sure you'll be a great father..." Amuriel replied, smiling at him and reaching to place his hand on a particular spot of her stomach. "Feel that? Something's moving... Just a few more months.. and yeah, we'll be parents."
She tried to imagine what life would be like with not only her and Maelthra, but some children as well. She wondered how many she was carrying...would she be able to be a good mother if there were many? Or would she be a good mother at all? She hoped so...
"Do you think everything will be alright?" she asked, thinking. "Our life together...? Will our cave be big enough? Will we be able to feed them well enough...?"
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Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 11:35 am
Maelthra smiled softly at Amuriel's reassurance. When his hand was moved, he tilted his head as he did feel something move from within her belly. Again he smiled at his lover before kissing her tenderly, wondering how things will be now.
"I think so... I'm sure our cave is enough for more to live in here... and I hope we will be able to... It's a good thing we have that ice box to store some food in... it'll save me some time with hunting I think."
As he sat there, he tried to imagine himself taking care of a group of pups. It was hard to imagine himself doing it, and he just hoped that he would be able to raise the young ones alright.
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Blade Kuroda Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 5:51 pm
"Will they like meat?" Amuriel wondered aloud. "or will their body take more after mine...?"
She thought of this and glanced down to her stomach. If they needed meat... would it harm them not to be getting nutrients from meat while they were in her womb?
"Thank you for staying with me, Maelthra.." she said quietly, pulling her dress back down and rubbing a hand over her stomach to smooth the cloth.
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Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 5:54 pm
"I'm... not sure..."
Blinking at the question, Maelthra thought on it himself. It didn't really occur to him that the pups might end up with a digestive system that's closer to their mother's rather than his own. There wasn't really any way to find out that sort of thing right now, but once they were born they were going to have to test it carefully.
Smiling softly at Amuriel, he rested his head against her shoulder while holding her closer to him again. In the back of his mind, the thoughts about his dark urges lingered, but he tried not to think about them right now.
"You don't need to thank me for that... I love you... and I couldn't leave you..."
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Blade Kuroda Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 8:44 pm
"Mm... still, thank you love.." Amuriel replied, resting her head against Maelthra's chest again and closing her eyes. Things had went... okay for the most part. She was relieved. She couldn't imagine what she would have done if Maelthra had rejected her.
But still... she was tired. The pups inside her were already taking a toll on her body, especially in this elven form. Not to mention.. Maelthra's own news had shocked her to the point of denial. She didn't want to believe it was true, but she knew he would not lie to her. So she told herself that it could not be him, not really. The thought of such a loving man being a mindless murderer left a certain bad taste in her mouth, and when she thought of carrying children who could possibly inherit this trait, her body ran cold and her stomach churned. She felt sick. She wanted to try being happy about having a family with her mate, not be worried to sickening over the thought of what Maelthra could do to her or the pups, or what the pups themselves might be able to do to them.
But for now... maybe... just maybe... she wouldn't have to think of that. Maybe... she could just sit here and imagine how she wished things could go for them and how their family would be.
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