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 Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 10:40 pm
Namikikyo AniMajor Yeah, I feel like that, too. And the worst part is that I just don't want to do anything about it. I've been hinging everything on the answer to a question that I can't find out because I can't just ask it directly. I feel like I've screwed up the way I do things so much that the things that should be simple aren't. I understand. But mostly I think I've been doing this to my self. I've filled myself with so much doubt on a subject that even after I've made a descision and feel that I've worked it out, I am afraid to move away from the disaster. What makes it worse is my ability to think the absolute worse of the situation. So, Things that I know will make me happy or I loved doing are difficult and bring up the situation that caused the distress. It's a viscious cycle. I know I've done this to myself, and I can't stop thinking about how bad I've screwed up, no matter how many people tell me otherwise. Quote: Quote: Until last week, I hadn't done any trance work or meditated at all for probably two years. And I can't even do that right. I've never been good at meditating, but trance work was something I was really getting into and working at before my situation arose. I loved it. Now I can't even attempt it anymore. Forget meditating! The moment I get alone or quiet enough to do it, I somehow go straight to obsessing or over thinking the problem until I've given myself a panic attack. I go through the preliminaries of breathing and counting, but I can't reach that launching off stage that I used to do everything from. I've even gone through the much more involved preliminary of the clock on the chalkboard, and I still can't get there. And I'm constantly worried that someone's going to knock on my door and wonder what I'm doing, or a dog is going to bark and totally break my concentration. Then I get paranoid about it, which leads to me getting paranoid about everything else, and then it makes me not want to bother with it anymore.
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Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 10:47 pm
ShadowCatSoul Bastemhet What do you want? What are you doing to get there? Maybe writing a journal entry about it to work out your thoughts will help you start to get out of this funk. I agree with keeing a journal. I have one. Helps out a lot. I'm not good at journals, I can never keep up with them. sweatdrop Mostly because I hate or get bored with writing before I even finish with what I want to say.
When I'm troubled, I usually draw in place of a journal. However, lately I haven't felt compelled to even touch and pencil to paper.
But I know what I want and I know what I'm doing to get there. It's just the walls that I've created out of fear that I need to break down. 3nodding I feel like I'm clawing at them rather them breaking them away with a sledgehammer. xd
I guess I could try to keep a written journal again, maybe I'll have an easier time if I type it instead of hand writting it.
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Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 10:54 pm
Namikikyo ShadowCatSoul Bastemhet What do you want? What are you doing to get there? Maybe writing a journal entry about it to work out your thoughts will help you start to get out of this funk. I agree with keeing a journal. I have one. Helps out a lot. I'm not good at journals, I can never keep up with them. sweatdrop Mostly because I hate or get bored with writing before I even finish with what I want to say.
When I'm troubled, I usually draw in place of a journal. However, lately I haven't felt compelled to even touch and pencil to paper.
But I know what I want and I know what I'm doing to get there. It's just the walls that I've created out of fear that I need to break down. 3nodding I feel like I'm clawing at them rather them breaking them away with a sledgehammer. xd
I guess I could try to keep a written journal again, maybe I'll have an easier time if I type it instead of hand writting it. Journal's don't have to talk about your feelings or the day you had or even be words. It can be anything.
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Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 10:58 pm
Namikikyo ShadowCatSoul Bastemhet What do you want? What are you doing to get there? Maybe writing a journal entry about it to work out your thoughts will help you start to get out of this funk. I agree with keeing a journal. I have one. Helps out a lot. I'm not good at journals, I can never keep up with them. sweatdrop Mostly because I hate or get bored with writing before I even finish with what I want to say.
When I'm troubled, I usually draw in place of a journal. However, lately I haven't felt compelled to even touch and pencil to paper.
But I know what I want and I know what I'm doing to get there. It's just the walls that I've created out of fear that I need to break down. 3nodding I feel like I'm clawing at them rather them breaking them away with a sledgehammer. xd
I guess I could try to keep a written journal again, maybe I'll have an easier time if I type it instead of hand writting it. Mm, I'm not really talking about an extended journal. Maybe a better way to put it would be free write? It can be just this one time. Sometimes this helps when I'm upset and need to be able to get my thoughts straight. I'll type it out then come back to it later to see if I can think of anything else, or work through unanswered questions.
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Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 11:26 pm
AniMajor Namikikyo AniMajor Yeah, I feel like that, too. And the worst part is that I just don't want to do anything about it. I've been hinging everything on the answer to a question that I can't find out because I can't just ask it directly. I feel like I've screwed up the way I do things so much that the things that should be simple aren't. I understand. But mostly I think I've been doing this to my self. I've filled myself with so much doubt on a subject that even after I've made a descision and feel that I've worked it out, I am afraid to move away from the disaster. What makes it worse is my ability to think the absolute worse of the situation. So, Things that I know will make me happy or I loved doing are difficult and bring up the situation that caused the distress. It's a viscious cycle. I know I've done this to myself, and I can't stop thinking about how bad I've screwed up, no matter how many people tell me otherwise. This is exactly how I am with the bigger things. Life changing ones especialy. The only thing that helps me ease up on myself is considering the possability of something that's helpful in a positive light. So, to counteract the agonizing fear and worry, I educate myself until I can calculate the unlikelihood of it being so or at least how to change it. Quote: Quote: Quote: Until last week, I hadn't done any trance work or meditated at all for probably two years. And I can't even do that right. I've never been good at meditating, but trance work was something I was really getting into and working at before my situation arose. I loved it. Now I can't even attempt it anymore. Forget meditating! The moment I get alone or quiet enough to do it, I somehow go straight to obsessing or over thinking the problem until I've given myself a panic attack. I go through the preliminaries of breathing and counting, but I can't reach that launching off stage that I used to do everything from. I've even gone through the much more involved preliminary of the clock on the chalkboard, and I still can't get there. And I'm constantly worried that someone's going to knock on my door and wonder what I'm doing, or a dog is going to bark and totally break my concentration. Then I get paranoid about it, which leads to me getting paranoid about everything else, and then it makes me not want to bother with it anymore. That's horrible. This happened to me a few times as well. Music sometimes helps it, at least for me it does. It helps block out the outside noise and a little bit of the inside noise.
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Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 11:52 pm
I've been pondering a lot since my absence. What makes witchcraft witchcraft? When does it cross into something else? What really IS my path?
At the moment I have come to two roads. One believes that there is some all encompassing power that is hermaphradidic and neutral and is within all things. I have no name for it. On the other stands a Sabbatic goat, much like Baphomet if you will, and the further path of witchcraft as I know it (a type of Underworld Tradition where the Sabbatic goat is the prime source of power). On the All side I see all the knowledge that I have on Chaos magic as Peter J Carroll describes it and how much it appeals to me, except for the paradigm shifting thing. On the Baphomet side I see all I have learned about witchcraft as I know it so far but there is something missing. I am not sure what it is.
I don't know which way I should go to further my studies...and my practice! I do more studying than actual practicing these days. I want to learn as much as I can about ceremonial magic and thelemic magic and enochian magic and goetic magic and witchcraft and chaos magic and gnosticism and urban postmodern magic that I feel like I am torn asunder.
I feel like I am trying to fit some model within witchcraft that I just want to break open and mold it into something completely different. Where does the line between witchcraft and something else become blurred and crossed out? There are so many different forms of witchcraft I don't even know which one I am pursuing anymore.
Help?
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Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 11:54 pm
Bastemhet Mm, I'm not really talking about an extended journal. Maybe a better way to put it would be free write? It can be just this one time. Sometimes this helps when I'm upset and need to be able to get my thoughts straight. I'll type it out then come back to it later to see if I can think of anything else, or work through unanswered questions. I like that idea. I usually just keep all that stuff in my head, but spilling it out on pixels or paper may relieve the pressure. 3nodding Thank you, Bastemhet. This was a really good idea. ShadowCatSoul Journal's don't have to talk about your feelings or the day you had or even be words. It can be anything. Honestly? I always thought you had to talk about those things for it to be considered a journal. sweatdrop
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Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 11:56 pm
Namikikyo Bastemhet Mm, I'm not really talking about an extended journal. Maybe a better way to put it would be free write? It can be just this one time. Sometimes this helps when I'm upset and need to be able to get my thoughts straight. I'll type it out then come back to it later to see if I can think of anything else, or work through unanswered questions. I like that idea. I usually just keep all that stuff in my head, but spilling it out on pixels or paper may relieve the pressure. 3nodding Thank you, Bastemhet. This was a really good idea. ShadowCatSoul Journal's don't have to talk about your feelings or the day you had or even be words. It can be anything. Honestly? I always thought you had to talk about those things for it to be considered a journal. sweatdrop Oh, no, Nam. I write utter nonsense in some of my entries. Sometimes just scribbling on the paper until it is all black just out of plain boredom. Or I will draw something or write a formula for a ritual or a rough draft of something.
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Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 2:20 pm
People who flame on Stephanie Meyer and her books just because she doesn't write about the normal types of vampires piss me off. If you read her books and then say you don't like it, that's fine, but to bash on it just because of the "sparkly vampires" is closed minded and ignorant. She isn't trying to pass them off as real or myth or anything, she's a creative writer who, in my opinion, writes creative, entertaining works of fiction.
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Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 8:03 pm
ShadowCatSoul People who flame on Stephanie Meyer and her books just because she doesn't write about the normal types of vampires piss me off. If you read her books and then say you don't like it, that's fine, but to bash on it just because of the "sparkly vampires" is closed minded and ignorant. She isn't trying to pass them off as real or myth or anything, she's a creative writer who, in my opinion, writes creative, entertaining works of fiction. I just hate her because she writes terribly and has no sense of sentence structure or word choice. But I do agree, people should read it before they hate it. I burned all my copies so they would never come under my eyes again.
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Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 8:19 pm
ShadowCatSoul People who flame on Stephanie Meyer and her books just because she doesn't write about the normal types of vampires piss me off. If you read her books and then say you don't like it, that's fine, but to bash on it just because of the "sparkly vampires" is closed minded and ignorant. I know what you mean. While I can't stand the books (I find them as dull as anything, and Edward acts like a manipulative jerkass), peoples' knee-jerk response of "real vampires don't sparkle! They burn in the sun!" annoys me so much because "REAL" VAMPIRES DON'T BURN IN THE SUN, EITHER! Death-by-sunlight for vampires was, in fact, invented for the Dracula-knockoff film Nosferatu in 1922. In my opinion, sparkly vampires could have worked if it had been played for comedy, rather than having Bella swoon in awe every time Eddieplops did the disco ball. rolleyes If some guy stood in the sunlight sparkling like a sugar-frosted flake and declared "this is the skin of a killer!", I'd probably just start laughing hysterically. Really, she might as well have had Edward running around with underwear on his head. Quote: She isn't trying to pass them off as real or myth or anything, she's a creative writer who, in my opinion, writes creative, entertaining works of fiction. I don't think it's that she's creative so much as she simply regurgitates the same old stuff teens and young adults want to hear and fantasize about. Plus, there's some good evidence floating around somewhere that she's been quite the little plagiarist. (And I don't mean the lawsuit hoax.)
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Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 8:26 pm
Yanueh I don't think it's that she's creative so much as she simply regurgitates the same old stuff teens and young adults want to hear and fantasize about. Plus, there's some good evidence floating around somewhere that she's been quite the little plagiarist. (And I don't mean the lawsuit hoax.) Twilight was bad enough, I can't imagine that she had to plagiarize to get that novel.
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Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 8:30 pm
ShadowCatSoul People who flame on Stephanie Meyer and her books just because she doesn't write about the normal types of vampires piss me off. If you read her books and then say you don't like it, that's fine, but to bash on it just because of the "sparkly vampires" is closed minded and ignorant. She isn't trying to pass them off as real or myth or anything, she's a creative writer who, in my opinion, writes creative, entertaining works of fiction. I've read all of them. They were not written well. I chalk it up to morbid curiosity. But I'm glad I did, because besides her terrible writing style and one dimensional characters, her disturbing ideas of love being stalking, obsession with someone else's scent, Bella-as-femme who is in constant need of protection, repetitive self-worth and ugliness spewsauce, and physical abuse during sex are not something I'd like my tweens to be reading, and I'd be sure to alert parents who complacently buy this trash to what they're exposing their kids to.
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Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 8:41 pm
Yanueh Death-by-sunlight for vampires was, in fact, invented for the Dracula-knockoff film Nosferatu in 1922. I admit I read Dracula back when I was in High School, but I think he still had some issue with coming out in the daytime. May not have been so dire as he explodes as soon as a beam of light touched his skin, but my memory says he didn't come out in the day. Do you know a source I don't?
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Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 8:47 pm
Quote: I admit I read Dracula back when I was in High School, but I think he still had some issue with coming out in the daytime. He couldn't use his awesome vampire powahs. That was the extent of it. Quote: Do you know a source I don't? Traditional folklore. The idea that anyone ever believed that vampires would burn in the sun is absolutely laughable when you know what people used to believe about vampires and the measures they went to in order to deal with them. We're talking about people digging up coffins, cutting off the head of the supposed vampire, staking the body to the coffin to keep it pinned down, cutting off its legs to keep it from walking, and any number of other precautions - all in broad daylight. There are also stories that indicate that vampires sometimes lived among humans, indistinguishable from everyone else except that they couldn't tolerate garlic, onions, and never went out on Saturdays (the Sabbath).
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