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 Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 8:36 pm
GodBlessMe -l-Evil Penguin-l- aku ade soalan.... 1+1 bape??? aku x taw langsung......XD buat lawk plak itu pon xtau 3 lar 3!!! ajaran sesat
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 11:44 pm
haha... mmgla ajaran sesat.. ini amaran kpd adik2 kt sini.. jgn ikut !! ~
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 12:23 am
ha3.
rofl
ta taw na jwb pe selaen gelk.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 3:33 am
i'll let you in on the big secret - the real man's secret for getting
married & standing marriage for 75years :
A. never realize you are married for the first 10years (play marbles)
B. one can stand anything for 50years (even the same wife)
C. during this time get out on 'on-site' assignments often & long
(remote farming locales in jungle midst, in this case)
D. after 50years of marriage
D.1) husband to lose hearing & power to react, ( parkinson's as
with my grandpop)
D.2) wife to lose speech
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 3:48 am
My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.
I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.
"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:01 am
What women say
And what they MEAN
ARE YOU WILLING TO: This means you better do it.
FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of "those" arguments.
FIVE MINUTES: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING: This means "something" and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and will end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine", and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you over "Nothing".
SOFT SIGH: Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sigh" means that she is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe, and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead". At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say "you're welcome".
THANKS A LOT: This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing".
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:06 am
Never
A list of things you should never do.
Never eat at a place called Mom's.
Never play cards with a man named Doc.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
Never share a foxhole with someone who is braver than you are.
Never argue with a woman when she's tired.
Never argue with a woman when she's rested.
Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight!
Never decide to buy anything while listening to the salesman.
Never argue with a fool. People may not be able to tell the difference.
Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
Never argue with a man who buys ink by the gallon.
Never insult an alligator until you have crossed the river.
Never say "Oops in an operating room.
Never try to out-stubborn a cat.
Never characterize the importance of a statement in advance.
Never eat prunes when you're hungry.
Never say, "Sorry, we don't have what you're looking for." Always say, "I just sold the last one the other day."
Never use one word when twelve will suffice.
Never hold a rap contest at a square dance.
Never buy a recording of a heavy metal barbershop quartet.
Never listen to Chubby Checker's "Let's do the Twist", when you're stuck in quicksand.
Never be the first to do anything.
Never let go of what you have unless you have hold of something else.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off until the day after tomorrow.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:10 am
What a Woman Wants in a Man
At various ages
What women want in a man at age 25:
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
What women want in a man at age 35:
1. Nice looking (preferably with hair)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
What women want in a man at age 45:
1. Not too ugly (bald head is fine)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends
What women want in a man at age 55:
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends
What women want in a man at age 65:
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend
What women want in a man at age 75:
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:16 am
The Silent Treatment...
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM '
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:17 am
The Stages of Life
Where are you?
MALE
DRINK
Age 17 Beer
Age 25 Beer
Age 35 Vodka
Age 48 Double Vodka
Age 66 Maalox
HOUSE PET
Age 17 Roaches
Age 25 Stoned-out college roommate
Age 35 Irish Setter
Age 48 Children from first marriage
Age 66 Barbi
SEDUCTION LINE
Age 17 My parents are away for the weekend!
Age 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend!
Age 35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.
Age 48 My wife is away for the weekend.
Age 66 My second wife is dead.
FAVORITE SPORT
Age 17 Sex
Age 25 Sex
Age 35 Sex
Age 48 Sex
Age 66 Napping
FAVORITE DRUG
Age 17 Pot
Age 25 Coke
Age 35 Really good coke
Age 48 Power
Age 66 Coke, a limousine and a company jet
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
Age 17 "Tongue"
Age 25 "Breakfast"
Age 35 "She didn't set back my therapy."
Age 48 "I didn't have to meet her kids."
Age 66 "Got home alive."
FAVORITE FANTASY
Age 17 Getting to third base
Age 25 Airplane sex
Age 35 Menage a trois
Age 48 Taking the company public
Age 66 Swiss maid / Nazi love slave
WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Age 17 25
Age 25 35
Age 35 48
Age 48 66
Age 66 17
IDEAL DATE
Age 17 Triple Stephen King feature at the drive-in
Age 25 "Split the check before we go back to my place"
Age 35 "Just come over."
Age 48 "Just come over and cook."
Age 66 Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.
FEMALE
DRINK
Age 17 Wine Coolers
Age 25 White Wine
Age 35 Red Wine
Age 48 Dom Perignon
Age 66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
Age 17 Need to wash my hair
Age 25 Need to wash and condition my hair
Age 35 Need to color my hair
Age 48 Need to have Francois color my hair
Age 66 Need to have Francois color my wig
DRUG
Age 17 Shopping
Age 25 Shopping
Age 35 Shopping
Age 48 Shopping
Age 66 Shopping
FAVORITE SPORT
Age 17 Shopping
Age 25 Shopping
Age 35 Shopping
Age 48 Shopping
Age 66 Shopping
FAVORITE FANTASY
Age 17 Tall, dark and handsome
Age 25 Tall, dark and handsome with money
Age 35 Tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
Age 48 A man with hair
Age 66 A man
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
Age 17 "Burger King"
Age 25 "Free meal"
Age 35 "A diamond"
Age 48 "A bigger diamond"
Age 66 "Home Alone"
WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Age 17 17
Age 25 25
Age 35 35
Age 48 48
Age 66 66
HOUSE PET
Age 17 Muffy the cat
Age 25 Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the cat
Age 35 Irish setter and Muffy the cat
Age 48 Children from his first marriage and Muffy the cat
Age 66 Retired husband who dabbles in taxidermy and stuffs Muffy the cat
IDEAL DATE
Age 17 He offers to pay
Age 25 He pays
Age 35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
Age 48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
Age 66 He can chew breakfast
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:17 am
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied , 'in-laws''
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:18 am
WOMEN'S REVENGE..
'Cash, cheque or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?'
I asked.
'No,' she replied, ' but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:19 am
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN..
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider..
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Posted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:21 am
W O R D S..
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
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Reply
