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 Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 10:13 pm
Oh, yeah, I saw that one also. I believe it was 'cut'...>_>
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Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 10:15 pm
Funky Monkey Bill Betman Seaphron best not leave. He's my new buddy. cool
Funeral for Squall...>_>;; BUMMER. DX And departure..Prolly WILL be Seaphron, but suckz.
No suggestions. Its all good. Acutally, there were a few weapon errors. You said Sonya was using a spear, yet when she hits fish its a sword. cool Yeah, fix some grammar errors. And I have a quesion, wtf does Quote: “b*****d…” Draken said as he inspected a small but on Masamune’s neck. Masamune had a butt on his neck? I think he might have meant burn, not sure. Nice chapter, I saw the battle playing out in my mind the entire time, and it was epic. Keep it up, and congrats on getting the comp fixed Edit: Ah, cut makes more sense for a typo, right you are Betman xp
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Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 10:17 pm
Funky Monkey Bill Betman Seaphron best not leave. He's my new buddy. cool
Funeral for Squall...>_>;; BUMMER. DX And departure..Prolly WILL be Seaphron, but suckz.
No suggestions. Its all good. Acutally, there were a few weapon errors. You said Sonya was using a spear, yet when she hits fish its a sword. cool Yeah, fix some grammar errors. And I have a quesion, wtf does Quote: “b*****d…” Draken said as he inspected a small but on Masamune’s neck. Masamune had a butt on his neck? I saw that too I'm like.. "Why would he have a butt on his face in the middle of a fight?"
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Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 10:48 pm
Lifeless-Fox Funky Monkey Bill Betman Seaphron best not leave. He's my new buddy. cool
Funeral for Squall...>_>;; BUMMER. DX And departure..Prolly WILL be Seaphron, but suckz.
No suggestions. Its all good. Acutally, there were a few weapon errors. You said Sonya was using a spear, yet when she hits fish its a sword. cool Yeah, fix some grammar errors. And I have a quesion, wtf does Quote: “b*****d…” Draken said as he inspected a small but on Masamune’s neck. Masamune had a butt on his neck? I saw that too I'm like.. "Why would he have a butt on his face in the middle of a fight?" Maybe Masamune is kinkier than we think.
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Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 10:58 pm
Zen Rider Lifeless-Fox Funky Monkey Bill Betman Seaphron best not leave. He's my new buddy. cool
Funeral for Squall...>_>;; BUMMER. DX And departure..Prolly WILL be Seaphron, but suckz.
No suggestions. Its all good. Acutally, there were a few weapon errors. You said Sonya was using a spear, yet when she hits fish its a sword. cool Yeah, fix some grammar errors. And I have a quesion, wtf does Quote: “b*****d…” Draken said as he inspected a small but on Masamune’s neck. Masamune had a butt on his neck? I saw that too I'm like.. "Why would he have a butt on his face in the middle of a fight?" Maybe Masamune is kinkier than we think. Hot butt (n/s)ecks anyone?
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 4:08 am
Well I am glad that you all enjoyed it and now I am going to look that over and see what I was thinking this time. I thought I got most of the gramatical errors. Well whoever guessed that it was me who was leaving you were right, but to kill him isn't the right reason though. Chapter 18 “b*****d…” Draken said as he inspected a small cut on Masamune’s neck. Betman got it right.
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 11:56 am
Quote: 1. What did you think of the chapter? 2. Whose departure do you think it is? (Can be anyone in the story or even a new cult member) 3. Suggestions (appreciated) 4. Anything else those are just ideas. 1. I liked the chapter. The people dying made it sound more realistic. No war is without casulaties. 2. I think it is Seaphron's departure after the person with glowing eyes. 3. I thought that Bill was convinced that he was tricked too easily. He joined the team oftly quickly. Asside from that, it was good. @ the people who saw the error: O.o
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 1:25 pm
Thanks Masamune! I do see what you are saying. I'll keep that in mind in the future.
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Draken [The.Spork.Ninja.]
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 1:51 pm
I love... LOVE my only attack in that story >_>
It was like
~NINJA KICK!~
b*****d!
~ninja poof~
rofl xd ~highly amused~ I love your story Dx WRITE MORE scream
ninja
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 3:09 pm
Thanks Draken! Don't worry I have a plan layout for chapters 19 - 37 in my binder.
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 3:22 pm
Seaphron Thanks Draken! Don't worry I have a plan layout for chapters 19 - 37 in my binder. Write it all right now! scream
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 3:34 pm
only critism I have is the over use of the word b*****d I mean... Betman is like
"You b*****d!” Betman yelled twisting the spear
then he's like.. a few lines later..
“You b*****d!” Betman yelled throwing his spear
Betman enjoys the word b*****d >.> and the fact the same kinda... well it's barely a few sentences apart then he uses the same insult again with a sentence that is barely different from the first the only difference being "Throwing" in the latter case.
apart from that awesome =3
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Draken [The.Spork.Ninja.]
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 3:40 pm
Loved it. So many questions arisen, so many questions left unanswered. I'm interested to find out who Sonia is.
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 3:52 pm
@Draken - I see what you are saying. I do love that word though.
@Fish - Thanks, what questions haev been answered for you? I am curious. I can plainly see what you don't know and Sonia, I ahvent decided how you and her have a history I am still working on that, but she was a main badguy in FE7 (if you didn't know).
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 4:05 pm
Draken [The.Spork.Ninja.] only critism I have is the over use of the word b*****d I mean... Betman is like
"You b*****d!” Betman yelled twisting the spear
then he's like.. a few lines later..
“You b*****d!” Betman yelled throwing his spear
Betman enjoys the word b*****d >.> and the fact the same kinda... well it's barely a few sentences apart then he uses the same insult again with a sentence that is barely different from the first the only difference being "Throwing" in the latter case.
apart from that awesome =3
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Reply
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