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"I hate love. I despise it. All I do is give and give and give and what happens? I'm used or they don't love me as much as I do them. I can't stand how its always my fault for being broken up with. I'm seriously tired of it. ((My current boyfriend isn't a problem btw)). I just want it to work out for me FINALLY. My ex isn't even dead I bet. I bet he was waiting til I said yes to sex and he would be "back". Well I'm tired of being used. I AM PUTTING MY ******** FOOT DOWN! NO MAN WILL PUSH ME AROUND EVER AGAIN!"

hm, i could use a good rant right now, although after Saturday (where i got everything that's been building up for the past few months off my chest with my brother), i don't feel like ranting about my real life right now. so...

scream what the hell is with this stupid program?! i just updated to IE8 and it's been screwing around with me for the past two days! several of the settings i had in the previous version are gone, or have been screwed up one by one as the days go on, and it's driving me batshit insane! i have to refresh every other page i go on, tabs barely work, especially when it's a different page on the same site, and it doesn't remember anything i type in the google search bar, so i can't be lazy and select the search i want once i have the basic idea.

not only that, it's incredibly stubborn about some of the sites i visit, and it remembers the wrong ones (first site it suggests when i start typing? beyblade.com. i haven't touched that site in years, yet it seems to think it's really important). i'm just glad i figured out how to turn off the suggested sites! it would have kept suggesting sites that i wasn't interested in looking at until i finally caved. cripes it would be like spam emails and avertisements, or telemarketers. i have half a mind to try and downgrade right now, but alas a small voice in my head tells me that it'll improve eventually crying but it could take a while.

no, i'm not switching to freaking FireFox. as much as IE pisses me off at times, i'm satisfied with it. and i don't need a whole bunch of fancy toolbars or whatnot to enjoy the websites i go to. so there.

ARGH! I've been broken up with J for a year and a half now, and he still finds ways to be a selfish a*****e. Our old roommate left a bunch of his furniture and sold us his couches. J says he's going to sell our patio furniture for $100 and says he'll put the money towards one of our bills. I find out that he sold it, didn't tell me, and was pocketing the money. No wait, it's not money...he got paid in weed. He got $100 of weed for our furniture. I ask for my $50 share, he says "okay, I'll get it" and then just today says I'm not entitled to it, since only he paid for the furniture our old roommate left behind. (Even though he SOLD the couches, and LEFT the other furniture)

Let me give you some perspective. When we were dating, I bought all of the food, I cooked all of it, I paid for half of a wii, a controller, a lot of games, and some movies, not to mention paid part of the bills and rent. He keeps the wii, the controller, the games, the movies, saying he paid for it all. And to top it all off, he steals my gamecube controller and won't admit to it. But I didn't b***h because I'm not that materialistic. I bought my own Wii, bought a new gamecube controller...I even still buy food and cook for him. BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO BE A NICE ******** ROOMMATE.

But no. He constantly is bitching about how inconsiderate I am because I don't ask EVERY single time if he needs something when I go somewhere.

Yesterday I was nice and asked him if he needed anything from the liquor store. "A 1.75 liter bottle of Jim Beam, plz" he asks. I oblige, knowing he will pay me back. Today when I have to go to the bank to deposit my money, he says "I don't have the money for the Beam yet." "When will you have it?" "I dunno, we'll see how tonight goes."

I already front him hundreds of dollars a month by paying the bills out of my account and collecting money at the end of the month.

At least now he gives in a little instead of yelling at me to get what he wants. I guess that's ONE thing that's changed since we were dating. He no longer yells at me. He still gets pissy for no reason and believes he is entitled to the ******** world though.

GOD DAMMIT I'm so pissed.

i hate mowing the lawn. i always feel like i'm gonna collapse from exhaustion at least halfway through. doesn't help it takes half-an-hour to 45 minutes to get all done, and most of it's uphill. not only that, the stupid mower is almost as old as i am and is heavy as hell, not to mention awkward to move around. dunno how my brother puts up with it all the time, but i admit i kinda feel bad that he usually ends up doing it.

then again, considering my chest started hurting and i had trouble breathing partway through, it's no wonder he does it. score one for my allergy-based asthma.

and that is why (alongside shovelling the sidewalks/driveway in winter) i am determined i am going to live in an apartment as soon as i move out. less outdoor work on my part.

yes, i'm lazy, what's your point?

Okay. ******** it. I'm done. I'm throwing in the towel. I put myself out there and went on another date, despite the last like...ten...being failures. And what happens? I get the worst yet. He spent the whole time not talking and looking away. I kept silent for like ten minutes trying to get him to speak. Nothing. He only would respond to my questions with one sentence and shut right up.

Then...THEN the bill arrives. It's not split up so I do the honours, I tell him his share and he just starts sipping his tea. He sits there in silence for five minutes until I finally give in and get out my wallet again to pay for his. It was thoroughly embarrassing...everyone in the restaurant was looking at us. He made a scene without doing ******** anything. After I got out I was so pissed that I just told him I had an "interesting time" and left as fast as I could.

To top it off, I immediately call one of my best friends to talk about it...and he doesn't answer. I get home and come back from away on AIM and Yahoo...and he signs off. I feel like he's ******** avoiding me.

I feel like crying and throwing s**t at the same time. I was completely embarrassed in front of a crowd of people in a very popular restaurant in my home neighbourhood. And, I'm poor and I had to fork over twice as much money to pay for this a*****e. And what do I get out of it? A huge self-esteem hit and the starts of a lovely depression.

wow...didn't see that coming. so apparently i haven't ever said thank you for presents i recieve, so my aunt decided not to get me one. of course, i don't get told this by her, my grandma decides to walk down to my parents' office and tell my mom to pass on the message. at first i thought my mom was pulling my leg, but no, she was serious, and grandma agreed with my aunt!

so it had me thinking; have i ever said thank you? there are many times i thought i did, and even if i didn't, i thought i conveyed it well enough. my brother says that i have a habit of mumbling it, so i likely don't get heard. but geez...way to make me feel bad.

what's worse is that this is coming from my favourite aunt. i feel like a total heel, and i'm thinking i really don't deserve any presents if that's the case. it's a privilage i've obviously haven't been grateful enough for. still would have been nice that instead of playing "pass the message", she actually tell me or my mom instead of using grandma...

if this is one big joke being played on me, it's an incredibly mean one. it's seriously screwed with my head and truly made me feel an ungrateful jerk and upset enough to cry (though not bawl my eyes out...yet). i don't care if it's to get a point across (which it has, and that i'm incredibly sorry that it's gotten to this point), it's cruel. even so, i'm learning my lesson, and i'm going to try to be more vocal about my thank yous. now to get that apology email sent...and for my dad to stop joking about it as if it's nothing.

no advice needed, though a couple words to make me feel like less of a greedy, ungrateful heel would be nice, even if i don't really deserve them...

This whole lack of contact from people i thought were my best friends is starting to piss me off. I try to make plans with them, and they can't even make a reply when I ask them if they can help me with a ******** art contest! It's only when i call them back that the one says 'oh... yeah, my girlfriend agreed to help with your art thing'
Gee, woudl've liked to know that a WEEK AGO considering you ******** text each other all the time! On top of that I can't even be sure they aren't coming to my 'last supper' (before my wisdom teeth are pulled) and then i hear from my other friend about a huge movie night thing that they're going to even though they 'didn't know what they were doing yesterday' despite how these guys normally LOVE to plan.
I'm tempted to just move off to university without telling them. I don't know... make plans the day before and just... move. Considering they're so good at not telling me stuff, I suppose i should return the favour and leave without a word.