|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 7:54 pm
Daemon blushed further as he felt the other's lips on his forehead and his hands on his waist. When he was forced to look up, he blushed further, staring up at him with his pale eyes before leaning up to kiss him softly, trembling a little with want. He had never really felt this desiring for this kind of attention before, but he knew he couldn't just ignore it...
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 7:59 pm
Murdoch blinked, at bit surprised at the snake demon's sudden forward motion. Smiling, he pushed into the kiss himself, holding Daemon closer and tighter, as the warm water trickled down his back and chest, and the rest of his body. "You seem to want something, kid, is that it? You can tell me anything you know.." The mutant said softly as he smiled at the boy.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 1:47 am
He was.. Kiba was... Kiba was to Yamagawa what 'he' was, once, a long long long time ago. When 'he' left, Yamagawa thought he had killed the feeling, dug his heart out from his bodysoulchest leaving a deep empty gaping hole of coldcolddarkness that.. that he so desperately tried to fill, the shadow of 'him' haunting blackening the edge of his mind licking at his sanity and he needed to fill it. But.. But nobody else could, nobody else had the same sort of goldensparklybright shards that.. that was strong enough and warm enough to burn inside the darkness and drive some of the softdamp touches gnawing at his mind away. None was strong enough to keep Yamagawa warm. His darkness was too deep, too empty, too cold and unattended for so so far too long to be rekindled into life so quickly.
Except for Kiba's.
His lasted, falling like burning soft sparkly fireworks inside the redhead where they gatheredpiledburned, the now almost-foreign, strange warmth spreading through the scientist's body and making him feel, and even now, giving out soft glow that made him warm, warm and feeling and happy and feeling and.. and it was sosososovery good, so good and so familiar --it was amazing how fast everything all came back to him at the single touchcontactfeel of the goldbrightness-- that.. that it almost brought tears to Yamagawa's eyes and it was that good. But.. But did that mean that to Yamagawa, Kiba was on a same footing as 'he' once did? Did that mean that Yamagawa trusted him utterly and completely, like he once did? Did.. Did he..
The redhead's thoughts were cut off abruptly as his eyes focused on the moving form of the dark snake, his gaze momentarily caught bt the jet-black hair --somethingmemoryintangiblyclosewhat-- before he brought himself back forcefully to the situation in hand, his eyes flashing sharpdarkcoldgreendark at the flicker of pain on Chou-chan's face. "..Let him go." The room's temperature seemed to drop down around him for the redhead, his voice still casuallycarefully blankfiltered and his mask flawless as ever, but there was a hint, a flare of something, the darkflickeringdarktendrils flashing for a split nanosecond.
Chou-chan. That thing was touching Chou-chan. Yamagawa watched, half his mind turning worriedly --don'tpanickdon'tdon'tdon't-- towards the male in his arms, the --to him-- coldcoldfingertips slightlycarefullyalmostgently brushing against the green-haired male's temple. He.. He was.. He was in pain. And painhurting was bad, because.. because if Kiba was hurting, then.. then Yamagawa hurt too and both hurting was just bad because it was too close, too near too similar to when before when both of them were hurtingbrokenbreaking each other and it had hurt and that was bad. His gaze flickered slightly from Chou-and-thething to Kiba, a slight, almost undetectable tremorshudder going through his body. If.. if Kiba didn't want him, didn't need him --even though that sent sosososoverybad sort of pain shoot up straight intothrough his heartchest-- then.. then he should let him go. Even though the thought hurt sosososo much, because Yamagawa didn't want to lose Kiba, didn't want the goldenlights to go out, wanted to keep them forever and ever so they will keep him safewarm away from the colddarkness, but.. but.. Yamagawa promised, promised that he'll go when Kiba wanted him to go. And.. and maybe.. maybe Kiba did want him to go.
"I'll go," The redhead whispered softly, so low that his breath hardly stirred the green locks of hair. He hoped Kiba had heard it. "I'll go away, if you want me to.." And.. and he had to stopstopstopithim stop touching Chou-chan stop hurting him because.. because he saw the look, he saw the blank winered stare and.. and that was bad because.. because he had promised that he wouldn't leave Chou-chan alone with his darkness his fear but then.. then the otherChou was here so did that mean that Yamagawa failed again? He so sosososo needed to stop the dark haired male, stop him from breakingshatteringcrackinghurtingtouching Chou-chan and stop him hurting Kiba and.. and it was too many things too many too much thoughtsemotionsfeelingsangerhatred rising up that.. that Yamagawa wasn't sure if he would be able to keep his promise after all..
One way to go about doing that, would be to distract the other, hopefully sufficient enough to turn him his angerannoyancedarknesshurting away from Chou-chan, away even from Kiba, onto him. And a way to go about doing that would be making the sort of showy, provoking sort of statement. Like actually answering his question, for example.
"I like Kiba."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 6:25 am
“I like Kiba.”
Something inside Zanis snapped, and had he not had such a tight reign over his rageangerfeelingsemotionurgetokillhim, it would have flickered across his face and he might have done something terribly horribly compromisingly stupid. But he needed the faerie for later–he had been right, the redhead did care—so it took everything he had not to squeeze the life out of the pink creature’s neck. He needed the thing to survive, for a little while at least.
Releasing the thing’s neck, he turned towards the other, pulling back from the faerie and giving a dark glare to the redhead. “Is that so?” he questioned, voice low and terribly terribly dangerous. “Then I just have to kill you.” Because no one liked Kiba. If someone liked Kiba it meant that they would take him away, and Kiba was Zanis’s and no one else’s. Zanis had claimed him long before this redhead even came into the picture, so the redhead ha absolutely no say in the matter. He stalked across the floor, one hand flexing, the only outward sign of the biolingburningcoiling rage inside of him, and he was fully prepared to rip the redhead’s internal organs out…
…and a soft buzzing filled the air.
The blank fury turned to a mix of baffled puzzlement, the only real emotion Zanis had shown as of yet. Then he appeared to remember something, and he reached down to his hip, unclipping the vibrating –what was it called, caller? messenger?—thing and holding it with two fingers in front of his face like it was dirty. After a long moment, he lowered it, glaring at the redhead.
“You’re lucky I actually have a job, you little worm. Otherwise you’d be dead right now.” Maybe not now, but later, later the redhead would meet the true force of Zanis’s wrath, and then not even the callerbeeperstupidthing would stop him.
Glowering, he turned and stalked to the door, mind already flashing through a list of hundreds of different things to do to the poor experiment being brought to his office. He needed some sort of release of all this rageanger –but not all of it, he needed to keep some to manipulate—and the little weakdyingoverworked creature being brought would be a handy release.
At the doorway, he paused, giving one last glare to the redhead. “I will come back for you,” he warned, grip tightening almost explosively on the doorknob –explosively as in, the thing shattered into a million little shards. He really needed to get rid of some of his rage. “And when I come back for you, I think I’ll take both of them with me too.” He pointed at both the faerie and Kiba, the one already having his punishment planned, the other, a list of perfect ways to break the creature shooting through his head.
“And I will come back. So I wouldn’t suggest running.” Giving a thin, deeplydeeplyangered smile, he turned, pushing the door open and sweeping out into the hallway. Stupid job. He was going to destroy the person who messagdbepperthinged him. He would. He had specifically told people he didn’t want to be disturbed right now.
The second Zanis left the room, the poundingpulsingcalling pain in Kiba’s head left, Zanis’s control over him eradicated –for now. The slimydirtydark feeling was gone too, that evilnastytainted aura Zanis carried with him. Now he was lathe to ever again set foot in his office…but at least, for now, the immediate threat was gone. That was more than a relief. It gave Kiba time to plan a vanishing act from here.
And he would go, he had to. He couldn’t risk Chou-chan and Yamagawa, couldn’t do it, and if Kiba left for farfarfaraway, then Zanis would follow him, especially if he got a ubermajor head start, and Zanis wouldn’t hurt Chou-chan r Yamagawa if he was so intent on getting Kiba, and besides, Chou-chan was a much better fit for Yamagawa-who-liked-glittery-pink than dirtyyuckytaintedowned Kiba was. So…so even though Yamagawa was said those words to Zanis…Kiba wasn’t quite so certain he believed them because why would he believe tht someone would like a dirtytaintedusedthing like him?
He dropped his hands, looking up at Yamagawa, plans of escape already flashing –unknowingly—through his eyes. He had to…to go, even though the idea sent a spike of hurtingdaggerpain through his heart, because he didn’t want to go, but…but he ahd to to keep Chou-chan and Yamagawa safe from Zanis, and having them safe was the only thing that would be acceptable.
“I…I have to go.” In any other conversation, it might have been taken as he had to go to lunch, or to a meeting, it was said like that. Except his eyes were still flashing with his need to go farfarfarfaraway, which was farther than he ever wanted to go because Yamagawa made him feel safe when he held Kiba like this, but Zanis…Zanis made that safety just fall apart and it didn’t matter anyway, Kiba didn’t matter anyway, and the kissingholdingtouchingwarmth, it was all pretend in the end because Yamagawa didn’t mean it so it wouldn’tshouldn’tcouldn’t matter if he went farfarfar away. And there was really no reason he had to tell Yamagawa…except…he did. He had to tell the other doctor, so he would know that there were reasons and it was to keep Yamagawa and Chou-chan safe. That…that he had to leave, no matter how much he didn’t want to.
Blinking, Chou rubbed his neck, eyes already swirling back towards strawberryjuice colored. That had been…horriblynastyterribledark, like an evilness that was tangible and toucheable, and it had touched him, and now he had the strongstrongstrong urge to scrape away whatever skin the Evilness had touched. But first…he sent a worried glance over to Kiba-san and Yamagawa-sama. Were…were they okay? They had been bad before, but then they got better, only now it was bad again because the Evilness had left his yuckdirtydark taint everywhere and…and it wanted Kiba-san, so…were they okay?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 2:29 pm
"Then I just have to kill you."
Despite the hissingdangerwarningdark tone of the dark-haired man's voice, Yamagawa almost smiled. Almost, if the entire situation wasn't so tightightsuffocatinglystuffytensed. But it was, and Yamagawa was entirely too tense too tightlycoiled too too careful to let any kind of feelingemotion to come off his form. All that passed by the blandpale mask of a face was just the polite, annoying sort of blank half-curiously bored look. Well. So he had been correct. That was a right thing to say. The green eyes flickered slightly, only a slight hint of relief sparkling in the back of his mind as the dark snake let go of Chou-chan's neck, the hand flexing dangerouslymenacinglyangrily as he started towards Yamagawa.
..Well, to a degree. That had only worked entirely too well.
To a normal person, at least, the darkdarkkilling stare of the other male that was just screaming out homicide and everything painfulslowhurtingblinding would have frozentore the wits out of them, leaving them a huddled panicky mess of quivering flesh. And it was true, albeit partly. Yamagawa was, honestly, quite, quite terrified. He was quite very well aware now of the other's strength, the coilingburningdestructive rageanger twisting inside him, the.. the darkslimyslipperydirtywrong darkness. But.. But as long as he kept it to himself, kept all the rage and anger and the blindingfurydarkness focused on him, and him alone, then.. then it would be alright, right? As long as Yamagawa had the other male's attention, as long as he kept him preoccupied, then.. then Chou-chan and Kiba and Kiba was safe.
The voice stoically pointed out to him that it was practically a suicide. It would be sosososoverymuch better if he stepped back right now because he was coming closercloser and dammit, Yamagawa, why do you have to be so difficult..?!
Buzzing.
Shatter.
The redhead did not even give a flinch when the doorknob --shouldn't he be paying for that now..?-- shattered in the other's grip; you only flinched when it was a person, and Yamagawa was now convinced that that, that thing, was not a person. Therefore, it was just nothing important, nothing of concern, so he didn't have to care about it. In fact, Yamagawa --and the voice-- was hoping that it had hurt, even a tinytinybit. Not that it would have helped with anything, just some sort of appalled curiosity mixed with boredom. All just futile thoughts, really. The redhead wasn't even sure if the male even felt anything remotedly close to pain, let alone anything else. Apart from blindingcoldburning anger, of course. He gave a smile, a twitch of lips, to the other, head nodding lightly in acknowledgement of the other's thinly veiled angerthreatpromise..thing. I'll be waiting, then.
It was only until after the other disappeared out of view that Yamagawa spared glances to Chou-chan and Kiba, his eyes catching Chou-chan's form --thatthingtouchedhim-- and.. and the redhead felt a belated flood of relief surging out, along with a tinge of guiltheavy feeling that.. that he hadn't protected him. He wasn't good enough, wasn't.. wasn't enough. He had left Chou-chan again, he had broken Kiba, he had.. he had done so many so many wrong things that he promised he wouldn’t do, and.. and that thought sent a wave of bad, disconcerting sort of churning feeling in his gut. The encounter with the other somehow left a bitter coppery taste in his mouth much like blood would, except.. except this wasn't anything like blood apart from that. When blood tasted sicklysaltysweetcoppery and smooth, this.. this was just dark. Dark and slimy and coldcoppery, as if he took a mouthful of the finthydarknesstendrils inside him. Too similar. Much much too similar. Just like..
"..go?" Yamagawa echoed Kiba's words emptily, the grip tightening around the fabric of the green-haired male's gown in an unconsciousconsciouspanicked reflex. "..Go where?" It was useless to ask; he already knew the answer, knew it felt it deep deep deep inside like a bucket of cold water colddarkness a sea of darkness, seeping into the very core of his body where the glitterwarmthgoldenness flickered dangerously.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 3:05 pm
The male flinched at the empty blankness in Yamagawa’s voice, the words striking something and echoing hollowly inside of him. He…if he left, really truly honest-to-god left…then…then Yamagawa would…would…Yamagawa would what? Kiba didn’t know. He knew…he knew that to himself, Yamagawa was a ‘something else’, but…but it didn’t matter because nothing they had done mattered. Comfort, release, whatever it was, it hadn’t mattered, the kissingtuchingholdingwarmthglowyness. And…so now…if he left, it would be just…just like before. When nothing still didn’t matter, only Kiba would have…have Zanis following him and Yamagawa would have Chou-chan, and it wouldn’t matter.
Even if Zanis broke his bones or tore his skin or anything, it wouldn’t matter. Because…at least Chou-chan and Yamagawa would be safe, far away from Zanis’s darkness and not hurting or in pain. Kiba knew all too well how real Zanis’s threats could be, and the last thing in the world he wanted was for Yamagawa to die because Zanis was mad at Kiba. And…Chou-chan was so innocent…Chou-chan didn't deserve to be tortured to the point of insanity. Zanis had no concept of innocence, he just liked breaking people, and Chou-chan was too precious a person to be s callously broken like that. Zanis needed to be away from Chou-chan and Yamagawa --Yamagawa the most-- and the only way that would happen was if...if Zanis had a reason to go.
And...Zanis was chasing Kiba...
“I’ll…I’ll just…go,” he mumbled, dropping his head, unable to meet the other’s eyes. Somehow…looking into Yamagawa’s eyes would make his decision waver, and he couldn’t waver because if he did then…then it would be bad.
He was shaking. Why was he shaking? It was so hot in here, just like normal, but he couldn’t seem to stop his body from trembling. “I’ll just go far away. And when Niisama…” He swallowed nervously, almost afraid that say ‘Niisama’ would call his brother here. “When Niisama follows, it’ll be…it’ll be okay.”
He didn’t dare mention what he thought being caught would bring him. That…that was a bad train of thought and would do the same thing looking at Yamagawa’s eyes would; it would just loosen his resolve. But he knew, even if Zanis hurt him sososo very much, he wouldn’t regret it. Not if…not if Yamagawa was still safe and…and not dead because of Zanis. So…so Yamagawa had to…to let go and he would just…leave and wait for Zanis to find him again…and Yamagawa would be okay and not dead because it hadn’t mattered so it wouldn’t matter if he left.
Letting out a shuddering, shaky breath, Kiba pulled back, attempting to free himself from Yamagawa’s tight grip. “I have to go,” he repeated, still not looking at Yamagawa. He couldn’t, not if he wanted to convince himself that this was for the best.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Oct 20, 2006 3:03 am
"I'll…I'll just…go,"
The redhead flinched, actually, physically flinched at the words like falling needles or strokes of whip across his skin inside him making the gaping wound bigger and the darkness and.. Kiba couldn't go. He promised, he promised that he wouldn't, that he would stay, for ever and ever and he wouldn't go away and now he was saying he would and will and Kiba had lied again everyone lied so why had Yamagawa so desperately believed that Kiba wasn't lying when he said it because everyone lied to him so why shouldn't this time be any different even though it was Kiba?
"..Ah." Even to the redhead, his reply sounded so feeble, so powerless, so.. so emptydeadblankerasednothing and Yamagawa knew he was trying to cut himself off from everything and anything again, feeling the tornshattered maskveilwalls scraping them together tighter around himself and hoping as hell that it would hold, hold just enough for him to.. to see Kiba off and.. and.. And what? Yamagawa wasn't sure what he'd do. He was sosososo sure, he had been so sure that noone would be able to do that, that warmglowyfeeling feeling that.. that 'he' had brought, and that which diedoutdugupstampedupon when 'he' left and.. and even though that hurt, that hurt so much that it opened a giant gapingness in him that he could never get rid of, even though the emptynessdarkness was so cold, he.. Yamagawa was beginning to get sure that.. that he would might be able to live by, albeit barely, after all. Just.. Just enough. That will.. That would have been enough.
He wanted the warmth back; he could feel it dying out with every scrape of broken fragmentedshattered remains of his maskwalls, he could feel himself coilingbackshuttingindrawinginside himself once again, inside him where there was nothing but the memory of the warmth and the slimychokingdarkness and what did I tell youmockinglaughtervoicessneering..
Yamagawa took a slow, quiet breath in, fingertips almost raw from scraping against the thick rough material of the gown, his eyelashes fluttering softly as he slipped deeperdarkeremptiernothinger into the coldness, almost willinglyinvitinglygratefully.. Though there was that still one bit of desperate sort of muffled screamingcryingneeding, a part of him which couldn’t stand it anymore, couldn't stand the darkness anymore, and he needed Kiba-san to stay and here and.. and just with Yamagawa so he'd never feel cold ever again. "..Don't go.."
It was spoken almost helplessly, hopelessly and weak and sosososoquietlypleadingly.. pleadingly begging because Yamagawa was scared, scared even more than when the other thing was here and even more than before before and.. and.. and he didn't want to fall back down didn't want to be nothing didn't want it no..
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Oct 20, 2006 5:38 pm
The dragon licked at the moon pale skin his white fangs nearly blending in with the blank flesh. Lips pressed to Ware’s ear in a soft kiss he began to whisper. “Now then…. about your clothes…shall you be laying naked?” He gave a light chuckle, the sound deep, full. Gingerly he lay Ware down on the mass of pillows and blankets, making sure the towel didn’t slip away.
My moon god, he mentally told himself as he looked down at his lover. Leaning down towards him he captured his already kiss swollen lips in another kiss. He himself found it hard to keep away from his companion. Like a drug he was terribly addicted to him. His tongue brushed slowly against the soft lips in a wordless beg for entrance. It amazed him at how quickly he was plunged into the deep abyss of lust for the smaller male.
Blain gave a low growl of contentment as he forced Ware deeper into the soft bed bellow them both. Clawed hands traced over pale skin with a light touch. Lower and lower they drifted until they stopped at the towel that lay tightly around his hips. Such a hassle, having to remove something that kept him from what he wanted. A mental chuckle was given as his hand pushed beyond the towel. His fingertips exploring, caressing, groping that to which belonged to him.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 12:28 pm
He whimpered softly under the assualt on his sensitive skin, squirming under him before he purred his reply. "I think I shall," Ware said, voice laced and thick with amusement. Propping himself up slightly on his elbows, he nuzzled him, whispering in his ear. "But only if that is alright with you..."
Ware's eyes widened momentarily with the kiss before he groaned softly, pale lips opening willingly and granting him entrace. At the moment, his thought stretched no further than the bliss he felt around the other, his heart picking up its already hurried pace.
Slim hips squirmed softly as he was pushed further into the bed, his body shivering as Blaine's hands brushed ever lower on his body. Ware gasped, and moaned into the kiss as the dragon began to stroke him, his body reacting eagerly to his touches and prompts.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 2:17 pm
It…it hurt.
Like someone was stabbing icicles through his chest, sending little bolts of icy burningness down his blood and freezingburning everything touched, leaving behind a frozen numb burning hurting sort of feeling. Though surely someone stabbing an icicle through him would hurt less than this, because even though that’s what it felt like surely nothing could ever hurt as much as the emptystingingpainingdark blandness of Yamagawa’s words. Like…like Yamagawa wanted him to go even though he said he didn’t and it hurthurthurt and why was it hurting? Because it was Yamagawa, not the otherYamagawa and not Zanis and this Yamagawa shouldn’t hurt because it was Yamagawa. So…so why were his words doing the icicle thing, why was it hurting so much?
Kiba gave a choking, hiccupping sob, like a child trying not to cry, forehead dropping against the other’s collarbone, his hands tightening reflexively on the other’s shirt. Like that would stop Yamagawa from leaving. Kiba had already declared that he would leave, so it was only fairrightjust that Yamagawa should leave too, even though it was hurting, hurthurthuting so much. But I wasn’t like it wasn’t anything Kiba didn’t deserve. He…he had pulled away even though he had promised he wouldn’t, so being stabbed by icicle words and having Yamagawa pull away probably didn’t even begin to measure up to how much punishment he deserved. Because…because he was making Yamagawa make the icicle words, and the emptydarkaloneness was coming back and happily eating the embers, and Kiba almost wanted it to because maybe if he was empty nothingness again it would stophurtingeverythingmakeitstopplease…
Still making the gaspyhiccupychoking sounds, his eyes slid their way over the discarded glass so what felt like a longlongtime ago. It…it all felt like some sort of dream, the glowyembersafewarmth, and…and Zanis coming just made the dream into a nightmare so maybe if he just…woke up then everything would be back like it was before…? Not happy, no, but at least there wasn’t this hurtingiciclecoldfearburningfrozeness anymore. Because…because it was tearing him apart and he didn’t know why it was hurting so much but it was and he just wanted everything to go back to before when it didn’t hurt, and maybe even when it wasn’t feeling good either because feeling good just meant it would feel bad soveryverysoonmuchtoosoon and…Kiba didn’t like that…
“I…I j-just don’t…w-want you t-to g-get…hurt…” Such a feeble, feeble excuse, because Zanis couldn’t do anything worse than what Kiba was doing, making Yamagawa hurtemptyblank again so it was a stupid excuse because it was so thin and useless and why was he even trying anymore? It didn’t matter because he was losing Yamagawa and it was all his fault so why even try anymore if it just kept hurtingbitingtearingburningfreezingdying inside?
Without even really thinking about it, one of the snake’s hands released Yamagawa’s shirt, scratching mindlessly at his other wrist. If…Kiba had done a bad thing, leading Yamagawa on like that, and…and putting Yamagawa and Chou-chan in danger and making Yamagawa go away backintotheblanknessagain so…so he…deserved to just…just die, die and go away forever and ever so no one could evernevereveragain be hurt by him or put in danger like this again and so the stabbing icicle hurting would stop, so…so why not? Because…if it meant no one evereverever getting hurt by him ever again…then Kiba was…was willing to die…if…if it meant he wouldn’t…hurt Yamagawa again…
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 3:16 pm
Yamagawa didn't want to go. He didn't want to go, he didn't want Kiba to go, he.. he wanted Kiba to stay and not shut him out not close him off alonecolddark because being alone being nothing hurt and Yamagawa couldn't take being alone and cold and nothing, couldn't because Kiba had worn away tore away all the wallsmaskbarrier away and he felt sosososovery terribly vulnerable and exposed and bare, but.. but at the same time it had been alright because it was Kiba and somehow someway Yamagawa felt nice and warm and just.. just warm so it wouldn't he wouldn't have minded at all if he got worn down to nothing and everything scattered for the world to see if it was for Kiba just for Kiba and now he was going away..
He let out a short puff of breath he didn't know he had been holding, feeling his lungs somehow tight and can't breathe and.. and heavy, head tilting slightly as the green-haired male pressed his forehead against his neckcollarthing. The touch sent chillyburning shiver up his spine and.. and it would have felt nice if it wasn't for the heavypressingness and the creeping notwanting darknessblankness that Yamagawa didin't want and wanted at the same time. Because.. Because if the blankness came, if the darkemptiness came, then just maybe this heavyfeelingness would go away and Yamagawa wouldn't have to feel it feel anything again, but.. but Kiba was leaving and never coming back leaving...!
It was much like.. like before, when he was still not.. not that, not what he iswas now. If it hurt, he.. he would draw away, draw back and wrap into go into himself and never come back out of the hardprotectivenothing shell and not ever come back out not ever, until everything anything was better and nothing hurt. And right now, Yamagawa desperatelyhorribly neededwantedneeded the shell back, needed the barrier needed the crackedflaweddirty wall back between him and everything else everything because it hurt and it felt like before when nobody cared and everyone hurt and why did he trust why did he want to trust Kiba because everyone lied and so obviously Kiba lied too and he lied to him.
The green eyes opened with a snap at the feel of Kiba's hand letting go of his shirt; he was going away and even though Yamagawa knew it because even though Kiba lied about not leaving but because he lied then this must be true because Kiba was leavingleavingleaving and Yamagawa couldn't stop him couldn't..! One of his hands that wasn't gripping Kiba's gown tightly --whitewhiteredwhitered-- shot up, almost jerkily, and grabbed at the other male's wrist, unguarded panick suddenly flooding him from the inside out drowning him in it drowning can'tbreathe Yamagawa needed Kiba.. "Can't..Don't.."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 3:41 pm
Can't? Can't what? Don't what? What did Yamagawa want?
A shudder passed down Kiba’s spine, the touch on his wrist sending more icyburninghotcoldness through his body. Why was it hurting like this, why? It was too confusinghurtingdark! Yamagawa kept saying not to go but Yamagawa was pulling back back into the emptyblankness he’d had before waywayway long ago when they had first met and Kiba didn’t like that blankness because it meant that Yamagawa was far away and Kiba couldn’t touch him. Even though Kiba had said he would leave and more than deserved this, ithurthurthurthurt that Yamagawa was pulling away and going back to the blankness and couldn’t he make up his mind? He couldn’t be blank and wanting Kiba to stay because blankness was far away and Kiba just couldn’t stay with someone who was far away, it just didn’t work like that.
Dammit, Yamagawa had to make up his mind! The snake’s head shot up, and unusually defiant look on his face, and glared at the other male, gold meeting green and demanding an answer. “Dammit…” Because if Yamagawa didn’t make up his mind, then it didn’t matter because not making up minds was a bad trait and it was…was a little wishy-washy and it didn’t matter if Yamagawa did or didn’t want him to stay if he couldn’t make up his damn mind!
“Do you or don’t you want me?!”
…no…no, that wasn’t what he had wanted to say. He…he hadn’t added ‘to go’ at the end, he should have but he didn’t and that wasn’t what he meant to say but…but now he couldn’t add it because it was too late and he couldn’t amend the question but he hadn’t meant to ask it like that. And now he was so veryveryvery scared of the answer, scared of finding out how Yamagawa really felt because if Yamagawa didn’t likehimwanthimneedhim then Yamagawa shouldn’t keep holding on to him and Kiba would have to go if Yamagawa didn’t want him because it would hurthurthurt. But…but if Yamagawa did, then that would be a problem because Zanis would try and kill Yamagawa for that so he should have just asked the right question and not this wrongwrongwrong one because…this one was…baaad…because it couldn’t only be bad…
…because what if Yamagawa didn’t want him anymore? What would he do…?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 4:20 pm
"Do you or don't you want me?!"
His heart was beating erratically inside, heavypainful sort of thudding roaring inside him inside his chest against his ribs and it hurt it hurt so much and the pain and he couldn't stop it couldn't help.. His grip on Kiba's wrist tightened unconsciously as he met the other male's goldenyellow eyes, before sliding away unsurely, for once quite, quite lost for words. Want.. What did Kiba mean, want?
It.. It was so confusingjumbled not.. not good because Yamagawa didn't know the answer the right answer to that and he was so sovery scared that Kiba would leave he will leave if it was the wrong kind of answer but even if it was the right answer, Kiba might still just leave because.. because Kiba said he didn't want to hurt him --but he was hurting himyouus-- and.. and.. and how could Yamagawa trust Kiba how can he trust himself after completely contradicting everything he had said because he was going away just like Kiba and hurting Kiba more even though Yamagawa didn't mean to hadn't meant to ever hurt Kiba but he did and he couldn’t even protect Kiba from the darkdarkcoilingdark snakething and he couldn't even protect Kiba from his darkness so.. so what the hell could he do and it huuuurt..
Nervouslyhesitantlydesperately, Yamagawa loosened his grip on the palepaledelicatewhitepale skin of the green haired male's wrist, slightly shaking fingertips grazing the knuckles and the slightly raised knobs of the slender fingerjoints before pressing Kiba's hand, palm downwards, against his chest, above the painfulthuddingbeatingcoldness. It hurt, right there inside inside and.. and he wanted it to go away just for even just for a short while, and.. and.. whenever Kiba touched him, Yamagawa could feel it go away and it had gone away but now they were trying to leave again and Yamagawa was trying to leave cutting off everything Kiba and he didn't want to..
"Stay," the redhead gasped out, green eyes flashing panickdark before flickering rapidly back into the original shade of lightjadegreenness, but with the coiling darkcolddarkness still lurking in under. The otherself was angry now, spittinghissing out words that didn't mean anything and meant everything all at once and it was so so very hard to keep it down keep it from Kiba because Yamagawa knew it would hurt Kiba it would even though they neededwantedneeded Kiba Yamagawa needed Kiba and even though the voice knew they both knew, Kiba was still going to go and.. and if he let the voice out creepingoozing out then it would be bad because.. because the voice would keep Kiba here and not going anywhere else and.. and.. and that would be bad..
"I.." --flickerflickerflickerdarklightdarkdark-- "I need youpleasepleaseyouhavetoplease.." The redhead gritted his teeth, shoulders shaking softly as he tried to keep the panickingdarknesspanick down, the blinding fear, the coldness, the anger, the.. the hatred because it would hurt Kiba and he wasn't him Yamagawa was Yamagawa and noone else and he couldn’t go... "You have to stay.."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 4:49 pm
“Stay…”
Yamagawa…wanted him to stay…but how? How did Yamagawa want him to stay? As a friend? A lover, a colleague…a ‘something else’? How? How could he stay if he didn’t know the way he was supposed to stay? What…what if Yamagawa only wanted him to stay as a friend? Or…or a colleague or whatever. What if…what if Yamagawa didn’t want him to stay as a ‘something else’, not the way Kiba needed Yamagawa to stay as a ‘something else’. What if…Yamagawa…did want him…like he needed Yamagawa…?
“I…” He could feel Yamagawa’s heart through the cloth, the pulse lightfltterynotcalm under his hand but what did it mean? What did it mean that Yamagawa wasn’t calmeasyheartrate? Was it just an aftereffect of Zanis being here…or was it ‘something else’? Whatwhyhowwhat did it mean?
“I…” Because if it was ‘something else’ then maybe Kiba could stay, culd stay and somehow not let Zanis hurt himthemanyone again, because ‘something else’ always made people stronger when they had one. But…but if it wasn’t that…could he stay? Could he force himself to stay and not be Yamagawa’s ‘something else’, force himself through the same motions day after day just to be by Yamagawa’s side? If he wasn’t Yamagawa’s ‘something else’…could he force himself to stay?
Probably absolutely not.
So…he needed…to know how Yamagawa wanted him to stay. Because…if Yamagawa…didn’t want him as a ‘something else’, then he had to go, because he culdn’twouldn’tnever be able to take it, and…because that would just hurt to much, faking himself would hurt so muchmuchmuch more than leaving evereverever would. Even though he was almostreadypreparedresigning himself to go –because why would Yamagawa want him as a ‘something else’, a dirtyusedbrokenemptyownedthing like him?—he…had to…know, somehow, just how he was supposed to stay. Except…he didn’t know how to ask…
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 5:13 pm
Kiba wasn't answering. He was.. he was just there, but not there at the same time because even though Yamagawa could feel his hand, his form against his, his hand against his chest, the warmth and the smell and.. and he could feel him but he wasn't saying anything and Yamagawa had answered and was it the 'wrong' answer because Kiba wasn't saying anything and he was going to go away silentcoldwordlessly and leave him leave Yamagawa alone...!!
Something inside Yamagawa shattered slightly just then, just another slight sort of sliver of crackingshattering that he couldn't help gasping softly at it, straining against forcing it back trying to stem it the darknessseepingindrowning inside against trying so sosososo hard to keep it back keep the flooding darknessangryhatevoice back because it was bad and if he doesn't talk I'll make him talk..
The green eyes flickeredfizzleddarkened just a little more fraction, the heavycold murkiness settling in swirlingmixing into the green depths as he stared at Kiba, almost a surprised look on his face, as if he was seeing the green haired male for the first time. He.. It.. Them..
"Stay." The voice was calm, calm and cold and blank and completelyutterlyblankemotionless although the slight tremorlapse at the end and the shaking of shoulders betrayed the panickingshudderingfear inside the redhead. His grip tightened anew on the green-haired male's gown, the thick fabric bunching up under Yamagawa --notYamagawa-- 's fingers and straining to give way. HeKibahadtostaystayandnotgonowherejusthimherewithhimhavetohadto.. The green eyes --murkydarkswirlingmixedemptydark-- slid over the other's form, seemingly taking in every curve every shape of the other's faceshoulderseverything and seeing yet unseeing and passing by flickeringlightdark the goldenyellow orbs. "Stay."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
![[~IchigoUsagi~]'s avatar](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/9b/36/27a0375d1b369b_flip.png?t=1190875853_5.00_00)
Reply
![[Mayel]'s avatar](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/d7/b7/7a8d6f6711b7d7_flip.png?t=1253118530_6.00_00)
![[.lunatic.fringe.]'s avatar](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/39/78/48c0f7121f7839_flip.png?t=1200795449_6.00_00)
