Well-versed in sexual debauchery after having been the victim of so many Gaiaaah monthly special vids, Telamichious had the perfect term in mind for this silly, silly creature:
c**k-mongler
Despite his delayed reaction, which could be accounted for as the result of his relatively short attention span outside of battle, he was sure it wasn't too late. He articulated this thought in the form of a world-shattering scream that carried throughout the ballroom. "c**k-mongler! Omi Barsait, the c**k-mongler!"
It was as such that Telamichious discarded his absurd purple hair, an object of Final Fantasy fanaticism on behalf of many disturbingly nerdy Gaians. A nearby starry-eyed teenage girl might have caught the wig, thinking it a bouquet of stringy violets rained down upon her.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" One might have expected Telamichious to spontaneously grow a head full of butt-length golden hair that defied the questionable gravity that Gaia projected.
In a random outburst of anger and weirdyface hulk-crushing, Telamichious grabbed his tourist garb and ripped it to ribbons. By this time, Spencer was a twitching mess on the floor, occasionally defecating in his undergarments and sobbing to himself while he waited for the inevitable heart attack to come. That would have been a blessing for our dear Spencer, but it would never come. Anyway.
Telamichious grabbed the table next to him, oblivious to the protests of other guests and even to the occasional naked infant that was crawling on the tablecloth, and hurled it through the air. Bitches weren't gonna crash no party of that stone man's. "I challenge you to a duel!" he yelled from behind the food-receptacle-turned-speeding-projectile. His immense strength allowed him to flex granite biceps for onlooking pretty ladies. "If you can't have your precious debacle with Jocasta, you can have it with me." He winked one milky eye, looking like some sort of ******** up crossover between Doctor Manhattan, a Decepticon of some sort, the Jolly Green Giant and the Tin Man and also the Hulk.
"Now let's get groovy," Telamichious murmured. By then, the descending table, cutlery and all, would probably have landed and either crushed Omi or have been deflected.
1/10, put yo game face on!
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