Welcome to Gaia! ::

Suddenly wrapped in Nita's enthusiastic hug, Kikue stared for a moment before throwing her arms around Nita and giving her a tight one back. She smiled happily. "Hello!" She quickly dug her hand into the pocket of her shorts and held out some smaller pieces of bamboo, wrapped into a tiny bundle with a ribbon. It was like a little package. "I haven't seen you for so long, either...I made this for you." Kikue laughed. "There wasn't a lot in the mess hall so I made it small."

She couldn't keep the smile off her face. Kikue could see, plainly, that Nita must have changed again, too. Why was it that she always came to visit after another change had happened? Yet Nita didn't look too different...the most striking look was the muzzle that had developed much more prominently. She probably noticed my changes, too.. Kikue was suddenly conscious of her tail again, but she couldn't exactly hide it. She tried to keep her behind her legs. It's too much like Nita's tail. It's huge. I couldn't hide it if I wanted to. Ugh.

Kikue laughed slightly through a quiet "Thank you" at the compliment; Nita's rush to ask about how things were going bringing back the mental waterfall of recent events. Zach? The labs? Attacking that new person in the mess hall? The very thought brought a redness to her cheeks. It wasn't exactly the best topic to discuss, was it.

"Well," she started, taking a tentative seat near Nita. "I don't think I know where to start. It's been...interesting." She folded her paws in her lap and looked squarely at Nita. The change...she should start with that. It was the first thing... It felt awkward to talk about, since the last time she'd discussed it she'd been trying to think of an excuse for sinking her teeth into some person's leg.

"...I changed a long while ago. I don't know how long it was...because they took me to the labs. Something about a complication...I'm not sure what. I was unconscious almost the entire time...it was easily weeks... I just remember changing...some man came to my duplex; I could tell he was some kind of guard...then, nothing. I woke up in the labs, but it's very blurry...it was white, and there was some man making notes. I must have been sedated."

Kikue tried to keep herself from cringing. It sounded bad. The dreams before the change had been horrible; the change itself not exactly pleasant, either. Somehow the missed time, though, was even more unsettling...she knew nothing about it. What they might have been doing to her. The thought of that helplessness and uncertaintly make her skin crawl.

She swallowed, forcing a smile. She took her tail, which had instinctively gone around herself as she sat down, and held it up. "But I got this, huh? It's probably going to get longer..." And bigger. Aren't they as long as the cat's body in the wild? Gugh...not looking forward to that pain... "What about your change?"

"I'm feeling better," Kikue nodded slowly, knowing that the mention of the labs might bring up Nita's past experiences there...including, no doubt, the infamous Dr. Frost, which Kikue now unfortunately associated with the meaning of the phrase "the labs."

She forced another smile at seeing Nita's roung, larger tail. There was definitely no competition. "You're right...I wonder whose will be longest by the end." I also wonder...what we'll look like, at the end...

Kikue picked up on Nita's change in tone immediately. Studying her face, she could tell that whatever Nita was recalling was not exactly pleasant...although, were the changes ever pleasant? They were always going to be painful... But...it's like it's something else...maybe something happened. Like...like what I did, in the mess hall.

Did the animal take over?

Kikue frowned, her expression sympathetic. "...If you don't want to talk about it...I understand," she said softly. She had carefully avoided the mention of what had happened in the mess hall... Kikue's paw-like hands shifted uneasily in her lap.

Only one more change? That means Nita knows how many there are, altogether? "How many changes have you gone through, so far?" Kikue asked curiously, although the curiousity was weak due to Nita's obvious mood. Something was wrong...

"Hiding?" Kikue echoed. The word brought a sudden flash of memory -- of Zach saying someone was out there, in the jungle. Some Islander gone mad, who had killed someone. The thought made her bring up a hand instinctively, somewhere between covering her mouth and touching Nita to give comfort. "I -- I heard about something. After..." Now it was Kikue turn to feel especially uncomfortable. She knew Nita would see it, just like she herself had noticed Nita's tone. "...After...I did something after I woke back up, out of the labs. But...after that, someone, Zach, told me that there was an Islander out in the jungle."

Fear crept across Kikue's skin. "Are -- are they still out there? Did you get hurt?" I don't know what happened but I...

Four changes -- and I --

The breath caught in Kikue's throat. Unconsciously she stood up from the bed, her hand hanging in space somewhere in front of her mouth -- like it hadn't quite gotten there. "Annie?" she repeated, saying the name as if it were unfamiliar to her -- as if English were unfamilar to her.

"...Fi...ona?"

"Annie and I spent weeks planning before we actually did it. We cut open the fence, and got in a second story window. . ."

"At least it's not a carnivore. I'm a vegetarian, eh?"

"She was... she was brought here too. A little while ago, they... they took her into the labs. I tried... tried to get in, asked to see her... they said she was sick, that something had gone wrong, but I know it was an excuse, that they were lying. . ."

"One of the scientists was nearly killed a while ago..." she said quietly, ignoring the niggling little fear in the back of her mind. "I think they found out who it was, but... I still don't know. Somebody else might... I tried not to get involved. But... it does happen, obviously. Whatever they're sticking us with, it does more than just change you on the outside. . ."

" . . . They've taken her away from me... either to break my spirit, break hers, or..." Fiona's voice began to crack and waver, "just to experiment on her further. . ."

"I hope so..." she fell silent for a bit, and then sighed. "I... I need to be going. There are some things I want to do, and it'll be dark before too long." The girl smiled a little. "Thank you. . ."

Kikue's paw, suspended in the air, had begun to shake slightly. "Annie?" she repeated. "Fiona's friend, Annie?" I never -- I -- never saw her, she -- but Fiona --

"Fiona's dead?" She sounded something like a child.

"...Mother...mother's dead?"

She clapped her paws over her mouth, staring at Nita with a look of blind horror on her face. The thoughts were coming too fast; Nita had been there, had seen it; Fiona's friend Annie; Fiona was a rabbit; wait how could Fiona be dead; people didn't die, the chips stopped people from... The chip had stopped her from...

Hot tears welled up in her eyes. Controlling her emotions had always been such a priority, and yet none of that discipline came to her now. There was only a barren, empty space hole where it should have been.

Kikue stared. She began to cry, although she couldn't really remember ever starting. See Nita begin to rock, she immediately sat back down on the bed and embraced her, clung to her, not knowing what to say to somehow ease the memories that must be flooding Nita's head. Couldn't imagine seeing it. Could barely imagine it happening. That girl...Fiona.

'Like trees in November...'

Annie. Annie had been in the labs. So she had been a wolf. Yes, Fiona, Fiona was -- had been -- a rabbit. No, how could she even be thinking that she was really dead? It had been long ago that she'd talked to her -- but it had been real, and no one was supposed to be allowed to die...

Kikue's thoughts were gibberish -- a childish denial took about residence in her brain. Yet she could remember, so clearly, her mother being dead, the same words her left her mouth...

Fiona was such a clearly defined picture in her mind. Zach had said someone had died, but how...how? Annie...changed, killed her? Ripped her throat out...

Nita hiding in the trees...

She abandoned thought and any shred of dignity she had ever clung to. Burying her face into Nita's fur, she put her paw around the other girl's head and held her. She cried without holding an ounce of it back -- loudly sobbing, remembering that the last time she had ever let herself do something like it was after Father had broken her hand.

Can't be. Can't be.

But it is.

In the flurry of emotion, Kikue quite lost herself. She began to react without realizing it; her tears slowing as she nuzzled Nita as if she were a fellow, distraught over something. Her actions were operating from a purely instinctively level -- these simple things seemed to speak the most now, where words could do nothing. Kikue almost didn't notice what she was doing, as she leaned forward with her rough tongue halfway out of her mouth to wash Nita's face.

Quickly she slapped a paw over her mouth, mumbling out something to the extent of "OhmygodI'msorry" from behind her fingers. It sounded completely unlike her, but the impulsive action generated an equally spontaneous response.

Her ears crumpled noticeably and put her arm back around the other girl and let Nita's head rest on her shoulder. The tears came back in spurts, randomly trickling down her face and wetting the fur that led down to her nose. Fiona...Fiona. She couldn't really be dead...

Kikue's imagination had already created the scene; what it must have looked like...yet she knew it couldn't be anything near what it had been like to see it...to see...

Much as she tried to hold it back, she began to cry silently again, imagining that other girl who she would never now see again. But how...

And Fiona's friend, Annie...she had killed...had they... But they must have...killed her too... But Zach...seemed to say she was still out there...oh gods but. Wouldn't she remember herself after a while...out there....or maybe she's still lost in it...oh...

I can't believe this...

Although still somewhat embarrassed, Kikue felt much better after she watched Nita begin to calm. She was able to feel it herself, her train wreck of emotions finally coming to a moderate speed...and then slowing. She took a deep breath to help the composure come back to her.

She smiled as Nita apologized. "It's okay," she said softly, surprised for a moment at Nita's touch...then upon remembering what she herself had almost done about a minute ago, she thought it probably shouldn't be strange at all.

She was able to feel like she breathing again. She sat quietly for a little while, then met Nita's eyes again. "I'm so sorry, Nita...I had no idea..." Kikue forced the impending tears back with a hard swallow. "I met Fiona...but it was a long time ago, now. I never met Annie. Fiona only told me about her."

Kikue felt as if someone was squeezing her heart in her chest. It hurt. It ached. She placed a clawed hand onto Nita's again, letting her know that she was still there. "...I heard someone had died...I find out almost by accident...they said that the person was still out there, so they were worried about going out." Kikue flicked her back up. "I suppose I should tell you what I did..." It didn't feel right to hold back, after Nita had had to relive Fiona's death just to tell her.

"I attacked someone in the mess hall. I...I was stupid. After I woke up I didn't eat...for a few days. Then I went there to get food, and the person...had stabbed himself in the leg. I have no idea why, but when I came in it was like that. There was blood everywhere. I couldn't...control myself...once I got close to him and tried to help."

Kikue's eyes looked out with anguish. "I...I know that might make you afraid of me...I would understand... If I keep on top of things, I seem to be fine...but I..." She cringed inwardly. She treasured Nita's friendship, and was nearly terrified to lose it.