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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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 Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 8:49 am
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The next few days seemed fine at first, but steadily grew strange.
Nat had lost his appetite just a bit, and was growing paler and paler. He had difficulty sleeping at night, the few little periods he did sleep, he would jerk awake in a cold sweat, shaking slightly.
He tried to ignore these though, and moved on with daily life. He had hoped Teagan wouldn't notice, which was probably impossible.
Especially after he seemed so different after dinner one night.
He had barely touched his food to begin with, and now sat, staring solemnly down at his plate, picking at it occasionally. He hadn't so much as said one word to Teagan the whole evening which was odd for him.
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:05 am
Teagan had indeed noticed ho off Nat had been, not just on the first day of the changes, but how he went day by day. It was so hard for her to see him grow so shaky, paranoid and at times ornery. But, she understood, and said nothing to him, either.
That night at dinner, though, Teagan felt the weight of her silence press in with his.
"It's getting tough for you, isn't it?" she said very softly. While she looked down at her empty plate, her gaze shifted to his full one. Not only was that bad for him, but it was a waste of food. They couldn't afford to let things go like that.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:14 am
Nat rubbed his face with one hand for a moment, exhaustion lacing every feature of his thin face. "I'm sorry." Was all he said, though he wasn't sure why he was sorry. For not eating, for being so antisocial, for worrying her? Or was it soemthing he hadn't done yet? Maybe all of the above, but one thing was certain, It was indeed very hard for him, and looked like he had a ways to go still.
Part of him wanted to beg for just one light. Just one more time and he'd be done. Thats all he needed. The pain was worsening, but he hadn't told her about that either. He wanted to get clean but it was starting to become unbearable.
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:32 am
"Don't be. I'm sorry."
Teagan gave just a little laugh before really looking him in the face. Her own was sad, tired, and exhausted, almost like his, but there was just a small difference: hers still had defiant hope.
"I haven't been helping you with this. I just let you go, and don't say a thing. Bein' cold when you get frustrated... what kind of support is that?"
Again she smiled, if only just so they could seem happy at the table. The illusion might help, she thought, if only they could pull it off.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:40 am
Nat was silent for a moment, wanting to say so much, and yet nothing at all. Finally after a moment, he stood suddenly. "...I'm think I'm going to turn in for the night..." He mumbled, turning away without even looking at her. "I'll put my food up for later..." He picked up his plate and headed off for the kitchen silently, leaving Teagan alone with her thoughts.
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:50 am
What could she do? There was nothing... though Teagan wanted to just destroy the stash she had hidden in her cupboard of jars somewhere, she knew that this might destroy him. Teagan got up from her seat and followed him silently, knowing that even if he wanted to be alone, that this wouldn't just go away by keeping quiet.
"Nat," she said as she made her way through the door. "Nat, you know I love you, right? You know that?"
Teagan's guilt was that she had done this. She had wanted this, she had wanted him to get rid of everything that made him stable. It was her fault for sending him into this depression, and yet the other side of her felt no remorse. Nat needed to be clean, even if it caused him pain.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:57 am
Nat responded with an angry bang on the counter. "God D-...." He stopped himself. He took a deep breath,rubbing his eyes angrily. A few cupboards had been flung open and obviously searched through. "Teagan, where is it!?" He demanded. "Where the hell is my stash!? If you love me, You'lll find it right now!!" His voice grew from anger, to desperation, to anger again. His eyes were bloodshot and dilated as he paced the kitchen a few times, mumbling to himself. He seemed right out of his mind, when really he was fighitng between his angry drug deprived side, and the loving, soft side that wanted this to just stop.
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 10:05 am
"Nat, I don't..." Teagan watched as he tore through things. Spices had been knocked over, cups displaced and one broken. He would go through it all just to find it, but maybe she could stop it...
Once again, Teagan let herself believe that she could somehow hold power over this side of him, and all sides of him, just because facing the truth was so difficult for her.
"I don't know where I put it. I just flung it somewhere."
With a gentle tug, Teagan took his hand and tried to get him to come with her to the living room where they could sit and calm down.
"Nat, come on... let's go watch some TV or something. Let's not worry about this now, kay?"
Though the idea was simple enough, her voice was shaking, as was her hand.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 10:18 am
Nat violently jerked his arm away from her hold, crying out angrily. "I dont want to watch the damn TV!" He shouted, his voice loud and threatening. "I just want you to cut the crap! You're oh so pure and little miss perfect, and I'm TIRED of trying to cram myself into your little perfect mold! I"M NOT PERFECT! I'm an ADDICT who doesn't give a damn!" His voice got louder and louder as he violently swung at her, though was far enough away that he merely toppled over the knife set and a little bit of tupper ware on the counter.
His hand rested on one of the fallen blades, his eyes pissed and bloodthirsty.
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 10:29 am
And of course, Teagan, being the hot-headed sprite she was, quickly ignited after getting over the initial shock of being yelled at so violently. The clattering of the knives and tupperware made her jump and shake even more, but she could go head-to-head in this arena just as if they were having a normal spat.
"I'm just trying to get you off of this dependence on something that'll only drive you further into that hellhole brain of yours! So don't you go callin' me perfect and say I have this mold set for you! Not when it took me so damn long to figure out if something was wrong with me. I've changed for you!"
Being hot-headed also meant having clouded judgement, and whether or not Teagan was thinking about what her words might cause did not make up for the fact that they were both knee-deep in rage, and it was becoming dangerous.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 10:50 am
Nat's furry rose sharply as he reached forward, grabbing her by the shoulders roughly, shaking her violently. "You haven't changed a bit, so why should I!? GIVE ME MY DAMN DRUGS!!" He shook her a bit more, his grip tightening.
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 10:59 am
"I have... I have."
It wasn't until he grabbed her and held her so tightly that her arms hurt that Teagan understood how powerless she was. It was frightening, sickening, and all she could do was look at him with large, scared eyes.
"Please let me go, Nat. You're hurting me." With just a little tug, she tried to get away from him. Love kept her from screaming and trying to get anyone in earshot to call the cops, from exposing Nat as the addict he was and getting him thrown into jail. It was all love, which went hand in hand with foolishness.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 11:08 am
For a split second, the old Nat was visible. His eyes softened and widened. He looked down at how he was holding her, suddenly letting her go all at once, looking as if he were the one scarred. Which he was. "T-Teag-...." He looked pale, ashamed, sick. "I'm....My God...." A shaky hand covered his mouth a moment, moving up to smooth his hair back a few times nervously.
"I'm...so sorry..." He managed to whisper, backing up a bit more, his back finally hitting the opposite wall, sending a jolt through him. He stumbled into the hallway, grabbing for his coat numbly, before crashing out the door,afraid he'd do something worse to her.
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 11:15 am
Teagan made no move to go after him.
She merely stood in the middle of her kitchen, surrounded by shards of a mug, scattered knives and tupperware. She knew it was the result of her choices, all broken and misplaced. As she rubbed the sides of her arms, a few tears escaped and turned into quiet sobs. This wasn't what she wanted when she was pursuing Nat, but there was no way to fix it if he didn't come back.
Teagan's face contorted with her sadness and tears, and she sunk to the ground in her sadness. Crying in her kitchen, Teagan felt she was at a total loss, and still made no move to clean the mess or go after Nat.
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- Pocket Full of Ashes - Crew
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Posted: Sat Oct 03, 2009 11:52 am
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After some time Raquel found herself at Teagans front door, knocking gently but hurriedly before opening the door a tad. "Teagan? Teagan are you alright?" She called inside, furrowing her brow as she slipped into the somewhat dark house.
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