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 Posted: Mon Dec 29, 2008 9:12 pm
-ahem-
OH, ******** OFF ALREADY!
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Posted: Tue Dec 30, 2008 11:19 pm
"SAT scores= EPIC FAIILLLL"
To my boyfriend and one true love:
"Let me start off on a good note: I love you. I love you so much that even if I stopped loving for good, you would still keep me loving you somehow. You are the greatest person I have had the pleasure of starting a clmusy relationship with. We have ups and downs ((mostly ups)) and we keep going on through all our troubles, even if we're not there to comfort each other. Yes, you are THAT awesome."
"There's just one big problem: I can't speak up. We both can't. Me for the most part. You just let your friend that your living with invite anyone over at anytime and you never tell him how you feel about it. You just let it go. Now I know that it is HIS house and such, but you live there too. You have every right to not have friends over ALLLLLL the time. I mean, I know friends are important but if you hate being apart as much as I do, why don't you do MORE about it?"
"Now here's my problem. When you say you have friends over I say"Oh...okay. Well, have fun with your friends then. I'll see you later okay?" while smiling and being cheery like I always do. Then you ask"ARe you okay with this?" and I say in defenese, "I don't run your life silly. Friends are important. Besides, its not like I'll never see you again right?" I laugh to give myself some assuration that everything will be fine. And we say our goodbyes and I feel like s**t because I don't say how I really feel about it!"
"I wish I could just TELL you how I ******** feel about it but I'm so afraid to tell people stuff all the damn time! I think it has to deal with my dad yelling at me when I was a kid. He has high blood pressure and such so he sometimes takes it out on the family by yelling. He has a very short fuse as well. If I can't find something, I'm yelled at."
"I hate being yelled at, more than anything. I get so scared when people yell at me. It makes me feel sad and I think "God you idiot! Why did you even bring it up?!" I need to be upfront with you. I'm lonely for christs sakes! We both are. I won't even bother with it on New Years because you won't be around."
"My best friend Ryo says I shouldn't have to ask you to spend time with me or something, but then again, she doens't like you. I don't know what I should say when I talk to you tomorrow..... I'll tell you its important and you'll listen I know that. I'm probably being lonely for nothing. I just miss you so much it hurts. We haven't had a day for just us two in months. I just wnat you to myself for longer than 15 minutes or a half hour. I want us talking all night like we did before. Saying risky things for long periods of time, debating about games and such, and other things."
" The only thing keeping me from going crazy is my playing Left4Dead like crazy with my two best friends Duncan and Denny. Videogames distract the mind quite well. I'll talk to you tomorrow <3 I know it. I'll be strong and talk to you."
Last thing:
Dear Duncan and Denny:
"We're BFF'S forever. Always, always, always. I wouldn't trade you guys out for anyone. Sure, you guys can be jackasses on Left4Dead and shoot me just because you want to be butts, but you guys are still there for me when i need you guys. We wrestle and we joke around, but everyone says you guys like me more than just a friend, that you gusy want something more but don't say it. I may be a tad dumb on such things, but I don't think you guys have a crush on me. Duncan, you PROBABLY do, but you don't say anythign about it. Your very mysterious about your whole"Dating scene."
"Denny, I KNOW you had a crush on me before and I didn't know wher eteh borderline was for friendship, which made you upset. We stopped being friends alonng wih my other friend. But we got over it and after half a year, we became friends again. I hope all three of us stay The Three Amigos, even after I go to college. I hope we can still play shooter games together and kick zombie butt forever. Best friends forever. Never forget."
P.S. "Long post is long."
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Posted: Wed Dec 31, 2008 2:46 pm
"I'll never get that chance again to talk to you
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Posted: Thu Jan 01, 2009 8:38 am
MAKE A MOVE PLEASE
I can't tell if you're interested or just being a tease. (rhyme unintentional)
I really want to date you. You act like you really want to date me.
Well, I need my iPod back, at any rate. Maybe I'll use that as an excuse to see you again.
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Second_Crimson Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Jan 03, 2009 9:16 pm
I smile, but really for the past month and a half I've been internally depressed. I can't pull myself out of a funk to save my life. I just don't want to do ANYTHING with anyone. I could have done nothing at New Years and been alright.
I just want someone to come along and wake me up from my apathy and sadness.
[/emo]
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Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2009 7:23 pm
What part of 'I'm being serious' do you not understand? This ain't a joke. Yes or no.
I know, I know, I'm being pushy or whatever. I don't care right now. Give me a straight answer.
... *huggles Crimmy*
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Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 7:46 pm
STOP TALKING TO ME. You make me so mad I could vomit.
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Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 6:26 pm
You're both being toddlers. Not talking to me won't change the facts.
I. Was. Unable. To. Participate.
I apologized, Chef understood, and there was nothing I could have done differently!
At least this time, YOU have to listen to ME when it comes to baking, at least.
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Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 11:13 pm
"Why? Why can't any of you stop being ignorant((sp?)) for one second and LISTEN TO ME! Making jokes and ridiculing me about the situation isn't going to change my mind about how I feel about him D: Sure, I was confused before when I thought I was falling for a friend, but I found out it WAS just being desperate. And I feel terrible for it. I mean christ, my own best friends, who i thought I could trust with this s**t are making fun of me and making accusations. I can't even talk to my online sister about it because she doesn't like him!"
"Why can't anyone see he's a good guy and wouldn't lie to me deliberatly? I mean, what reason would he have to lie anyway? We haven't fought in months, we send time together, and we are always truthful to each other. We also both detest lying more than anything. So WHY would he waste 2 1/2 years to be with me so badly just to destroy it? I mean COME ON. Sure, it sounds crazy, hell, it sounds crazy to even me! But I know for a fact he wouldn't lie about this s**t. I've known him for 6 goddamn years, I think I know him better than the rest of you. And even if he DIDN'T have feelings for me anymore, he would have told me already! He would have told me that his love for me has faded and that he thinks we should part. Then we would and that'd be the end of it. He is an honest and beautiful person. He would never burden me like that. He wouldn't even THINK of doing so. So stop acting like you people know it all and just back off plz kthnx."
"I also want to say that I DO make mistakes, probably more than others, but that doesn't mean I'm a monster. Not one bit."
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Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 1:55 pm
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Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 12:37 pm
You -know- we hate him, and you right now.
And yet you bring him inside our house!?
WHAT IN THE ******** HELL ARE YOU THINKING!?
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Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 2:24 pm
I have been without electricity and heat for five days now. It is colder in our house than it is outside for some strange reason. I was trying to save money this month, but I'm being forced to eat out because I can't go shopping or cook. I have to actually pay my shitty power company tomorrow 315 bucks even though they haven't said s**t to or done s**t for us.
I just want to be able to sleep in a warm bed, not a couch. I want to be able to play my 360. I want to be able to have privacy. But no. I'm stuck at a friend's house because of this stupid ******** ice storm.
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Second_Crimson Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 12:07 pm
mystic crystal revelations
He said he's not himself. He said he doesn't want to get into anything until he feels better. He says when he does, then he'd like to date me.
It's not what I wanted.
It's not what he wanted.
But it's not no.
How can I feel about this?
and the mind's true liberation
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Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 10:17 am
  I'm really sorry. If you knew me a little more, you would know that whenever I make new friends,
I try not to do anything drastic, and slowly learn about them before opening up to them,
so I won't lose them. But you make it so difficult to do that.
We've had our great moments, and I was so happy to have you as a friend because of them,
especially during Japanese Class. That's usually the only time I see you smiling like that.
But I know that you're a guy who takes things seriously,
and I should've known that when I sent you that Valentine's Card (anonymously) as a joke.
And now you give me the silent treatment.
I should of asked Lauren what I should have done for a Valentine's Day present,
since she knows you a lot more than I do. And then, even when I tried to say hi to you in the halls on Friday,
you just looked back at me and walked away.
That hurt.
So much.
I hid it, though. I did't want to make a fool of myself in front of everyone.
...And THEN I see one of Lauren's comments in your Gaia Profile,
and apparently she said she was going to miss you.
You didn't even tell me you were leaving somewhere.
You might be going away for a while, moving to another place, or whatever,
I don't care about that.
But I can't believe you didn't tell me.
I was even going to apologize to you when class starts next week.
I looked like I was happy-go-lucky after school that day, but I was just hiding my feelings. You know me. I hate causing scenes.
I still want to be friends. I really do.
So why don't you tell me anything? Why don't you tell me what I'm doing wrong, what's ticking you off,
and what I should do to fix the little holes in our friendship, instead of abandoning me?
...I wish you treated most of us like how you treat your girlfriend; you talk to her about things that we should probably know about.
Just stop hiding everything from me.
Yes, your silent treatment worked, and you're making me feel worse than I already am. I just don't have the guts to tell you...
So what should I do?
P.S. Sorry that I haven't been on the guild,
and that this post is so long. o_o
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Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 2:29 pm
" Its ironic that today is Valentines Day. Its also ironic that I can't celebrate it. Ever. I never celebrate since its a commercial holiday and I think you should love each other that much all the time. But.....for some reason two days ago I wanted to celebrate it. But that can never happen for me. Sure my dad gets chocolates and a card for me and thats wonderful. But I want to spend it with someone I love, just this once. I'm beginning to realize what the hub-bub is about this holiday. Its not cards or chocolate, its celebrating your love for each other and showing from your heart how much you mean to that person."
"All my boyfriends in the past up to now think its so dumb to celebrate it. I guess thats why I do too. I haven't been able to get my feelings straight latetly. I don 't even know if Angel is my true love now. Sometimes I wonder what he's doing when I'm not watching or if he's disappearing on purpose. I don't think he would REALLY or on purpose for that matter, but I can't be near him. I can't touch him or kiss him or anything. And right after I visit him we won't be able to visit again til after college for both of us."
"Why does every guy that I fall in love with have to be so far away? Why can't I find a nice guy who will love me for the inside and outside that livesnear by? Angel is my world and always will be, but I'm starting to lose hope that I'll never see him again. And my heart is telling me to go with my best friend. But I can't cross that boundary. I can't. I don't want to hurt my friends if we break up and lose them. It just can't happen. "
"I always have to try so hard to get someone to love me and be with me. I always have to put so much effort forward. It feels so one-sided sometimes. If I had someone here I wouldn't have to try so hard. And if I dated a guy here, we'd get no privacy. Period. My parents would watch us 24/7 and never leave us alone. I don't want to subject anyone to that."
"If a guy even THINKS about liking me igt only lasts for a couple seconds. Then I start talking and they lose all interest and just want to be friends. It hurts that no one can commit like I do. I put my soul on the line with Angel. He made it so I didn't have to try so hard. He made it so it was equal. He didn't walk away when I started talking. We went into each others souls and combined into one soul of joy and love. Now its gone."
"I feel so confused without him. I don't know what I should be doing right now. Everything is stressful. Otakon, friends, family, and love. Its all so confusing and blurry to me right now. I don't even know how to react to anything. I feel so pathetic. I can't even deal with distance. I can't believe I'm so physical wise like other people. I can't tell whats hurting right now and what isn't. It sucks."
"I was fine til my friend left. When he drove off, I felt sadness again. After all my friends left actually. I just....I want my strength back. I want my love back. He's my everything. I want him back so I can be truly happy again. So that everything can stop hurting and so everything doesn't have to be so hard."
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