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Isaac folds his arms on the edge of the sink, letting his head rest in them for a moment, trying to suck the tears back into himself as they fell. He could feel sorrow and self-hatred flowing over him, he could feel it as physically as the sickness that was welling within him. He still couldn't see straight and his head felt detached and filled with cotton. He could feel warmth gripping him too tightly. Without the drug, he was wrought with fever and felt cold. But wth it now, it was too much. Too much warmth. He trembles a little bit, feeling it overwhelm him as he fell to his knees beside the toilet to empty his churning stomach. Beautiful. Just beautiful. He wretches a few times dryly afterwards. Then rose to his feet again, washing his mouth out in the sink and flushing the toilet. He wiped at the tears. Just beautiful. He splashes water at his face with his uninjured hands and then dries it. He walks from the bathroom, still feeling overheated and saw Akio there. He was silent, but he was crying, he knew. He blinks and says gently, "No.... No, you don't understand.... No, I said I was sorry.... No, its not..." He feels the tears again, hot burning like acid against his already scalding cheeks. He reaches up to his face, surprised by the iciness of his skin. He was freezing but you couldn't convince his body of that. He kneels beside his acoustic guitar case and took out his guitar, placing it tenderly aside. He throws the case infront of Akio, a managerie of needles and viles of clearish cloudy liquid, and plastic bags of powder the color of champagne. There was dried blood on the sides, there were cotton balls sated with clear liquid. He whimpers, "Don't be scared of the blood, Akio, it doesn't bleed anymore, it doesn't even f-cking bleed anymore.... And I'm sorry I bled today... But its not feeling right... and I'm so sorry that you were kissing a f-cking junkie.... and I'm sorry I'm not better for you but I want to be, I really do.... But I can't stop... Jesus.... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." He begins muttering it over and over, like a scratched record that was slowly cracking after each repeat it slid through.

Isaac was up infront of him,, gently pulling back Akio's arms and wiping his tears away, stroking the boy's hair as he tried almost desperately to calm him down. He says softly, "No, please... Don't cry anymore, please don't.... It's me, I did this, I did it all and now you are crying and I'm so sorry.... Please don't cry like its your fault, please don't.... I don't want to hurt you and I hid it trying to keep you in peace but...." He glances back at the needles, then up to Akio again. He calms himself down slightly, enough to gently say, "I'm not so good.... I'm not clean... You know and I spend so much time trying to wash it away.... and it never works.... Akio... God, I know, I'm a disappointment, and it's why I'm so sorry..." He begins hastily picking up the needles and crap, but more carefully this time. Akio was still crying, the needles, the blood, it was affecting him. Isaac trembles in some realization of how messed up that made him. He walks with the needles to the trashcan, pausing before dropping them inside, watching his obsession tinkle away. He's past trembling to shaking now. He turns and steps towards Akio, his eyes pleading as he whimpers, "I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm so sorry... please don't cry, atleast not for me, please...." the white s of his eyes are red, his cheeks are stained, he sighs, looking at his hands.

Isaac gulps hard and nods, feeling horrible. The wound on his hand had stopped bleeding. And that was it, even when he did bleed it stopped quickly, as if mocking him. He's trembling as he kneels back infront of Akio's sitting form. Like home, he had said. Like home. His hands take Akio's, setting them to the sudden shakey rhythm his held, and he felt guilty, but he says gently in a small whisper, "I'm sorry.... for reminding you... for making you feel that about me.... for everything...." He looks over to the trashcan, his body's actual instinct to go and get them back out, to wash them, to use. He nuzzles his freeezing face to Akio's hands again, knowing all that had been his faith was in the trashcan in the kitchen. He whispers, "Please.... Akio.... Can you take out the trash soon.... I'm not going to.... go back anymore... Ok? I promise it. I hurt you and I shouldn't have.... It's going to have to end." He's barely crying anymore, knoowing how hard it would probably be. But he pushes that thought away and looked up to Akio. He had promised himself to make Akio happy, to bring some sense of normalcy back to his life. And he would be rid of this for that. He smiles weakly, a faint shadow of his usual confident smile. He lets go of Akio's hands gently, not wanting them to shake anymore while in his.

Isaac sighs lightly, Akio's face felt warm but good against the cold that was taking him over. He prayed that this hit hadn't been too much, but his vision was starting to clear and his rapid pulse was starting to abate. The shaking was calming as well but he still had no idea whether the shaking was from the drug or from his own tightening nerves. But he takes in another deep breath then let it out in a sigh. His eyes finally opened, seeing Akio's face there, as tear-streaked at his own, but the tears were dry. He reaches up his hand, which was only suffering from minor tremors now, and began to stroke Akios face, wiping away the dried salty stiffness left over, but also a tender stroke. He didn't know how Akio could still be with him like this even when he knew. But that didn't matter. He was still going to let this all go for him. He lifts his other hand to the other side of Akio's face, the first hands running lightly through his hair. The bood at the tied sleeve had dried now, and it wouldnt bleed if he unwrapped it. All the same he left it there. He glances to Akio's shirt. It had been a pretty nice shirt and it was ripped. Isaac made a small mental note to wash the sleeve until no trace of blood remained and then sew it back to Akio's shirt... Or just buy him a new one. He shouldn't have had to scarifice his shirt for such a stupid mistake that Isaac had made. It was stupid. Over and over, he had told himself once and he was telling himself now. He had hurt this person that he cared for just by doing something that was so stupid that he never should have been so addicted in the first place. He gulps hard, stil stroking Akio's face, as if hoping it would make things better.

Isaac blinked, hearing Akio between his own pounding heartbeats. I won't, he had said. He wouldn't what? Isaac shivered, realizing suddenly that despite Akio's warmth, he was still so cold. It was that simple. He wouldn't. Isaac didn't know what he had meant, but it didn't sound good. He knew it was all a show now. Why had Akio just conforted him just now to tell him that he wouldn't... Isaac's hands gently fall, landing on Akio's lap. His blue eyes are staring at his lap, at his hands, watching the little points of color jumping as his vision kept obscuring. Isaac put on his brave face, one that seemed like a broken mask of his usual confidence as he suddenly stood. He glances about the dorm room, raising his arm the wipe at his own face impersonally. His eyes return to Akio, looking shattered, but that was all that was wrong with him. He says firmly, "Class starts soon... we should get going..." He then turns and walks to the bathroom, finding the roll of gauze he had just taken in there and then untying the sleeve. He was right, the bleeding had stopped entirely. He flexed his hand almost violently, almost wanting it to start again. No blood. He didn't even bleed anymore. He wraps it in the gauze anyways, almost as if trying to fool himself but also knowing the dark gash would scare people. Would scare Akio. Akio... But Akio wouldn't....

Isaac slowly opens the bathroom door, having heard Akio's voice. He had seen the hurt look on his face seconds before he had left. he didn't know why Akio was hurt, but he knew it probably had some correlation to Isaac's addiction. He slips halfway through the doorway, leaning up against the doorframe, his drowsy head resting against the wood there. He gazes at Akio through sleepy eyes and says gently, "Philosophy..." He smiles a small bit, his eys dropping smoothly from Akio's to the floor. He draws in a deep breath and walks silently back out of the bathroom, almost gliding with no falter or noise towards Akio. He snakes his arms around him, not really knowing what to say or what the boy wanted to hear from him. He sighs gently, holding him loosely. He takes in the fragrant scent of Akio, clean and fresh from his shower were all that Isaac could feel for himself was dirtiness. He tries to breathe evenly before whispering, "I really am sorry.... I never wanted to hurt you..."

Isaac blinked, surprised as Akio pulled away, watching him banicking before he ran out the door. He burries, grabbing his meesenger bag with books and stuff, swinging it over his shoulder and grabbing an extra shirt since he realized the one he was wearing had blood on the end of the sleeve. He totally abandons any thought of shoes, he didn't like them anyways. He hurries out the door, only about 20 seconds after Akio and he ran surprisingly fast to catch up with the boy. He passed him as they both exited the building and Isaac grasped Akio's wrist, pulling him towards his car, knowing that crossing the street and walking the few blocks to the intructional buildings would take too long. He pulls him into the car, quickly starting it up and catching his breath as he drove. He gasps lightly, smiling, his old self starting to return, "I think we'll make it on time..." He reaches over with one hand, straightening out the hem of Akio's shirt absent-mindedly, cooing, "If you do that too much, it will wrinkle..." he smiles a little to Akio, giving him an understanding glance. He had his ticks too, but this little show was to let Akio know that a person like Isaac looked over that. He pulls into the parking lot, shutting the car off and locking it the second they were out. HeGives Akio a peck on the cheek, "I'll meet you for lunch, bye..." He runs off the his instructional building, one separate from Akio's.