Welcome to Gaia! ::

I ******** hate in-laws... Especially the mother! What a ******** b***h! She seriously posted "Help me... please" on her FB! She's the one causing the ******** problems! She talks to me through my husband! She wanted to go get a set of knives, because gods forbide, we have none! Hello! Just moved in and don't have much money! So she wanted to go with my husband, he said it would be better to take me because he would not know what I would want. In you're face b***h! But she threw a hissy fit. Then her and the daughter went in to the back room of our house and talked s**t about me with closed doors! In my house! Our house! They are NOT welcome back here! I'm pretty damn sure my husband knows this. The mother and daughter are ignorant, rude, selfish, control freaks! They came in and dropped all their s**t all over my house, didn't ask if they could put things in the fridge and made a mess in the kitchen without even asking if I minded! They didn't even clean it up! The father is fine. He's just a bit oblivious. The wife obviously beats him down to stay that way. And the entire time they have been here they (when I say they I am referring to the mom and daugher) pick on my husband, bad and relentlessly... I'm so pissed.... ESPECIALLY after that post on FB.

*hugs* if it helps, my soon to be ex mother in law bought a sword to cut my head off with, tried to poison me and her son, had our first divorce papers FRAMED above her tv, and LEFT them there even when he and i reconciled. and was instrumental in taking my daughter from me.
>.>
she still wants to kill me.

**hugs** That stinks! You can get replacement SS cards in a day or so, but it'll take a few weeks to get your driver's license. But I think the DMV will issue a temp paper replacement, which should help.

I add another disclaimer to my following statements- I do not know you personally, so I am going on two semesters of college psychology and a lifetime of people watching. It is extrapolation and guesses only. If you tell me to ******** off I will do so. And if you want to continue conversation in PM's instead of open forum I would understand completely.

I think that being in a situation where he is your sole emotional support is hurting you both more than the porn. All the control in your new situation has to pass through him- he knows the area, knows where things are, and you don't. He knows the people there and has a support network in place. What support you had previous to your move was tenuous (given your description of your old friends and boyfriends. I don't know about family, so I can't comment on that facet). Now you are in a new situation where the only point of familiarity is your husband, and to a lesser degree, your home together.

As such, you cling to him, overcompensating with him for the support and control you have with him that your environment and social climate cannot provide. It is an understandable impulse but it hurts both of you. You feel unstable and rely on him for all your emotional needs. The strain hurts him so he hides it away and closes off. He may not understand why you need him so much, and need him to be so transparent in all of his dealings to reassure you that he (your only contact there) ain't going anywhere. That, I think, is why the porn thing blew up so big. You fear losing him so any secret makes you fear the whole thing will come tumbling down.

You said that he has had other secrets before, and that you reacted in a similar fashion. I fear the porn will be the same way. He may or may not change his behavior, but it doesn't truly matter in the long run. Another secret will come along that will make you feel like he is hiding terrible things from you and the pattern of hurt will replay. I'm not saying that this makes watching porn or any other secret he's had magically better, and I don't mean to lay all the blame on you. This is partly his fault in that he hasn't expected his wife to need increased reassurance, attention from him in a new environment, or even to keep his mother in line. He can't act like a bachelor anymore or expect you to do everything without him, but you need to remember to communicate effectively, too. Tell him why you don't want to bitchslap his mother and tell her to ******** off (or why you WANT to, but can't/won't).

And try to find a friend where you are. Having a living breathing person to talk to, get drunk with, and sing dirty songs with at three in the morning is a wonderful thing. Mostly though, it will give you more support. Online people are great but a part of the spark of social interaction is lost. Offline you know they won't go anywhere. Online very little is solid, and most people are more fluid than a wet fish.

If you can, walk around and get a feel for the place. Find a place you like to go (library, park, mall, coffee shop) and go there. Get comfortable with the place in a way that doesn't rely on your husband. If you have a car, get a map of the area and drive around. If and when you want to include your husband you'll have an idea that he wouldn't of thought of. A native doesn't think of his native habitat the same way an outsider does. My boyfriend had to ask about the redwoods here before I even thought to ask if he wanted to see them. Knowing your environment gives you power over it. You don't have to rely on your native to take you somewhere and to know everything about you well enough to anticipate your every wish. Such expectations are doomed to failure if your beloved isn't a telepath. It also gives you a chance for pleasure that isn't from him and isn't reliant on him. There is a line between mutual support and spousal dependence, and crossing the line can wreck a relationship.

I hope this helps. Sometimes I do not say things properly, or forget to write down important points. And again, if I am way off the mark or even just a little bit don't feel bound by what I've said. I am NOT a professional, merely a well-informed lay-person. Only you can tell if this perspective can help you.

Wow guys! This looks like it has been a very eventful (in a bad way) week for allot of us.

I think a group hug is in order. *Holds arms open in invite to fellow guildies*

I really feel that if she could get away with it she would... She's a ******** psycho! But they're gone now *takes a deep breath* I HATE when people come in to my house and ******** it up!

oh...wow. *gives hugs to all*

i had to drop a course for this semester =(. i went to all my classes for this week and the one on wednesday made me a nervous wreck. there was several times i wanted to run out of the classroom becouse of the vibes from the proffessor and students. i told my mom how he was and all and she told me it was alright to withdraw she wouldnt be mad. even my brothers gf said to drop it now. i was so sick when i got home. mom said it wouldnt be good to go to a class if i was gonna be nervous and all on.

so my A&P and lab has been droped....it took me several hours to fill better and not like i was doing a bad thing by doing so.

bleh.....just thinking on it is making me upset again.