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mrgreen init'e ADORABLE!?

Men are weird. I doubt he has the same relationship with you that he does with people at work. Emotions can be hard to express when one's weiner gets in the way. Plus, work is work. If he has to, he could quit and find a new job. He doesn't want to quit on you, so he says nothing and hopes that nothing goes wrong. Take it from someone who is half Scorpio; we brood. A lot. And we stay quiet. A lot. It doesn't mean we don't care, but over thinking and blind spots happen.

Without knowing what he does, I can only offer limited comfort. I do know that things that hurt us don't always register to males. Have you told him, gently, that those actions hurt you? If he is forgetful in general, it may take quite a few gentle reminders (because big ones hurt more than they help) to get him to actually change behaviors. Yelling at him puts him on the defensive and triggers unhappy thoughts at you. You want him to see that the behavior hurts you and that a change on his part would be the best solution, but one must be careful when one leads a scorpion. It takes a careful balance of "this is important to me so you better damn well listen" and "I love you baby, but I feel this way..." to get us to actually listen. Save the big blow ups for when he hasn't been listening or is actively disregarding what you are trying to say.

Remember, its normal to think of past relationships when this one starts feeling wrong. Humans look for patterns, even when there aren't any, or when they aren't truly a pattern. Bodies change every moment, but it is the mind that holds a relationship together. A body is just something squishy to play with wink

This may sound weird, but bear with me. How does he react to you appreciating other men (physically or mentally)? For example, if you said you thought Johnny Depp was a walking sex god, would your husband react with jealousy or indifference? You may be expecting him to react as you do, which we have already established is not the case. If he doesn't react with jealousy for Mr. Depp (if it doesn't bother him at all, in fact), he may not see the porn as a problem. In all actuality, he has as much of a chance at actually sleeping with the adult film stars as you do with any movie eyecandy. If that's how he sees his viewing of porn, it will take careful explaining to get him to understand why it bothers you so much.

I will share something with you that I think you need to hear. I am obese, most likely categorized as morbidly so. I understand the impulse (though it probably isn't exactly the same for you) to want his eyes only and forever on you. Craving the reassurance that the person you love loves you so much that he won't even look at another woman is an understandable desire, but still an unhealthy one. Do you expect the same from yourself? Do you even deny yourself Hollywood eyecandy for fear of upsetting your husband or making him jealous? If not, why do you demand the same from him? That is why I am all for porn- it is a fantasy that can't come true. If he watches tapes rather than ogling women closer to home, I'm happy. If he fantasizes about Angelina Jolie rather than my best friend, I'm happy. I know I am overly paranoid and I have told him this. It still hits me some times and I make sure to let him know it is a problem with me, not him, because I know that he hasn't done anything. My head says trust him, but my heart says that he will do something worse than the last boyfriend. I am slowly retraining the heart. Its unfair for me to ask him to blind himself and demand slavish devotion only to me just to satisfy my scarred little heart. That would change the man I fell in love with into someone else I don't love.

OMG! rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl

Sorry guys...

I just took the time to read through erin's post to kosi, and then I saw Manguusu's short post about killing zombies, and it was funny... to me...

Anyway. I think erin's post is pretty much on the money. I tend to have the same hang-ups about porn as kosi, partly because of how I was raised, but I realized my main issue was my own insecurity. I have worked and am working on reforming myself, and now that I don't work myself up over it, my husband doesn't hide a thing from me. It was hard and it took a long time for me to come to the same conclusions that erin pointed out, but they were true none-the-less.

And now actually, he doesn't even really look at it anymore, now that I can shrug it off, which I thought it was weird. When I asked why, he said that I had worked so hard to change to suit him, that he felt bad about it, so he would change to suit me. I would warn that that is probably atypical results in most cases though, but anyway. So, now when there happens to be porn on the computer, we are usually both looking at it (which still feels kinda weird, but eh, it's amusing).

that's different though. innuendos are funny. if only women knew what men do when they are alone without females. =w=

seriously, nothing but self-detrimental gay jokes about ourselves and eachother. xd any group of all guys. that's what happens.

Yeah, maybe that's what really happened with my husband.

When I started watching it with him, I would start snickering at the overacting before the deed, and it made the sex seem absurd when it got to it.

Then when we watched the amateur stuff once, I had to point out how gross the human anatomy was when viewed close up, and he got what I was saying. Not to mention the STD's that just seem an implied fact. LOL

Hentai is funny to me too... or horribly horrendous in that way that makes you want to turn your head or close your eyes, but you can't...

... but the live action stuff just seems disgusting to me, but it has come in handy for giving us ideas for each other, but that is probably about the extent of its usefulness to me.

Honestly, I think the appealing thing to me about sex is intimacy, and it just doesn't seem natural or even very appealing to see an act that I hold sacred turned into a commercial enterprise. Yet, I know that isn't how the "progressive" world looks at it. I have wondered if my mindset is part of my insecurities, but to be honest, I don't really feel so insecure anymore, and these thoughts still tug at the back of my mind. I will probably never be able to find the stimulated enjoyment that so many other people find in it, but I think I have finally overcome (maybe desensitized?) my gut-wrenching revulsion for it. I at least know I don't feel threatened by it anymore.

You can call me strange, I know I am.

I watch it mostly for the same reasons. Its funny as hell to point out fake boobs and fake weenies. There was one really weird one where the lady's boobs looked like sandwich baggies eek And some compilation called Kings of c**k, I think, where the weenies couldn't have been real just due to physical laws of jizzum rofl Live action porn doesn't get me going. Now, a good x-rated fanfic.... that's another matter twisted

Sorry for not being on yesterday, I was auditioning for a part in my district's annual musical ^^
(*glomps shandrel back* d: )
Porn? What have I been missing? o.e