GAIA'S TIME LINE

[saphira_legend]

Journal of ElfTech 101
Monday, November 14th, 2005
11:18am

So I hear the doorbell ring. And when I go to get the door, some guy came down from the ceiling Tom Clancy style behind me and throws a burlap sack over my head! eek Next thing you know, I feel a karate chop to the back of my neck and I'm totally passed out.

I wake up in some kind of vehicle and we're on a bumpy road. I can hear the wind howling outside rattling the protective covers on the windows. It's making me kinda scared... crying

After about an hour or so, we finally get there! This place is HUMONGOLOID!! eek

Man, these guys are secretive! There must've been like a bajillion different key cards swiped and keypads pushed before the large door(which looked like the door on one of those old airplane hangars) opened up. That was ... COOL. surprised

Sure my butt hurt a little from sitting on the hard metal floor in the transport, but man it was worth it! Inside I could see really large machines turning out little parts for toys everywhere! Probably the BEST THING EVER. xd

I'm then brought to another room where there are rows and rows of cubicles! Sweet. I've never worked in such an official looking place before. I noticed one of the elves, he looked like he was kind of upset... erm, maybe even annoyed. I don't know what his problem was though cause I'd be hecka stoked to work in this place! Then again, he looked like he was assembling something really, really complex-- you know, like putting a cap back on a pen or something. I could never get that right. neutral

Anywho, then some guy comes up to me and tells me that my new boss will be some guy named 247. Supposedly, he's at the top of the chain around here! This is soo COOL. Oh man, I'm totally gonna love working at this Secret Arctic Test Facility!! heart  

[saphira_legend]

The Grimoire of ElfTech 571

Monday, November 14th, 2005 11:37am

I can't remember the last time I was warm.

Well, that's not true, not exactly. But I'm so ashamed to admit it...

It was when they wheeled Him into the operating room. The other elves were frantic, we were all terrified He'd die...and then our worst nightmares all came to pass only moments later. It was like having a huge J- (Just hearing that name makes me sick) (okay, I'll write it) -- Jack-in-the-box go off sideways into your stomach...you know, that sick, furious, your-life-just-ended feeling.

But as the gurney went by me...It was the blood. A big dollop of His blood...dropped off His hand as it swept by overhead...that valiant hand, fighting Jack, fighting Destiny and Fate, to the very last.

It was as if that drop of blood were a flaming match flying into a pile of gasoline-soaked old rag dolls...I couldn't stop it, couldn't stop that feeling of utter hatred and rage... Oh, I know we're supposed to be cheerful and happy but I just feel so EMPTY inside now...except for how much I want to see Jack's head baked into a pie...four and twenty blackbirds I have for you, Jack, baby...

Oh, yeah, we're hard at work; making sure a crucial part of the model's missing, or trimming puzzle pieces so they don't fit...coal went out of style years ago, and it's so expensive now...

But where is Christmas? And what now will become of us? It's all gone. He's gone.

Damn you, Jack.

Damn you.  

[saphira_legend]

Journal of ElfTech 123

Monday, November 14th, 2005
11:45am

Wow, INTERNET! I feel dumb not knowing too much about INTERNET. Still feel some sort of guilty looking at INTERNET at work. But this time, I need INTERNET to order la-unch. It is my duty here afterall.

Today, we will have pizza from NEO-PIZZA, only the finest pizza in all of Gaia. I hope everyone likes it.  

[saphira_legend]

Journal of ElfTech 013
Monday, November 14th, 2005
11:57am

I've managed to hack into the protected database archives. I knew it. All my worst fears have come true. I need to tell someone... oh god, someone is coming! I'll be caught for sure! What about my family... GOD NO. Julia... and little Nicki! This can't happen... not again... I must warn them before it's too--

We regret to inform you that ElfTech013 is no longer employed at S CORP. He was let go with the last series of layoffs. Please do not attempt to contact him through this address any further. Thank you for your cooperation.

-S CORP
"Making Christmas..."  

[saphira_legend]

Journal of ElfTech 404

Monday, November 14th, 2005
12:53pm

You know how there's a Fruit Roll-Up right? Well I created the world's first Vegetable Roll-Up! Brilliant, right? Wrong! It was a complete disaster. Who would have thought kids don't like vegetables? Sigh, the world just isn't ready for something so far ahead of its time . sweatdrop

Anyways, it's Christmas here again at S-Corp! Working for the the Big Man is great, I get total freedom to concoct new and exciting flavors at my state of the art lab. Wait till they get their hands on my latest invention, Geoduck flavored cotton candy! It's going to be a huge hit, I'm going to get rich!

Besides making toys, I'm a huge Larry Pottar fan. I can't wait to see "Larry Pottar and the Hobbit of Desire" this Friday. I heard some people already have tickets, I'm so jealous! gonk

P.S. I hope Santa is ok, I heard he was in some kind of accident. Don't you worry though, us elves are going to make sure this Christmas is the best one ever!  

[saphira_legend]

journal of ElfTech 909
Pa rum pum pum pum, who's the new guy?

Why do they have to bring in more elves...I hope this doesn't lessen my chance of making new toys. He does seem to be simple minded, but this job is simple minded anyways cry

Jingle!

It's almost time for lunch. Today is NEO-PIZZA day, my fav. I better get to the lunch room first before the new guy takes my share.  

[saphira_legend]

Journal of ElfTech 722

Monday, November 14th, 2005 1:00 PM

You know that feeling you get when you are holding pocket aces and you see an ace turn over on the flop? Well, that is nothing compared to the feeling of joy and elation at starting work here at S. Corp! I can barely contain myself.
Of course I act all cool. Good thing elftech 247 gave me a good referral for this job. ( Not that he knows it sssssh. I faked it. hehe. ) It helps to have an edge like that. Always looking for that edge ... that's me. I can bluff my way into any job. Mrs. Claus wasn't easy to fool, but I think I pulled it off ok.

Mrs. Claus Wrote:

So, tell me a bit about your work experience ... have you worked on a project like this before?



I didn't know what to say because my only legitimate job was working as the "Amazing Elf" at Johnny K. Gambino's Gold Mountain. Card tricks and parlor magic stunts, ya know. Not exactly the qualifications needed for ... well, I have no idea what I will be making exactly, but toy construction is not exactly my forte. I can palm the ace of spades from the middle of the deck without even looking but my etch-a-sketch construction skills are a little weak.

Elftech722 Wrote:

Oh sure. Of course. Yes. I have worked on many such .... projects before. But then, what elf hasn't? haha ha!
Well, perhaps nothing of this scale maybe ... but you get the idea. Lots of BIG projects. Making a toy for every girl and boy is all in a day's work for me! I just buckle down and you would not believe how much I can do.
By the way, I heard that we will be working directly with Santa in the workshop. Is that true? I mean, what an honor! A real treat! To work for the big man himself is just a ---



She interrupted me:

Mrs. Claus Wrote:

Well, we need you to start right away. Follow Elftech013 into the next room and he will show you where to start.



Funny thing, now that I think of it, I haven't seen Elftech013 around since then. But then, this is a large scale operation so it is hard to keep track of all the new faces. It doesn't help that we all kinda look the same. hehe.  

[saphira_legend]

Journal of ElfTech 101
Monday, November 14th, 2005
1:52pm

Just got back from my very first lunch at S CORP. Oh man, you shoulda seen the GRUB they had there! Pizza! OMG, and not just any pizza!! They had full on NEO-PIZZA! How much more rawk can you get?! I musta stuffed my face with a whole pizza plus breadsticks... gosh I love working here!

I saw a lot of new faces today... so many serious looking people. They all looked really smart. I can tell. A few of them were wearing glasses. I could never afford glasses to look smart. crying

Oh... while I was checking out all the people there, I coulda sworn I saw the "Amazing Elf" !!!! Yeah!! The same one that does all the magic tricks at Johnny K. Gambino's GOLD MOUNTAIN! I must be mistaken though, cause I heard that the police were looking for him. No way Santa would let a criminal work here at the Secret Arctic Test Facility... but man, if it is him, I'd love to get his autograph! He's a god to me! 3nodding  

[saphira_legend]

Journals of ElfTech 126
Monday, November 14, 2005 :: Sometime after 2pm.

doo bee doo bee doo! the life of an elf for me!

i guess lots of people must be reading my journal. when i got back to my room from my big first day, there was a big box of ticking packages on my bed, and a note from the security staff:

S Corp Security Screening Wrote:

due to the ticking nature of the packages in this box, all packages had to be scanned, xrayed, and opened by the S Corp Bomb squad robot. We're sorry for the troubles, all contents were left unharmed.

In the future, please inform your family and friends to not send any packages that 'tick'. Because of recent events, we are at a level three security alert here at S Corp, and all incoming mail and packages must be screened by the Security Staff.

and... to my suprise! watches! lots of them. all for me from my people who feel bad for me for forgetting my watch. the only problem tho is that even though the screening people said that the contents were undamaged, all the watches that people sent me are showing different times, and some of them are cracked. it's okay tho. the way i see it, people care about me, so i'm going to wear them all. i've got a pretty good chance of looking at all the watches and at least one of them being right, which is good enough for me.

today wasn't as much fun as i expected, but it being my first day on the new job, it's never fun, you know? lots of meeting the managers, a 'workplace ethics' video that i was forced to watch (some of the stuff that video had in it was gross!) and lots of forms to sign. something about an NDA or something. i was so bored by that point that i didn't even read it, i just flipped to the last page and signed it. what does NDA stand for? No Dropping Animals? Nine Different Assignmets? oh no! i don't want nine assignments. i probably shouldn't have signed that one.

...

so they put me in this lab working on the newest toys for this year. such exciting stuff. there's this pen, that writes, and talks to you and even teaches you languages and stuff! that one is really cool. i 'borrowed' one and i've been doodling with it all night, trying to get it to say silly stuff.

oh! and there's this really cute elf who works just around the corner from me! i was having a bit of fun playing with the doors with the blinky lights, and she saw me. i think she was staring at me. i'm going to have to wander over tomorrow and see if she wants to join me for coffee or something.

maybe we can take a nice moonlight stroll outside, if i can get 547 to show me how he gets through those doors. i heard something from the other elves how he like teleports through the doors or something. maybe he can show me how. then i can get outside... and play in the snow... mmmm... cold. snow.

i'll have to find a jacket first, tho. it's cold out there.  

[saphira_legend]

Journal of ElfTech 404
Monday, November 14th, 2005
2:30pm

Quote:
Hey, Mr. Elf Tech 404!

You're eligible for FREE LARRY POTTAR TICKETS! All you have to do is participate in a simple observation and writing contest! They're practically yours! All you have to do is write down everything that occurs around you for ONE SHORT DAY. Send it back to me, and I'll mail your tickets to you RIGHT AWAY! It's GUARANTEED! I'm not Nigerian!


YES! People on the internet are so generous and trustworthy! I just sent him my address and social security number (just in case). Those tickets are so mine! blaugh  

[saphira_legend]

Journal of ElfTech 403

Monday, November 14th, 2005, 2:51pm

They're coming after me. I know it. They already got to 013. The other elves say he was laid off but I think he had secretly sent a high frequency signal to the constellation of Scorpio and he transported himself to Betelgeuse with masterful aligning of his chakra.

I can feel my chakra aligning too. Maybe if I hang up more banana peels for the great Sun God I'll be able to send out a gamma beam of peace and get out.

Today we had "Neo-Pizza" for food. One of the tomato slices on the pizza started talking to me in a mournful voice, telling me about how I had a XFE-4532 silicon wafer implanted in my foot. I was so appalled! This must be a sign from the stage-3 civilization on Betelgeuse.


I came up with a brilliant plan to remove the silicon wafer from my foot but I forgot about it. Sensing the paramount need for mitigation of this problem, I stared at the carpet for exactly 5603.33 seconds and an image of a Grand Squid came to form, and it told me to arrange the banana peels so that they faced East. That way, they would collect the cosmic alpha rays beaming in from the Steinn galaxy, deflect them at a perfect angle onto my foot and evaporate the nefarious silicon wafer.

I must be very careful about this, I might need to purloin more bananas from the pantry to execute this highly s3nsitive and sekr3tive operation. I don't think Mrs. Claus will be happy to know I have a tactical espionage silicon wafer installed in my locomotive appendage, as she has always been fastidious about meeting quotas. I must continue making toys as usual so that no suspicion is raised.

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Elftech369 gave me bananas.

BANANAS!!!

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I was so elated I started running around in tight circles!  

[saphira_legend]

Journal of ElfTech 101
Monday, November 14th, 2005
3:08pm

So I finally got set up with my very own workstation with full on access to the Internet! This is great! At home, we got a 2400 baud modem so you can imagine how stoked I am. domokun

Since I'm actually getting paid at this job, I decided to see if I could find some glasses on the internet. I know I may not need them, but they would make me look so cool like the other smart people around here. Anyways, so I logged onto Greg's List and out of the blue, two people contacted me with offers! Some Pandora person and another Demon something er other... anyways, i tried to accept both of them but the first request got fried somehow... anyhow, the second one went through and I ended up getting two pairs of glasses(that's right! TWICE the intelligence) for only 101 gold!

My dad's gonna be PO'd at me cause I spent half a year's income, but it's soooo gonna be worth it! cool  

[saphira_legend]

Journal of ElfTech 404
Monday, November 14th, 2005
3:11pm

This just in, Manuel Cladriffe will be at the premiere! This is so exciting, I get to meet the real Larry Pottar whee . My password is... wait, some people are saying I'm being scammed. What's going on here? I know the first rule in Gaia which is don't send out your password EVER, no matter what. Kind of suspicious, but I want those tickets! Still, I think I should listen to the general public on this one. Darn talk2hand

Quote:
Hey Elftech404,

I heard that the man who plays Larry Pottar himself (yes Manuel Cladriffe!) is going to be going to the premiere in the North Pole! He will be in a private viewing room, only for VIPs! I have an in with the screening guy, and can bring one guest! I noticed you were a fan, so would you like to meet Larry Pottar himself? So not ONLY will you get free tickets if you write about your day, but you can also meet Larry Pottar! You only have to give me your password so I can send you the VIP pass!

Hope you can attend!  

[saphira_legend]

Journal of ElfTech 404
Monday, November 14th, 2005
3:35pm

You guys are so lucky, you are about to witness an official S-CORP product press release:


S-CORP Delivers New Era For Chicken Based Soft Drinks

ARCTIC, Nov. 14, 2005 - Delivering the industry's first chicken based soft drink. S-CORP debuted their highly anticipated "Carbonated Chicken Broth Cola" amid much fanfare. These drinks are expected to bring back chicken broth as a major player in the fight for soft drink supremacy.


Yep, all the flavor of chicken in a soft drink! Hopefully this goes over better than Vegie Fruit Roll-Ups.