Welcome to Gaia! ::

Moon Shard | Hmm...I'm having trouble with this one. I think you need to narrow it down to one thing that's moon-related. Like people going insane because of the moon, or the moon inspiring love, or that kind of thing. Perhaps you should look up moon-related fables or stories, urban legends and the like to help you narrow it down. Seeing people close to you is kind of far-fetched, if you want my honest opinion. You have so many things up there describing this moon shard that it's hard to sift through.

Howl of Wolves | Hm...You need to expand more here. Perhaps make it more unbelievable? I need to see this more developed before I can do much of anything.

Okay, here goes hon. To me it seems that your essence is a bit confusing. I think you were saying is that basically it was a vial with some healing water in it. I don't know about the vial, because that sort of borders on the whole man-made object sort of thing and besides, the essence would eventually go into a vial or bottle anyway. I would remove that and just have some healing water. And by making it just water would then make it tie in better with your essence name. The vial was throwing that off.

There's another thing you need to think about when it comes to creating an essence and that is what is it that you're would-be Raevan would feed off of. I'm guessing this one would draw it's power/food from water, so that helps and makes your essence doable. And what's better is that I think Sevilin is the only other water-based Raevan at the moment. So kudos on that. This essence isn't too bad, it just needs a lot more work is all. Good luck hon!

I don't know if it's obvious, but if you look at any of the existing Raevans you will usually see that their combinations are not similar in any way.

Fire that doesn't go out, Incubus
Lava/Ice rock, Baphomet
Self replicating virus, spider
Mistletoe that forces you to kiss, crocodile
etc

I'm going to tell you right now that a dragon soul is perfectly fine but a dragon soul and a dragon essence is exceptionally boring and unnecessary.

I'm excited to see more active quests, though, and this is sort of a good start! I'd like to see a dragon Raevan roaming around, in all honesty!

Also, your Dragon's Blood essence doesn't seem to fit as an essence. A Fel Essence, by definition, is something that doesn't/can't exist in nature. Nature in this shop is a bit more lenient than real life, as the setting is Gaia. If you know anything about the world of Gaia as a setting, you know there's aliens, elves, vampires, all sorts of crazy things going on, so dragon's blood by itself would be considered "natural" in this shop. I see that you added in the extra "it became solid" bit to the essence but you didn't really explain why that happened.

A Fel Essence is created, if you read the shop info/history, because a storm "tainted" these items in one way or another during a great cataclysm. There are no two Fel Essences that are alike and they are things that, again, cannot exist normally in nature. Shadows that move on their own, fire that feeds on heat and spreads coldness, ice that won't melt, a leaf that won't die, a chunk of the night sky, pieces of a rainbow, things like that.

If you were designing both separately just to have a dragonic tinge whether you were able to enter/win an Essence or Soul sale, that's fine but the Fel Essence still needs a bit of work. If you were thinking of combining both the Dragon soul and the Dragon Blood essence, then I think you should seriously rethink that because that will extremely lower your chances of ever getting a semi-custom, even if you fix up the Essence.

I apologize if this seems a bit harsh but it's the truth ; u ;; Again, I'm very pleased you've taken an interest in Lab and seem eager, as well as have started questing but I wanted to get these ideas out of the way to avoid as much confusion as possible. I hope it helped!

I'm going to just leave a small suggestion about the dragon soul.
You might want to specified which type of dragon you're questing for since dragons in different places exist for different reasons, powers, general personality and designs. An example would be the different between general western dragons and asian dragons, while most asian dragons are gods, western dragons tend to be thought of as creatures that eats damsels or hordes lots of treasures [I stereotype western dragons base on sleeping beauty so if I get it wrong, do forgive me orz].

Sorry if it reads a little harshly. I just got back from a hiatus, and my writing is a little bit wonky. It isn't my intention to intimidate you or anything, I just want to help you improve your quest so that Rook may actually come to be! c:

Your essence while creative, has me kind of hmming about future implications of its powers. While the concept behind an healing water is good, the example you use in your description is too much. Water that can bring back a dead rose? Well, we already have an essence that can bring dead plants back to life (Eirdirsceol). And I think, if your plant can bring a dead plant to life, then there are also potential areas of GMing where it could even bring other dead things to life. Which, I know isn't your goal but it's definitely something to keep an eye out for. And any kind of power over life or death, I believe is always godlike when it moves past plants.

Since you're going after something that heals and is beneficial, make it specifically healing. No bringing back dead things, plant or not. Just completely take it out of the description.

Because I'm drawing blanks, I can't really offer any alternative suggestions at the moment about how to edit your fel essence accordingly.

For the soul, no real comment. Xiu has the soul of a Pi Yao which is another eastern dragon. So, Kyou may or may not object to another Raevan having such a similar soul. For purpose sake, when you do a soul capture, this dragon won't be able to a water god. Deity souls aren't permitted. So, although it is a dragon soul, it won't be a water god. You could just recount reading that such dragons were thought to be water god.


As for the potential Raevan's personality, his feelings of confliction toward his powers will leave a lot of room for growth. (Blessing vs burden) But, I'm joining to try and pinpoint the most important parts that stick out to me and how they'll affect the relationship your Raevan will have with his guardian.

The dragon in him causes tension between his own internal feelings and the feelings his father pushes upon him.

He is in this life for himself and sometimes his father, no one else.

he loves his guardian, he tries to appease him, even though it feels more like an obligation to help others than a want.

How does the tension between his feelings and his guardian's feelings affect their interactions? Does he ever feel resentment towards his guardian for giving him such a heavy burden with the implications and imposed duties of his healing powers? I can understand Rook loving his guardian and whatnot, but how does he feel about having this obligation? To me, it almost seems like having such a heavy burden on such a young one will result in a small if not very strong rebellious streak in him due to his desire to live for himself, and the constant pressures of his father wanting him to do good.

Of course, Rook can be civil when he has to be, but he doesn't take s**t from anyone.

Rook isn't a bully, but his temper can flare up and he tends to lash out at others if he is annoyed. His father gets onto him about working on his anger and instead being kind and loving to all things, but Rook doesn't feel like he owes others anything, especially when angered or frustrated.

It makes sense to me that a dragon can have a bad temper. But, what is being civil? You say he feels like he doesn't owe other anything, so obviously that's going to have a heavy impact on future meetings with other guardians and raevans. What is being civil for Rook? Is it going around with a false smile, or a slightly intimidating look with a gruff voice but no harmful intentions?

How does Rook feel about his guardian constantly drilling him in the head about his anger problems and a mantra of love all things? Does it annoy him? I mean, clearly Rook has the notion that 'he could care less what happens to them(the weak).

When rook is quiet, is that because he doesn't like talking or he doesn't have much to say? Is he more likely to talk when he's familiar and comfortable with the people around him, or is he naturally a strong introvert? And what is wise? Having read Rook's personality, I hardly find wise to be an applicable word to describe his personalty. For the most part, he seems like a very confused teenager with an overbearing father figure. Do you mean wise as in he understands what kind of repercussions his actions hold?

Also, staying away from others and not meeting new people seems to be a rather popular personality trait on Gaia. While it works fine with Rook, I would like to point out that it's important for Raevans to meet new individuals. Furthermore. the basis of your Raevan's growth requirements are made from RPs, which are interactions with others. So, if Rook is strongly antisocial, you're going to have a hard time working that in with his future growth requirements.

Lastly, how does Rook behave when he's angered? Does he go into rampages? Or is it just a quiet seething? What is lashing out? Is it a verbal or physical lash? While I can see a physical tantrum being seen as childish, I think it would fit his soul as a dragon.

That's all I can think of. Of course, these are just my opinions. You're free to disregard them as you may have different ideas than me.

I'm agreeing with Ravi on that water is technically already a healthy thing. Changing it to something that's not exactly seen as healthy for people originally might help to spruce up your concept. Back when I was questing I had an interesting concept about mud that actually cleaned things instead of making them filthy.

Also by changing that portion of your quest will also help clash the essence and soul more, something that was bothering me from the beginning. It's nice you want to incorporate water into your concept, but having both the essence and soul have something with it in it kinda kills it for me honestly. I mean look at it like this, water essence + water soul, kinda blah right? Now if you had something like (just gonna use Ravi's example from before), poison ivy essence + water soul, doesn't that sound much more interesting?

What also helps is trying to see things from Kyou's perspective as an artist. What might seem interesting and challenging for her? Remember how she uses the elements to create a Raevan, essence=base color scheme, soul=base design. I say base because Kyou has been known to cross use the elements if she feels one is lacking in one area or such.