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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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 Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 10:02 pm
Don't feel rushed! I'm patient. ^__^
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 10:25 pm
Sariel moved along the shoreline with slow drawling steps, his toes digging into the sand as he waited for Gwyn to finish playing. The gryphon was by no means the smartest creature in the world, and had been going at this routine for hours; preferring this over a stroll in the forest. With a small and irritated sigh he glanced away, his warm ocher eyes moving to the other man on the shoreline, his hands brushing his long brown-black hair from his eyes and sweeping it behind his shoulders. It had been a long day, he had fallen asleep on the boardwalk and Gwyn had eaten his shoes, his glasses, and his matchbook. There was a shill cry from the bird somewhere overhead and Sariel’s eyes focused back onto her, watching in horror as the creature dove into the sand where the man was standing.
He cried out slightly and began to run towards the man, tripping over his own feet and falling face first into the sand. As soon as he picked himself up the man was already walking away, yet something was off…
The gryphon still hadn’t picked itself from the sand, in fact it seemed as though it was digging.
“Oh s**t…”
His eyes widened and he jumped to his feet, his arms flailing and flapping trying to distract the dense creature from whatever it seemed to be shredding at the current moment. It was only a few minutes too late but the damage was already done, the soft material of the bag laying in fine ribbons along the gritty shore; beside it was it’s supposed owner. “Hey… Uhh… You might want to get up… there are a lot of nasty things hiding under the sand…” His voice was quieter the usual, and his skin was more pallid then it had ever been before, embarrassment flushing every one of his porcelain features.
((Damn... that was really hard...))
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 10:38 pm
You did REALLY good, Sariel. =o
Even though it took awhile, you did wonderful on putting it together.
You're like a real natural literate! ^___^
Well, let's see now.
I want to add just a few things, so give me a moment.
But you wont' have to rewrite this one unless you want to. ^^
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 10:40 pm
Ummm, one thing I would really like help with, one thing that still bothers me... I have problems seperating paragraphs. I don't school and books can only show you so much ya know?
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 10:41 pm
Actually, reading over it again, I don't have anything to add. ^__^
But first, before I move on, I'd like to know if you have anything you may want to try around the area we're at. =D
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 10:46 pm
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 10:53 pm
Oh! You already stated that. Sorry.
Seperating paragraphs, you say?
Hm hm...
Alright!
::: You can only seperate paragraphs after you have fully complete one and giving an objective to it. With complete sentences comes complete paragraphs; which is usually 5-6 sentences speaking of literacy. When you want to break paragraphs, it's always after finishing a point or describing something that may go along with other things. An example would be your recent paragraph: Sariel’s fingers played across the cover for a good long time, indulging in the feel of the threadbare velvet as he walked down the street; the smell of late night cafes and cigarette smoke filling him. Slowly He lifted the cover of the worn book, the spine crackling like the sound of a warm winter’s fireplace, the pages smelling of bittersweet musk and the damp smell of death. It had been in a museum for ages, collecting dust and age like a shawl. This was once his favorite book, a collection of fairytales and poems; one of the few things that was born along side himself and equally as precious in his own eyes. It had taken a relatively short amount of time to get it all things considering, museum guards, touch sensitive glass… and three bullets now embedded deeply in his back; no matter how hard you might try to resist, the dead always got what he wanted.
In this paragraph you explained what he was doing, how he got the book, and how it all tied in with where he was and ended with a sentence that was literally stopping the subject of the topic. When finishing a paragraph, and you finish one topic that has mini things going on with it, you don't want to continue. So apply the Intro, Body, and Ending of an rp posts and fit them into paragraphs with ending topics and new ones with their minor things going on as well. The minor things include character appearances, setting, background, actions, items, history, and other things. :::
Alright! I hope that covers some of it. =D
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 11:03 pm
So a good post has the same principal as a story?
A strong beginning, a full middle, and an end that is to the point.
In theory a paragraph has the same, right?
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 11:10 pm
Exactly! You could use it something like this.
A story is a very long version of five things:
Setting-->Rising Action-->Climax-->Falling Action-->Resolution.
When it's an rp post, it's similar to that. A story's introduction gives more about the character, where they are, maybe stating what they are doing/thinking, etc. the body is what they want to do, how they do it: it could be reaching a point in a conversation, a battle, an assassin job, etc. And the end is for resolving what the character thinks and does at the end.
And when you level a paragraph down, it's simply stating certain topics, completed sentences, then moving on.
I think of them as smaller versions of one another.
But you could also see this.
A story revolve around the story itself and how it is achieved or lost.
An rp post revolves and focouses on a character and the way they move on through the story. The paragraphs are simply to be manipulated by both.
So when writing a story, revolve the characters around a story by manipulating your paragraphs; when role playing, revolve the STORY around the CHARACTER and do the same to the paragraphs.
I think I got it. xD
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 11:14 pm
Thanks a lot for helping me, it's very greatly appreciated.
Might I ask what you think I should do now?
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 11:18 pm
You're welcome. I'm glad to help you. ^___^
Hm. Well, if you'd like to give me a great example on what I've shown in full you could. Or if You'd like, we can work mainly on paragraphs and their seperation. It's your choice on whether or not you'd like to continue. =D
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 11:38 pm
Hmmm...I will see.
what do you think I should do?
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 11:55 pm
Here. I think this will do as a final test for you. ^_^ Take the one-liner rp post I have provided below. Now, i know it may seem difficult at first, but I know you can do it! From this one liner, I want you to write an rp post with everything we've talked about: -An introduction, middle and end. -Keep the paragraphs on a topic and minor topic. -And keep the story/event revolved around your character, like how you've shown me. You may use this as a theme to go by or a line in the post. But once you do this, I know you're a real literate and you can have the greatets of time here. ^_^ here it is: Quote: He (could be your character) had a busy day before, and didn't want to do much today. With this one-liner you could do a lot, so try to relay past events and lead up to why he wants to be lazy. It could take place anywhere and he could be doing anything. I know you can do it! =D
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Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 12:03 am
Can I try tomorrow?
My brain is really fried at the moment...
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Romeo for Tay Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 12:05 am
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