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 Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 5:07 pm
alliballi52 ok -aah who could this be...- ((Your posts need to be longer, you can do a lot for each post.))
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 5:10 pm
oh ok so more like this
-oh my gosh its one in the morning who ever this is beter have a good reason for nocking on my door at this time-
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 5:10 pm
Snake311 alliballi52 ok -aah who could this be...- ((Your posts need to be longer, you can do a lot for each post.)) ((im going to jump in here as well, sorry snake if i mess something up, Try to throw in some description as well, what does the room look like, is it big or small, etc, or even just say it is a wooden door.))
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 5:12 pm
Cattra Nightblade Snake311 alliballi52 ok -aah who could this be...- ((Your posts need to be longer, you can do a lot for each post.)) ((im going to jump in here as well, sorry snake if i mess something up, Try to throw in some description as well, what does the room look like, is it big or small, etc, or even just say it is a wooden door.)) well what about my second post or did that not have enough detail? I want to work on what ever i can to be better!
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 5:14 pm
alliballi52 oh ok so more like this -oh my gosh its one in the morning who ever this is beter have a good reason for nocking on my door at this time- ((We have some work to do. Ok, first your mixing dialog and actions. -- is for actions, "" is for dialog. This is sorta what I would do.)) *Snake yawns as he steps out of bed. He takes a look at the alarm clock and realizes the time.* "Who in the world would be here at one in the morning?" *He lazily walks over to the door and opens it.*
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 5:15 pm
Sorry its taking me so long, I got five people that keep messaging me!
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 5:16 pm
Snake311 alliballi52 oh ok so more like this -oh my gosh its one in the morning who ever this is beter have a good reason for nocking on my door at this time- ((We have some work to do. Ok, first your mixing dialog and actions. -- is for actions, "" is for dialog. This is sorta what I would do.)) *Snake yawns as he steps out of bed. He takes a look at the alarm clock and realizes the time.* "Who in the world would be here at one in the morning?" *He lazily walks over to the door and opens it.* Ok 1. more detail 2. better use of words for actions
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 5:17 pm
sorry found it so how do i sub scribe
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 5:18 pm
alliballi52 Cattra Nightblade Snake311 alliballi52 ok -aah who could this be...- ((Your posts need to be longer, you can do a lot for each post.)) ((im going to jump in here as well, sorry snake if i mess something up, Try to throw in some description as well, what does the room look like, is it big or small, etc, or even just say it is a wooden door.)) well what about my second post or did that not have enough detail? I want to work on what ever i can to be better! ((It could use some work, lets see, try something like this, this is a lil advanced but it might give you a better idea As I woke up hearing the knock on the door at the center of the room I reach over to the wooden book case beside my bed and pull down the alarm clock and look at it. "ehh.... one in the morning?" he looks up and puts the clock back and sits up, slides on a pair of sandals and takes a few steps to the door and opens it a bit. As you can see I put a bit of description into my post, it brings it more to life and gives a little atmosphere to the room and shows where objects are, which might be a key part later on in the story, who knows, I want to see you give this a try, Be creative))
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 5:18 pm
alliballi52 Snake311 alliballi52 oh ok so more like this -oh my gosh its one in the morning who ever this is beter have a good reason for nocking on my door at this time- ((We have some work to do. Ok, first your mixing dialog and actions. -- is for actions, "" is for dialog. This is sorta what I would do.)) *Snake yawns as he steps out of bed. He takes a look at the alarm clock and realizes the time.* "Who in the world would be here at one in the morning?" *He lazily walks over to the door and opens it.* Ok 1. more detail 2. better use of words for actions ((And fit more action and dialog in your posts.))
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 5:21 pm
((My super retarded sister is kicking me off of the computer......... Do you mind teaching them today?))
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 5:22 pm
Cattra Nightblade alliballi52 Cattra Nightblade Snake311 alliballi52 ok -aah who could this be...- ((Your posts need to be longer, you can do a lot for each post.)) ((im going to jump in here as well, sorry snake if i mess something up, Try to throw in some description as well, what does the room look like, is it big or small, etc, or even just say it is a wooden door.)) well what about my second post or did that not have enough detail? I want to work on what ever i can to be better! ((It could use some work, lets see, try something like this, this is a lil advanced but it might give you a better idea As I woke up hearing the knock on the door at the center of the room I reach over to the wooden book case beside my bed and pull down the alarm clock and look at it. "ehh.... one in the morning?" he looks up and puts the clock back and sits up, slides on a pair of sandals and takes a few steps to the door and opens it a bit. As you can see I put a bit of description into my post, it brings it more to life and gives a little atmosphere to the room and shows where objects are, which might be a key part later on in the story, who knows, I want to see you give this a try, Be creative)) ok ill try something -I hear the knocking as my slowly open my eyes i stare at my alarm thinking do I really have to get up. Gets up out of bed grabs some shoes and gloves *because im cold*and slowly walks to the door.
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 5:22 pm
Snake311 ((My super retarded sister is kicking me off of the computer......... Do you mind teaching them today?)) ((Hai, ill take over))
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 5:23 pm
Cattra Nightblade Snake311 ((My super retarded sister is kicking me off of the computer......... Do you mind teaching them today?)) ((Hai, ill take over)) So what did you think of it anything else I could work on!
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 5:24 pm
really i mostly need to get used to gaia forum so how do you subscribe to a thread
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