The Melodious M
Once my novel is finished all questions will either be answered or play to another novel. I'm hoping to actually market them... we'll see how it goes though.
If you want to market this, you shouldn't publish it online. Publishing companies don't want to buy work that can be accessed (even in part) for free. Of course, you could publish it yourself.
I think that you've got a good start here. You really seem aware of your character and the world she lives in. Have you done any research into real life pirating (even though this is obviously your own world, you should try) You need to work on your sentence structure, as was already mentioned. Also, it's a bit redundant in places. You have groups of sentences that all seem to be saying the same thing.
I'd like to do a piece by piece critique of this if you don't mind, maybe through PM?