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 Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 5:03 am
Why Women Are Crabby
We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find
that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt
so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable
training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had
calluses on our backs.
Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along
with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone
crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert
tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.
Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for
the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your
uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with
his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the
fuss was about.
Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers
and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning
over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are),
we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily
kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing
to have Rosemary's Baby.
Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and
we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived,
the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the
middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.
Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please
stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more
good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to
punch the %*#!* (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a
wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.
After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when
all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into
walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop
machines.
Then come their "Teen Years." Need I say more?
When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th
birthday.
So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother
of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now
seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a
hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head
off anything that moves.
Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in
the woods without soaking their socks...
So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.
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Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 5:39 am
Good Rant!... and so true from what I hear. Cheers to you!
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Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 5:43 am
CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED
1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ..
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Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 5:44 am
Bob_the_evil_Faerie Good Rant!... and so true from what I hear. Cheers to you!
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Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 6:06 am
Shiva Icerunner Bob_the_evil_Faerie Good Rant!... and so true from what I hear. Cheers to you! Insomniac yes .. and sometimes, sadly, the complete opposite razz .. right now its the complete opposite and I'm waking up at odd times of day xD.... I also liked your top idiots ... that actually made me laugh
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