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 Posted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 9:31 pm
Anyone else have a review? All suggestions are welcome!
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Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 10:24 am
Put some spaces in there. It just looks like a wall of text. Actually space out your description from your dialogue. Makes it a lot easier on the eyes too.
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Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 7:28 pm
It looks better in document format, but I hope that helps. smile
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Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 10:31 am
Anyone else… If you've read my story, I've lowered myself to begging for comments. sweatdrop Please, tell me if you like it, and if you don't tell me what's bugging you! This all helps me put more into the story.
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Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2007 5:04 pm
I have enojyed it, but I think you have a problem with the description and introduction of characters. If they stick around you do well with them, but the random lizard man in the woods didn't get much of an intro. You might want to fix that. Also, the setting in hard to follow sometimes. You have people on different planets but you don't explain the rules or space travel and where everything is in relation to earth. You also don't explain the polictics of the universe, so it makes it hard to hate Gaiden in any solid way. I think you have good ideas, but your working with wishy washy stuff. If you would like to, you could email me your chapters and I could formally review them. I really think that you are doing a very good job, but you need help with filler details. You might even need an entirely new chapter to explain everything in the middle of what you have already written.
You have the potential to make this story go far, and if you don't mind I would be more than happy to help you. Just send me a PM if you want my email. If not, its all cool. I'll check your story often and leave more comments as well.
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Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2007 11:07 am
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