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 Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 6:06 pm
You said that she is sleeping a lot? She may have some hormonal/nutritional/genetic problems that are making her very tired. It's quite possible that you simply don't have the same physiology as she does.
Some people are naturally more maternal than others. It's no "defect" of hers. It just happens.
Weaning is not a sign of success or failure. The longer a child breastfeeds, the better it actually his for the child (immune system) and for the mother (the more time a woman spends breast feeding in her life, the lower chance she has of getting breast cancer).
Her child could have a different physiology/personality from your child. Just because he may be a little more tempermental or needy as a baby does not make him a "failure."
And finally, your children are still very young. You are in no position to be labelling your friend a "failure." Frankly, I don't think calling someone else a failure is ever justified. Your friend is probably doing her best. What more can you expect from her? You should be supportive of her, not judgemental.
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Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 1:19 pm
Kukushka You said that she is sleeping a lot? She may have some hormonal/nutritional/genetic problems that are making her very tired. It's quite possible that you simply don't have the same physiology as she does. Some people are naturally more maternal than others. It's no "defect" of hers. It just happens. Weaning is not a sign of success or failure. The longer a child breastfeeds, the better it actually his for the child (immune system) and for the mother (the more time a woman spends breast feeding in her life, the lower chance she has of getting breast cancer). Her child could have a different physiology/personality from your child. Just because he may be a little more tempermental or needy as a baby does not make him a "failure." And finally, your children are still very young. You are in no position to be labelling your friend a "failure." Frankly, I don't think calling someone else a failure is ever justified. Your friend is probably doing her best. What more can you expect from her? You should be supportive of her, not judgemental. I am not saying your wrong about my label of her but I think if any of you met her you would be worried about her children too.
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Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 9:23 pm
What makes a teenager a fit parent?
The same things that make anybody else one.
wink
heart
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Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2005 7:29 am
Woebe Tide What makes a teenager a fit parent?
The same things that make anybody else one.
wink
heart good answer
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 5:24 am
That's not so true about the breastfeeding
There are times when you should wean a child, I'll put a thing up about it later
For example, Sarah started weaning Pippa when she was 6 months, she only had night feeds up to the age of two, whereas another mother I know breastfed her child until he was 4 and he is the most spoilt brat I have ever met
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 12:34 am
wotfan I know I have tried to help her out make friendly suggestions. She is very paranoid and force feeds her son because she doesnt think he eats enough.... I was like "sweetie, no toddler in the history of the world has starved to death when they are capable of eating and have food" I dont know what to do, my husband thinks I shouldnt talk to her anymore because he thinks maybe she will start trying to foist her son off on us. She has done that to someone else she knows she said she had to run some errands and didnt come get him from her friend until 2 days later. It is so sad, I thought seriously about calling social services but she is not seriously harming him. i think she is harming herself more.
First of all, I think it is very important for you to recognize that by law, physical harm is not the only form of abuse. Mental abuse and neglect (physical, emotional, developmental) are all cases for social workers. And this sort of situation is normal. It happens plenty. They won't take her son away, and if they tried - it would be very temporary. She sounds fit, just lazy and stubborn and a bit selfish. Most social service workers will force her to take parenting classes through the court system. Something I think she needs.
But you also need to understand that one person's way of parenting isn't always the only way there is. Everyone is different, and she may be acting the way she is because she doesn't actually know any better. She loves him, you say - so perhaps this is just what is normal for her frame of mind.
Also, I don't think the title of this thread has anything to do with the topic. The way she is acting has nothing to do with age. I had my daughter a week after turning eighteen and two weeks after graduating high school. And not to toot my own horn, but I am a fantastic mother. I give my daughter undoubting love and affection, emphasize her ability to learn, provide her with every resource available and encourage her individuality. I love every inch of being a mother.
I also have four friends that had children relatively young, and they are all different. Age doesn't determine parenting strategy. Sometimes it is one factor of many.
If she is really getting bad, just call a social worker. Explain your concern and be sure to use the word 'neglect' and elaborate that there is no physical abuse. You can stay annoynmous. I studied to be a social worker for two years, I know the ins and outs incredibly well atop of my experience in the actual field already - when in doubt, just report. They won't rip him from the home, and hopefully the classes help her attitude a little.
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 12:39 am
Oh my.
Well, on the whole breastfeeding debate:
Typically you are encouraged to ween them around a year old. Teeth start to grow in, their individuality picks up - and their memories kick shortly thereafter. Some mothers like to add the bond that is formed between them and their child to the list of positive reasons to breast feed - but doing so for over that year limit runs the potential of a clingy, socially withdrawn child with trust issues. I've yet to run across a breast fed toddler that wasn't ornery, 'spoiled', unbelievably attached to their mother. At some point, it just isn't mentally healthy anymore.
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 9:17 am
I don't really think that breastfeeding your child past one year is what causes them to be clingy and spoiled. I think the two are related, but it's not a cause and effect relationship.
I think that the type of mother who tends to breastfeed her child longer is the type of mother who will keep her child around her longer in other ways. So in effect, both are symptoms of a problem, not problem and symptom.
Just for an example, there are countries all over the world where it is the norm to breastfeed children for much longer than a single year. I can't imagine that everyone in those societies grows up to be spoiled and clingy. It's simply because the mothers who do that do it for reasons other than wanting a clingy child.
Anyways, that's my 2 cents. I may well be wrong.
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Posted: Mon Jan 09, 2006 1:15 pm
Well here is what I think you should do: First off, make a date at the park and bring your child and have her bring hers. Then, while the children play, talk to her and ask her what is wrong, and approach the situation as if you were just someone concerned for her friend, dont immedietly call social services, that will just make her mad at you. Also dont force her to take parenting courses offer her to take them. Also, you should become more close to her, then she will probably open up to you and then you will find out why she is doing this. Basically, just be her friend, and talk to her.
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Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 12:42 pm
The situation is way old now but so I can update you all her second son was born in oct. she and her husband seperated around new years she went to live with her parents in another state. As far as I know things are good for her with the support of her family. Her husband posted on livejournal this morning and he apparantly did heroin last night and had sex with a 16 year old. If he keeps that up ami will take him to court and he will lose his kids. The whole situation makes me ill and I dont know what to do.
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Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2006 11:46 am
wotfan The situation is way old now but so I can update you all her second son was born in oct. she and her husband seperated around new years she went to live with her parents in another state. As far as I know things are good for her with the support of her family. Her husband posted on livejournal this morning and he apparantly did heroin last night and had sex with a 16 year old. If he keeps that up ami will take him to court and he will lose his kids. The whole situation makes me ill and I dont know what to do.
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Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2006 1:19 pm
If he cares at all about keeping his kids, posting something like that publically is rather...idiotic. I don't think it's a bad idea to take the kids away from him.
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Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 8:38 am
Apparantly it was all some sick joke....somthing called rabbit hole day to celebrate the anniversary of alice and wonderland. He got pissed at ami (his wife) because she called him all upset and though he had actually done it but I mean come on what was she supposed to think...Here are the blogs
This is his original blog about the drugs and girl
Well, I got laid last night.
When I got in from work, I let PJ out. while he was out peeing, one of the girls next door came over and started talking to me. I took PJ in, and invited her in as well. We sat down in the living room and she pulled a kit out of her purse. When she opened it, I saw several syringes, a spoon, a lighter, and a little plastic baggie. I watched her prepare it then helped to get a vein ready, which took no time at all. The p***k of that needle is the last thing I felt for 8 hour. What an amazing feeling. I don't know if the sex was good or not, but she said it was. I think that she is going to come over again tonight when I get off, which is cool. I hope her parents are cool though, because I think she is 16. We had such a good time.
~SN
Current Music: deltron 3030 - heiroglyphics freestyle
This is ami's blog
I am not going to use livejournal for a long time. Someone has decided to make this place a real NON enjoyment for me and that may just be because i am way to sinsitive. BUt I am hurt. I was scared shitless and i think those of you know know what happened understand. Call me a b***h, tell me your sorry that i took it the wrong way tell me all you want to throw it on me. I dont care. Im done. IM ******** DONE.
If you are really that interested in talking to me and you are going to treat me with respect please email me or talk to me on im. Other then that it will be a long time till i come back to this website.
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Posted: Sun Mar 12, 2006 1:50 pm
Why would Alice in Wonderland have an anniversary? I didn't think it did anything... spectacular to deserve one.
Good thing she isn't with him anymore.
He has no respect for his wife if he posts that (knowing she reads it) and expects her to believe it was all some sick joke.
heart
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Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 11:02 am
wotfan I am asking this because I got pregnant around the same time as my friend we are very much alike in maturity and behavior. The only difference is i am succeeding and she is not. We both have boys we are both married. I got pregnant 4 months before she did, she waited till after her son was born to get married, I did not. She is a sweet person and she loves her son but she is not raising him. She sleeps, and her husband or roomate take care of the baby, She refuses to wean him off the bottle. He is a very whiny unhappy child begging for her attention all the time. I just dont understand why she is not succeeding. We are both stay at home parents and she still manages to ignore her son. It is bothersome and i worry about them. Does anyone have any ideas why this sort of thing happens, has anyone been in this situation, looking in on a family in turmoil? What do you think is so different about us that is making one of us fail? have you tried talking to her about it or even offering to take her son out some where for the day just to give her a break and when it comes down to it you just have to keep in mind that some people arent made out to be parents in the first place and if she really is ignoring her son the way you say she is maybe you should consider calling child servises because it isnt fair to he to be ignored all day
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