|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:09 pm
The silver mare couldn't prevent the reflexive flinch that occurred with the unexpected physical contact, but after the initial urge to pull away had subsided, she relaxed her tensed muscles and allowed herself to be held in comfort, azure hues sliding closed in her grief and sorrow. She had never really come to terms with her brother's death... or her part in it. Her mother had shunned her for killing him, and perhaps she was right to do so. Could there have been any way to save him? Why hadn't she tried to find a way?
Her burden of guilt would always be her own- she had accepted that- but somehow, in some small way, telling her story to this stallion had lessened it a bit. Truthfully, she had no idea why she had opened up to almost a complete stranger, but she wasn't sorry that she had. 'Not yet, at least,' she reminded herself solemnly. Trusting others with secrets had ended badly for her in the past- she had no reason to believe that this would be any different. Still, she was grateful for his comfort and understanding.
"Thank you," was the almost inaudible murmur that came from her lips, head hanging slightly below her own shoulders. The grattitude was not only for his compliment, but for his patience and open ear as well- he hadn't judged her, and for that, she was very grateful.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:23 pm
One advantage to a reclining position; it was easy to snuggle. This had been learned a long time ago by Guilian, but it was something that never went out of use.
Still, he had never been one of those stallions that took advantage of emotions to score; such tactics were, after all, utterly reprehensible and beneath the dignity of any self respecting stallion. Consequently, in spite of this wonderful opportunity to at least get a bit of a feel for the mare, he simply lay there, letting Sukari lean against him.
"My pleasure, Chica; I only hope that I have been able to be of service to you."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 12:32 am
The regret and embarassment of sharing such a personal story with a stallion that she barely knew would undoubtedly come later- but for now... it was nice to be comforted, even if she doubted the sincerity of such a gesture. One eyebrow twitched at the use of the nickname, but she let it slide- it seemed to be something he was accustomed to, and she supposed she owed him enough to leave it alone.
It wasn't that she disliked the nickname itself- her problem with it was that it was so... impersonal. An individualized nickname she could deal with- but as a foal, her father had always called her 'girl' instead of by her name. Still, she had dealt with her father's rejection a long time ago, and it was obvious that Guilian wasn't doing it on purpose, so she remained silent.
"Any deep dark secrets you'd like to share with me? I need some blackmail material to make sure you keep quiet about mine, you know," she commented bemusedly, sending him a look to let him know she wasn't serious.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 7:44 am
Deep dark secrets indeed; perhaps sadly for the mare, Guilian had never considered life to be remarkably deep, or dark, or secretive. Granted, if others knew about what sort of life he'd had, they might not feel the same way; some things just weren't deemed appropriate by Soquili society, after all.
But Guilain wasn't Soquili society, was he?
Smiling as well, Guilian tilted his head back dramatically in a show of thought, twirling Sukari's mane around one wingtip. "Hrm...well, I don't believe in the emotion of love and find it impossible to even consider committing to anyone; in my experience, that seems to be regarded as a a pretty deep dark thing. Will that do? I'm afraid it's not much of a secret, though..."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 11:46 pm
She resisted the urge to pull away at the unfamiliar contact as he wound a few stray locks of her ebony and ivory mane around a feathered appendage, instead letting her eyes slide closed and forcing her tensed muscles to relax. It had been a long time since she'd been touched like this, without any hostile intent, so she might as well enjoy it while it lasts.
Tilting her head to one side in a show of contemplation, she offered an indifferent shrug, nonplussed by his pessimistic view. "To be completely honest, I've never believed in romantic love, either- I think most relationships are based on wanting something from the other. Greed and lust are more powerful motivators than care and affection, in my experience."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 9:33 am
Although he didn't push the envelope any farther, Guilian could feel the second that the mare's muscles relaxes and she went from the defensive to the accepting. A good start; it was best that she had time to merely get used to him, to accept his presence. After all, if it took her this LONG to get relaxed with him, she was definitely not the type who cuddled much...which was truly a pity.
However, her somewhat cynical comment caused him to chuckle. "Such a surprising view, in one sense, yet not so much, in other ways. I don't doubt that there aren't strong motivators that might play a role in relationships, but that isn't to say that affection and care can't be part of that. I myself entertain a healthy respect for those that choose the monogamous lifestyle, but could never go that path myself. That said, it is only natural to at some point yearn for the closeness and companionship of others..."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 9:40 pm
She snorted dryly, expressing her disbelief at the statement in a blatantly open manner. "'Affection' and 'care' are relative- there is always an ulterior motive behind them. You, for instance, are providing me with comfort and warmth, but I don't believe for a second that it is solely for my benefit. You derive warmth and comfort from it yourself, do you not? The desire for companionship you speak of... how much of it is for the benefit of the companion you choose? We seek closeness based on personal gain- nothing more."
Although her tone of voice was flat and almost condescending, Sukari was actually enjoying conversing with a soquili that shared in her beliefs- that knew her secrets, and didn't shun her for them. It was new for her, to be sure, but it was something she could get used to.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 3:30 pm
Grinning, Guilian gave Sukari a tsk. "Such a cynical attitude, Chica; is it so hard to give others even the tiniest benefit of the doubt? As a matter of fact, at the moment I AM behaving thusly out of consideration for you, though I would be the first to agree that were it not for my own urges, I would not have been out and about looking for socialization anyway. It's all a circle, Chica; we just have to decide where we ourselves sit on it."
A bit philosophical, though ultimately unsurprising words for him. After all, he never considered himself as a stallion out purely for his own gain; he knew Soquili who took their pleasure as they would without care for the pleasure or even safety of the mare in question, and he knew that he, at least, was not that sort of stallion.
"That said, there is no reason that one can't enjoy themself while giving that same enjoyment to another, no?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 8:33 am
Blinking once, Sukari considered Guilian's words carefully as she inwardly debated the validity of his argument. She still didn't believe that he was sincere in his behavior of offering comfort to her- although it didn't mean she wasn't appreciative or grateful for it.
"I suppose not," she admitted, offering an idle shrug as she shifted slightly against his side. "In a lot of ways, it's all dependent on individual belief- although I'm still not convinced that greed and personal gain does not play a part in most relationships."
Despite not believing in the concept of romantic love, Sukari did crave closeness and companionship like any other lonely soul, but she would rather die than admit it to anyone. She herself was shocked that she was allowing Guilian as close as he was, but for some reason she couldn't comprehend, she was enjoying the contact.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 1:42 pm
As the mare shifted, Guilian took advantage of the brief action to move his wing more comfortably around her, accepting her snuggling closer as a matter of course. After all, just because one didn't like concepts didn't mean that they couldn't appreciate a nice snuggle...or whatever else struck their fancy.
But in the meantime, the conversation was most enjoyable. Nothing like a good debate!
Tilting his head to the side in consideration of her latest arguement, Guilian 's first response was a mere chuckle. "Perhaps, Chica, but if one accepts that we are all intrisically out for ourselves, it makes doing what we ourselves want that much simpler, no? It allows us...to indulge...without ever having to feel guilty."
As he spoke the last words, Guilian had moved his head closer to Sukari's, the words whispered lightly against her ear in one of his more sensual tones. After all, why just debate when you could multitask?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 7:46 pm
The offended ear twitched, almost involuntarily, away from the red stallion's muzzle, and Sukari suppressed a shudder at the sensation. Guilian was very skilled at what he did, there was no doubt about that... but as willing as she was for a no-strings attached one-night stand rather than a serious relationship, she wasn't the type to just go around and couple with anyone who asked. The cardinal stallion, however grateful to him she was, was no exception.
"But we carry guilt with us for a reason- it's not simply there at our convenience. My burden is a part of me; it makes me who I am, as much as I don't like who that is." She shifted slightly again, wondering if she should pull away, rather than letting this go any further. His embrace, though, was warm and comfortable... she couldn't find the resolve to withdraw from it.
She shrugged lightly at his last comment, azure irises slipping closed briefly. "I suppose that if you accept that on some level, everyone operates for their own self-interest, it does make things simpler."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 7:58 pm
Subtle as the gesture was, Guilian was no wet-behind the ears youth to not know a rejection when he knew it. Still, she might have moved her head, but she hadnt moved her body yet...and he could be good with that. Pulling back his own head, he simply lay there, enjoying the feel of her beneath his wing. He had time.
"But the question of guilt is a tricky one, Chica; it is hardly a necessity, and consequently not everyone bears it. The fact that you bear it is a sad one, aye, but it should not DEFINE you, no? I understand that you can't do anything about it, but there is always the chance of peaceful co-existance. And simple is a postive, in some circumstances. Enjoying one's life should be a priority, for life is short."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun May 27, 2007 11:18 am
'Comfortable' was not a word usually abundant in Sukari's vocabulary, but right now, it applied to several different aspects. The warmth of the stallion's embrace was comforting, as was his laid-back banter at their exchange, even though most conversations she participated in didn't dare to get this deep or personal. What was it about him? Was it that he didn't believe in love, as she didn't? Or perhaps it was simply because he was willing to listen, and not judge? The winged mare didn't know, but it was hard to care, at this moment.
"Ah, but whether or not we have the right to enjoy what life we have remains to be seen, does it not? If we have taken away a life that should have had the chance to be enjoyed, to live, love, and flourish, who is to say that we deserve the right to be happy in our own right?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun May 27, 2007 11:45 am
"You keep using the word 'right,' Sukari-Chica...but who is to say that there even IS such a thing? One's right to enjoy one's self, one's right to feel secure, even one's right to live..."
This was a most interesting conversation for the red stallion, on many levels. Besides the basic and most simple concept that he had a new and different but still warm and snuggly mare pressed against his side, he was also able to indulge in another favored pastime: debating. In his own way, he was a remarkably philosophical person; likely the result of living a peculiar lifestyle. But in the end...
He could enjoy just talking.
Speaking conversationally, he continued to gently twirl a strand of Sukari's mane about the feathers of one wingtip. "Where is happiness for the foal that loses its parents or the parent that witness their child's death? For those injured grieviously late in life, never to enjoy their wholeness again? For the deformed, or for those that look terrifying but only wish to be enjoyed? Where is our right to security when the very ground collapses beneath us in landslides, when volcanos spew and skinwalkers destroy? And where, Chica, is the right to live when one is staring death in the face, be it a skinwalker, a disease, or a disaster?"
Tilting his head, he looked the mare squarely in the eyes. "Our rights, Sukari-Chica, are what we make of ourselves, what we ourselves can achieve. We have a right to ourselves; beyond that, it is all up in the air."
Perhaps a little blunt, but truly what he felt. "Your guilt, Chica, is real to you. But your logic, why it is that you feel that way...that I can't even begin to fathom."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun May 27, 2007 9:53 pm
"Yes, typically life is unfair... but the factors that determine one's fate should never belong to an individual. Life does not judge, it simply causes what it does. Individual souls should never have the ability to end a life- if they do, then it's only right that they should suffer for it." She paused here for a moment, letting her eyes slide closed at his gentle ministrations with a quiet exhaled breath.
"Maybe the definitions of right and wrong are only in my head, but there is no question about whether or not I ended my own brother's life, and his chance for happiness- so I have no right to achieve that which I have denied him. You can call it self-deprivating if you want, but I am only serving the justice that Kureno deserves. Arguing that I have no responsibility to his death is futile when I know, without a doubt, that I struck the killing blow- to his soul, and to his living body."
As difficult as it was, Sukari reluctantly pulled away from Guilian's inviting embrace, savoring the last tendrils of warmth that his feathers provided before they were gone, and she was left cold and alone again. She could sense it was time for her departure- if she stayed any longer, there was a risk of attachment that she simply could not take. Still, wishing to show her grattitude, she knelt beside him and gently nuzzled her ebony maw into the bright crimson mane behind his cheek, a soft, warm whisper caressing the fur of his ears.
"Thank you, Guilian. I will never forget your kindness. Perhaps if we meet again someday soon, I will take you up on your unspoken offer. For now... adieu, my friend."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
