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 Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 9:01 am
 It has been a complete disaster right from the moment I stepped off the boat. My face is the mask I keep it, but the world outside my Aunt's home is much harder to understand then I presumed. First I met this retched young boy by the name of Tycho and he seemed to have his own mask. His was more devious then my own, as if he led a double life. I hope I shall not see him again, he looks more like a magic student anyway (after all, he was fascinated with Professor Araquenosse at the ceremony). Marie and Shija are also people I've met since I came here. Shija took care of us when we got to the island, but Marie took us on a tour. It was rather odd to see the island like this. I felt more like a tourist than anything else. I guess it's obvious I'm flustered for this entry does not hold its usual vigor nor its intellectual sentences. The reasons behind this will become clear soon I should hope. (This of course indicating anyone who would read this, however no one does so I suppose it's alright to be a bit... normal... once in a blue moon.) Then I was taken to an opening ceremony where I might meet fellow students and teachers and I was the noble British child my father taught me to be. I presume I set myself too highly above the others for Professor Araquenosse was slightly displeased, it seemed.
Then I turned to excuse myself. As I was leaving I nearly ran into another student. I was flustered, taken aback, stressed and now I had to deal with this! Somehow it chipped my mask and then it shattered and I was left exposed in front of this ... this stranger... who saw it immediately and was kind and helpful! It's outrageous! It's.... so odd... so odd that I can't possibly think straight. His name was Jaden and for once in my life I wish I had a friend like him. Maybe I will... maybe him and I can work together with things. It's wistful thinking but he's the only person to ever see through to the true nature of my guise (even as I attempted to reassemble it) and the only who wanted to help. His eyes were the oddest colors and he seemed a bit nervous... like myself. A friend. ...That's a nice thought to think about... a nice thought indeed...
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Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 7:36 am
 It came into my head the other day, like a single dying flower. It was beautiful like the golden planet but evil like my hatred. Surpressin such feelings is soon to be beyond me and my intentions will become known, should that happen, my world is destroyed, along with my plans. I cannot allow such hateful creatures to rule this world, my world. I cannot stand the thoughts of their disgusting selves killing and breaking any more families. Mine was enough and everyone else was worse, so it is the end. Slowly I will develop the perfect poison.
I have been speculating upon one as of late. It could be very potent if I had the means to make it. I wonder if any of the teachers in this school would allow me such a thing. I wonder if they would allow me much of this destructive size? I have so many dreams that maybe here I will be allowed to create the biological weapon of my dreams! How long must I wait? How long?
I wish I knew if their anatomy was the same as ours, for if it were we could, quite simply, try to give them all a disease that would wipe out their population. However, it could not be that easy. Maybe a poison concocted from pure H20 as well as certain cell components in a person's immune system, like MHC. Maybe the pure H20 is a hazard to them? And MHC can kill another human because it's different for all? Maybe they have MHC? ...One will need to be captured and studied or I need to get a hold of more notes on their anatomy... they have to exist somewhere, but where? And how can I get a hold of such things?
There must be a way...
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Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 8:18 pm
It seems unreal, this unshakable memory...
(Broken Memoir 1 : Zan and Sephiros / Nat and Jaden) A day. A normal day. A normal bright and shining day on which all normal children of the world would be gladly playing outside. Such was not the case for a serious student such as Nathaniel Jacobson. Nothing was fun and games like they had used to be. Without his dog, without his parents, without his family, he lived in no playful world but his mind. His mind was playful in the sense that it liked to dream up new methods of torture and new plans for revenge.
Of course, in it's off time it would think up cooking recipes. There seemed to be a pleasure for the young boy in cooking. Cooking up food was a speciality, but so was cooking up ideas and formulas by which to kill the enemy. However, behind the 'mask' of purity and perfection there was pain and revenge. Such things he'd never allow anyone to see.
The face he wore wasn't exactly a fake one. It was actually true and pure. He was a scholar of aptitude and familiarity. Learning was an easy thing, it was just the matter of making it work out for everyone. Which was why he was yet again wandering the halls of the science building. He was actually searching to see if the building had a kitchen. He hadn't actually found one anywhere on campus yet and he so longed to try out a new recipe.
Nathaniel knew that the chefs of such a place might not allow him to cook, but if he knew where it was then eventually he was sure he could make use of it. No matter. As he wandered the hallways alone he wondered about the one boy who had actually seen past the mask. Jaden. His face contorted into a frown, which pulled at the corners of his mouth. He hoped desperately the other wouldn't be hounding him for questions someday soon. He didn't want to deal with a problem during a day of research.
---
Jaden's thoughts were not so deep...there were not so many layers to this odd-eyed boy...for he was bright and welcoming, but just a bit shy, and that came out blindingly clear in his mannerisms and words. He made no pretense at being something he was not, and though he would try to please, he rarely compromised what he believed or who and what he was.
Nor did he hide it. That was another problem, sometimes his phrasing left something to be desired and tact was occasionally a foreign concept. But...ah...that let to much keeping of his mouth shut and just listening. Perhaps a vain attempt to learn by watching the art of subtlety.
Oh. And then there was the curiosity. It was the one thing that often sent him past his normal bounds and caused him to be more than a little daring. And this was what caused him to appear in the science area today. He was NOT a science student, but he supposed that so long as he didn't careen into a teacher who actually knew where he was supposed to be, things would be all right.
---
Speak of the devil and he will appear. Lo and behold the boy of Nathaniel's nightmares was wandering the hallways of the science department. He was a magic boy, though wasn't he? A dreadful thing to be snooping where you weren't wanted. It seemed that the other had just a little bit of curiousity to fulfill and the British boy wondered if it was chance.
He didn't care much for chance, it was too risky and too horrible. There was a moment where he debated on walking away, on leaving the other to explore. But of course, he knew he couldn't do such a thing. He had to go speak to him again, this time with his mask. "...Jaden?" He asked in a kindly voice, as if asking if the other would like another slice of treacle or something of that sort.
---
His gaze snapped to the speaker, fixing on the other boy...ah...it was Nathaniel...the one science student he had actually met at the student introduction! The blond waved a hand. "Hello, Nathaniel!" He greeted brightly, darting forward to meet the other and quite nearly tripping over his feet. He supposed he was just glad to meet someone he knew whilst being in an area that was foreign to him.
"I guess I shouldn't be surprised to meet up with you here. How've you been? Have you settled in well?" Mismatched eyes were roving the other's face...as though looking for any hint of discontent or turmoil...because...well...he did want to help, and how could he help if he did not know the other's dilemmas?
---
It was uncomfortable to say the least. The first thing he knew, was that discomfort was rising in him, and he did as he'd always done: ignore it and keep his face calm. He wasn't happy with the fact that the other sought to see through his mask. That the other hoped to intrude upon his plans and perhaps his very way of life and happiness. Why did he bother? Why was he so eager to see him?
Even now, as he internally figdeted with that gaze, the euphoria at seeing the sweet blonde magic student rose in him. A friend? No. Nathaniel didn't even know what friends were or if this was what they meant to people. He knew so much of biology, but so little of the human mind and heart's workings. Oh sure, if you got technical, he knew that too... but only basic concepts of emotions really reached their way to his comprehension.
Needless to say, he was learning to be a human instead of the boy with a thousand masks. "It's very good to see you, though I'm not sure this is the right building for you," he replied politely and then shrugged. "I'm fine, I adjust quickly. What about yourself?" He spoke as if he was of a higher authority than the other, when really he didn't know how to uphold many normal conversations unless they were with himself.
---
Jaden was a stunning contrast to the other boy on all fronts...he, for instance, was well aware of what friends were and their importance in the lives of others. So he wanted to be Nathaniel's friend...even if the other pushed him away, had built a wall to hide whatever hurt and bitterness was there.
He'd be a friend so much as he could, and thus he persisted. "I'm all right as well..." He considered brushing past that almost-inquiry, but changed his mind. Exploring was no crime, or at least, not to his knowledge. The blond didn't know many of the others, but he did know Nathaniel. Shame they were in different departments.
"Ah, I know this isn't the right building, but I was curious, so I assumed it couldn't hurt to come look around for a little while..." He raised a hand. "Promise I'm not sticking my nose in where I shouldn't, I'm not precisely a snoop." No, just uh...curious. Why can't I piece together these fragments of my dreams? ...Is this story unfinished?
(Broken Memoir End)
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 12:45 pm
 Irish Soda Bread Pudding with Persipan-styled Sauce
Ingredients:
- 3 eggs
- 2 cups sugar
- 3 1/2 cups milk
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 10-12 slices of Irish soda bread (recipe below)
- 1/4 cup finely chopped dried apricots
- 1/4 cup finely chopped dried peaches
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
- 6 tablespoons margarine (melted)
Directions:
1. Preheat an oven to 350°F.
2. Beat the eggs and add the milk, sugar and salt, proceeding to mix well.
3. Cut up the soda bread into bite-size chunks and add it to the mixture.
4. Add in the remaining ingredients and stir to distribute it all evenly.
5. Pour into greased baking dish and bake for 30-35 minutes.
6. Spoon out and top with the persipan-styled sauce.
To make this entire dish, two things need to be made first: the soda bread and the persipan-styled sauce. I used the most basic recipe for Irish Soda Bread and changed a few things, to perhaps change the overall flavor and texture of the entire dish.
Irish Soda Bread
Ingredients:
- 4 1/2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
- 2 teaspoons baking powder
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- 2 1/2 teaspoons salt
- 3 tablespoons granulated sugar
- 1 1/2 cups buttermilk (room temp.)
- 1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter (melted)
- zest of one orange
- 1/2 cup walnuts (chopped semi-fine)
- basic egg wash (made with egg whites)
Directions:
1. Preheat an oven to 375°F with the rack in center position.
2. Put the dry ingredients in a stand mixer and mix on low speed until combined.
3. Leave the mixer on low and add in the buttermilk, butter and orange zest.
4. Mix until the dry ingredients are properly moist and then add in the walnuts and continue mixing until they have been properly distributed. (Remember they should not be large pieces of walnuts.)
5. Take the dough out and knead it gently till it becomes a ball shape, then form it into a mound with a diameter of approx. 7 inches.
6. Then take a sharp knife and cut a cross in the top of the dough. Top it with the egg wash and then bake for 65-70 minutes until top is golden and the internal temperature is 200°F.
Persipan-styled Sauce
Ingredients:
- 2 cups ground peach/apricot kernels (one cup per fruit kernel)
- 1 1/4 cup superfine sugar
- 1 1/4 cup sifted confectioners sugar
- 1 egg
- 2 tablespoons apple juice
- 1/4 vanilla extract
- amaretto (be prepared to use as much or as little as needed)
Directions:
1. Mix dry ingredients in one bowl.
2. In another bowl, whisk the egg and other wet ingredients together.
3. Combine and mix into a pliable paste.
4. Add amaretto liquor till it turns into the consistency of a thick sauce. Do not add too much!
5. Refrigerate (covered with plastic) until needed.
I edited the basic recipes a little, hopefully it will come out good. I shall see if I can get permission or ingredients to try it out. Oh and the basic recipes are located here in case I need them:
- Bread Pudding
- Basic Marzipan (turned into Persipan)
- Irish Soda Bread
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Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 12:08 pm
The days seem so short lately, and I lose track of time. Day in and day out. I hardly realize what is happening around me. The leaves drop and change colors and I sit and watch them, enveloped in the warmth of Jaden. It's still so difficult to understand, let alone explain. I barely know myself... but he is the only I've let past this barrier of mine. I don't know why, or what I intend to do anymore, but I know that letting one person in was less tedious than I thought. It has allowed me to find an ounce of kindness for the others here at this school... though I still feel revenge is my only path... I'm starting to see a little more on the horizon I'm walking towards. I wonder... what will I find? And who will be with me?
It's scary. I never let myself feel true fear after my parents died... but now I am afraid. I'm terrified something I do will hurt Jaden. I... am afraid that letting him in is only good for now and will soon haunt me. It unsettles me and disturbs my sleep... though I can honestly say for all these fears... I'm still happier. So this is friendship? Worry and happiness combined? It can be oddly pleasant. I want to see where this takes me. I'll write more perhaps later.
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Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 6:18 am
I have accomplished nothing of significance this year. I remember well the parties of last of year, and the way the world looked. I remember many things, many things I wish I could forget. Only here in this journal do I reveal myself as such. It is not to say I am disappointed with myself, but with the fact that I cannot become more than this. If I try harder, will my impact become more significant? I should hope so. Perhaps friends are an inhibition, or maybe they are my saving grace. I have not yet learned enough to fully write out a decent report on such things. Very soon though, I should hope to create a list of the poisons I find useful and their structures. It is quite the shame however that I have been so caught up in my work that I have had little time for anything else. I shall see if I might respond to some of the teacher's requests soon, as well as perhaps meeting with Jaden or Micajah. I should really enjoy to talk with them... for some reason, I find their companionship extremely likable and wonder if this happiness is what is gained from friendship?
Mother, what would you say about all this? Would you smile and hush my annoyances, quell my fears? I'm sure father would scold me for the lack of work I have to show for my efforts. It will not be in vain though. I promised my heart to revenge for you both... I shall not give in. Those things deserve to perish for taking you from me. They will not see the light much longer as soon as I have finished my studies here... however... that should be much longer than I had hoped.
Well journal, take care. I shall try to remember you are an outlet... perhaps I shall seek out one of my... friends... now. What a strange idea... but yes, I shall.
Self-reminder: Getting overworked is not good for your health.
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