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 Posted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 2:05 pm
but anywho, my mind is always racing about things that i shouldnt really think about as much as i do.
my problem is that i care too much, and when i convince myself not to care, i end up feeling bad....
my parents are constantly fighting, and it's getting so bad that i've actually asked them to "get a ******** divorce already!" [come to think of it, it's not a question] but then, later, i decide that that's not exactly the best thing to do. And i've got this major problem with crushes and suches. So, i'm all over the god damned place.
and all it does is just shove me farther into a ditch. call me cliche.
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Posted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 2:08 pm
Pinumbra
*pats your shoulder*
there there, even if the rest of world pretends as if it doesn't like you,
I lurve yew! whee thanks, Pinumbra. what would the world be like if there were NO nice people at all?... except for like.. three. gonk it'd be the end... xd
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Posted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 3:47 pm
I know how it feels...like your insignificant in the world...I have a good memory, and I remember all the bad times I had in childhood...I never really felt like anyone in my family actually cared about me...and then in school, my whole class would always get punished and I would suffer for the actions of others...then when grades started to matter, I began as a straight A student, as I am today, but throughout school, I could always see the hate in others' eyes because I did better than them on something...it made my emotions...well..unstable...and I eventually realized crying would never solve anything...
The real solution to keeping you up the world is to find a true friend...someone that you can share anything with...unfortunately my "best" friend was short-tempered and always went ballistic over every little thing...her other friends didn't like me...and I don't think they really do today...my other friends are shallow thinkers...I can see it in their eyes...in everyone's eyes...they think that if their own little world is perfect...than nothing is wrong with the world...and it hurt me when I realized that almost everyone was too self-centered to ever lend a finger to help anyone else...
I grew secretly solemn...and my emotions faded more and more...I always felt sad and developed insomnia...suicidal thoughts came through my head of course...but I knew that would ultimately solve nothing...it shows that you reached you limit and submitted to the burden set upon you by the world...
If nothing else in this ludicrous world, I only wish to prove my strength...
I could see them, my "friends" talking about me behind my back...and I felt the PHYSICAL pain of sorrow for the first time...the feeling of cold striking you heart...your chest growing frigid...when it became that my family only cared about my grades...as if my feelings weren't important...it struck me then too...
but this year...my 14th year of life and my freshman year of high school, I finally found more understanding friends...although I rarely go to church anymore...I have finally started to enjoy life somewhat...I get A's and my friends don't hate me, I have my first boyfriend....
And Yet...it was too late for me...because my salvation came too late...I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up hell....A christain is a person who believes and loves god...
I believe in God...
But I no longer have the ability to love.....not even myself....
I don't cry when my family members die, or my friends move away....I don't show emotion when others teem with it...I lost most of that....
I'm a lot a wiser now...probably more so than anyone close to my age...I grew up before my time because I was a SENSITIVE person...
Don't follow the same path I did...take my words and lead your path...don't let your love fade..
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Posted: Sat Nov 25, 2006 11:18 pm
Arc_Winged_Gabriel Nice long explanation. :] hate to say it, and hate to be so cliche. but that's sorta what happened to me. except, i'm too naive to worry about other people... and dont think enough of what they say/feel/ care about. It's hard for me to find someone i can completely trust... i've had so many people betray me. On myspace, i left a nice short blog of a very small summary of my thoughts. I however, can never explain myself and i suck with the use of words. I try to keep my vocabulary simple, yet broad. And that makes it hard for me to express myself. back to the friends part: i get to a point when i believe i can trust my friends with my secrets.... but then something happens that changes my mind. (an act they took upon some recent event, or something someone said.. not necessarily something they did to me) i hate my father. i've tried to see things from his point of view, yet.. i'm not flexible enough to fit my head that far up my a**. (stolen insult phrase) :] i've been to so many funerals, that i do not cry. it takes a LOT [EMPHASIS ON A LOT] of pressure to cause me to shed a tear... There have been countless deaths of close family members when i was at the age when i started to realize what was happening around me. Teachers, cousins, uncles, grandparents... they were dropping like flies. D: I just grew emotionless for an entire year or so... and when the internet was reinstated at our house, it went away... i could talk to people, be they strange perverts wanting to kidnap me, rape me, and kill me. [i honestly didnt/dont care] I've met about 5 people that i care about deeply. and it honestly doesnt take much for someone to be trusted by me, it's just the extent at which i trust them. and if i keep rambling, i'll start making holes in what i'm saying, and wont make sense.... my second worst problem. and as for the part about being a christian... i've practically lost my belief in god... and jesus and what not. My views on religion are quite cruel, and i do not wish to discuss them as much as i DO wish to discuss them. also.. i'm usually not this open. i dont like talking about anythign.
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Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2006 11:34 am
Gaako Arc_Winged_Gabriel Nice long explanation. :] nice long answer. Like me...another person this cruel world has tortured...I really don't share my inner secrets with ANYONE...I really don't think I can really trust people that way...they probably wouldn't understand my views of the world, and that would lead to ridicule, which I really don't any more of...
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Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2006 8:13 pm
:]
yummmm.. depression. lol
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Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2006 2:18 pm
Gaako :] yummmm.. depression. lol don't worry..we can be depressed together 3nodding
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Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 4:05 am
Yesterday, i had a strong urge to kill everyone within a one mile radious of me...but it was most likely because i was forced to wear a dress mad
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Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 4:01 pm
you ,trust me, do not want to know
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Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 5:38 am
I fell like Gaara all the time.Expecally when im alone.I usually act happy so my dad wont worry but i almost always fell depresed and miss understood.and i do fell like really killing people who have hurt me.
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Posted: Mon Dec 04, 2006 4:02 pm
Last year I was always depressed and angry at people, but this year I'm so busy with school that I don't really have time to think about why I was like that. I don't think I'm really happy now, but I'm not suicidal anymore.
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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 6:54 pm
` z e l g a d i s s Yesterday, i had a strong urge to kill everyone within a one mile radious of me...but it was most likely because i was forced to wear a dress mad i'm sure that if i was forced, i wouldn't be too happy. vampiressrebel you ,trust me, do not want to know and yeah. i do wanna know when. @Gaaraslostfriend: i never actually feel like killing someone... i just prefer to have the opton.. you know.. stabbing tyhem to death with a spoon. that'd be fun. And i deny anything about killing anyone. rofl
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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 6:58 pm
StrawberryGirl_Ichigo Last year I was always depressed and angry at people, but this year I'm so busy with school that I don't really have time to think about why I was like that. I don't think I'm really happy now, but I'm not suicidal anymore. Suicide is never the answer. and i'm sure you've heard it a million bajillion times. But yeah. it's no fun. My cousin killed himself. and i miss him. I never really saw him much, but now he just completely removed that option. I doubt i'll ever get over it.
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Posted: Fri Dec 15, 2006 4:23 am
Damn you need some chocolate people.
But seriously, I know I could never feel that way. I will not even think I'm off as hard as him, despite all that's happened in my life. Depression, I've been there. Molested, abuse, nightmares... but it's nothing compared to that.
And never have I contemplated suicide. I believe it is selfish, and is cowardly. I mean no offense to those of you that have, you've been raised differently than me.
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Posted: Sat Dec 16, 2006 1:44 pm
alot of the time but all my friends compare me to Naruto some days when i've had chocolate and Sasuke when im all emo and am like leave me alone i hate the world ect. ya
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