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I really like how this has developed! It's very clear and concise, and gives us a good look into what Jackalopes are and how they operate. I don't see any problems with how the creatures are set up, so I'd like to suggest some new material you might be able to put up.

At what times, if any, are Jackalopes solitary creatures? They must be able to be ousted from a herd, and there has to be some way for members to go to different herds, or else they'd be horribly inbred and their genetics would suffer. In the story section, you give us a look at a much more militaristic structure; things like exile, accepting new members to the herd, and other such things seem like they would be developed into the Jackalope society, and it can't hurt to write it all down. (Just as a random reference; I'm thinking strongly of Meerkat Manor when I think of the Jackalope society right now, in terms of territory and cross-herd interactions and the like. If you watch that show at all, you might want to consider some of the same traits, with undominant males who can't compete with the stronger ones sneaking off to breed with females of other herds and the like.)

Similarly, what about the environment they live in? You have a very "scientific" approach to the description here, so why not take that a step further? Talk about their dietary habits, what sort of prey they're designed to bring down, what terrains they can be found in, how they live and sleep. Consider the ways their bodies would have adapted from a normal rabbit to accomodate their lifestyle. Do they hibernate in the winter at all? Do they have a rabbit's quickened heartbeat, and if so, how does this affect their lifespan? Finally, how do the young Jackalopes fit into the society?

There are a few grammar errors I'm going to zap through real fast, just to sort things out right away:

"Its long, sleek horns were curled back over a majestic head, flanked by a pair of erect, furry ears. "

"Temperamental, fleet of foot and dangerous to the lone traveler, those who got a glimpse of such a this magnificent creature soon spread the word of their existence." or "It was temperamental, fleet of foot and dangerous to the lone traveler; those who got a glimpse of such a magnificent creature soon spread the word of their existence."

"In the recent years, neither herd had gained any ground; or - however, a drought in the Thunderfoot territory had caused the herd to take a turn for the worst worse."

"He conquered the Hillside's lands, as well as the lands of the small herd that neighboured them."

(As a matter of making the story flow in a dynamic manner, after this sentence here, it would be worthwhile to make a powerful, boastful statement- "Prince Frost led the Thunderfoots to an age of tremendous prosperity, and truly, he was the greatest leader the herd had ever known!")

(I love how the next bit has been written, turning the attention to Blackpaw. It's an excellent hook, one that eggs the reader to keep going into the white text.)

"He did not have the endurance to be a guard, nor was he fleet enough to be a sentinel, and he was most certainly not fierce or brave enough to be a good warrior."

"She was so distracted by him that she let her guard slip, and the two promptly forgot about their duties as sentinel and mimic; it was at that same time that a hunter slipped quietly through the brush." <- It would make a stronger emphasis to seperate the two of these into different sentences, rather than putting them together.

(Also, reading on, I'm a little confused who is being threatened by the hunter. My first thought was that the hunter was going through to the herd, but with the sentence with Frost coming and the hunter raising his weapon written to make them seem two seperate events, it seems like the hunter is aiming at the sentinel and mimic. If you could clarify this, it would make the scene much clearer.)

"Whatever the reason, Frost ordered the charge, running headlong at the now exposed human, his herd in tow." <-- You just used that exact phrase at the beginning of the paragraph. Find another way to word it here, or else it sounds repetitive (and not in a good, intentional way).

(Also, as I've skipped ahead a little and tried to figure out how the herd, retreating away from the hunter, would have trampled over Whiteflower and Blackpaw, I realized that the mental picture in my head was off. I can't speak for everyone, but when I personally picture a third group entering a conflict with two parties, I'm going to automatically try to imagine that group somewhere inbetween the two and approaching from the side; it seems like the way you meant it was that Prince Frost and the herd were coming from behind the two jackalope and charging past them to attack the hunter. I'd clarify this if I were you, because the mental image of the herd charging past the two jackalope is a powerful one that's worth putting a sentence or two into.)

"The hunter raised his gun." <- But the hunter's gun was already raised? Do you mean to say instead that he aimed his gun to a new target? I think that would make a lot more sense, and again, would avoid repetition of wording similar actions the same. It would also be worthwhile to stretch this sentence out a little longer, since the next two are very short and, for best emphasis, need to be breaking out of a suspenseful sentence to bring the most strength into the telling of the story.

"Unable to do anything but watch her die, it was then that he realized the full extent of what had happened." <- Again, you had just used that same mode of expression- "watched the Prince die"- and you should find another way to word it so that it doesn't seem repetitive and people are continuously drawn through the story with new words and material.


YAY! Done with the technical bit. I just wanted to talk a little on the content of this.

The only real concern I have is how Whiteflower and Blackpaw were both trampled. I understand that in the situation, it makes sense, but it does seem a little anticlimatic for it to be so linear: herd panics -> Whiteflower is trampled -> Blackpaw tries to escape -> Blackpaw is trampled. Let's say he didn't take any immediate wounds that would kill him. What else could be done for his death? We can assume he would be ostracized from the herd. Would he pine away by Whiteflower's corpse? Would a predator get him? Would he attack a human all on his lonesome in some ill-fated hope of vengence? Maybe we could find some way to tie this all in to Barthy's potential Ancient quest, in fact; maybe he tries to quest for a way to make things right, but fails in that, too?

They're just some ideas, and not all are necessarily good. But I'd like for you to think about other possibilities than just having them both trampled. When it's one of them, it makes sense and is very interesting; when it's both of them, it loses some of its appeal.

Otherwise, the story is very nicely written. There's room for improvement; what I'd focus on is trying to find ways to grab people's attention more with it, introduce more concepts to draw people in and find ways to develop Blackpaw more strongly to make people fall in love with his character, and that's going to be what helps you out the most right now.

I got nothing to the sexuality section to complain about. The name is one that could be reasonably picked by any Joe Schmoe, no strange gender-bending going on, and the sexuality... well, that does confuse things. I don't know if you should mention it at all, to be honest, because given that Barthy had a past life that was strictly animalistic in instinctual nature- and I can barely believe I'm saying this, because I hate people pre-determining sexuality- Barthy would be a fully justifiable straight guy. He could be asexual, sure, but I couldn't imagine him bi or gay given his past life- not without serious IC influence or reason, in which case a lot of sexualities could be bent/straightened. That's just my opinion, though.

"you, he's not the lean mean bunny-fighting machine that he once was, but he's retained the lean, almost mal-nourished malnourished look he used to have."

First question: you said he's a "little on the short side". How short? When you go on to describe him as having "little hands" and "small facial figures" in proportion, it makes it sound like he's a lot smaller than "just a little". It might be worth throwing out a rounded number here, just to avoid confusion.

"The sun has also affected the colour of his hair. Originally it was a sort of dirty blonde, but the sun has bleached in a couple shades lighter so it's its a sandy brown."

"Much like a satyr, his lower body and legs are those of a jackrabbit's, covered in sandy-brown fur save for one foot, which is black."

"Colour isn't usually a problem, though he does like to compliment complement his eyes."

"Barthy's left eye is a dark, chocolate-y chocolatey brown (which goes with virtually anything) and his right eye is a clear, sky blue."

"He's got eyes to match every bit of seasonal clothing he owns, down to that bright red Christmas sweater with bells that his adoptive mother knit him. But that's another story entirely." <- I think putting more emphasis by drawing out the first sentence will make this read better. Example: "down to that hideously bright red Christmas sweater with bells that his adoptive mother knit him, which he puts on every single winter and jingles around the town with, annoying all the neighbors and alienating all the kids his age.... But, uh, that's another story entirely." If you've got a bit of humor, run with it. That's going to make it a more interesting read, and will bring the writing a more human touch (which is ALWAYS what you want when writing for a character).

Barthy's appearence all checks off; there's nothing here that's really unjustified, other than the different eye colors. Why is it that he has two different hues? When it comes to a person having different eye colors, there's often a medical reason for it, and not necessarily a pleasant one. Though it is possible to inherit it, it's worth thinking your reasoning over. Just as reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heterochromia

As a side note, I'd probably suggest putting Barthy's antelope tail specifically in the "Most Notable Features" section. Eeee, flufftail. <3

There's really nothing to complain about here. What I would like, though, is to maybe get an idea of where "children" falls for him. He acts very child-like, himself; does he like kids? It almost seems like most of his friends would be younger than him, just based on how he acts and what he enjoys. I think that's actually a really cute trait; I have a mental image of a teen Barthy, running around with a pack of young'uns following him, playing tag or something. x3

Most of this makes sense, but I have to question the mounted heads of animals being his greatest fear. Why, when there is so much else that ties into his background and whatnot, would that be his greatest fear? I can see it making him uncomfortable, and definitely being on his "dislikes' list- but if he were to walk into a room with animal heads, would it really be the first thing to fill his nightmares? Now, if there were mounted bunny heads, I can see Barthy freaking. But, honest to God, who the hell would mount a rabbit's head? XD

I will say, though, that I do like that his fears aren't automatically connected to his mode of death. A lot of people do that (myself included), and I can't help but to appreciate that about Barthy.

Otherwise, nothing about this section seems problematic. I like the pet peeve, the pendant makes me giggle, and I don't know any of the image songs, so it works. x3

Very nice. All of the abilities are well-justified for the character, and are more than balanced by the listed weaknesses.

However, I'd like to focus on his imitation skill. Why, if a voice is speaking in a language he understands, can't he try and emulate it to say what he wants? My understanding with the jackalopes was "well, of course they can't speak human, they don't understand the language", hence why they could only echo things they'd heard. I understand not being able to faithfully speak in a language he doesn't know. However, taking a moment to think about how this ability works is key. It is probably safe to assume that there is some sort of honest magic involved with how this is done, but how much of it is magic to alter his voice, and how much is the voice itself? Barthy's abilities have room to be stretched and made more powerful; not every Fa'e needs a lot of powers, naturally, but it is generally fair to focus in on one to make a centerpiece, and it doesn't have to be so restricted.

First off. MOVE THIS UP. Barthy's personality is SO integral to his character; putting it at the very bottom of the post, when people are going to have the least patience to give it their attention, is not a very wise way to go about things. At most, it should be under the general features section; preferably, it'd be the first thing that people read, after learning Barthy's name. For most people, personality is going to be the selling point of "do I like this Fa'e concept or not?", so make sure that it gets the proper spotlight.

This is what I really wanted to work on with you. I really enjoy Barthy's personality a lot, and what you have here is extremely well-written and thought out. The only problem is, it's hard to get a good grasp of Barthy's solid personality from it. What we get here is a very good look inside his head, but one can read over this a good ten times, and still not understand how it translates when one would come face-to-face with Barthy. To be honest, I got a much better idea of how he acts from the silly RPs you have posted up then in the personality section itself, because there is so much information to absorb here, and no clear emphasis on what the strongest parts of her personality actually are.

What I would suggest is to keep this section the way it is- because it has the information that we do need, and it's seriously one of the best-written parts of his profile- and look for ways that you can shortly bring the "first impressions" of his personality to the fore. This could mean including a first paragraph to this section that would highlight the key points to his personality, or making a new section to describe how he acts and interacts with people (highly advisable), or even writing up imaginary "prompts" for Barthy and showing us how you would write him (also highly advisable).

The key point is, Barthy is an amazing character. He is so, SO easy to fall in love with. But what needs to be more strongly communicated are the parts that are so lovable; how goofy he is, his good nature, how open he is to people. That sort of personality is very hard to describe in the way that you have done here, and while by no means have you done anything wrong with this section- so much the contrary!- it really needs a supplement that will get us straight to who Barthy is and why he's so darn cute.