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Pilot

Veronica: (while cutting Wallace down from the flagpole) You're new here, huh? (Wallace nods.) Welcome to Neptune High. Go Pirates!

Sheriff: (to Wallace) You need to go see the Wizard, ask him for some guts.

Keith Mars: (while eating mac and cheese) Say what you want about real cheese, but I am a fan of the orange powder packet stuff.

Sheriff: (to Veronica) ...why don't you go see the Wizard, ask for alittle backbone.

Keith Mars: Who's your daddy?
Veronica: I hate it when you say that.

Wallace: I suddenly feel like I'm in a scene from "The Outsiders".
Veronica: Be cool Sodapop.

Veronica: God, Lilly, I see the Prozac's working.
Lilly: High on life, Veronica Mars. I've got a secret. A good one.

Weevil: My uncle owns a body shop on the highway. If you come in, you know, I could make sure your body gets the full-service treatment.
Veronica: Okay, now you apologize.
Weevil: I'm sorry, was that too dirty?

Weevil: The only time I care about what a woman has to say is when she's riding my big ole hog, and even then it's not so much words, just ooh's and aah's.
Veronica: So, it's big huh?
Weevil: Legendary.
Veronica: Well, let's see it then. I mean, if it's as big as you say it is, I'll be your girlfriend... We could go to prom together!

Logan: You know what your little joke cost me?
Veronica: Well, I'm pretty sure you won't be getting your bong back.

Veronica: I used to think I knew what tore our family apart. Now I'm sure I don't. But I promise this: I will find out what really happened, and I will bring this family back together again. I'm sorry, is that mushy? Well, you know what they say. Veronica Mars, she's a marshmallow.

Meet John Smith

Veronica: The weird thing about going to high school with your ex is they're inescapable. Everywhere you turn, there they are.

Wallace: Justin's permanent file. You might want to take a look at that.
Veronica: Why, is it going to self destruct in five seconds?

Veronica: I'd invite you over, but it's a school night, and my dad owns a handgun.

Keith Mars: Have you been playing nice with the other children?
Veronica: You know Dad, I'm old school, an eye for an eye.
Keith Mars: That's actually old testament.

Keith Mars: How was your date?
Veronica: Oh. You know, lousy conversation, but the sex was fantastic.
Keith Mars: That's not funny.
Veronica: I don't know. I'm pretty sure it was.

Lilly Kane: You know, it makes absolutely no sense. My disappearance. Murder. Whatever. How it SUPPOSEDLY went down. So bogus, right? [sitting up] Hey, here's the thing. The truth is gonna come out.
Duncan: What are you talking about?
Lilly Kane: Clue in, Donut. It doesn't add up! You know that, deep down inside. I wish you'd just admit it to yourself. Break out of your stupor. Wake up!

Veronica: Hey, do me a favor.
Wallace: Why did all the hair on the back of my neck just stick up?

Troy: Guess what I'm doing this weekend.
Veronica: I'm guessing it involves auto-eroticism.
Troy: Close. I will be cruising the marina in my Dad's Saber 386... That's a luxury sailboat. You know, wind through my hair, Strokes blasting through the speakers, and with any luck, a wide-eyed impressionable vixen by my side.
Veronica: Impressionable? Me? Ha.
Troy: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I said impressionable. Not you. You know, you might wanna check your ego at the door, there, missy.

Logan: Hey, did you hook up with Shelly last night?
Duncan: Uh, she's a talker.
Logan: A talker?
Duncan: Turns out she has conflicted feelings for her new stepmom and the color scheme the woman's chosen for the family...
Logan: Man, I hate it when they talk.

Wallace: You called your geometry teacher a jackass?
Veronica: That was totally taken out of context.

Troy: Let me see your phone.
Veronica: What are you doing?
Troy: It is now Booty Call enabled.
Veronica: In case I need a little late night action?

Keith: No, it's not that. It's just that I never want you to think your mom's the villain in all this.
Veronica: Isn't she?
Keith: No, it's not that simple.
Veronica: Yeah, it is. The hero is the one that stays. And the villain is the one that splits.

Return of the Kane

Veronica: "If Lilly's ghost is gonna haunt me until justice is served, I'd better get my a** in gear."

Silence of the lamb

Sheriff Lamb: Is your Daddy here? Or is he busy peeking in people's windows?
Veronica: You stop dressing up like Little Bo Peep, he'll stop peeking.

Ruskie Business

Veronica: When I've had my fill of soul mates, glitter and puppy love, I always find a private detective's office a refreshing change of pace.

Hot Dogs

Logan: I need your help.
Veronica: Would it be weird if I start my own drinking game? Like, I take a shot every time someone asks for my help?

Trina: I can't get him off my back.
Logan: Did you try standing up?

Veronica: If I wanted to talk to you, I'd wave a snausage over your nose.

Lilly: It's a spy pen.
Veronica: What's a spy pen? *sees pen* How covert ops of you.
Lilly: I'm going to use it to pass secret messages to all of my lovers.
Veronica: This is going to be a very busy little pen.

Veronica: I know Lilly loved you.
Logan: Just not like I loved her. It's ok. You know it kind of lets me off the hook. You know, I don't have to feel guilty anymore.
Veronica: Feel guilty about what?
Logan: Moving on.

Veronica: My lips, for all intents and purposes, are sealed.

Veronica: Well, I want to congratulate you. Shake your hand. Congratulations, you've been named the world's biggest cockroach. This award is given in recognition of your unparalleled lack of decency and humanity. Bravo, you're going to die friendless and alone.

M.A.D.

Logan: What, like will we ever hang at the mall and hold hands and buy each other teddy bears with hearts that say "I wuv you bear-y much"?



A Trip to the Dentist
Veronica: I never would have gotten through this past year if it wasn't for you.
Keith: If it wasn't for me you wouldn't have to.

Veronica: I made out with d**k and Casey?
Madison: Puh-leaze. You made out with the garage door.

Duncan: So did they give you the jet to take me back home? Or am I supposed to click my heels?

Veronica: Honey, I'm home.
Lianne: So am I, honey, so am I.

Veronica: I'm going to find out who did this to me, and I'm going to make them pay. Even if it was you.

Logan: You do not want to start with me today, Paco.
Weevil: Are you sure? It was in my day planner marked under 'Goals'.

Keith (to Clarence Wiedman): I'll be sure to send a postcard. You can hang it in your cell.

Veronica: Shelley and I were thinking of getting together for a little girl-on-girl action, care to provide the commentary?

Veronica: I expect you to return the favor.
Luke: You never said anything about returning a favor.
Veronica: It was implied.

crying All the wonderful memories! After somebody somewhere pointed out something... I can now see it... Oddly enough, there are some strange references to The Wizard of Oz in Veronica Mars... eek xp