Welcome to Gaia! ::

O.o *raises hand?*

I got alittle pissed the other day, and this is what it looked like...



When people dont know what thyre talking about and tell you to shut the ******** up... Im sick of it.. If I could just ******** make every single person in this ******** world UNDERSTAND then maybe people JUST MIGHT ******** understand me... Its true, in the end, I am always alone... And you know what, im better off alone anyways. I wont get hurt, and I wont have to worry about little ******** drama. I fuicking hate it, family, people. My father can rot in hell, and my brother... Hes even worse. Yesterday he had the nerve to tell me how much of a horrible person I am... FINE THEN IM ******** HORRIBLE! I MAKE MY MOM CRY I HATE MY FAMILY! FINE! I KNOW IM HORRIBLE! I KNOW IM NOT PERFECT LIKE YOUR LITTLE ******** PUNK a** AND I OH, YES I DO, I ******** KNOW THAT I SHOULD BE CRAWLING ON MY KNEES AND BEGGING YOUR FORGIVENESS OH ******** GREAT ONE!!! ******** you, ok? Your an ignorant selfish little p***y whooped 16 year old! You have the nerve to tell me that IM NOT GOING TO BECOME ANYTHING IN MY LIFE, EVER!!!! Your ******** wrong... I ******** hate you, you make my life miserable and you make me feel like NOTHING. I FEEL WORTHLESS TO YOU. ALL YOU DO IS GO AROUND AND FLAUNT YOURSELF OFF AS SOME HOT PICE OF ******** s**t! WELL YOU KNOW WHAT?! YOUR NOT. YOUR NOT COOL, YOUR DEFINATELY NOT HOT! You dont deserve my attention! And how dare you go around to everyone and tell them how HORRIBLE OF A PERSON I ******** AM. HOW ******** DARE YOU! Your worse than dad! I WISH YOU HADENT THREATENED DAD TO TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL! I WISH I HAD ******** DIED THAT NIGHT SO I WOULDENT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH YOUR ******** s**t! GROW THE ******** UP YOU k**t SUCKING JACKASS! You will never know what you passed up in making me pissed at you... When your old and dying alone... And need my help.. I wont help you. Ill let you die alone. Ill let your corpse rot for 5 weeks untill someone smells it the next house over... How dare you... How dare you treat me like a nothing... How wrong you are thinking that you are better than I.... How dare you... I hope your c**t a** goes to heaven, so I wont have to see your face in hell... How ******** dare you treat me like s**t... I hate... You. How dare you make me cry alone.. I thought you were my older brother! I thought you were supposed to protect me, not encourage other people to beat me up! How dare you just look at me while im standing in a friends arms crying my eyes out... You stare and walk away... How dare you... Why do you always leave me alone? Why do you always leave me behind? Why dont you care for me! God damnit! Wake up!!! When we get older, we're only going to have eachother!!! God damnit andrew why are you such a stupid b*****d like father!!! WHY?! WHY HAVE I BEEN STUCK WITH SUCH A ******** UP LIFE!?! WHAT THE HELL HAVE I ******** DONE WRONG?! Why wont anyone see my pain and hear my screams!!! Do you think a pill fixes everything?!?! DO YOU!!! WELL IT DOESNT!! Im hurting, im hurting bad!! I cant even cry! So it stays inside of me, and god my pain has no where to go!! When im around my friends I cant even act like me!! This fake smile is plastered on my face!! Why cant I be me? Is it that much to ask? Why do I have to be hated and used?! Every man in my life either hates me or uses me!! What did I do wrong? Someone tell me, because I must have done something! And... Why? Why... Cant I be me... I hate everything in my life... I hate my life... But I have to stick it out... Or other people may cry for me... And they dont deserve that... Why do I try so hard... To be me? Every thought comes out perfect... But then... When I speak, its all wrong... Why do you hate me? Why am I always alone... And... I know im better off alone... But I hate being alone... Im not broken... I swear, im not.. Someone pick me up... Dust me off, and... Show me affection... Sure I may be alittle out of date... And I have some nicks in me... But im not broken... I have feelings too... Im not evil... I dont like pain or misery... But its all I know... And I want someone to show me something more than that... I just want to be loved... Thats all...


Remember kiddies, dont piss the little girl off. =3 It might save your life.

heart

XD

Yo, I don't think a bag of doritos counts. wink

I'm feeling exceptionally insecure right now, but I really did most of it to myself and so it's a mixed feeling between guilt, self-pity, and worry.

: (

Wow. I'm hopeless. Okay, as some of you (All of you if you look at my b-day in my profile) know, I'm a teenager. Most of you also know how that is. Well, anyway, it's basically because of that whole thing. Basically, I am attracted to girls way too easily. I don't mean attracted in the sense of just physically attracted, or a momentary thing. I mean attracted as in it lasts for months at a time with one girl. I lose sleep, and sanity for that matter.

Now, if this isn't enough of a burden on me, I'm starting to do worse in school because of it. Now, my parents are yelling at me, and taking things away, and they don't know that that's only making it worse.


I like rant/blog/whatevers, it's like one huge exhale.

*sigh* Ok... Well are you talking about something we humans call a "crush"? You know... A good way to think about it is like this... If you like a girl, a big "+" is doing well in school. Doing well means that you have to sleep, and be sane. If you really like her, do well, and get her. =)

heart