Welcome to Gaia! ::

His story wove through me like a well threaded needle. I didn’t know why his story was so captivating. He certainly wasn’t great speaker, and as he spoke I could smell his wretched breath from as far as the corner I was still curled in. Yet his words moved through me, leaving behind a sense of purpose.

(Ugh... so short..... Shoot me. Ayway, more feedback=more updates)

WOW! i love a good young writer ^^ it reminds me of moi~ lolz. ive ALWAYS enjoyed reading and writing. my english teachers throughout my years of school always says ive got a knack at writing. ive been illitereate until the age of 7/8 ish (:O! for rizzle?! .. yep.. believe or not my 2nd grade teacher taught me how to read. and then by the age of 10 i started to read stephen kings heart and lord of the rings. though lord of the rings took me longer than stephen king) so anyways.. when i could read, boy did i write. my only problem is, when its not an essay where someone GIVES you what to write about i tend not to finish my stories.. so i hope you keep up the great work, just one thing though.. even though you flow through your words wonderfully.. try not to skip.. like for ex:

I lived in the cold metal prison for a long while. They had taken me to a floating island in hopes that it would keep me from others. I had a keeper, and a jail cell. He was under strict orders to never let me out. And he followed his orders; probably ex-military.

u should talk more bout the island, give a nice scerenic description. ppl like to imagine what YOUR seeing/smelling/feeling. go all out on us! try to imagine what a blind person has to go through when they listen to tv and movies. pretend that when we read our imaginary eye is blind and paint us a beautiful scene in our heads.
im sry im typing a lot, but im just hoping it helps out in any way! > . <

Wow, I really like it so far! It's very interesting...I can't wait for more updates!!

no problem girly. keep one thing in mind.. u can never rush art! take ur time, and look at the world around as you and try to use that as ideas as to what to put next into your well woven words. ^^

(Mmmm.... Getting into the action now!)


Just as I began to notice the words and focus to find their meaning, he stopped, staring ahead intently. “What’s wrong?” I asked, but he just held up a finger to silence me. I became quiet, and just waited. Soon, there was a loud noise from above me and I glanced up. Whatever had made the noise was moving.

“Air troopers…” My captor mumbled, standing and walking silently to the stairs and disappearing. I could hear them hissing and digging above, and felt a spear of dread. I waited in silence, huddling up on my bed again , the inedible food lying forgotten on the floor of my cell. The seconds dragged by, and the fear gripped me for an unknowable stretch of time. Before long, the noises grew louder, and there were loud cracks and booms. I huddled tighter, sure that this was the end.

But then…. Silence. Deathly silence. I strained my ears for any hint of movement, any slight clue as to what had happened. I was filled with a far more intense fear now, worse than ever before. I opened my eyes and scanned my bare cell and what little of the hallway I could see, hoping my death would come swiftly.

My eyes ran over the spotted floor. Nothing. The cracked walls. Nothing. The empty, dank hallway. Nothing still. My heart was loud in my ears and I was sure whatever was out there could hear it, and would be here soon to cease its beating.

I heard footsteps approaching and froze. The drew nearer slowly, and my heart raced so fast I was sure it would burst. There was a shadow on the floor in the hallway, and the footsteps steadily grew louder. I heard the blood rushing past my ears; my breath had grated my throat raw.

“They’re gone.” My captor muttered as he passed my cell, blue liquid splattered all over him. My heart immediately calmed and I allowed myself a sigh of relief.

Take your time ^.^
I am really looking forward to the next part of the story...You hold me in suspense.