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 Posted: Wed Aug 18, 2004 5:05 pm
make sure you update it as soon as you finish it 3nodding
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Posted: Wed Aug 18, 2004 9:02 pm
Chapter 10: KKK is anti-gay... or are they?
This chapter is centered around a discussion that me and a few of my friends had about the nature of color.
If you take a prism, and shine white light through it, it becomes all the different colors of the rainbow. As you all know, a 'rainbow' is known for being a 'gay' thing. Taking this argument, and assuming that defracting light is the basis of all colors rather than the argument that you get some ugly brown color when you mix all different color paints together instead of white, one could be lead to believe that the KKK does, in fact, where a gay pride color. Since white, in essence, is all of the colors of the rainbow combined, one could assume that if the white robes of the KKK were in reality gay pride banners.
This argument can be stomped into a million different pieces by stating that because the robes are a physical thing, and physical things do not have the same color effects as light, it does not mean it is all of the colors of the rainbow. However, the fault in this argument is that you have to remember where color comes from. The white of the robes comes from the lackage of specific colors. Color comes from light. By reflecting and absorbing certain colored light, different colors are produced that are visible to the human eye. To produce a white object, all colors must be absorbed by the object.
So remember kids, next time you local KKK branch starts gay-bashing your friends. Just tell them that white is the new gay pride color and it'll shut them up real quick.
Chapter 11: Bi-sexual Toast (Which side is which?)
Okay. Everyone has probably been waiting for me to write this chapter.
Bi-sexual Toast originated from a comment one of my friends made about which side of the toast you buttered determined your sexuality. We started thinking about it but we could not come up with which side was the straight side and which side was the gay side. The only thing we could determine for sure was that if you buttered both sides of your toast them you were bi-sexual.
We debated this for several days in our own little corner of the hallway at school. As we were discussing we came upon an interesting idea: If you don't butter your toast does that mean you have no sexuality?
Say, for example, we have Bob, Jane, Judy, and Akbar (... What?). If we assume that the side of the bread that is facing the opening of the bread bag is the straight side, and Bob only butters that side of the bread, then it is fair to say that Bob is, in fact, a heterosexual. Now, if Jane butters the exact opposite side of the bread, or the side that faces the back of the bag, then we can assume that Jane is a homosexual. Let's say Judy likes butter on both sides of her toast. It is safe to say that Judy is a bi-sexual (and also likes her sex messy). If Judy puts more butter on one side than the other then Judy probably leans more towards homosexuality or heterosexuality respective to their sides of the toast. Akbar does not like butter. He doesn't even substitute butter with anything else. This could be one of two things. Either Akbar's religion prohibits immoral thought before marriage or Akbar, sadly, has no sexuality.
Experiment -
Toast a loaf of bread and put it in a container. We can say the side of bread facing up is the straight side and the side facing down is the gay side. Take this container and a thing of butter (You will probably want a knife too) to your school or place of business. Ask your friends or coworkers to butter a piece of bread the way they normally would at home. Survey how many people butter which side(s) of the bread.
This theory has not been tested yet so it would be pretty cool to see how accurate or innaccurate it really is.
Chapter 12: .p's and .pne's
I work at a tele-surveying firm. I get paid quite well for a high school student working part time to call people on the telephone and ask them to take our market research studies.
In our surveys we have these questions with 'open-ended responses'. Basicly these are questions where the surveyor has to type in exactly what the respondent says rather than using precoded responses. These responses have to be typed in first person so they usually start with phrases like "I think..." or "I feel...". After every sentence (except the last one) we have to put a .p. So, say the respondent says "I liked that store because it was big". We usually end up changing it around so it looks like we did more work than we really did to look something like this: "I feel that I liked [insert store here] because it was so huge that I could find anything I needed in it.p". The .p represents that we 'probed' for more responses or clarified any vague comments. If there is nothing more the respondent wishes to add then we change the .p to a .pne. I am still trying to figure out what exactly the .pne stands for but it really doesn't matter, it's something I have to do.
I just thought you all should know how stupid my job is and how completely pointless some of the crap they make us do truly is.
================================
Umm... there's three spur-of-the-moment chapters for yall...
enjoy
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Posted: Wed Aug 25, 2004 5:15 pm
Chapter 13: An accent is only an accent if the accent is, in fact, an accent... or something to that nature.
This chapter was developed due to a conversation that came up between Brian (a friend of mine) and myself. We were discussing about how different accents will emerge when someone gets angry or tired. Brian told me that his mother will get an 'Oklahomian' accent when she gets angry. This if funny because according to him, Oklahoma has no distinct accent. In fact, he stated that it had NO accent.
This being said, it brings our attention to the purpose of this chapter. How can there be NO accent? Wouldn't not having an accent be an accent in itself?
Where is the documentation stating what the basis of all language is based on? How does one 'not have an accent'?
When we hear 'Oh he has a thick accent,' we usually think about a very northern, very southern, or very foreign (referring to those of us in the U.S.) accent. Why has it never occured to anyone that the way everyone speaks has some sort of accent?
The way people talk is not based around one specific dialect; thus, all forms of speech must be considered differently in terms of accent.
You CANNOT not have an accent. It isn't logical. Just because an accent isn't thick or doesn't change words around in such a way that it makes the language you are trying to convey sound different DOES NOT mean that the person speaking does not have an accent. This simply means that the person is speaking with an accent that is not ever considered an accent until some jack-a** like me comes along and bursts everyones' bubble.
Chapter 14: S-P-D?
What could S-P-D stand for?
S-upper
P-late
D-estruction
S-ongs (of)
P-ain (and)
D-estruction
NOPE! Those aren't correct.
S-P-D means "Small p***s Denial"
S-P-D seems to be a very common problem all over the world. (I truthfully have no idea how we came onto this subject) Men with small penises seem to be denying the existance of their small penises all too often. For example, a good friend of mine once told me that he thought men with four inch penises were 'large'. He believed this. He actually ******** believed that men with four inch penises were 'large'. Now, I personally couldn't stop laughing my a** off. I wasn't laughing at him because he was no bigger (if not smaller) than what he thought 'large' was, but at his pure ignorance to his plight. Had he known he had a small p***s (or not try to lie, and badly, about it) then I would have been able to comfort him in a completely heterosexual way. Due to his ignorance of not knowing the 'average' size of a man, which is usually between six and seven inches, I could not help but laugh at him. People with small penises should not deny that they have a small p***s, because it makes it that much worse when people find out. BE PROUD OF YOUR MANHOOD (or lack of).
I do apologize for this complete load of crap. This chapter should never have been written but I can't bring myself to delete it (I think I'm just too lazy to highlight it and delete).
Later I will insert a picture of our giant condom hat... Because it is funny. smile
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Got bored again...
Read up, enjoy, critique...
Take it easy people!
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Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2004 10:54 am
Hehe. xp I loved this. It reminds me of the stuff I write at school while listening to a boring lecture... Hmm...lets see if I can dig something up... sweatdrop
Okay, found it. It's a really bad example, but it's one of the only ones that I typed up. stare
(start)There is not much that annoys me more than the feeling of wet clothes clinging to your skin. That's why I was determined to avoid the water rides...at all costs. I just didn't see the fun involved in walking around like a drenched rat for hours, the damp cloth rubbing, rubbing, rubbing... But no need to fear, my dad was an expert...even though he's never been on the rides before. And some way, somehow, he manages to drag me on one.
As I climb into the seat at the Jurassic Park ride in Universal Studios, Florida, a feeling of hope arises. The seats aren't even wet! I observed. I was positive that I lost the bet with my dad; his bet that we wouldn't get drenched. And I did. I lost, and I couldn't have been happier.
That, of course, created a sense of trust. A bond, so to speak, that said, "my dad really knows what he is talking about!" He managed to talk me into going on another so-called "water ride." It was one based on the old cartoon "Popeye the Sailor Man."
There wasn't any line. And that's because it wasn't very hot and it was 9 o'clock at night, one hour until closing. Normally, that's a bad sign. The second chance I had to turn away was when my brother said "I've been on this kind of ride before. It gets you soaked." Maybe if I was paying attention more, I would have believed him.
Five minutes and thousands of gallons of water later, I squish my way off of the ride, fuming. My shoes were like mini-swamps, or indoor pools. I told my dad I hated him, as I was shivering. I don't hate my dad, but I hate Popeye with a passion. (end)
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Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2004 11:38 am
LadyMorte Hehe. xp I loved this. It reminds me of the stuff I write at school while listening to a boring lecture... Hmm...lets see if I can dig something up... sweatdrop Okay, found it. It's a really bad example, but it's one of the only ones that I typed up. stare (start)There is not much that annoys me more than the feeling of wet clothes clinging to your skin. That's why I was determined to avoid the water rides...at all costs. I just didn't see the fun involved in walking around like a drenched rat for hours, the damp cloth rubbing, rubbing, rubbing... But no need to fear, my dad was an expert...even though he's never been on the rides before. And some way, somehow, he manages to drag me on one. As I climb into the seat at the Jurassic Park ride in Universal Studios, Florida, a feeling of hope arises. The seats aren't even wet! I observed. I was positive that I lost the bet with my dad; his bet that we wouldn't get drenched. And I did. I lost, and I couldn't have been happier. That, of course, created a sense of trust. A bond, so to speak, that said, "my dad really knows what he is talking about!" He managed to talk me into going on another so-called "water ride." It was one based on the old cartoon "Popeye the Sailor Man." There wasn't any line. And that's because it wasn't very hot and it was 9 o'clock at night, one hour until closing. Normally, that's a bad sign. The second chance I had to turn away was when my brother said "I've been on this kind of ride before. It gets you soaked." Maybe if I was paying attention more, I would have believed him. Five minutes and thousands of gallons of water later, I squish my way off of the ride, fuming. My shoes were like mini-swamps, or indoor pools. I told my dad I hated him, as I was shivering. I don't hate my dad, but I hate Popeye with a passion. (end) Hehe.. that was cute.... It kinda sounds like those new coca cola ads that are on the radio sometimes "I never wanted a coke more than that time..." ~_~;; oh well. ^^ thank you so much for taking interest in my work.. i really appreciate it.
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Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2004 11:40 am
SaihOfThePickleDynasty LadyMorte Hehe. xp I loved this. It reminds me of the stuff I write at school while listening to a boring lecture... Hmm...lets see if I can dig something up... sweatdrop Okay, found it. It's a really bad example, but it's one of the only ones that I typed up. stare (start)There is not much that annoys me more than the feeling of wet clothes clinging to your skin. That's why I was determined to avoid the water rides...at all costs. I just didn't see the fun involved in walking around like a drenched rat for hours, the damp cloth rubbing, rubbing, rubbing... But no need to fear, my dad was an expert...even though he's never been on the rides before. And some way, somehow, he manages to drag me on one. As I climb into the seat at the Jurassic Park ride in Universal Studios, Florida, a feeling of hope arises. The seats aren't even wet! I observed. I was positive that I lost the bet with my dad; his bet that we wouldn't get drenched. And I did. I lost, and I couldn't have been happier. That, of course, created a sense of trust. A bond, so to speak, that said, "my dad really knows what he is talking about!" He managed to talk me into going on another so-called "water ride." It was one based on the old cartoon "Popeye the Sailor Man." There wasn't any line. And that's because it wasn't very hot and it was 9 o'clock at night, one hour until closing. Normally, that's a bad sign. The second chance I had to turn away was when my brother said "I've been on this kind of ride before. It gets you soaked." Maybe if I was paying attention more, I would have believed him. Five minutes and thousands of gallons of water later, I squish my way off of the ride, fuming. My shoes were like mini-swamps, or indoor pools. I told my dad I hated him, as I was shivering. I don't hate my dad, but I hate Popeye with a passion. (end) Hehe.. that was cute.... It kinda sounds like those new coca cola ads that are on the radio sometimes "I never wanted a coke more than that time..." ~_~;; oh well. ^^ thank you so much for taking interest in my work.. i really appreciate it. lmao. It does. sweatdrop
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Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2004 11:52 am
I have only gotten 1 negative comment about my book so far... (It was by some idiot who didn't understand it)...
My teachers at school have even read it... I have not seen old people laugh so hard in my entire life...
Making people laugh is something I truly enjoy... and if writing more will make people laugh then I will continue to add to this.. provided people actually read it ^^;
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Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2004 12:20 pm
SaihOfThePickleDynasty I have only gotten 1 negative comment about my book so far... (It was by some idiot who didn't understand it)... My teachers at school have even read it... I have not seen old people laugh so hard in my entire life... Making people laugh is something I truly enjoy... and if writing more will make people laugh then I will continue to add to this.. provided people actually read it ^^; Write more, please. 3nodding I really enjoyed this.
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Posted: Wed Sep 15, 2004 2:33 pm
You are one funny guy. Your sarcasm and cynism rocks. The only negative part is the religion bashing cuz I'm Christian, but I can take it for its context so it's all good. I like the Risk game ideas. I play that game all the time and having "reign of fire" would be funny. I may also do that if i start to lose... The stupid people chapter was also good. But my only question is, how do you determine who is stupid? There are some people who pretend to be smart but are, in actuality, really stupid. And what if you have a genuinely smart person who acts stupid? Or are we just eradicating everyone? The toast one is good thinking to. You should test it and see. You say you're Mr. Science, so let's test your hypothesis. Plus, it would just be really funny. And as for the accent thing, in the Midwest, OK, MO, KS, etc.. These states speak as close to the dictionary as is humanly possible and so they really don't have an accent like other people. But like you said, they still have an accent, it just isn't noticeable. But all in all, very nice and uber funny. Rock on.
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Posted: Wed Sep 15, 2004 7:31 pm
serpenteyes You are one funny guy. Your sarcasm and cynism rocks. The only negative part is the religion bashing cuz I'm Christian, but I can take it for its context so it's all good. I like the Risk game ideas. I play that game all the time and having "reign of fire" would be funny. I may also do that if i start to lose... The stupid people chapter was also good. But my only question is, how do you determine who is stupid? There are some people who pretend to be smart but are, in actuality, really stupid. And what if you have a genuinely smart person who acts stupid? Or are we just eradicating everyone? The toast one is good thinking to. You should test it and see. You say you're Mr. Science, so let's test your hypothesis. Plus, it would just be really funny. And as for the accent thing, in the Midwest, OK, MO, KS, etc.. These states speak as close to the dictionary as is humanly possible and so they really don't have an accent like other people. But like you said, they still have an accent, it just isn't noticeable. But all in all, very nice and uber funny. Rock on. well... thanks for your input smile my religion stuff is NOT meant to bash religion in any way.. its just my personal views... you are free to believe what you want... by no means am i trying to infringe on your right to believe what you choose... (EDIT: originally i had jumped right into the next part of this post... going from choosing religion to 'everyone should die..' ... ^^; i reread it and realized how bad it sounded so i came back and fixed it biggrin biggrin hehe) as far as the stupid people thing... everyone should die ^^ smart people included... but that would be bad... my whole point of writing that chapter was really just to see how many obviously stupid people tried to associate themselves with the 'smart ones' i do not claim to be super intelligent... i just have an eye for the obvious biggrin and the thing with accents... even speaking as close to standard english as humanly possible.. would be an accent... just not one people normally associate with being an accent... ^^; maybe i just overthought it hehe i do that alot biggrin anyways... i love the input thanks for taking the time to bestow praise upon me biggrin DD
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Posted: Wed Sep 15, 2004 7:57 pm
You humour is very dry- it really appeals to me. And you are lighthearted enough to not provoke offense- a very fine line to walk, well done biggrin
You remind me of a comedian I saw in Melbourne a few months ago - your name isn't James is it ? Probably not. Anyway- keep up the good work- it's agitative reading like this that keeps people from becoming too depressed about the way the world is at the moment. I will never butter my bread the same way again xd
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Posted: Thu Sep 16, 2004 4:09 am
Mara-ani You humour is very dry- it really appeals to me. And you are lighthearted enough to not provoke offense- a very fine line to walk, well done biggrin You remind me of a comedian I saw in Melbourne a few months ago - your name isn't James is it ? Probably not. Anyway- keep up the good work- it's agitative reading like this that keeps people from becoming too depressed about the way the world is at the moment. I will never butter my bread the same way again xd My ultimate goal - To have people think twice before buttering their bread.... It will slowly cause people to be gradually more late on more occurances, ultimately causing the business world to crumble... provoking mass layoffs due to lay off... and... Okay.. maybe not wink and no, my name is William... it even says so in the intro smile
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Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 6:13 am
Before I anything else, I'll admit up front that it was the title that got me in here. xp Oh, and the following may be painfully honest - hope you're up for it I found the first few chapters boring, maybe if you were to throw in a few more comical statements, even if they are besides the point. Chapter four was great. I loved the "Reign of Fire mode" part. blaugh Quote: “Oh yay! I am finally going to take Eastern Europe!” *fffffooooooooooo* *thwap* “Nooooooo! My men!” -brilliant! "Simulation Mode" also got a laugh out of me. Quote: “Haha! I won the role!” *punch* “That’s right! Don’t you attack my men again, and go fix the soda machine.” Regarding Chapter 5 : Consider Quote: Robert we love you to death, but you really have to share. (Oh, and if you don't share, we'll be putting less emphasis on the 'love' and more on the 'death')Chapter 6 is so so. Chapter 7 = xd Where's the bi-sexual toast?!?!
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Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 6:37 pm
meanwhile Before I anything else, I'll admit up front that it was the title that got me in here. xp Oh, and the following may be painfully honest - hope you're up for it I found the first few chapters boring, maybe if you were to throw in a few more comical statements, even if they are besides the point. Chapter four was great. I loved the "Reign of Fire mode" part. blaugh Quote: “Oh yay! I am finally going to take Eastern Europe!” *fffffooooooooooo* *thwap* “Nooooooo! My men!” -brilliant! "Simulation Mode" also got a laugh out of me. Quote: “Haha! I won the role!” *punch* “That’s right! Don’t you attack my men again, and go fix the soda machine.” Regarding Chapter 5 : Consider Quote: Robert we love you to death, but you really have to share. (Oh, and if you don't share, we'll be putting less emphasis on the 'love' and more on the 'death')Chapter 6 is so so. Chapter 7 = xd Where's the bi-sexual toast?!?!read the rest of the thread smile bi-sexual toast is later in another post i made ^_~ thanks for the input.. ill consider it biggrin
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Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 2:36 pm
I read the new stuff...awesome, as usual. 3nodding
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