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 Posted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 3:53 pm
Aoife I guess sleeping with him to make him feel better temporarily is out of the question xd
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Posted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 4:01 pm
In reference to Rob is very delicate. And quite frankly, he is right on the edge right now. He can do himself a harm if he, and people around him aren't careful. That is something I want to avoid. You see, he just spent 12 weeks in a mental ward at the local hospital and doing group therapy. He met this girl in the last few weeks of his sessions.
She wasn't on the ward, however. I think he met her through music stuff. Rob is professionally trained in the music recording industry, and was doing alright for himself until his accident. He has been off of work for a few years now. But he had stated up in some minor projects, which was great. However he met this girl, and like a fool he started to date her. Problem is that the girl was tied in a lot with this his hobby... so all those people are more associated with her than him. He'll cut them off, I know he will, and he will have to start on something new. I don't know anything about the music business, I can't help him out there at all.
Besides, as much as Rob seeks me out for advice, it's always more about sympathy. When I give him options about what he can do about his mental health, seeing how I have been working through and bouncing around the system for over 10 years... personal and family experience, I pretty much know the ins and outs and have seen everything. However whatever I suggest to him, he just shoots down. So I see little point in trying to help him with the rest of the time... of course this is a different situation that he is going to bring home with him, and am willing to offer some support. But I am only willing to do so much.
I still don't know what to say to him, but I do know that I will be trying my hardest to keep out of it as much as possible. I have been concerned with trying to do things to not hurt his feelings, and I still have that goal in mind, however, I will do nothing at the expense of my own health. If he starts getting to needy, I'm going to shoot him down with that. He'll just have to learn how to respect that.
Aoife I guess sleeping with him to make him feel better temporarily is out of the question xd
Not only does that it LOOK like Rob, it sounds and acts like Rob
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Posted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 4:10 pm
Here is a copy of the conversation Steph and I had and what Ken and I had to say. Then you'll pretty much understand the whole situation. at least my friends are all sticking together, whether they think anything positive about him or not. I'll end up being the most senstive to his psychological needs, judging by what is being said, however I can't help but agree with them on some fundamental things. But at least the whole arrangment of a support group is there.
However, if anyone can offer me any advice as to what I can SAY to the man, I would really appreciate it.
SGC Civilian says: hey
Zombie Love <3 says:yo
SGC Civilian says: sup
Zombie Love <3 says: Nothing going on. I talked to Ken for a quick second on how to deal with Rob when he gets back. But that is all
S: yeah I spoke to rob online, and oy. just oy.
what did ken say?
Z says: He called me... if I had just gone to Walmart with my mom and aunt, I could have avoided that unpleasentness, but what are you going to do
just a sec, I'll copy and paste, the window is still open
Copy and pasted:
Zombie Love <3 says: Good lord. An hour long drunken long-distance phone call from Rob. Never never never again.
Frostyopithicus says: ha. how was he doing when he called you? i got one too...
Z: He was still drinking. I was trying to get him to drink a glass of water, but he drank a bottle of sherry instead *smacks forehead*
F: feck
sherry is not meant to be consumed by the bottle....
Z says: no s**t, eh
gah! I couldn't get out of that phone call fast enough. It is a shitty way to get dumped, and I didn't want to speed him up too much, but at the same time I didn't want to drag this call on
what am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to say that doesn't sound patronizing like "That does suck"
F says: yeah. i'm waiting the ticking of minutes, hours, and days until i can say "i told you so" (its still too soon, i *think*)
Z says: One thing, though. he is going to want to meet up with us when he gets back. I don't want to have one on one time with Rob! Please save me. We have to do this together
F says: ok. will. do. i will bear the brunt of one-on-one time, and yes, saving you girls from him in htis state had entered my mind...he's going to be needy, touchy, vulnerable, and looking for a rebound. none of which are good for you
Z says: Oh yeah. No kidding. If you heard some of the things he said to me on the phone. I'll attribute it all to being drunk, but it has me scared. I don't want him to think I am avoiding him (although I am) but I just really don't want to be too availble to him. I can't handle his mess, it's all too crazy for me. The things people allow themselves to get messed up in. Incredibly stupid
F says: says: yeah...and its not like he couldn't have seen something like this coming
Z says: He is far too romantic and delusional
End
SGC Civilian says: yeah he was talking to me too, so we sticking together
no one on ones own is good , cause yeah he kinda creeped me out too and that is not easy
Zombie Love <3 says:
exactly, I think it is best if we stick all together on this one, because he will just be so draining for one person. Plus with a couple of people we can gear the conversation away to other things, and make it more on our own terms. If you are alone with him it will get too soppy and creepy and it will just be wallowing in his problems. Not healthy
S says: yeah it is incredibly draining
Z says: And I'm just no close enought to Rob anymore to allow myself to be drained like that. If we were in high school, that would be different. or if it happened to you or Ken, Jess, or Ali I'd have no problem with it. Rob isn't a close friend anymore
S says: and it also keeps me in check because I am not sympathetic and i look at things logically and I might say something that we're all thinking but shouldn't be said
Z says: Haha aah! I was thinking about that!
For me, when I was talking to him on the phone, not only could I not think of anything to say over something crazy bad like that, but I also have absolutly no personaly experience to draw upon. I have never been dumped, I don't really know what to say, other than made noises to let them not I am still listening and not sleeping or something haha!
S says: HA!
I'm just doing my hardest not to say I TOLD YOU SO!
ya ******** mean, honestly
Z says: That's what Ken said too. I have no opinion at all, I met this girl very briefly at the Epos concert, and don't know anything at all about the relationship.
S says: When he decided on this rebound relationship he was half through his mental health course and I asked him what the mental health people thought about the situation They said what me and ken said, man, don't get into anything, you're not ready
and he is SOOO NEEEDY.
I wouldn't put up with that for very long, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and act like a man. and it is insane my dog isn't that needy
Z says: Totally. Yar! Neediness is so... grrr!
I told him frankly on the phone that I might see a reason why she did what she did... that her mom is really sick, and is probably really messed up herself, which might explain what she did. Of course he didn't want to hear any of that, but how many times can I said "That's not cool" "That's crazy" or "That does suck" Gah!
S says:
yeah I believe my phrase of choice was "that's rough"
Z says:
Hahahah!
And anyways, crazy people shouldn't date, it will only end in tears, what is the point in doing that to yourself
nobody wants a needy person... especially some one who was probably needy herself at that point in time
but you can't just say that to people like rob. waaayyyy too sensitive
S says: yeah the thing is you have to able to take care of yourself before you even think about becoming half of a pair
Z says: exactly!
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Posted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 7:27 pm
Crazy people shouldn't date. xd
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Posted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 8:05 pm
soggypicklemuncher Crazy people shouldn't date. xd
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Posted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 9:54 pm
Eek! Wow. That's... Well, I don't know really. I've never heard of anyone doing anything like she did before!
Everyone else seems to be giving good advice, and I don't really have a whole lot to add to that. There is one thing though: I know that whenever I'm upset, sometimes all I want is for someone to sit there and let me vent while they say "That sucks" or "That's rough" or "I'm sorry". I don't really want any input or advice, I just need to get everything out of my system. (Especially if the situation could have been avoided if only I were more clever.) Basically, I need a sounding board, and if I say everything out loud I'll come up with a solution on my own. Rob may need the same thing right now. He probably knew the girl was trouble, and he just wants someone to sympathise with him.
Maybe. Hopefully! sweatdrop
And soggy: Crazy people can date, they just have to find someone with compatible neuroses. I'm sure you all realise I'm a bit crazy, but somehow I manage to have a fairly successful marriage - probably because I found someone whose craziness complemented mine. biggrin
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Posted: Wed Jun 14, 2006 1:48 pm
Skeletina Eek! Wow. That's... Well, I don't know really. I've never heard of anyone doing anything like she did before!
Everyone else seems to be giving good advice, and I don't really have a whole lot to add to that. There is one thing though: I know that whenever I'm upset, sometimes all I want is for someone to sit there and let me vent while they say "That sucks" or "That's rough" or "I'm sorry". I don't really want any input or advice, I just need to get everything out of my system. (Especially if the situation could have been avoided if only I were more clever.) Basically, I need a sounding board, and if I say everything out loud I'll come up with a solution on my own. Rob may need the same thing right now. He probably knew the girl was trouble, and he just wants someone to sympathise with him.
Maybe. Hopefully! sweatdrop
And soggy: Crazy people can date, they just have to find someone with compatible neuroses. I'm sure you all realise I'm a bit crazy, but somehow I manage to have a fairly successful marriage - probably because I found someone whose craziness complemented mine. biggrin Quote: Z says: And anyways, crazy people shouldn't date, it will only end in tears, what is the point in doing that to yourself nobody wants a needy person... especially some one who was probably needy herself at that point in time but you can't just say that to people like rob. waaayyyy too sensitive S says: yeah the thing is you have to able to take care of yourself before you even think about becoming half of a pair Z says: exactly!
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Posted: Wed Jun 14, 2006 2:34 pm
Crazy people shouldn't date, but crazy people should date crazy people! Like me! I'm crazy, no, insane, no, well, there isn't really a word in any dictionary that could describe me. I'm just that cool. cool
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Posted: Wed Jun 14, 2006 3:25 pm
Well crazy as in really silly and outside of the norm is one thing, but crazy as in suicidal, is another. What is the point in dragging a nother person down with you? You need to be a whole or almost whole person before you can start building something with another person. Otherwise you'll drain the other person should they be sane... they are not your baby sitter. And if you are both mentally unstable, it will play of each other.
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Posted: Wed Jun 14, 2006 4:04 pm
Zathura Well crazy as in really silly and outside of the norm is one thing, but crazy as in suicidal, is another. What is the point in dragging a nother person down with you? You need to be a whole or almost whole person before you can start building something with another person. Otherwise you'll drain the other person should they be sane... they are not your baby sitter. And if you are both mentally unstable, it will play of each other.
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