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 Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 8:15 pm
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Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 8:47 pm
Okee-dokee, the kooshster arrives! Hahaha anyhow~
I'd like to see a little bit more elaboration concept wise. I can only see glimpses of what you might have planned, but really I'm left completely out in the dark. This might be an intentional choosing of yours, but hey I just thought I'd mention it.
What I did see, though, I definitely liked! Ripley (love the name by the way) seems like a very cool boy, definitely believable. Just your average kid looking to pull a prank (and I can see his power coming quite handy for this task). I especially loved how you put a stopper on his power. I got a little antsy when you said dissapear and appear but then when you said an illusion and just that- genius. It sort of makes me think of something along the lines of a magician~. But yes, the powers you gave to him tie in with the excerpt very well and are very believable.
The excerpt I liked, if it's possible try to make it a little less choppy, but at least you used elipses. What book's the excerpt from? Definitely sounds interesting.
But anyhow! Sorry this seemed a little rough, I was just trying to finally force myself to critique for once instead of admire. I hope I was of some help!
And go Green, good to see you here.
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Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 8:56 pm
No, no, I'm glad you critiqued. I'm always horrible at unscrambling the thoughts in my head and getting them down on paper properly.
The excerpt is choppy because of the way it was written in the story. The author used the names of the characters where you see the ... and I wasn't sure if that was allowed or not. XD Well, I didn't want them there so, yeah.
Its from 'An Earthly Knight' by Janet McNaughton. One of my favorite stories. <3
I'm so glad I made you think of a magician. T'was my goal. 8D He was a magician and I've worked it so that his tricks and skills have been sort of absorbed by his body. They're real now. I'm so happy you liked his powers, btw.
Any suggestions on how I should elaborate? Ripley's personality and general concept gave me headaches.
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Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 9:14 pm
Oooh you mean he used to be a street magician dude? Because that's the type of magician I imagined. You know, the one's who swallow fire and everything! But yea, I definitely like how you made that crossover from past to current, like a sort of crossover of powers. Yahoo!
Oh man, that makes so much more sense! I stuck names in there and it churned out wonderfully. You might want to make a note of that because I read them as ellipses so I was thinking you mushed 5 different sentences together mad d.
Dude, I want to check it out so bad.
But the concept. I mean, where's Ripley going in life? Does he need to find an ultimate love? Does he have o come to terms with his tricky side? (These are all realllllly random). Basically, how is the excerpt going to affect him throughout his life? The big big picture. That's what I want to see 8D.
And personality might need a bit of elaboration, just in the weaknesses area. You know, though he's a trickster he can't stand when other people one-up im, or something (I have no idea D:!!).
But eee~ Greeny-machine-y... that's turned out weird xp
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Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 9:22 pm
Well, a magician for sure, I'm still deciding on what type. He specialized in illusions though. ninja
Ah! Thank you! For some reason, ideas just weren't coming to me. You've kind of got the ball rolling, and I think I have an angle. Maybe. Careful consideration and a goodnight's sleep might clear it up. *fingers crossed*
Does Ripley come off as a bit mary-sue like? D: Damn. I'm always frightened that I might do that. He has fears/weaknesses, of course he does. I'll fix that up tomorrow.
Oooo! That's a new one. heart I LIKE IT. 8D
*hops off to bed*
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 3:18 pm
Its amazing what a good night's sleep can do. 8D
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 3:24 pm
Just a note, Nisha (my baby stage FD! <3] is based on illusion for her main power as well! <3 Her power will not fully manifest till a later stage, however, growing in stages until then. She has no ties to traditional stage magic, however, so doves out of a hat and vanishing women are still unique! whee
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 3:29 pm
*rolls* I'm so sorry. Are Ripley's powers too similar to her's? I'll have to go and check out her journal and see if I should revamp anything here.
She's the babe with the elephant deamon, yesh? So cute! <3
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 3:39 pm
If he's a flat illusionist, then yes, I'd say it's a bit close! Here is how her power works, and why! Many of the details of her power are added not only for flavor and fun, but as a limiting factor to keep it from being too strong.
Nisha was 'batch' mates with Samara, the VERY telekinetic FD. Nisha makes illusions by first controlling airborne substances...any moisture or smoke in the air she will eventually be able to control and rearrange. This is a tiny nod to her 'batch sister' Samara's talents, and the basis of the 'substance' of her illusions.
Eventually, Nisha will be able to change the angle of the light (and thus color) and clarity, using a bit of magic and will to create stunning illusions. She is also a lucid dreamer, in control of her own personal dream world, which fuels her desire to be able to 'alter' things in the more unfriendly waking world.
What her power does NOT encompass:
She cannot give hallucinations! That might be a unique take, only having your FD's illusions be visible to one party? Nisha's illusions will be visible to all who care to look.
Hers illusions can be 'interrupted' by a strong movement in the air...such as waving your arm back and forth through it!
Nisha cannot make 'animate' illusions. Every motion of the illusion must be consciously done by her.
Small scale, for the most part. At the peak of her power, and with enough smoke or mist to start with, Nisha could redecorate a small room. She couldn't project the whole room, though. whee
Aaand, she cannot produce sound.
Hope that helps you find a unique area for Ripley to cover, should you win! Best of luck!! <3
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 3:56 pm
Thank you. heart
Ripley's illusionary powers are limited to single objects. For him, the larger the object is the more difficult the illusion. He can't create entire rooms or visions.
I could change it so that his illusions can only be ruined by physical touch if his focus isn't at the right level.
I like the hallucinations idea too.
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 3:58 pm
*losar* I had to say it...reading Ripley's description makes me hungry. Caramel and chocolate...cinnamon not so much, but that just means he smells good too. ^_-
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 4:02 pm
*hands you a Caramilk bar* :B
XD! Too many food references? Should I change a few things?
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 4:18 pm
If your concept is selected, we can work something out. XD Two illusionists sounds a bit crowded, but I think we can each find a niche! Thanks for being flexbile, and talk to you later! *dashes off*
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 4:21 pm
oh no, that's not what I meant! ^^ I think it's cute. XD. I think he's cute. And lovely. <3
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 4:24 pm
@Aki: I'd love to work someting out. <3 I completey understand.
Shia, (if I may call you that) I'm so pleased that you like him! heart
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