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 Posted: Thu Jul 20, 2006 3:39 pm
very nice. I"m a big harry/Draco fan too hah. for some reason all of the punctuation turned to question marks.... is it just me?
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 12:23 pm
1. your mssing a coma or two in the first scentence.
2. draco isnt that great of a person so the comments about him being perfect and such kind of throuw the reader off.
3. in the second paragraf you used the word door twice to close to each other, you should replace one of them.
4. third paragraph; you should re-read it. first, What was iluminated by moon light? "Draco smirked mentally how romantically perfect," ....what? it sounds like your missing a few words there. "figure stood " i think you mean figure Standing....you also use moonlight and smirk twice and too close together.
5. good, but it seems like you need to add something at the "deepening the kiss," part.
6. fifth paragraph; "Dray? Draco " use another word for draco, like, The taller of the two, or The blonde one, or something like that and then you might want to change "The smaller boy" part. you use the word kiss two many times too close in this paragraph.
7. "calling you it...? " ---maby change It to That. It sounds kind of forced.
8. "you?re so sweet Dray?" -----eek, harry dosent seem like the person who would say that to anyone.
9. "Draco grinned, and sucked harder," maby use the word Bite insted of sucked. it sounds kinda werid.
10. the last sentence before the line of -----'s. i think you should use "and" in place of "as he " then get rid of the and in "and while " and plurilize "hand".
11. fifth paragraph from bottom, you use "aware" and "draco" too many times.
12. forth from bottom, im confused as to who is talking and your missing ounctuation maks that would make it more clearer.
13. you need to add an "and" inbetween "touches, brief "
even though i found lots of things i think you should fix, i do realy like your story, it is very good and very interesting... sweatdrop
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Posted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 9:23 pm
Whats your name on FF.net?
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Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 7:04 pm
Riko_true_Oblivion 4 words: MUST HAVE MORE DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...............erm.......sorry *puppy eyed*PLEASE? Ditto...*Bows down and worships you and your awesome fanfic*
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Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:29 pm
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Posted: Sun Aug 13, 2006 6:34 am
There were a few mistakes with punctuation and such, but otherwise I loved it. Very cute and bubbly. Don't you just love the word bubbly? I'm making it my favorite word of the month. biggrin
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Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 2:42 pm
pretty good u should write more also do a remusxsirius too... smile
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Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 9:35 pm
That was great!! Like the others said i am a fan of HarryXDraco too,
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Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 2:31 pm
We’re the regulators that de-regulate
I honestly couldn't get past the grammar enough to read it past the first three paragraphs.
We’re the animators that de-animate
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Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 10:31 pm
*squeals like the crazy fangirl i am* heart blaugh sweatdrop blaugh heart
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