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 Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 12:34 am
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Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 9:29 am
((la la la!! Please post your comments, crits, randomness in here as you please))
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Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 7:46 am
Natsuuu~ she looks so original! o-O Not too many people are go for playing a selfish person because how it affects their relationships with others, but the fact that you are is very bold. heart
You weren't kidding about those curls. XDD <33 So fun. I love the concept!! Best of luck! *cling*
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Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 6:33 pm
My thoughts-- I like the personality, etc. The only thing I'm worried about is the whole clock deal. There already seem to be a lot of clock-fixated Forgotten running about. I kind of like what I see of your Snow-white dealio better in a way. Maybe you could mesh the two characters a bit?
Also, I believe (though don't quote me on this) you aren't supposed to have actual names in your passage. So you might want to have a look at how you could cut out those parts.
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Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 6:50 pm
oh, good to know! I think i may go back to good ol ebony, but keep the personality LOL
Shes a fiery one!!!
ooo... i would rather be creative, yes. Did not notice any clock forgotten running around.
I get sidetracked by graphics LOL
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Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 6:58 pm
I know that Aki Ana's Forgotten has a clock-based excerpt and clock stuff going on, and a couple others have some clock stuff in theirs as well. XD.
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Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 7:05 pm
I FINALLY found an excerpt from an alternate version of snow white that completely fits!!
YAY!!!
thanks! I just randomly had sir thursday sitting on my desk, so i thought it would be rather neat.
I'm keeping the glass gryphon though.
I loves him
His name is now "Looking-glass" which appears as one word in my excerpt.
So it all works out
*hugs*
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Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 7:08 pm
Yay! ^^ I'm always happy when things sort themselves out like that!
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Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 7:41 pm
*fixing should be done shortly*
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Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 8:23 pm
Wow, you changed it a lot since the first time I read it! mad d.
So, does she still have the two dials on her back? I really love how you described her, just sounds like a perfect little doll!
All I'd say is, be careful 'bout the controlling/going back in time thing, but other than that, very nice!
Edit!: I knew I forgot to say something, I think Nathan and your charrie will get along SO amazingly. Oh man oh man whee .
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Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 8:49 pm
((ok, i've changed the time thingy. Totally different now, LOL
As Shiaree said, i want to make sure that i am creative, so i was glad that ebony was there for me...
and no more minut hand tail crying
but still crazy hair, YAY!!!
*I wants MERLIN*))
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Posted: Mon May 15, 2006 7:20 am
You need to go back over it again becuase looking glass is still heartbeat in a few places.
Otherwise I think this concept is very good, I personally love looking glass , he's nicely developed and with plenty of potential. though i do think he could use a bit more personality, just a few sentences on himthat don't focus on ebony, what he enjoys how he thinks and why he might react to certain things in specific ways.
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Posted: Mon May 15, 2006 11:08 am
thank you very much!!
Will do!
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Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 11:00 am
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Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 11:18 am
I like this concept! I like her appearance (I imagine her very much like a tiny perfectly coiffed porcelain doll). I also like that she will end up being unabashedly selfish and bad. A lot of people tend to give their character a sort of saving grace or factor of redemption just in case they don't want them to be evil.
I like evil/bad characters. They are more fun to play IMHO.
My criticism has to do with the daemon. One thing being that he is a gryphon and we already have 2 gryphon-like daemons in existence. I don't know if you had something else in mind (maybe another similar mythological guardian beast) but gryphons seem to have become over used. I like his fierce guardianship (my daemon is the same) but be careful that his paranoia doesn't too closely match the paranoia of Eydis's guardian Frozen (super paranoid spaz.. just too small to do much about it).
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